Maybe This Time (25 page)

“You didn’t see when she needed something. You weren’t tuned in to her like I was.”

“You could have
asked
me.”

“One of the few times I did, you dropped her on her head.”

“Thanks for throwing that in my face. As if I would ever forget that incident. Have you never made a mistake with the babies?”

Instead of answering that, she threw her hands in the air. “Anyway, you were always at the damned pub.”

“I was trying to make a living, to pay for your extravagances.”

“What, like food and clothing?”

“Expensive furniture.” He flung out a hand at the Italian leather couch and handmade side tables, the walls full of framed paintings. “Original artwork.”

“I had to fill my life with
something
of value.”

He shook his head. Why was he getting so hot under the collar about not being asked to change a diaper? Especially when he’d screwed up so badly that one time. Maybe he should have tried harder with Holly, but he’d been intimidated by Emma’s expertise.

And why was Emma so angry about a simple bottle feeding? It was almost as though she was picking a fight because she was afraid of what she might feel for him after last night.

“Let’s not argue about this,” he said. “Holly’s gone. We can’t bring her back.”

“That’s right. Whenever the subject turns to Holly you retreat. If only—” With a choking sound, Emma turned away from him.

Darcy didn’t have to ask what she meant by
if only.
He knew all too well.
If only
he hadn’t chosen football over a picnic with her and Holly.
If only
he’d stopped Kyle from taking his keys and getting in his vehicle. Well, he was sick of it. If only Emma had watched Holly more closely.

“We need to get going or we’ll miss my dad.” He picked up the car seat and started down the stairs.

“I’ll be out of your hair soon,” Emma said, coming after him. “On Friday, Alana and I are going to clean my apartment so I can move in over the weekend.”

He stopped short. “You want to be back in your own space that badly?”

“I think it’s best, don’t you?”

It was no consolation that Emma looked as unhappy as he felt. Despite their bickering he was going to miss her when she was gone. He would also miss Billy.

And it was no surprise really, that they were picking fights with each other, trying to manufacture distance in lieu of coming closer. If she was anything like him, making love last night had been so heartbreakingly wonderful it was terrifying. How was it they could share something so magical and yet not be able to resolve their problems?

* * *

“
W
HO’S A PRECIOUS BABY?
Did you see that?” Marge glanced at Roy and their children and grandchildren gathered around her in the living room. “He smiled at me.”

One of Darcy’s nieces, nine-year-old Dani, tickled Billy’s chin with a stuffed horse. Billy chortled and kicked his legs.

Emma sat on a hard-backed chair at the edge of the circle. Darcy’s two brothers and their kids were there as well as his sister with her kids. Roy leaned back in his recliner with a blanket over him, wanly delighted with the new addition to the Lewis family.

Darcy’s nine nieces and nephews ranged in age from two to fifteen. The little ones played with toys on the floor, the older two monitored their phones and the middle girl cousins, Dani and ten-year-old Lisa, hovered over Billy, clamoring to hold him next. The noise level was typical of the Lewis family gatherings with everyone talking at once.

Emma hadn’t expected everyone to be there, but clearly the occasion was a big deal, evidenced by the buffet lunch laid out on the dining table. She used to love that the Lewises were a close-knit family but now she felt under the microscope.

Darcy was the man of the hour as the new father. Seeing him now, she never would have guessed he was the same guy who used to disappear to the pub twelve hours out of every day. Was he right? Had she pushed him away from caring for their daughter because he’d let her fall on her head? Maybe she’d overreacted—Holly hadn’t been hurt after all—but it easily could have been worse. Still, how else did parents learn except by doing? He’d managed okay with Billy.

Marge was in grandmother heaven. Emma felt horribly guilty that she hadn’t found a few spare moments before now to let her see Billy. After the tragedy of Holly everyone deserved to share in the joy of a new baby.

Courtney, Dan’s wife, offered her the bowl of chips. “I hear you and Darcy are back together.”

“No.” Emma waved away the chips. Where had this come from? Surely not Darcy.

“We’ve all been hoping this would happen,” Courtney went on, apparently thinking Emma had been saying no to the snack. “Dan and I were sure you wouldn’t be able to stay apart for long. You two are the perfect couple.”

“Darcy and I aren’t back together.” Emma spoke louder than she’d intended, coinciding with a lull in conversation. Her statement carried across the room loud and clear.

All the adults and even the kids looked over.

“But...” Confusion showed on Courtney’s fine, pointed features. She tugged on one of the multiple rings in her ears. “Dan said you’d moved into the apartment above the pub.”

“Temporarily. I’ve been sick with pneumonia. Darcy was helping me out with Billy.”

“So you’re not going to stay there?” Marge asked. “I thought from what Darcy said, things were working out.”

Darcy met Emma’s gaze and shook his head. “I meant Billy. Things were working out with me looking after the baby.”

“No,” Marge said. “You told me you and Emma were getting along really well.”

“We are. Or, we do sometimes. It’s not the same as getting back together.” He reached for a handful of nuts from the bowl on the coffee table. “Now that Emma’s feeling better, she wants to move back to her own place soon.”

“You should try a little longer, for Billy’s sake,” Marge murmured.

“We weren’t trying to get together,” Emma explained. “It was a matter of convenience.”

That was met by quiet disapproval from the whole clan. Emma felt her exasperation grow. “We’re divorced. There were good reasons for that. I wanted more children and Darcy didn’t.”

“Now you’ve got your child. Darcy adores him. What’s the problem?” Marge looked around the room for confirmation of her logic. Heads nodded.

“Darcy is
coping
with Billy but the baby isn’t the only issue.” Emma was outnumbered by a very wide margin. “Tell them, Darcy.”

From across the room he looked her straight in the eye. “Maybe we shouldn’t rule anything out.”

What did he mean by that? And how the heck was she supposed to respond? Emma had a baby to look after. She couldn’t rely on
maybe.
She needed absolutes.

She shot a sharp look at Darcy then rose and picked up the diaper bag. “Billy needs a change. Darcy can you give me a hand in the bedroom?”

Mike, Darcy’s second oldest brother, laughed. “Darcy, help? We all know he couldn’t change a diaper if he tried.”

Darcy threw a peanut at him. “I’ve learned a thing or two in the past couple of weeks.”

“I’ll help,” Dani offered.

“Not this time, sweetie.” Emma plucked Billy out of Marge’s arms. “Coming, Darcy?”

Dan chuckled as they filed past. “They might not be married, but he sure is whipped like a husband.”

Emma stuck her chin in the air and pretended not to hear. She walked down the long hall to the last bedroom, the one Darcy and Mike had shared as kids. Two single beds were made up for grandkids who stayed over. Someday Billy might sleep in here.

She laid the baby on the bed and sat, motioning Darcy to sit on Billy’s other side. “Are you saying you want us to try again? Thanks for blindsiding me in front of your family. When did you decide this?”

“I haven’t decided anything. I just don’t want to rule it out.”

“Well, now they think it’s all my doing that we’re not together. They blame me.”

“They love you, Em. They want to see us together, that’s all. Especially now that we’ve got Billy.”

“What do
you
want?”

He plucked a thread on the brown patterned quilt. “I like you so much. And it’s obvious I’m hot for you. But there’s this big wall that goes up between us at times.” He glanced up. “You know what I mean? The anger, the resentment...it scares me. I don’t know if we can get past that.”

Holly, again. Her shoulders slumped. “I know what you mean, but it’s not fair that your family’s disapproval is directed at me, as though I’m the only one who’s holding us back.”

“I copped flack when I refused to have contact with Billy after he was born.”

“We can’t live our lives by what your family wants. When they pressure me, you need to back me up.”

“It was your decision to raise Billy on your own.”

“Really, did I have a choice? You didn’t even come to see me in the hospital. Or you did, but you let my family and friends scare you off. An extroverted guy like you afraid of a few people?” She nodded toward the other room. “Look what I have to put up with.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll take my share of responsibility for the situation.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me.” But it was two steps forward and one back. Neither of them could commit to trying again.

Billy started fussing. Emma found a rattle in the diaper bag and shook it gently to distract him. Billy’s hands flailed, trying to grab it. He was a cute baby, she acknowledged dispassionately.

“Let him have it,” Darcy said.

“He’s too little. He can’t grip yet.”

“Try him. He wants to take it.”

It seemed like a waste of time. On the other hand, Darcy had been right about placing Billy face out in the sling. Emma positioned the rattle next to Billy’s hand. His fingers closed around the handle. His jerky hand movements made it rattle. A wide toothless grin spread across his face. He looked at her and laughed, as if inviting her to share his excitement.

His delight was so pure, so innocent, she couldn’t help but smile. She found herself grinning at him unreservedly. “He held it.”

Darcy was beaming, too. “He’s a child prodigy.”

“He’s got an awesome smile.” How had she never noticed that before? She scooped him up off the bed and peered into his face. He gazed back at her, open, vulnerable, trusting. Something let go inside her. “Hello, Billy.”

Billy waved his hand and hit her on the nose with the rattle. Emma laughed and hugged him. Heat pricked the backs of her eyes, and she buried her face in his sweet, baby-smelling neck. His fingers threaded through her hair and clung, as if he, too, wanted to hold on to her and the moment.

She glanced at Darcy, who was digging out more toys for Billy to try to grasp. If he hadn’t taken her in, nursed her back to health and taken care of Billy, who knows where she and Billy would be now? Darcy, who she would have sworn didn’t know one end of a baby from the other, had just now helped her make a connection with Billy when she would have held back.

Darcy handed Billy a stuffed caterpillar the right size for his small hands to grab and squash while she laid him down and changed his diaper. When Billy got tired of the caterpillar Darcy handed him more toys. Some he grabbed and hung on to, others he batted away.

Had they ever played like this, the two of them, with Holly? Sometimes. Not often enough. She’d always been in a hurry to get on to the next task and get it done, to stick to the schedule she’d set out for herself. Illness, and Darcy, had forced her to relax.

If she went back to living alone now, would she lose the gains she’d made with Billy? But she couldn’t stay with Darcy solely for the baby’s sake. It had to be because they loved each other and wanted to make it work.

“Emma,” he began, “maybe we don’t need to belabor the fact that we’re not together right now. It’s enough that we know where we stand. My father’s not well and...”

“He’ll be okay, Darcy.”

“Will he? I’ve read terrible stories...” He trailed off, unable to speak his fears.

But Emma knew. She didn’t hesitate but pulled him into a warm embrace. As a nurse she believed in the power of medicine to heal the body. As a woman she knew the power of a hug to heal the soul. For long minutes she held Darcy close, her face pressed to his chest over his heart. Gradually she felt him relax and the tension flow out of him.

She eased away. “He might get worse before he gets better. But he’s strong. You should hope for the best. I’ll go with you when you visit him in the hospital.”

Darcy’s fingers curled around hers and brought them to his lips. “Thank you.”

She looked into his eyes and forgot everything else for a moment—even the baby.

Then Billy made a noise, and her attention landed on the one thing that both brought her and Darcy together, and drove a wedge between them. In spite of the gains they’d made in repairing their relationship, they weren’t together again. She had to remember that so she wouldn’t feel bad when it came time to leave him.

And that time was coming very soon.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

G
ARY, THE BUILDING
contractor Darcy had asked to give a quotation on renovations, arrived at 10:00 a.m. the next morning. A wiry man wearing light brown overalls, he polished his smudged glasses on the hem of his shirt and leaned across the bar to examine the plans.

“These were drawn up before the apartment was built upstairs.” Darcy unrolled the drawings of that addition and they considered the two sets of plans side by side.

“The garden room is going to completely change the character of the pub,” Gary pointed out.

“That’s the whole idea.”

Gary straightened and glanced around the pub, at the battered chairs, the bric-a-brac, the pictures on the wall. “I used to come in here when I was an apprentice, before I moved to Mornington.”

“My dad owned it then. Roy Lewis.”

“That’s right. How’s he doing?”

“Okay, I guess. He just had a hip replacement.” Darcy didn’t want to go into details. Despite Emma’s assurances, his concern for his father hadn’t abated. “The question is, is the garden room possible?”