Maureen McKade (26 page)

Why hadn’t Jake told her? Would he have taken it from her just as David had said, if she hadn’t married
him? And if he had bought the loan, why did he marry her? He could’ve had both the ranch and Johnny without tying himself to her.
Had
he felt sorry for her? Or duty bound, because she had raised his son?

She didn’t want his pity, or to be a blemish on his conscience. All she’d wanted was his love. Was that so impossible? Was she so unlovable?

Despair overwhelmed her as her fleetingly perfect world shattered around her. She thought of her declaration of love, and humiliation burned her cheeks. She had laid bare her soul, her heart, and he’d been laughing at her the whole time.

She’d made her bed, and now she was damned to sleeping in it—but she’d sleep in it alone. She’d done it before; she could do it again.

Kit’s paleness alarmed Jake. That, and her silence since they’d gotten the supplies and loaded the wagon. He’d asked her if anything was wrong, but she’d only shaken her head.

Something
had
happened, though. Something that had upset her badly enough that she wouldn’t speak to him about it. Later, when they were in bed together, he’d get her to tell him what troubled her.

Supper proved to be a quiet affair, and even Johnny noticed his mother’s uncharacteristic brooding.

“What’s wrong, Ma?” the boy asked, his dark eyes anxious.

Kit blinked, and her lips turned upward in a caricature of a smile. “I’m just a little tired, is all, sweetheart.”

Jake didn’t believe her excuse, but he didn’t want Johnny to worry any more than he already did. “It’s been a long day, son. Once you’re done eating, I’ll tuck you in and tell you a story. How does that sound?”

Although not convinced, Johnny nodded. “Maybe you should tell Ma a story, too, so she can go to sleep.”

“That’s all right,” Kit said. “I don’t think your father has any stories I haven’t heard.”

Her sharp-edged tone surprised Jake. Had someone in town told her something about him? Something that would’ve upset her?

As soon as they’d finished eating, Jake took Johnny upstairs to his room. Half an hour later, the boy was asleep and Jake returned to the kitchen. The dishes had been washed and the lamp had been extinguished, but Kit was nowhere in sight. He went back upstairs to their bedroom. That, too, was empty.

Fear squeezed his heart. Where had she gone?

He flew down the steps and out into the cool night air. Pausing in the middle of the yard, he pivoted around, wondering where she would’ve gone. Jake hurried to the corrals, his heart thumping in his chest. Seeing a figure, he moved toward it, hoping it was Kit. A tall lanky form stepped out of the shadows into the moonlight.

Disappointed, Jake called, “Ethan, have you seen Kit?”

The young man nodded. “I seen her headed to the barn where her critters are. Is something wrong?”

Jake forced himself to smile reassuringly as he shook his head. “She didn’t tell me where she was going, is all. Thanks.”

He hurried to the barn, berating himself for not guessing her destination. Opening the broad door, he slipped inside the warm, hay-scented building. A kerosene lantern hung from a nail in a post, and Jake walked toward it. He spotted Kit sitting on a pile of hay, both kittens in her lap. She had her hands wrapped around the small animals, absently stroking them with her thumbs.

Her anguished expression halted his approach. She appeared so desolate that Jake’s own heart seemed to tear in two.

What had happened in the short time they’d been separated
in town? Had Jameson bothered her again? Jake’s blood boiled, and he crossed the distance to Kit in three long strides. Hunkering down beside her, he took hold of her shoulders and gazed into her downcast eyes.

“What is it, Kit?” he asked, keeping his voice gentle against the rise of concerned anger within him.

She set the kittens aside and scrambled away from him. The loathing in her pale features struck Jake like a physical blow, causing him to fall back.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she demanded, her tone high-pitched.

Bewildered, Jake could only shake his head. “What’re you talking about? Tell you what?”

“The ranch. The loan papers.”

Panic seized Jake. “What about them?”

Her lips trembled. “You had them all along.”

Kit’s misery twisted his gut into knots. He’d planned on telling her, but the time had never seemed right. “I’m sorry, Kit. I figured it didn’t matter, not after we were married.”

She balled her fingers into fists at her sides. “You accused me of lying, of hiding the truth about Johnny. I was scared you’d hate
me
, that you’d never be able to forgive
me
, for deceiving you.” She laughed, a sound filled with heartbreak and disillusionment. “And here you were hiding your own secret from me.”

Jake held up his hands in supplication. “I can explain.”

Kit shook her head vehemently, her hair falling across her face. “I should’ve known. The first day you came out to the ranch, you asked me if I’d sell. I should’ve known you wouldn’t give up so easily.” She stared at him like he was something to scrape off the bottom of her shoe. “I guess the only reason you married me was to stack the deck in your favor. You weren’t sure I’d make that payment or not. Too bad you didn’t wait a
little longer—you could’ve had the ranch and Johnny
without
a wife you didn’t want.”

Jake stepped toward her and she moved back, keeping the distance between them. Helplessness clawed at him. “No, that wasn’t the reason I married you.”

She folded her arms below her breasts. “It sure as hell wasn’t because you loved me.” Kit blinked, and a tear slipped down her cheek. “I thought you cared for me. This past month you almost had me believing you loved me in your own way.” A convulsive sob escaped her. “I was such a fool, thinking the great Jake Cordell could care for someone like me. But all you wanted was the ranch and Johnny. And now you have them, along with a woman to take care of your ‘needs.’ You should be real proud of yourself.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Jake nearly shouted in his frustration. “I didn’t tell you because I figured you’d take it wrong, just like you’re doing.”

Kit’s lower lip trembled and she swallowed. “Are you getting tired of me yet? Or do I have a few more nights left in me?”

Jake looked away, guilty because he
had
had those thoughts, back when he’d been consumed by self-pity.

Before he’d fallen in love with her.

He felt the blood drain from his face, and he flattened his palm against a pole to steady himself. He didn’t know how to love. Of course, he loved Johnny because he was his son, but did he love Kit?

The woman who’d seen past his drunkenness to the lonely man. The woman who’d taken in his son. The woman who’d given him her love, knowing she might never hear the words repeated to her.

He gazed at her proud stature, at the achingly familiar defiance in her raised chin. He could proclaim his new discovery, but she wouldn’t believe him. Not now. He’d
hurt her too badly. This time it was he who’d lost her trust.

Jake held out his hand and spoke softly, “I bought that mortgage before we became friends. Before I knew you.”

She stared at him, bitter betrayal reflected in her eyes. “You may have your precious ranch and your son, but you’ll never play me for the fool again.”

She rushed past him and out of the barn. The silence was broken only by the kittens’ mewling.

The door opened once more. Had Kit returned? The tall silhouette in the opening extinguished the glimmer of hope.

“What is it, Ethan?” Jake asked, suddenly weary.

“What’d you do to her?” the boy demanded.

“What’re you talking about?”

“Miz Thornton was crying.” Anger vibrated through Ethan’s words.

Conscience-stricken, Jake couldn’t even find the strength to remind Ethan Kit was now a married woman. “We had an argument. She’ll be all right.”

“I ain’t never seen her cry before.” A savage scowl marred his handsome features. “Not until you came here.”

Self-recrimination filled Jake. All she’d been guilty of was being generous and loving, and he had turned her life upside down. He stepped toward Ethan. “Look, I know you care for her, but she’s
my
wife.”

The boy’s eyes glittered like cut obsidian. “You hurt her.”

Jake glanced down, shouldering the guilt of the accusation. He raised his head, meeting Ethan’s damning gaze. “That’s right, I did. I admire your loyalty to Kit, but this isn’t any of your concern. It’s between Kit and me.”

“You ain’t no good for her, Cordell.” Ethan raised his fists.

Charlie entered the barn, laying a meaty hand on the young man’s shoulder. “He’s right, Ethan. Kit’s his wife now. Ain’t any of our business what goes on between them.”

Jake could see the boy’s struggle. After a few moments, Ethan’s tense posture eased, and with a final glare at Jake, the young man spun around and strode out of the building.

“Thanks, Charlie,” Jake said.

Charlie’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t thank me, Jake. Iffen any harm comes to that girl, it’ll be both of us you’ll be dealin’ with.”

Charlie left, leaving Jake alone with the kittens. He picked up the tiny creatures, cradling them against his chest. Salty rubbed Jake’s chin with his white head, and Pepper curled up in his palm, purring in contentment.

Kit’s friends, though few, were a stalwart group. Freda had staunchly defended Kit when Jake had first moved into her house, and Patrick was fond of Kit, too.

“Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not any good for her or Johnny. Maybe I should go back to bounty hunting. Leave them and let them go back to how they used to be.”

But he couldn’t go back to his former life. He had a family now. He had a responsibility to them. A responsibility to make them unhappy? It would be so easy to shake Chaney’s dust from his boots like he’d done six years ago. But he’d promised Johnny he wouldn’t leave, and he’d promised himself he’d be a better father than his own had been.

A chilling thought struck him. What if Kit left?

How would he tell Johnny his mother had left them? Jake’s breath caught in his throat. Had his father lost his
mother’s trust, too? Maybe Jonathan had driven her away, even though she had loved Jake and hadn’t wanted to leave.

Was history doomed to repeat itself?

Chapter 18

K
it fled to her room, the tears that filled her eyes blurring the walls surrounding her. She closed the door behind her and flung herself onto the quilt. Jake’s musky smell filled her senses, bringing into crisp focus images of her and Jake making love in the four-poster bed.

She’d been naive to believe his flattering words and charming smile. But she’d wanted to believe him. Even when she’d confronted him in the barn, she’d wanted to believe the despair in his expression was genuine.

She curled her fingers into her palms, silently cursing her weakness. She’d married him knowing he didn’t love her. Why did the proof hurt so badly? He’d made no secret of his desire to possess his father’s ranch. Had he also used his position as Johnny’s father to achieve that goal?

Kit hiccuped and sat up, drawing her hand across damp cheeks. She recalled how Jake and Johnny had laughed and wrestled together in the front room a couple of days ago. She’d peeked in Johnny’s bedroom as Jake had tucked him in the night before. The tenderness in Jake’s expression had been sincere. No, he truly loved his son: that much was certain.

But was he capable of loving her?

Faint rustlings from downstairs told Kit Jake had returned. If he demanded entry to their room, she wasn’t sure she’d have the strength to deny him. She concentrated on the caustic taste of bitterness, willing the anger to fuel her resolve.

Perched on the edge of the bed, Kit awaited the approach of his footsteps, but the house grew silent once more. She mechanically changed into her flannel nightgown, then lay down and stared at the moonlit ceiling. Her heart thudded against her breast in a slow, steady rhythm. Although she’d spent numerous nights alone, Kit had never known the intense loneliness that now settled in her chest. Because she’d experienced passion’s heat in Jake’s arms, solitude became bitterly cold in comparison.

She closed her eyes, wondering if Jake had gone into Chaney to visit one of the saloon girls, since he no longer would be able to amuse himself with her.

A tear spilled down her cheek. If she hated Jake so much, why did the thought of him with another woman shatter the last remaining piece of her heart?

Jake awoke to the early morning sunshine shafting in the front room’s window. He sat up on the sofa, groaning from the stiffness of having spent the night on the lumpy cushions. He’d tossed and turned throughout the long hours of darkness, falling into a restless slumber shortly before dawn.

Standing, Jake pressed his hands against his lower back and stretched, gratified to feel his backbone snap into place. He’d missed having Kit lying beside him, the warmth of her body pressed against him, comforting him with her tranquil presence and keeping away the nightmares.

He hoped she’d listen to reason this morning, but he
had his doubts. Once she had her mind set on something, even dynamite would do little good in displacing her notion. It was that same unbreakable moral fiber that made her do what was right, instead of what was socially acceptable.

He cursed as he remembered that he had to go see a client in Red Cliff, a town thirty miles south. He’d planned on telling Kit last night. The trip would take a couple of days and he hated to leave her and Johnny, but he had no choice.

The sound of light footfalls caught his attention, and he walked into the kitchen to find Kit starting breakfast. Her head snapped up in surprise.

“Good morning,” Jake greeted her in a low voice.

She nodded shortly and went back to cutting side pork into long strips and placing them in the hot skillet. The meat sizzled and popped in the awkward silence, and the smell of frying bacon filled the room.

Jake straddled a chair, resting his forearms on the back. Kit looked like she’d gotten as little rest as he had. “How did you sleep?”

She tossed a curt answer in his direction. “Fine.”

“So did I.”

Glancing back at him, Kit said, “That’s good.”

Her tone told him she believed his reply as much as he believed hers.

“About the ranch—” Jake began.

“I don’t want to talk about it now,” she interrupted.

Irritation roughened his voice. “When
will
you want to talk about it?”

She pivoted to face him. “I’ve heard all I need to know.”

“No, you haven’t.” He stood, taking a step toward her. Wariness veiled her eyes, and Jake had the impression she wanted to bolt from him. Remorse cut a wide swath through him. Jake fought the impulse to hold her
and chase away the shadows he’d created.

“I planned on telling you about the mortgage,” Jake began.

“That’s easy enough to claim, now that your secret’s out.”

He lifted hands fisted in exasperation. “When I came back to Chaney, I planned to get my father’s ranch back any way I could. I was going to become a successful horse breeder, the one thing Jonathan hadn’t succeeded at. I was going to show everybody that I was just as good a man as the great Judge Cordell.”

Her lips thinned to a grim line, and Jake could guess what she was thinking. She’d admired his father. He doubted her opinion of him was nearly as high.

“When you told me Johnny was my son, my priorities changed. Being a father to my son seemed a sight more important than owning a piece of land.”

“You have both.”

Her words were blunt, yet they sliced through him like cold steel.

Johnny burst into the kitchen, ending the conversation.

Dressed, but with his hair mussed, Johnny clambered onto his chair. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Nothing until you wash up and comb your hair,” Kit said, turning her back to Jake once more.

The boy grumbled.

“Have your father help you,” she added.

Johnny grabbed Jake’s hand and pulled him toward the lean-to where the pump and basin were. Torn between his wife and his son, Jake gave in to Johnny’s urging.

Ten minutes later, fresh-shaven and with spirits lifted by Johnny’s playful antics, Jake sat at the table. Kit laid plates covered with fried pork and eggs in front of him and Johnny, and a bowl of biscuits along with pale butter
and orange marmalade in the center of the oilcloth-covered table. She remained standing, drinking a cup of coffee.

Jake frowned. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I’m not hungry,” she replied.

Unable to penetrate Kit’s icy facade, Jake ate the meal she’d prepared. Johnny finished first and asked to be excused to go outside to play with Toby. After he’d gone, Jake stood and refilled his coffee cup. Kit cleared the table, sliding the dishes into a pan of soapy water.

“I have to go to Red Cliff for a couple days,” he announced.

She jerked her head up, her eyes wide. Quickly lowering her gaze, she turned back to the sink. “Why?”

“I have a client up there who needs me to do some work for him,” Jake replied.

“What kind of work?”

Puzzled by the uncharacteristic sarcasm in her voice, he considered how to respond. Keeping his tone neutral, he said, “He wants me to translate some business contracts into English. He wants to know what he’s signing.”

“Oh.”

She continued washing the dishes, ignoring him.

Jake sighed, set his cup down, and stepped behind Kit. He laid his hands on her shoulders lightly, turning her around to face him.

She pressed her damp palms against his shirt front, and kept her gaze aimed at his chest. “I have work to do.”

Jake disregarded her halfhearted attempt to escape. “And I want to say good-bye to my wife.”

With his forefinger, he raised her chin and kissed her. Her lips remained stiff. He drew his tongue across their velvety softness, and a primal moan rose from her throat as she crushed his shirt between her curled fingers. Like
a morning glory at sunrise, she eased open her mouth.

He pulled away before he succumbed to his burgeoning desire. Taking a shaky breath, Jake marveled at Kit’s ability to excite him. If only his heart hadn’t gotten involved, he could’ve finished what he’d begun without his conscience nagging him.

“I have to go,” Jake said softly.

Kit turned away, but not before he saw the glisten of unshed tears.

“Good-bye,” she said, her strong voice contrasting with the sadness he’d glimpsed.

He stared at her bowed neck. Although Kit was angry and hurt, the physical attraction between them couldn’t be denied. If he wanted, he could seduce her into bed, but she would hate him even more afterward. And Jake was no longer satisfied with just her body; he wanted her heart and soul.

“I love you,” he said, his throat aching with need.

Kit froze, but remained mute. He waited, hoping she’d acknowledge his declaration and reiterate her love. The silence expanded, threatening to choke him.

Without another word, Jake strode out of the kitchen and up to the bedroom. After throwing some clothes into his saddlebags, he went downstairs. Pausing, he debated whether to try to talk to Kit one more time. Although he didn’t want to leave, he figured a couple of days apart might make Kit more willing to listen. He hurried out of the house and down to the barn.

As he saddled a piebald mare, Johnny joined him. “Where’re you going, Pa?”

Jake tightened the cinch and dropped the stirrup into place. Facing his son, he said, “I have to go away for a couple days.”

“Are you goin’ to hunt down an outlaw?” Johnny asked, his eyes saucer-wide.

Jake smiled and shook his head. “I’m not a bounty hunter anymore, Johnny. I’m a lawyer.”

The boy’s eyebrows knitted in question. “What does a lawyer do?”

“Lawyers write contracts and wills, and they go to court to defend their clients.”

Johnny’s frown deepened. “That sounds boring.”

Jake hunkered down, putting himself at eye level with his son. “Maybe, but it’s a lot safer. And I won’t be gone from home as often.”

“What’re your stories goin’ to be about now?”

“I don’t think there are going to be any more adventures.” Disappointment filled Johnny’s eyes. “Does that bother you?”

Johnny shrugged. “I dunno.”

“If I kept on bounty hunting, I’d have to be gone a lot. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

“I guess not.”

Jake studied his son’s long face and tried to imagine what it would be like to learn your father is a famous hero, only to have him hang up his guns. He took hold of Johnny’s arms. “I need you to do something for me.”

Johnny canted his head. “What?”

“I want you to take care of your mother. I won’t be here to do it, so I’m counting on you. Can you do that for me?”

The boy nodded somberly. “Yes, sir.”

Jake gathered his son close and hugged him, and Johnny wrapped his arms around Jake’s neck. “I’m going to miss you, Pa.”

“I’ll miss you, too, but I won’t be gone long.”

He released Johnny and stood. “You be good, and go to bed when your ma tells you to. And do your chores without fussing. All right?”

“I will.”

With Johnny walking beside him, Jake led his horse
out of the musky barn and mounted with fluid ease. “Bye, Johnny.”

Johnny lifted his hand in farewell. “Bye, Pa.”

Jake urged the mare into motion, and called back, “I’m counting on you, son.”

With one last wistful glance at the house, Jake rode toward the training corrals on the other side of the grove of aspens. Both Charlie and Ethan were with the horses, and Jake stopped near the pen where Charlie worked.

The dark man led the yearling he’d been training toward Jake. “Goin’ somewheres?”

Jake nodded. “Red Cliff. I’ll be home day after tomorrow.”

Charlie narrowed his eyes. “Lawyer work?”

Annoyed by his unspoken accusation, Jake clenched his teeth to bite back a sarcastic reply. “Yes.” Jake dragged in a deep, calming breath. “I’d appreciate it if you’d keep an eye out for strangers.”

Charlie’s broad brow notched upward.

Jake shifted his weight in the saddle, the leather creaking beneath him. “If anyone comes looking for me, he might not care who he hurts to get what he wants.”

Ethan joined them. “You finally leaving?”

“Before you start celebrating, I’ll be back.”

The half-breed angled a glare at him. “Seems to me Miz Thornton and Johnny’s better off without you.”

Jake rested his forearm on the saddlehorn and leaned down, hoping to intimidate the younger man. “That’s Mrs. Cordell.”

Ethan’s posture tensed.

“He’s right, Ethan,” Charlie said reluctantly. He looked up at Jake. “We’ll keep an eye out Not because you said so, but because we don’t want nobody hurtin’ Johnny or Kit Nobody.”

Feeling as welcome as an atheist at a church picnic,
Jake straightened. “I understand. No need to tell Kit. She’d only worry.”

Charlie studied Jake a moment, and his features eased. “We won’t be tellin’ her.”

Grateful, Jake nodded and wheeled the mare around to ride away. Although he wished he could be angry with Charlie and Ethan, he couldn’t blame them for their protectiveness. He was the interloper, the outsider who’d disrupted Kit and Johnny’s lives. But he was tired of being alone. He wanted the past put behind him.

He wanted a future with his wife and son.

Kit pitched another forkful of straw into the wagon. With a groan, she straightened to take a break from the mindless task of cleaning out the stalls. She massaged her lower back and tipped her head from one side to the other to ease the muscles in her neck.

Even though she was exhausted from too little sleep the last few nights, she pushed her body to the breaking point. By working so hard, Kit hoped she wouldn’t have time to think of Jake. The physical labor, however, left her mind free to do as it pleased. And it wanted to dwell on Jake.

I love you
.

His parting words drifted across her thoughts for the thousandth time since Jake had left. With all her heart she wanted to believe he spoke the truth, but the timing seemed contrived. Was it only another lie to get what he wanted?

Johnny entered the barn, Toby at his heels. “I think Jasper is all healed,” the boy announced.

Kit gazed at her son, seeing Jake’s chiseled features etched in the boy’s face. Her heart lurched. In spite of her bitter disappointment over Jake’s betrayal, she couldn’t stop loving him, no matter how hard she tried.