Maybe Yes (17 page)

“I want you,” I say.
 

He takes a deep breath before pushing our bodies together. “Not good enough.” His eyes have grown intense with burning need.
 

I moan as his lips crush against my neck, sending more chills throughout my body.
 

“I need you.”
 

He shakes his head against my neck. “Not good enough.”
 

His hand presses against my soaked panties covering my pussy.

“Fuck,” I let out.
 

His lips smile just a little against my neck. His lips move back to mine as he slips one finger into my panties. My breath catches in my throat at his slow, torturous touch.
 

I can’t
not
have him. I can’t let him walk away from this. I’ll die if he doesn’t take me.
 

His lips along with his finger finally pull away from me. I whimper at the loss of his touch. I grab ahold of his neck and shoulders, barely able to stand. My breathing is fast, and my heartbeat is erratic. I do my best to catch my breath before I speak, but I can’t.
 

I look into his hungry whiskey-colored eyes and say the dirtiest but also the most truthful thing that has ever escaped my lips, “Fuck me, Killian. Take me, own me, control me. I can’t survive another second without knowing how your cock feels inside me.”
 

His head cocks slightly as he smiles brighter than I’ve ever seen. “It will be my pleasure.”
 

As soon as the words leave his mouth, his whole body changes to another level. I didn’t know that another level of intensity could exist between two people. I was wrong.
 

My dress falls down my body as his shirt comes off. His pants fall quickly, and he steps out as he pushes me back onto the bed.
 

He kisses me now like I’m the only woman he ever wants to kiss, like I make him whole. And when he kisses me, I feel the same way. Our hands link together high over my head as his erection presses between my legs.
 

I feel my nipples growing hard beneath my bra, begging to be touched. He senses my need and releases my hands to unhook my bra. The cold air makes my nipples perk higher. He palms my breast with his hand as the ache grows in my swollen breasts. He finds my nipple and squeezes roughly.
 

“Fuck,” I moan.
 

He smiles. “I think I like your dirty mouth.”
 

“Fuck,” I moan again. “Just don’t stop.”
 

I pant as he takes the next one in his hand and gives it the same attention he gave the first.
 

My pussy aches for attention as he presses harder against me. He senses that, too, and his hand releases one breast to sink down inside my panties. He finds my clit and rubs until I’m panting harder. I need him even more than before.
 

“Please,” I beg.
 

His lips hover just above mine. “Please, what, princess?”
 

“Please, I need you inside me.” My pussy aches harder, desperate to be filled.
 

He stands and pulls my panties off my body until I’m completely bare for him. He only takes a second to admire my body before picking up his discarded jeans, but it feels like his eyes soak me in for hours. I think, if I asked him, he could recall every curve, every freckle, and every imperfection of my skin. That’s how well his eyes have taken in my body.
 

I watch as he pulls a condom out of his pocket. I try not to think why he would have one in his pocket in the first place, but my thoughts drift anyway.
Did he pick me up tonight with this intention? Or did he plan on picking up another random girl as soon as he dropped me off?
 

The thoughts quickly float out of my head when he drops his boxers, and I watch his thick, hard cock spring free.
 

My breath catches at the sight. I have to touch it. I have to make him feel as good as he has made me feel.
 

“Touch it,” he commands, reading my thoughts again.
 

I hesitantly reach my hand out to stroke him. He moans at my touch, giving me more confidence, and I tighten my grip around his straining erection. I move up and down, slow and steady.
 

“Fuck, princess,” he moans.
 

I pick up speed, as his arousal somehow grows larger.
 

He suddenly grabs my wrist, and I stop the movement and look up at him with wide eyes.
 

“Enough,” he says.
 

He rips the condom open with his mouth, an obviously practiced move. He easily slides it on, never taking his dangerous eyes off of mine. I sink back into the bed, climbing up further away from him. I feel my heartbeat race in anticipation of what is about to happen. I swallow hard, trying to push the nervous energy down, but it doesn’t work. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat.
 

Killian climbs up the bed until he is on top of me. He kisses me hard and controlling as I feel him settle in between my legs again. I tremble slightly when he palms my breast.
 

He looks up at me with troubled eyes. “Is this your first time, princess?”
 

“No,” I whisper. But it might as well be. It’s been three years. And even then, it only happened a handful of times, and none of them felt even a fraction as good as this has so far.
 

His eyes travel over my face, trying to understand the contradiction between my words and what my body is saying. He tucks a hair behind my ear, trying to calm my nerves. “I’m not going to hurt you, princess.”
 

I nod, but I can’t control my body. I can’t keep it from reacting this way. When he realizes that I’m not going to relax from just his words, he tries with his lips, with his tongue. His tongue sinks into my mouth, and I lose myself in his kiss.
 

His hand finds my clit again, and he works me into a frenzy of need. I moan as I grow closer. I’m so close to coming. My eyes open for just a second, and I see him giving me one final warning with his eyes before he sinks inside me.
 

“Fuck, Killian,” I moan as he stretches me with his cock. I didn’t even realize I could stretch that wide for him.
 

“You’re beautiful, princess. Look at me,” Killian says, taking me off the pain for a second.
 

When I do, I see the appreciation there. I moisten my lips moments before his lips join with mine again. I feel him sink further into me, but this time, my body welcomes the wince of pain because it knows it’ll bring me closer to the pleasure that is about to ensue.
 

His hands lock back with mine, high over my head, as he gently rocks inside me. We both moan as he does. The pleasure begins to sweep over my body with each movement. His body moves slowly at first in a steady rhythm that my body easily matches.
 

His body quickly increases his rhythm, thrusting harder and faster. Each time his body presses into mine, another jolt of pleasure flows through every nerve ending in my body. Each thrust brings me closer and closer to exploding in ecstasy. Each thrust sweeps me further and further under his spell.
 

“Come for me,” he says, his voice primal and raspy.
 

I realize he’s panting just as hard as I am.
 

I moan as he thrusts again, bringing me so close.
 

“Come for me, princess,” he says again.
 

This time, I do. I feel the warm waves of pleasure flow through me as I scream his name.
 

He comes right after me before collapsing on top of me. Our bodies stay pressed together for several minutes. In these few precious moments, our bodies are one.
 

And I know now that he will hurt me. As soon as he gets up and goes to clean himself off, he will rip me apart, taking a small part of me with him that I can never get back. Because that was the best sex of my life. That’s how sex is supposed to be. And I know that I gave a small part of myself to him that made it so incredible. I just hope that, when he moves, it just leaves a small hole in my heart instead of the gaping hole that I’m afraid he will leave in his wake.
 

***

Heat creeps up my neck, waking me. I try to move, but I can’t. Killian’s body is heavy on top of mine. His stubble scratches against my chest when I try to move.
 

We fell asleep. I try to glance at a clock, but I don’t find one.
How long have we been sleeping like this?
I try to move, and I find that he is still buried inside me. Although he doesn’t fill me quite the same way he did before.
 

This can’t be happening. He was supposed to leave as soon as this was over. If anyone catches him leaving my room in the morning, we are going to be out of time to decide what we want to do. My grandfather will force us into getting married when that’s clearly not what either of us wants.
So, why did Killian fall asleep on top of me then? If he doesn’t want to be with me, why is he still here?
 

“Killian,” I whisper. I don’t know why I’m whispering. Maybe it’s because I’m ashamed of what we just did. I don’t sleep with strange men—although Killian isn’t really a stranger anymore. I don’t do this though. I’m a good girl. I don’t sleep with someone on the first date—except I just did.
 

“Killian,” I say louder.
 

He stirs slightly, but my voice isn’t enough to wake him.
 

“Killian,” I say even louder.
 

His eyes open wide, and his body jerks off of mine. We both wince at the loss we feel as soon as his body leaves mine. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I will not let the pain overtake rational thought. I will not.
 

“You need to go,” I say without opening my eyes.
 

I feel his hand against my cheek, brushing my hair off my face. “If that’s what you want,” he says softly.
 

I keep my eyes closed, afraid I will cry if I open them. I refuse to be the girl who cries after sex. I will not let that happen. I will prove to him that I can be just as heartless as him. I can sleep with a man without losing a bit of myself, without expecting more than one night.
 

“You need to go,” I say again.
 

“Okay,” he says.
 

I feel the bed shift as he stands from the bed. When I hear the bathroom door close, I open my eyes. I take another deep breath before getting up and walking to the closet. I slip on pajama pants and shirt. I grab a hair tie and quickly gather my hair in a bun on top of my head.
 

I glance at my phone. It’s three in the morning. I sigh. I’m not going to get much sleep. I probably won’t get any more sleep as soon as he leaves. But I need him gone before I do something stupid that will reveal that I can’t do this, just like he said I couldn’t.
 

He comes back from the bathroom, but I don’t glance at him as much as my body wants one last peek at his tight abs and impressive cock. I won’t. I had my fun. Now, it’s time to move on.
 

“I’ll be in the living room,” I say. I walk through the bedroom door and into the living room. I don’t look back.
 

It only takes him a minute to get dressed. I glance up from my spot on the couch when he enters the living room. He’s dressed. His hair is combed. He looks exactly like he did when he came to pick me up, completely unaffected by what just happened. He probably isn’t affected. He does this once a month with different women all the time. I’m just his whore for the night.
 

Killian walks to me. He bends down and softly kisses me on the lips. “Sleep well, princess.”
 

He walks to the door. I don’t get up. I refuse to walk him to the door. That’s what girlfriends do. That’s what women in love do. I’m not in love, not even close.
 

My eyes follow him though. They follow him to the door. They watch as he pauses for just a second before he opens the door. His eyes meet mine. I swear they look sad, or maybe that’s just my imagination. I don’t know. But then he opens the door, and he’s gone.
 

I stay on the couch as one tear falls. It hurts, seeing him go.
 

Tonight was a mistake. I shouldn’t have had sex with him…because I think I just fell a little for him. And if I fall for him, then that gives him the advantage. That means I will do whatever is in his best interest instead of what is in mine. I can’t do that. I have to stay strong. I have to do what I need.
 

I should be angry with Killian. He lied to me. He took away another bit of my freedom. And I am. I am angry. I’m angry that I didn’t get to experience dating Eli for longer than I did. I’m angry that I didn’t date other men after Eli. I’m angry that Killian is the only man who has ever made me feel loved…except it wasn’t love. It was anger and passion. That’s what made the sex so great. It wasn’t real.
 

I wipe the fallen tear from my cheek, and then I grab the remote and turn on the TV. Tonight, for the first time, I don’t think of my father and how much I miss him. Instead, I find a new hole in my heart, a hole that can only be filled by Killian. But it’s a hole that will never be filled.
 

“Good afternoon, princess.”
 

I freeze at the words. I was hoping I wouldn’t see him today. Most of the executives don’t work on the weekends. But, of course, that doesn’t include Killian. Of course, he works on weekends. That’s probably why he’s so high up in the company at such a young age.
 

“What do you want?” I sound annoyed and angry. I’m both of those things right now. I didn’t sleep a second after he left. I lift my coffee to my lips, trying to keep my aggravation and exhaustion at bay.