Maybe This Time (43 page)

I'm happy,
Andie thought,
it's all right now,
and when the kids were ready for bed, she stood in the hall between their rooms and said, “Really, it's all right now.”

Carter went into his room, but Alice said, “Okay,” and hugged her.

“Love you, Andie,” she said when Andie tucked her in, and Andie said, “Love you, too, baby,” and went downstairs to the reception room.

“Dennis?”

Yes?

“Are you feeling all right?”

I can't feel anything. I'm dead.

“Right, sorry. I just wanted to make sure—”

A light in the office caught her eye and she took a couple of steps so she could see through the doorway.

North was in there, sorting through papers, but when he looked up and saw her, he dropped them. “How are the kids?” he said, as he came around the desk to meet her.

“Weird. Also, from now on you are out of here every night at five o'clock, no exceptions. Dinner with me and the kids every night.”

She braced herself for the argument to come, but he said, “How about six? I meet you and the kids in the dining room for dinner, we help them with their homework and play Go Fish until eight, the kids go to bed, and then it's you and me.”

She lost her breath for a moment. “I thought you'd argue.”

“Am I stupid?” He put his arms around her. “That was a long, cold ten years you were gone, Andromeda.”

She held on to him, amazed all over again that she had him back. “Yes, it was. What about the practice?”

“Southie's got a law degree. It's time he used it. We can cut our client list. Beyond that, I don't care. I'm done living for the firm.”

“God, I love you,” Andie said, stretching up for his kiss, and then she heard Dennis cough out in the reception hall and say,
It would be good if I had something to read
.

“Dennis is out there,” Andie said to North as he leaned down to kiss her.

“Right. Dennis is on the couch,” North said, clearly not buying that Dennis was on the couch. Being possessed hadn't done a thing for him.

“You don't have to believe it, just accept it.”

“I accept it,” North said, letting go of her. “Look, I have to go
through this stuff to get caught up on what I've missed. Are you going to take it personally if I do that now?”

“Nope,” Andie said. “Lydia left bananas for me, so I am going to go make banana bread in my kitchen. I missed that kitchen.”

“So if I meet you upstairs in an hour, I get hot banana bread and sex?”

“The bread definitely,” Andie said. “The sex, I don't know. I might not be in the mood. You know me.”
If you're there, I'm in the mood.

“I know you,” North said and kissed her, and she cuddled close and thought,
It really is okay. It really is,
and kissed him back.

I'm right here,
Dennis said.
At least give me something to read and close the door.

“Dennis needs some attention,” she told North and went out into the reception room. “Books would be useless, Dennis, you can't turn pages.”

Maybe a computer screen.

“You can't scroll.”

Fine, I'll just sit here in the dark.

“Don't be passive aggressive, Dennis, it's unattractive. I will work something out for you, I swear. For tonight, just . . . explore your options. Maybe you have hidden talents.”

Unlikely.

“Good
night,
Dennis,” Andie said, and looked back through the office door.

North said, “One hour. You upstairs, naked with banana bread.”

“You're on,” Andie said, and went down the hall to the kitchen she'd left ten years before.

Everything was going to be different this time. Except her banana bread.

 

The kitchen was just as she'd remembered it, and Lydia's bananas were exactly the right amount of brown. She got out her mixing
bowl and reached for the radio, a good station this time, she thought, since they were back in Columbus—

The cold knifed through her, and she gasped, and May was everywhere, flowing through her veins, staring out from behind her eyes, filling her, blotting her out.

Stop!
Andie said, but no words came out because May had taken her tongue.

May stretched Andie's body to feel it move. “
God
, this is good.”

Get out, get out, get out NOW!
She gave a frantic shake for air and light, but May smothered her, held her.

“Oh, please. I gave you every chance. I told you I wouldn't quit, and you really thought I'd just give up?”

Andie pushed back frantically, trying to push May out, and May laughed as she expanded her hold, and Andie's world went black and white, full of icy cold filling her like the taste of poison.

“You really think you evicted me that night at the house with North? I quit because you threw up, you idiot. You have no idea what I can do. You think Crumb put the salvia in your tea? Half the time you were talking to her, it wasn't her at all,
it was me
!”

NO,
Andie screamed, but she was blocked everywhere she turned, her own thoughts drowning in May's—

“Andie?” Alice said, and May turned around to see the little girl in her nightgown.

Run,
Andie thought, but Alice couldn't hear her.

“I want to make banana bread, too,” Alice said, pulling a chair over to the counter.

“We can't, honey,” May said brightly. “See? The bananas are all brown.”

Alice froze climbing onto the chair.

“We'll get new yellow ones tomorrow,” May went on, but Alice was backing away. “What's wrong?”

Run,
Andie screamed at her.

“Nothing,” Alice said. “I'm just very tired. We'll make banana bread tomorrow.”

She walked out of the kitchen calmly, and then Andie heard her on the stairs. Running.

“I blew that one,” May said. “What'd I do wrong?”

Get out of my body!
Andie screamed at her.

“You have two choices here,” May said. “You can share this body with me, or you can fight me and I'll smother you and take it all for myself. Which, frankly, is what I'd like. I know it's mean, but a girl has to live.”

Stay away from Alice! Stay away from my kids!

“Hey, they were my kids first. I love those kids. I'll take good care of them. And I'll be better to North than you ever were. I'll
like
the things he wants to give me, I'll
like
being his wife.”

NO, this is MY LIFE,
Andie raged, but she could feel the sound echo as her body felt farther away, and her view of the world became scratchier, like a battered old black-and-white film.

“You weren't even using it. Don't be a dog in the manger.” May smiled at her reflection in the dark window over the kitchen sink. “It'll be all right. In a little while, you won't even know. I held on to Crumb too long once and she almost stroked out. I think the part that's you will just . . . fade away. You said you'd rather die than be a shadow.”

You're not going to do this, I'll stop you—

“You can't. This is one thing you can't fix. So just go toward the light, honey. I have it on very good authority that there's something wonderful over there.”

“Who are you talking to?” North said from the doorway.

May whirled around. “Nobody! Just myself. You know what a flake I am!”

“I never thought of you as a flake.”

He came into the kitchen and May went to him and put her arms—
My arms,
Andie thought—around him.

Andie thought,
He'll know,
but she knew he wouldn't, there was no way he could know, he didn't believe in ghosts, and May had been studying her for a month, watching the two of them together for four days, and she was smart. May wouldn't make mistakes.

“Boy, are you cold,” North said and rubbed her arms.

“Make me warm then,” May said and kissed him, pressing her—
MY!
—body against him.

North kissed her back, the deep, longing kiss that always made Andie's knees weak, and she could feel May respond, feel her own body respond, but it wasn't her.
NO, it's not me, it's not me, STOP!,
but when he pulled back, he looked deep into her eyes, and she thought,
He can't see me. He couldn't see me when it was me, he'll never see me now.

North pushed against her with his hips, trapping her against the counter, his body hard on hers, and Andie thought,
She's winning,
she was drowning in black and white, the cold immobilizing her, as if she were trapped in May's cold, dead body . . .

“Tell me what you remember,” he said to her.

“What?” May said, and he kissed her again, and she smiled.

“Tell me what you remember about us,” he said, “tell me what you've missed.”

You don't remember anything,
Andie taunted her.
You don't know him. You don't know us.

“I missed this,” May said, grinding her hips against his. “I missed you, lover.”

“Tell me something we did that you want to do again, something just for us.” He smiled into her eyes.

“Uh, dancing. I love dancing with you. And . . . baking. And . . .”

You don't know,
Andie said, and grew a little warmer, not warm, but not quite so freezing cold, as May began to panic.

“I don't care about the past, make love to me,” May whispered to North, sliding her hand down his chest. “You know you want to.”

North caught her hand. “Not even when you were alive,” he said and held her as she jerked away. “I want Andie back.
Now.
”

Oh, thank God!

Andie could feel May's grip loosen more from the shock.
He knows,
Andie taunted her, trying to find her way back.
He knows you're not me. He doesn't love you—
May's grip loosened more—
He'll
never
love you—
Almost, almost—
He loves me!

“North, are you
crazy
?” May said, fighting back. “This is
me.
This is
Andie. I love you!
”

“You don't know a damn thing about love,” North said, colder than Andie had ever seen him.

“I could learn,” May said, pressing against him now. “You could teach me. I could love you—”

He loves me,
Andie whispered inside May's head.
He loves me. It's me he wants to kiss good night.

“You're not my wife,”
North said, gripping her harder.

“It's her
body,
” May was saying desperately. “It's all you need. I'm more fun. I have her body—”

“You're not her,” North said, his face grim as he held her, “and I will send you to hell to get her back.”

May tried to yank away, and Andie felt the cold grow again. “Well, you can't. There's nothing you can do. I'm
Andie
—”

“You're Aunt May,” Carter said from behind them, and North turned so that Andie could see him coming toward them, his lighter in his hand, Alice crying behind him.

“I'm sorry, Andie,” Alice said.
“I'm sorry.”

Look what you're doing to Alice!
Andie said, trying to find whatever humanity was left in May.

Carter's face was stolid. “She made us hide a piece of her hair in Alice's Walkman before we burned the rest of it.”

Look what you're doing to Carter!

“Shut up!” May screamed.

“I'm sorry,”
Alice cried. “Andie, Andie,
I'm sorry.
”

You're torturing Alice,
Andie whispered to May.

“I'm Andie,” May said, desperate now.
“I'm Andie.”

“You
promised,
” Alice sobbed. “You promised you wouldn't do this, you
promised
!”

She doesn't love you,
Andie whispered.
You betrayed her, you lost her love, you've lost everything now. Nobody loves you, you're a monster, nobody loves you—

“No!”
May said, but she was weakening, Andie could feel warmth again, and color flickered in front of her now.

North said to Carter, “What do we have to do?” and Carter held out his hand to Alice.

Alice hesitated, then put her Walkman on the table and unsnapped the blue leatherette cover.

“No,”
May said, lunging for it, but North held her, and Andie took back more of herself as they struggled, surrounded by people who loved her.

They love me,
she whispered.
They want me. Who do you love? Nobody. Who kisses you good night? NOBODY.

“Carter.”
May reached for him, but North grabbed her arm. “Carter,
please,
I deserve to have this. I
love you.
”

“So does Andie,” he said, cold as ice. “And she's alive. Let go. Or . . .” He clicked his lighter and the flame spurted high.

“No!”
May said.

“Do it,” North said to Carter, and Carter took the curl, and May screamed,
“NO!”
and slammed her elbow into North's stomach, shoving him back, falling as she ripped the lighter from Carter's hand. Carter caught her, held her, wrapping his arms around Andie's body and saying, “Andie!
Andie!
” as May struggled to reach the curl. Andie held on to the sound of Carter's voice, and clawed her way back into her body, fighting May now with everything she had, and then she saw Alice holding the curl, weeping, little Alice, tears streaming down her face as she looked at them, and then Carter said,
“There!”
nodding at the lighter, and
she picked it up from the floor, and flicked it open, and the flame shot up.