Matthew Flinders' Cat (18 page)

‘Matthew Flinders didn’t much like going ashore, all he ever wanted to do was to chart the shoreline and mark the features you could see from the water, though he would venture ashore when some rising ground or hill allowed him to see the topography of the surround, or the flow of a river into the sea might take his curiosity as to depth and width and the strength of the flow. So it was Trim and Mr Brown who were the intrepid explorers. Mr Brown had in his possession a most wondrous and remarkable seeing instrument named a microscope, which wasn’t any bigger than Trim’s front leg from shoulder to paw. He allowed Trim the very great privilege of frequently taking a peek through this magical tubular device. On the first occasion he did so, he placed at its lower extremity a seed almost too small for the naked eye to see. Whereupon Trim looked through the top of the brass tube to see that it had been transformed into the size of a prize pumpkin. He couldn’t believe his own eyes. Cats have excellent eyesight yet the seed was but a tiny dot when he’d seen it shaken on to the glass stand and now it was a sight to behold, all cracks and dents, to be likened to a pumpkin or even a boulder in size and character. “Trim, lad,” Mr Brown had said that first time, “together with this little beauty we will unlock the secrets of all the exotic flora of Terra Australis.” Then Mr Brown said a remarkable thing. “There is more here to appease the appetite any botanist may have for the exotic discovery than all the plants in Europe should they be put together.” Aboard the
Investigator
they had cause to build a greenhouse of quite handsome proportions which was under the care of Peter Good, a man of good character and humour who would allow Trim to make frequent inspections of what he called “Sir Joseph’s sprouts”, the many botanical wonders of this new land destined as a gift to His Majesty’s botanical garden at Kew by Matthew Flinders’ benefactor, mentor and friend, Sir Joseph Banks.’

Billy looked down at Ryan. ‘We can see many of these plants in the Botanic Gardens if you wish, Ryan?’

Ryan nodded, but didn’t appear to be overly eager. ‘Sure,’ was all he said.

Billy now sensed that all the detail he was putting into the story must sound like a rather tedious history lesson to Ryan. The observations that pleased him might not be so interesting to Ryan. He’d have to watch himself.

‘Trim found it most pleasant exploring with Mr Brown. Sometimes they’d see things you wouldn’t believe were possible. For example, once they came across these giant rats about half the size of a horse.’

‘Ah, bull!’ Ryan objected, ‘Rats half the size of a horse!’

‘Hang on, Ryan,’ Billy cautioned, ‘wait until you hear the rest of the story.

‘As they approached, the rats sat upon their tails and looked at them, calm as you like. “Mighty mother of all seagoing cats!” Trim thought to himself, eyeing the nearest tree for his personal safety, “If the rats are this size, how big then must the cats be?” ’ Ryan started to laugh. ‘They were kangaroos!’

‘Correct,’ Billy said, ‘Have you ever looked closely at a kangaroo? If you’d never seen one before and you were a cat, then it wouldn’t be too difficult to believe they were giant rats.’

‘Can we do some of Trim’s adventures on the ship, Billy?’ Ryan suddenly asked.

Billy had been right. Since Charlie, he’d forgotten how to tell a story to a boy of Ryan’s age. ‘Sure, life on a ship in those days was pretty tough. You see a ship at that time wasn’t a very big place and, as you know, cats are by nature explorers. You may imagine that after a while Trim knew every corner of the ship, foredeck, top deck, main deck and the lower decks, every inch was familiar to him. He didn’t even have to look for new places for mice or rats to hide, because they’d all long since been used up.

‘There is always good accommodation for rodents available upon berthing at a new port of call. Rats are by nature a cunning and parsimonious lot, they simply cannot resist the prospect of travel and rent-free accommodation, so by the time the ship sailed there’d be a great many freeloaders who had crept aboard under cover of night. So great would this invading population be that it would occasion a major rat-housing shortage below decks.

‘Once out to sea again, all Trim was required to do was wait around and the newly resident rats would come scuttling up like a bunch of holiday-makers, falling over each other to sample the delights of life at sea. Trim would see to it that they received a most surprising welcome and, abracadabra, as if by magic, accommodation suitable for a young rat couple at present living with their in-laws and wishing to start a family of their own would become vacant. The newlyweds couldn’t pack up fast enough, not thinking to inquire why the previous occupants had thought to leave such a good address, thinking only that they were moving into a nice neighbourhood with pleasant ocean views.

‘You may find this strange, but no self-respecting ship’s cat wants a rodent-free ship. With the vermin sneaking on board uninvited when the vessel was in port, it would be easy enough for Trim to go on a rat rampage and eliminate them all in the first week at sea. But Trim wasn’t that foolish, he’d conserve his rat resources so that they lasted for the entire voyage, the idea being that the ship should be vermin-free just about the time it entered its next port of call. Trim regarded rats, once they realised that the ship under his captaincy was no floating holiday resort, as worthy opponents, naturally cunning and resourceful. His greatest dread was to be left with only a few mice and cockroaches to contend with. Mice, he thought, were rather stupid and too easy to catch. Cockroaches were even more dunderheaded, so there was little fun to be obtained by catching them, except occasionally to amuse the ship’s crew when the vessel was becalmed.

‘Although, I must say in their defence, cockroaches have survived unchanged for hundreds of millions of years, which makes them one of the ultimate survivors, so they can’t be that stupid after all. Trim did not share this opinion and it may well have been that seagoing cockroaches were somewhat inbred for lack of a procreational opportunity among their shore-bound kind, because he considered them positively retarded, proper idiots, not an ounce of commonsense between the lot of them.

‘Anyway, as I was saying, Trim always kept a few rats in reserve, not just for sport and recreation during a long voyage, but also for the purpose of human relations. Let me explain, humans can be pretty difficult to manage at times and this was particularly true when tedium set in at sea. Trim would often enough have occasion to remind the crew who was responsible for their general wellbeing and relatively rodent-free environment. In other words, who was the real captain of the ship.

‘But being of a feline nature, that is to say, a cat, he couldn’t go about the task the way humans do, which is by fighting each other or flogging those who disobey the master’s orders. Humans are accustomed to asserting their supremacy with a bout of fisticuffs. “Biffbang! Thy nose is bloodied and I am master now!” Or “Whack-whack-whack, take a hundred lashes because I’m in charge of this vessel.” Trim was much too intelligent for such immature carryings-on and, besides, it was his observation that such tactics only work until the next blighter comes along and knocks the new master over and he’s now the one to be obeyed and so on and so forth. Or, in the matter of disciplining the crew by means of the cat-o’-nine-tails, the men eventually grow tired of being flogged and stage a mutiny, as they did with Captain Bligh.

‘Ships’ cats are a much more sophisticated lot when it comes to the management of humans and one of the methods Trim used was the retention of some well-placed rodents on board. This is how it worked. The ship’s galley is where they prepare the food for the crew and, as every sailor knows, ships’ cooks are not all that fussed when it comes to cleaning up around food, so there were always plenty of scraps left about, which means a ship’s galley is oft-times a land of plenty in the vocabulary of your average rat.

‘So, true to one’s calling, the ship’s cat is duty-bound to disabuse your seagoing rat of this notion to the extent that no rat would venture near it without risking Trim’s displeasure. This is a polite way of saying “without the prospect of undergoing a lingering but certain death”. “R.I.P.” inscribed on a rodent tombstone means Rats in Peace.

‘Well, at the beginning of every voyage, when Trim gets his rat mopping-up operation into full swing, the cook can’t be nice enough. He saves all the juicy bits of mutton and beef for the grand ratter and Trim lives like a king, his fur sleek and glossy. But, alas, rather typically of humans, when you are no longer useful to them, they are quick to forget their obligations. Once the galley was free of rampaging rodents, the cook’s gratitude could no longer be relied upon. No more tidbits, no more bending down to tickle Trim behind the ear, telling him what a handsome fellow he was.

‘Cooks are generally cantankerous creatures, as Trim soon discovered after he’d cleaned up the rodents. Feeling peckish, he once decided to stroll into the galley to gently remind the cook how he’d prevented a major rodent infestation and possibly an outbreak of the plague on board ship, but next thing he found himself sailing through the air with a dirty great seaman’s boot up his arse!’

Ryan laughed. Kids love an unexpected dirty word from an adult who doesn’t usually employ bad language.

Billy smiled, but continued. ‘It was on occasions such as this that Operation Spare Rat came into play. It was time to call on the small colony of rats Trim had hidden in the darkest recess at the back of the ship. He would cull them, one at a time, and deposit a fresh carcase every morning at the entrance to the galley to remind the ship’s cook to save the mutton scraps for “yours truly”. Trim, being of an open nature, always felt a little guilty acting in such a duplicitous manner, but he was essentially a practical seaman and realised that it was sometimes necessary to remind people of their obligations. Good manners and due consideration for others are characteristics too often neglected among humans.

‘While Trim loved and honoured his master, he knew him also capable of careless affection. He could become so enamoured of his work or so engrossed in a book that he would quite forget to maintain Trim’s rightful position on the ship. So it became Trim’s custom to drop a regular rat on the deck beside Matthew Flinders’ bunk. This was designed so that when his master awoke from his slumbers and would perchance glance downwards in the process of retrieving his boots, he would see a member of the dreaded genus
Rattus
dead at his feet.

‘“Trim, thou art indeed a mighty cat, a feline above all cats that ever was, most affectionate of friends, faithful servant and best of creatures,” he would say, giving Trim a bit of a scratch on the stomach while Trim immediately obliged him with a purr, lying on his back with his legs in the air, which wasn’t very dignified, but it was Trim’s observation that life is full of small compromises and that pleasing a partner in small ways is the prerequisite to a sound and loving relationship.

‘The reward for Trim’s endeavour would come at dinner in the officers’ mess, when he would be seated upon the table to the immediate left of Captain Flinders’ chair. There came a moment after the saying of grace when Trim could count on the ship’s master telling his assembled officers that he, Master Trim, was the most illustrious of his race and to be much admired as he was, quite possibly, the world’s best ratter. Then he would recount the incident of the dead rat on the deck beside his bunk.

‘Matthew Flinders was so enamoured of Trim that he failed to observe that his fellow officers around the table were to a man glazed-eyed, having heard the same praise rendered a hundred times before. But they nevertheless clapped politely in the appropriately obsequious manner. “Remarkable, sir!” one would say. “A cat in a hundred,” said another. “No, by golly, in a thousand!” responded a third. “Indeed, sir, a reward is called for!” demanded a fourth. “Aye, a reward!” they would chorus.

‘“A reward it shall be!” Captain Flinders would say, happy as could be. He’d then turn to Trim, proud as punch. “See how they love you, Master Trim,” he’d declare, though Trim had no such illusions and knew that they didn’t care a nest of fiddlesticks about him. Life is a practical business and we cannot always seek to win the hearts of everyone before we proceed to make our plans. The dead rat beside the bunk was merely a means of ensuring that Trim didn’t have to depend solely on the ship’s cook for his meals.

‘Trim would rub his head against the gold bands about his master’s sleeves, and Matthew Flinders would then cut a tasty morsel of beef from the piece upon his plate and place it on to the end of his fork. With a display of exquisite manners, being careful at all times not to touch the tines with his lips, Trim would remove the beef. “There, I have begun the reward,” Flinders would announce. This was intended to encourage the other diners to do the same, which they did with varying degrees of enthusiasm, so that in the process of going to the place of each officer around the table to receive his just reward, Trim managed to obtain a tasty meal.’

‘What’s obse . . . obseequis ...?’

‘Obsequious. It means,’ Billy couldn’t think quite how to put it, ‘to suck up,’ he said, resorting to a term familiar to Ryan.

‘My nana said that was syco . . . sycophantic,’ Ryan said accusingly, ‘both words can’t mean the same, can they?’

Billy was becoming increasingly delighted with Ryan’s mind. ‘Well, no, not precisely,’ Billy paused. ‘Let me see, yes, very well, obsequious,
obsequiosus
,
obsequium
,’ he muttered to himself, quoting the Latin roots. ‘Ah, compliance! It means to do something in a servile manner, like an over-attentive servant or someone who wants to make an impression on you by obeying your every word. Get the idea?’