Matter of Truth, A (23 page)

Even after everything that’s happened since then, old habits
die hard.

“Right.” Karl moves toward where I’m standing. “While
Councilwoman Lilywhite was on recon in Alaska during a secret, Guard sanctioned
mission—”

Wait. What? He’s—is he lying to the team about where I’ve
been and what I’ve done? I really should have read Zthane’s report more
carefully.

“She and Dane were repeatedly attacked by the Elders.”

“You were
what
?” The anger in Kellan’s voice nearly
knocks me back into my seat.

Okay? I thought Karl told him about what went down already!
I turn toward the Quake, who offers no apologies. “Not finished yet,
Whitecomb,” he says evenly. But now that he knows that Kellan’s my Connection,
too, he’s most likely sympathetic to what Kellan must be feeling right now. And
I get it—I do, because had I just found out that Kellan was running around,
being attacked by these things, I might be close to losing a gasket, too.

Still, it would have been nice not to blindside Kellan in
front of a whole team. Had I known, I would’ve told him yesterday when he was
at the apartment. Wait—“I thought you were going to debrief Kellan yesterday,”
I say to Karl.

“Yes, well,” Karl leans against the wall, “things came up
and it didn’t happen.”

“Which is fine, since you and I are going to discuss this
ourselves,” Kellan says to me, like we’re not in the middle of Karl’s briefing.

“Later,” Karl insists. Bless him. “Because right now, you
all need to hear the real reason why we’re here. During these attacks,
Councilwoman Lilywhite and Dane realized something. There is, in fact, a way to
destroy the Elders.”

This bomb goes off exactly as Karl predicted it would.
Everyone, even Kellan, suck in their surprise and stare at me and Will like
we’re . . . not freaks, exactly, but like we’ve done the impossible. Which I
guess we have.

Karl’s grin is grim. “Three Elders no longer exist thanks to
these two.”

“You say it was just us, but I think you’re forgetting
yourself.” Will taps the floor with the tip of his sword. “I seem to remember
quite vividly a certain Quake helping out with two of those beasties.”

Karl shrugs this off like his role was nothing, which is so
typically Karl.

“How . . . how is that possible?” Brock asks.

Kellan sits down in the web seat across from me. If I were a
betting woman, I’d say he’s a torn between fury and pride over what he’s just
learned.

Karl nods in encouragement at me. So I take a deep breath
and address the team. “I willed them out of existence. I’m a Destroyer, too,
remember.” I glance over at Will, who is back to playing with his sword. “It
just took someone reminding me of what I can do.”

Will rolls his eyes. It’s obvious he hates that there’s so
much attention on him here. But, he’s got to suck it up, because I don’t think
I could have done it without him.

“The thing is,” I continue, “it appears I need to be
touching them in order to do so.” My lips twist ruefully. “You should know they
can make themselves look a little more like people now. And they can talk. And
they can be touched, bleed, and turn their limbs into weapons.”

Will mutters, “Creepy as fuck is what they are.”

“Yeah, they are.” Karl shudders, then, as if he’s annoyed he
showed his true feelings toward what we saw, he scowls.

No one seems to know how to take this. Karl, admitting that
he’s scared, too? It’s almost too much for them. But, despite my own fear over
what we’re about to face today, I force myself to sound cool and in control. I
need to get them to focus on what’s going to go down, so nobody freaks out once
we’re confronted. “If after what you see in a couple of minutes, you still
decide to continue on with the mission, you need to understand there’s an
excellent chance you’re going to get hurt. The Elders need to be incapacitated
for me to be able to work my craft on them, and they won’t go down without a
fight.”

“Chloe.” Kellan is trying so hard not to show his true
feelings in front of everyone on the plane, but as he’s twisting his cuff
around at an alarming speed, I know he’s struggling. “Please tell me you
weren’t hurt fighting these things.”

He’ll know if I lie. I search for the right words to
describe the hell I’d gone through, but none of them seem soft enough.

So Will answers for me. “The first time we fought one of
these beasties, it cut us up like we were paper dolls. Broke some bones. We
didn’t have any of your fancy healers with us, so we were simply stitched up
afterwards and given some extra blood to replace what we’d lost. The second
time . . .” He glances at Karl, and then me. “There were four against the three
of us.” He pauses. “We were able to take down two, but the others fled.”

There are too many emotions to handle raging in Kellan’s
eyes, so I look away, back toward the team. Their horror is much more
manageable.

“What Will isn’t telling you is that we were lucky to make
it back to Annar when we did,” Karl says flatly. “We had a very talented Métis
who took care of our injuries, but the truth was, they nearly killed us. And
that might very well happen today.” He pauses, looks around the airplane. “For
this mission, we will give Councilwoman Lilywhite every chance possible to take
out these bastards. This team is built of people who’ve been found capable of
incapacitating the Elders, one way or another. That is what we will do. We will
do our best to stun them long enough for Chloe to do her job. If you don’t
think you can do this, then you need to let us know right now. You’ll be free
to leave after Whitecomb ensures your silence.”

Nobody gets up. Not even the bitchy girl who called me a princess
and insinuated Will wasn’t worth her time.

Karl nods just once. “It’s important you know they adapt to
our crafts. The first time I knocked one out, it lasted ten seconds. Then,
within minutes, it went down to eight.” He scratches at the back of his neck.
“Chloe, are you ready to show them what they’ll be up against?”

No, I want to whisper. Not with Kellan sitting here across
from me. But I create a screen in between the body and cockpit of the plane,
just like Zthane requested me to do. And then I throw my memories up for all to
see.

The team watches in tense silence as I first show them what
happened with Cailleache, and then when Karl, Will, and I fought in the
warehouse. It’s brutal viewing it again, seeing just how badly we were all cut
up in the end. I look even worse up on that screen than I remember being—the
last shots I show them, where I’m laying in the dirt, bleeding out, seem more
like something that happened to somebody else rather than me.

But I let them see it all, even Erik stabbing me in the ass
with a tranquilizer while I groaned like a dying, beached whale, because it’s
best they know what to expect. I’m all about choices nowadays. If they want to
leave, they should have the right to.

Oh, gods. Jonah left
.

I force myself to focus. Can’t think of that right now. Not
today, not when so much is at stake.

When it’s finished, and I’ve done away with the screen, Lola
murmurs, “Well, damn.”

One of the Shamans titters nervously. “What she said.”

There’s a tense spat of laughter from everyone but Kellan.
He simply stands up and says, “We need to talk. Now.”

I go to argue, but Karl tells us we have five minutes. When
Kellan stalks out of the plane, I turn to Will and ask quietly, so none of the
other team can hear me as they discuss what they’ve just seen, “You okay?”

Exasperation sighs out of him. “Don’t baby me, Chloe. I
don’t need you fighting my battles for me. I can do nicely all on my own.
Didn’t you see me up there? I’m quite the badass with a sword.”

That’s the problem, though. I saw too much. I saw Will, cut
up and hurting, wielding that sword like it was his own arm, and it scares me,
knowing this daredevil is willing to go out and fight with me simply because he
loves me. So I give him a winning smile. “Fat chance of getting me to stop.”

He rolls his eyes, but I know it pleases him.

Outside of the plane, Kellan’s hands are in his hair as he
stares into the foggy distance. My heart aches, because I’ve thrown so much at
him in the last couple of days. I reappear after bailing for half a year, I
break down when his brother dumps me, and then I inform him that I’d nearly
died while fighting the Elders.

If the situation was reversed, I’d be worse than a wreck.
But Kellan—his voice is low and level when he asks, “Are you out of your
mind
?”

I come over to stand near him. The impulse to touch him,
hold him is so strong that I force my fingers to curl into fists that I stuff
under my arms. “I’m finally thinking quite clearly, thank you very much.”

His eyes close for a brief moment before finding me. He
knows my words carry multiple meanings. “Those things nearly killed you.”

I can’t sugarcoat it—not to him, not anymore. “That’s true.
But they didn’t. And I’m hoping today, if you’re going to be on the team—”

“Like I’m going to leave you here on your own,” he mutters.
“Did you lose your mind on your walkabout, too? Oh, wait. Are we now calling it
a ‘secret Guard sanctioned mission’?”

I hide my smile, even though he sounds so bitter. Also,
now’s not the time for us to wade into all that mess. “What I was saying was,
I’m hoping my chances at survival are even better today, now that you’re here
with me.”

His head tilts to the side as he studies me. “And yet, you
don’t want me here.”

I’m honest. “I don’t relish the idea of you getting hurt,
no.”

A small exhale of a laugh lifts into the misty sky above us.
“There’s no way to convince you to not do this, is there?”

I shake my head slowly.

“Well, then, obviously I’m coming.” He stuffs his hands into
his coat’s pockets. “If Jonah—”

I . . . I just can’t. “Don’t,” I whisper. I blink back the
sting threatening my eyes. “I need to focus today. It’s going to be hard enough
with you there. Just . . . he . . .” I swallow and turn my head away.

Gods. Right now it would be so easy to just let Kellan hold
me like he wants. Like
I
want. But Kellan has made it quite clear to me
over the years that if anything’s going to happen between us, it’s going to be
because I choose him. Choose us.

And I haven’t.

And I won’t, as incredibly tempting as it is. And I can see
it in his eyes right now—he wants me to, almost desperately so. As much as it
kills me to have to deny him this, it slays me even more so, because all of
that love I have for him is still just as potent as before.

Late last night, in sheer despair, I actually considered calling
him and begging him to give me—us—the chance we’d always been denied. Knowing
Jonah doesn’t want me anymore . . . it’s crushing. Will keeps saying it’s not
the case, that Jonah’s reacting to what I did and rightfully so, but part of me
wondered if he was right, that this was my chance to finally see what things
would be like with Kellan. I love him, after all. I cheated on Jonah with him
several times, thereby destroying the integrity of the relationship I had. My
feelings toward him—and his brother—tore me apart. Part of me wants to see
where this will go. Part of me wants it so badly that I nearly threw out all of
my resolutions and resolves away.

I won’t lie to myself. I’ll always want this with him. I’ll
always want
him
.

But then my heart reminded me of its truth. There’s love for
Kellan, yes—boundless, everlasting love of the very best kind. But the truth of
the matter is, it needs Jonah more. And I need to do whatever I can to fix
that, even if it means giving him the space he needs until another chance for
me to make amends rolls around.

Somebody from inside the plane calls for us. Kellan’s head
tilts down toward mine. “Are you sure about this, C?”

I’m not sure which sure he’s referring to. Either way, I
tell him, my voice soft in the mist, “Yes.”

And then we go back into the plane.

The turbulence as we head north, following the Ob river, is
brutal. Kellan is kind enough to make us all less air-sick, but my teeth rattle
in my head with every bump met of this metal bird we fly in. As always, Will
remains unflappable, even dozing for a few minutes before a particularly strong
jolt wakes him up.

“You suck.” I have to yell at him, since the propellers are
so loud.

“Occasionally,” he tells me in return. “It’s a shame you’ll
never know just how well.”

I burst out laughing. “You’re awful!”

His smile is crookedly charming. “That’s not what she said.”

I roll my eyes, the corners of my lips tilting upwards, and
it’s then I notice Kellan watching us, his face devoid of any emotion. He’s
sitting in the web seat directly in front of us, next to the Blaze, Brock.
Since we boarded the plane, he’s been very quiet, and I don’t know if I ought
to draw him into our conversations or leave him alone.

Will makes the decision for me. He yells out, “So. Kellan.
Chloe tells me you’re an ace surfer. I’ve been considering taking lessons—”

Liar. He’s never once mentioned this to me in the half year
I’ve known him. But I love him for it anyway.

“—and was wondering if you had any pointers for an
uncoordinated bloke like myself.”

Another lie. Will is one of the last people I would ever
call uncoordinated.

Kellan studies Will for a second or two, but then a hint of
a smile curves his lips. “Well, for one, I’d advise you to live near the
beach.”

“Already done that, mate. In case your geography skills
aren’t as ace as your surfing skills, let me assure you that Anchorage is
indeed a coastal town.” He turns to me. “You Annar people are horrendous with
geography.”

I laugh, remembering his teasing me back in his kitchen in
Alaska.

Kellan actually chuckles, too. “I know where Anchorage is. I
meant you ought to be closer to a spot where there are decent waves, like
Yakutat. That’s if you plan on heading back to Alaska any time soon.” That
half-smile of his that I adore quirks for a brief moment. “Of course, if you
stay in Annar, then it won’t be a problem, as you’ll be able to go to whatever
break you like whenever.”

Will’s long legs spread out in the tiny aisle in between the
rows of web seats. His eyebrows lift upward. “You know of Yakutat?”

Kellan’s eyes meet mine. “I do.”

I clear my throat and then force my voice to carry across
the aisle. “Have you surfed there before?”

“Once, when I was fifteen. Joey thought it would help
develop ‘character.’ Personally, I think all it did was help incite
hypothermia.” His smile ticks up a teeny notch. “Too bad I didn’t have a
Creator with me at the time to make me a special wetsuit. I guess I wasn’t
lucky enough at the time to know you then, so I’ll just have to make up for it
now and convince you to give me what I need.”

I’m going to pass out, because surely we are too high in the
air and there isn’t any oxygen anymore and—

“If you like,” he says to Will, like he can’t tell he’s
affected me, “I can take you out and give you some pointers sometime in the
next week or so. Chloe can tag along and we can make fun of her when she
attempts to stand up.”

The other Guard have stopped talking with one another and
are now listening to Kellan. And my heart swells, because right here, right
now—Kellan is publically declaring his approval of Will.

“I’d like that,” Will is saying. “Plus, I’m always game to
pick on my favorite blonde. Oh wait, my mistake—you’re only a fake blonde.”

Feeling like a total mush toward Kellan in more ways than
one, I know I need to redirect this conversation back to something safe. I say
to them, “Har-har. Pick on Chloe and her inadequacies, why don’t you?”

“It’s ridiculously easy to do,” is how Will responds.

But Kellan? He refuses to do as I want, because he says, “As
there are precious few inadequacies I can find in you, as you call them, I have
to make do when I do find one.” The corner of one side of his mouth lifts
higher. “But for all of your perfections, you truly do suck at surfing.”

Butterflies explode into a full-fledged frenzy in my chest.
Damn him for being so sweet. And hot. And desirable. And also, for knowing he’s
getting to me, because there’s a spark of victory in his eyes the moment my
heart decides to sprint even faster than it was just moments before.

How am I going to do this? How am I ever going to resist
this man?

“Are we talking about the same girl here?” Will asks.
“Because, mate, let me assure you that her bowling game is the worst you’ll
ever see. She’s bloody wretched, which in a way makes her handy to have around,
as you know you’ll always beat her.”

Thank the gods for Will. “You suck,” I say lovingly once
more.

“Again,” he repeats, “it’s a pity you’ll never know just how
well.”

Before we land, I make everyone what
I hope are the Elders equivalent of bulletproof vests, only I make sleek,
fitted black long-sleeved shirts and pants that are hopefully flexible and
lightweight and yet warm in the chilly forest we’ll be heading into. Karl
provides sophisticated earpieces he commandeered from the Guard HQ so attacks can
be coordinated and members accounted for. When the team is finished gearing up,
we look like some kind of Black Ops mission, which I think that several of the
Guard rather like.“This is the photo we ought to take for Frieda,” I tell Will
once we’re on the ground. Most of the rest of the team is off to one side,
making sure their bags are packed properly. “Totally screw with her mind, make
her believe we ran off to join the CIA or something.”

From behind his dark sunglasses, an eyebrow lifts. “And you
call me devious.” But his lips curl upwards. “Let’s do it. It’ll be proper
punishment after all those bloody texts she tormented us with.”

“Are you serious? I was kidding!”

“And yet you weren’t. C’mon now. Pass the phone over.”

“I’ll take it,” Kellan says, holding his hand out. I stare
up at him, but as he’s behind dark sunglasses, too, I can’t tell what he’s
feeling about all of this.

“Right. Thanks, mate.” Will passes over his phone. “Chloe,
hold out that bad-ass bow of yours. I shan’t hold my sword, because that will
simply confuse her, so we’ll just make do with what you have.”

I can’t stop cracking up. “You’re crazy!”

“Very possibly true. I’m here today with you, hunting
beasties, aren’t I? The lone Métis amongst the mighty Guard?” He says this
lightly, but I get what he’s letting me know. He’s here because of me, and what
I mean to him, and because he’s the kind of good guy who heard people were
getting hurt and didn’t think twice about jumping into the fray.

I lean into him, curving my arm around his waist. His loops
around my shoulders, pulling me even closer into the lines of his body. As
Kellan steps forward, Will’s phone facing us, I look up at my friend, my heart
feeling like it might burst because I adore him so very much.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

He leans down and presses a lingering kiss against my cheek.
I hear the phone click, signaling the photo is done, and then Will’s arms are
gone and he’s already half way between me and Kellan.

“Aw, brilliant, mate. Just brilliant. Chloe, look here—we
actually look like we’re shagging like bloody rabbits, don’t we?” He chortles,
clearly delighted, as he takes the phone back from Kellan. The screen is held
up for me to see, but I’m staring at Kellan.

And . . . I’m astonished, because Kellan is smiling, too. A
real smile—not one of the ones I know he can put on like an actor taking the
stage.

As Will moves away, already sending the photo to Frieda, I
find myself saying to Kellan, “That was . . . surprising.”

Kellan adjusts the straps of his bag on his shoulder. “I
would’ve thought that his propensity towards pranks would be something you knew
about him.”

“Not that.” I slide my sunglasses from the top of my head
down to my eyes. “I meant . . .” An exhaled laugh escapes me. “Maccon
Lightningriver kissed my cheek once, and you nearly ripped off his head.”

“The difference is,” Kellan says, stepping closer, “Mac was
interested in you.”

I scoff. “He was not.”

“He most certainly was.” Kellan’s lips twitch. “I’m an
Emotional, or have you forgotten? Lust is a pretty easy emotion to pinpoint in
people, since it’s so strong.”

Huh. That’s . . . I never saw that one. Mac and I were
friends, good friends. I knew he was a player, but never once did he try to hit
on me. As this is a bit of a sore subject between us, I switch tactics and
tease, “You don’t think Will feels the same?”

There’s that half-smile I love. Damn him—butterflies explode
once more in my chest, making it so hard to be clear about what I know I want
nowadays. “I know he doesn’t. I knew it the moment I stepped into his apartment
the other day. He loves you—probably more than anyone else in all the worlds
other than his dad—but he thinks of you like his sister, not the girl he wants
to scream his name in bed.”

My cheeks blaze; and then, like I have no control over it at
all, an image of me doing just that in Kellan’s bed flashes through my mind. I
force myself to count to ten and will my heart to slow down, but as I’m not
hiding behind any shields anymore, I know he feels all of these confusing,
conflicting feelings racing around me. So, even though he’s completely aware of
how he’s affecting me, I fake outrage. “Are you telling me you surged with him
without his permission, in addition to whatever other checking up on him you
did?”

“Hell yeah, I did.” He takes my bow from me and pretends to
check it over. “This is nice work.”

“Kellan!” I hiss under my breath. “Why would you do that?”

“Complement your work? I wouldn’t think that would piss you
off so much.”

I glance over and spot Will and Karl talking about thirty
feet away. I snatch the bow back and snap quietly, “I’m talking about you
surging with him!”

“I think the better question is, why wouldn’t I?” Our booted
toes touch, we’re standing so close to one another. “The love of my life
disappears for half a year. She shows back up with some guy who radiates
overprotectiveness and love. Damn right, I’m going to surge with him and figure
out who he is to you.”

I’m buzzing at the proximity. Kellan is one of the most
dangerous drugs I think that’s ever been created. His name falling from my
mouth is a cross between a plea and a curse. Please, I think to him, please do
not do this. Not now.

I watch him take a deep breath, like he’s steadying himself.

I swallow and try another tactic. Forcing scorn and
irritation in my voice, I say, “He’s my
friend
.”

“I know that now.” His head bends down, so that my whole
vision is his gorgeous face. And, oh, for the love of all that’s good in these
worlds, let me hold strong in this moment, because it’s taking all my willpower
not to just grab him and kiss him. How is this going to work? Am I ever going
to get a grip, even when I’m sure? “It’s why I haven’t killed him, Chloe.
Because . . . I think if I’d found out you two were something more, I just
might have tried.”

I try not to breathe deeply, because good lords, does he
smell good. So I hold still until he rights himself. But he knows. Of course he
knows what he just did to me—and it wasn’t because of his mojo. It was all him.

As I have far too many times in the past, I resent myself
once more for being weak.

The screaming comes in bursts, like
bullets out of a gun, exploding into the dense silence long enough to rattle
snow off branches and dead leaves off trees before disappearing once more. And
I nearly jump out of my skin, like I always do, because even now, even after
everything that’s happened lately, those sounds are some of the most terrifying
I’ve ever heard.

I asked Kellan a little while earlier if he’d make it so I
didn’t feel any fear, but he refused, claiming fear was important in situations
like this. Fear would help keep me alive. And yet, I wish I didn’t have this
fear in me right now, that I could just charge head first into the fight I’m
picking today. But it’s here, and I am scared, more so than I think before
because now I know one of my Connections is with me and the stakes are all that
much higher.

When the bursts of screams grow louder, Karl motions for the
team to fan out. He, Will, and I will maintain the middle formation like
before, with one exception—Kellan refused to stay on the edges to work like
everyone else.

Karl didn’t bother arguing with him. I tried to, but Kellan
wasn’t having any of it. So here he is, right in the line of fire, and my
nervousness kicks up to a whole new level. “Still four?” Will asks Karl quietly.

Karl’s quiet for a moment, a finger pressed against his
earpiece before nodding.