Mayne Attraction: In The Spotlight (41 page)

All I could muster in reply was a very weak
sounding “Thanks.”

And then I was back to pressing business
with my water bottle and my pack.

Elsie filled in some details about Phillip
Boyens.

“Phil is a naturalist from Kahurangi
National Park. He’s here on a personnel exchange initiative to
facilitate idea sharing in tourism impact strategies and wildlife
management techniques. We’ll be comparing notes now and again, and
taking a few short side trips, but we’re both more than happy to
help out with the survey,” she informed us.

Phil added, “Yes, just let me know what I
can do to assist and I’ll get on it. Even if it’s just carrying the
rocks, I’m happy to do it,” he said to Gray, very genially.

To his credit, Ash was an excellent actor.
He never went out of character, and listening to his conversations
with Elsie and Gray from behind I would never have suspected that
he was actually just an incredibly handsome and well-briefed
imposter, here to keep an eye on me, and his claim, no doubt.

We loaded up and I experienced a bit of
self-conscious unease as Gray and Elsie both tinkered with the
straps on my pack, positioning it and then repositioning it until
they judged that I was comfortable, instead of taking my word for
it five minutes prior to fiddling with it.

“We were able to get her pack down to around
fifty pounds after your fire sale inspection, so she should be good
to go,” Gray said with a wicked grin.

Elsie laughed out loud at that, and I was
feeling a little miffed about being at the brunt of a joke I didn’t
fully understand. I had no idea how heavy my pack actually was, but
fifty pounds sounded high, and I doubted I was carrying half my own
weight on my back, though as the day progressed it certainly began
to feel that way.

The trail we were on was a bit of a highway
in backpacking terms. There were mountain bike tracks and horse
shiate and dog prints in evidence along the open fire road path we
were walking. Elsie was in the lead, followed by Phil who kept up a
running conversation with her. I came next and Gray headed up the
rear. He was being very kind and patient. My legs were considerably
shorter than his and I knew he was greatly reducing his pace to
stay close to me.

At regular intervals he would inquire about
my pack or my feet or whether I needed a break, but I trudged on,
determined not to hold up our progression any more than I already
was.

After about two hours of mostly uphill trail
we stopped at the edge of Bryant Creek where two tributaries fed
into the stream from opposite directions. Gray removed his pack and
indicated for me to do the same. We had reached our first survey
point and it was time to do some rock collecting by the water.

After about thirty minutes combing up and
down the bank, poking here and there and taking care not to
completely submerge our boots, we finished up and Gray carefully
labeled and stowed the specimens in a Ziploc bag in his pack. Then
he pulled out some yogurt covered pretzels and shared a handful
with me. We sat on a log for a couple minutes while we ate our
snack. I looked around for the other two but they had moved on. He
explained that we were going to catch up with them at a pond
further ahead.

Gray was glowing with pleasure. He was in
his element doing what he enjoyed and doing it with me. I loved
seeing him so content and though my guilty feelings were never far
or ever gone, it gave me pleasure to know that somehow my presence
added to the happiness of this amazing person.

While we had the place to ourselves he took
the opportunity to kiss me, and the warm rays of sun on our faces
and his hands moving gently across my face and in my hair gave it a
dreamlike quality. As I examined him from this extreme close up,
using every sense to collect information about him, I mused about
how wonderful being kissed by this incredible guy would truly be if
my own guilt and confusion weren’t messing it up for me.

With Gray, privacy had never been a
restricting factor up to this point, though I desperately wished it
would be, and I resigned myself that Ash was going to see this new
aspect of our relationship at some point. Ash and I still had not
had a chance to speak privately about where things stood between us
and at this point it sounded like he thought I’d switched sides.
What was frustrating, though, was that the more tentative I seemed
to be in his embraces, the harder Gray worked on me, trying to coax
a corresponding emotional sentiment out of me, not giving up until
he was satisfied that I was trying, or at least enjoying myself.
With the element of guilt swirled into the mix, there would never
be a way to truly win at this, though even losing felt shockingly
good, and certainly gave the appearance of transferred
loyalties.

“Gray?” I began, breathlessly after he
released me. He looked at me in answer, leftover fire still making
his eyes smolder. “Do you think there’s any way we could reserve
the affection, especially this kind, for times like this, when our
friends aren’t watching us? It ruins it for me when I get
embarrassed.”

I had to look away from his eyes while I
asked this.

He laughed softly and pulled my face back
around to see my eyes while he spoke.

“I’ll do my best, but you need to get over
being self-conscious. Your kind of beauty will always attract an
audience.”

He was very sincere. The combination of
physical affection and then receiving compliments about my
appearance from Gray had abrupt and potent effects on the core of
my stomach, making it contract and then vibrate in the best and
worst ways.

“You don’t need to worry about them. They
both know how it is. Elsie’s got her boyfriend and she told me that
Phil is engaged to a girl from back home.”

Though I already knew that second part,
obviously, hearing Gray say it was like pouring lemon juice on my
emotional paper cut. I felt incredibly unfaithful and disloyal at
the moment. Even so, I did an admirable job of disguising the
bitter kind of pain and the acidic sort of burn coursing through my
mind and heart.

Eventually we loaded up again and moved on.
After another hour or so we met up with the ‘naturalists’ and
dropped our packs to break out some lunch. We had actual lunchmeat
sandwiches from Subway, but once they were eaten, that would be the
end of ‘eating fresh.’ I mixed in some lemonade powder with the
water in my bottle and had a very pleasant picnic. We sat with
Elsie and Phil in an open spot off the trail while we ate.

I had settled into shy mode, for obvious
reasons, only listening, and not partaking in conversation. I
surreptitiously stole glances at the one with the Kiwi accent while
he ate. He had done such a good job of staying in character that I
was beginning to feel slightly at ease, sort of how I might feel if
he really had been who he was pretending to be.

Upon close examination of his clothes, I
noticed that he had on a rather worn looking Kahurangi National
Park logoed tee shirt.

That was a nice touch.

Apparently Elsie was the one who had spread
the word about Subway for lunch because they both were enjoying
subs like Gray and I were.

I had intended to leave my museum grade
jewelry at the hotel during this trip but Gray insisted that I wear
his ring, though he didn’t care what I did with the other piece. In
the end I decided to wear them both, fulfilling the premonition I’d
had about being the best-dressed person on the trail—or at least
the best accessorized.

I noticed from my peripheral vision that at
one point Phil was looking at my hands. To my surprise he engaged
me and asked, “That’s a bit of a bold move, wearing such fine
pieces of jewelry on your fingers out here. Aren’t you afraid
you’ll lose them?”

Three pairs of eyes were on me as I
scrambled for something appropriate to say. More quickly than I
expected I came up with, “It’s okay. They’re both on me pretty
tight, and I feel safer having them with me. I guess that’s because
they remind me of people I love.”

No one could take offense at that line of
reasoning, I thought, giving myself a mental pat on the back.

We walked on, enjoying views of the flat
face of Mount Turner and beautiful vistas of meadow and stream and
sky. We stopped twice more at creek side points for rock collecting
before catching up to Elsie and Phil in the late afternoon at our
campsite for the night.

The other two already had their tents up and
the fire going when we finally arrived. Phil came out of nowhere to
help me lift off my pack while Gray’s back was turned, doing that
same thing for himself. Gray wasn’t being unchivalrous; he would be
better able to help me once his own load was undone, which was
normally quickly accomplished. So he was surprised and a little
annoyed to see the job was already completed. Phil didn’t linger
afterwards. He was in and out quickly so that he was already
walking away by the time Gray realized what had occurred. He’d
managed to help me off with my pack, which I’d now swear really did
weigh fifty pounds, and still somehow get my heart moving in
double-time.

I willed myself not to respond to the
gnawing desire to look over at Phil as Gray worked efficiently at
setting up our home for the night. At the point which he must have
realized I wasn’t going to be using Lidia’s or Elsie’s tent, there
was a rather loud bang, perhaps a metal cooking lid sliding home
rather abruptly on an obliging rock. The shock of the sound made me
look involuntarily, but I was only greeted with the sight of him
storming away, into the woods. Elsie was inside her tent, and Gray
was still working on the far side of ours, so there were no
witnesses to the outburst, apart from the one person who would feel
it most acutely.

I decided it was a very good time to go and
get some water for dinner and I grabbed the pan from my pack for
that purpose, after explaining to Gray where I was headed, and
assuring him that I was going in the same direction as Phil, so
that I would not be alone. Though my intentions were duplicitous,
my words had not been.

I followed what looked like an animal path
through the woods and around the bend to a slight incline where I
could go up to another clearing or down to the creek bed. Phil was
at the water’s edge, throwing rocks. For a second I thought about
aborting, but he looked up and caught me, so I moved forward like
there had never been any thought of hesitation.

I walked right up and hugged him, my face in
his chest, not sure how long we would have and wanting to reassure
him physically in what scant private time this occasion could
offer. He hugged me so tightly that I had trouble breathing, but I
didn’t dare complain. I just rubbed his back with my hands and
squeezed him with my arms. Then he released me, moving his hands to
capture my face and kiss me.

No one—not even Gray—had ever kissed me like
that before. If the kiss had an essence, it could only be described
as desperation. It absolutely broke my heart. I could feel the
tears building, and apparently so could he. He made a little
disgusted with himself noise and released me from the kiss, hugging
me tightly one more time. Then he let go completely and walked a
few yards away, picking up his container and mine and then returned
to the stream to gather the water.

I followed and bent down next to him to
retrieve my pan, which he’d already filled for me. I had no idea
what to say, though I instantly wished I had been controlling the
conversation.

“Ellery, will you be…sleeping with Gray
tonight?”

He wouldn’t look at me.

“I’m sorry to press you like this, but I
need time to prepare myself, if that’s how it is.”

He said this like Ash, not Phil. His tone
was controlled, but the desperation still hinted around the edges
of his words.

I felt ill. I wanted to die. I honestly
didn’t know what might happen to me in the night and that was
inexcusable. I knew that I should be able to control myself, and my
destiny, just a little better.

Just then, the answer presented itself in
the form of an unexpected body, right next to me, bending over the
creek, matching Phil’s pose.

Elsie wore a befuddled yet vaguely bemused
expression as she regarded us, but mostly me.

Perfect.

Was she going to be the whistle-blower type
or the blackmailer type?

I moved forward with the plan that had taken
shape just seconds before her approach, probably in unconscious
recognition of her presence.

“Elsie, how would you feel about me joining
you in the girl’s tent after all?”

She laughed out loud once, but then gathered
her tone into more sincerity and said, “That’ll be fine. Is
everything all right, though?”

Concern graced her wizened eyes.

“Um, I haven’t said anything to Gray yet…I
thought I’d better check with you first. But I’m just thinking that
since I’m not married to anyone here, it would be more proper if
maybe we girls stick together, if you don’t mind.”

She patted me on the back, assuring me. I
must have looked as bad as I felt. It’s a wonder she didn’t perform
CPR on me, or last rights.

“Do you need me to tell Gray for you?”

She was perfectly sincere, and just like the
coward I was, I actually considered it for a split second.

“No, but if you two could give me a few
minutes, I’ll go say something to him right now. Thanks. I really
appreciate it. I feel better already.”

And I did. And apparently so did Phil. His
demeanor was totally transformed as he struck up a conversation
with Elsie, like she hadn’t seen anything and nothing was
remiss.

I turned and headed back to camp, petrified
and clueless about how I was going to do what I had to do next.

I set the pan of water in the fire, with the
handle facing out and approached the tent. Both our packs were
inside now, so I needed to go in no matter what to retrieve my
things. Unzipping the door, I moved inside and then re-zipped it
behind me, keeping the bugs out.