Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice (2 page)

Robert Frost

A number of Masters have influenced me in profound ways as
I have been on my Journey of Mastery. In alphabetical order,
those who have had most influence are:

• Master Skip Chasey, a man of peace and calm, spirituality and centeredness, who inspires all who come into
his presence.

• Master Bert Cutler, International Master 2003, who
exudes sagacity and warmth and knows how to give
advice and counsel in ways that it can be accepted
and used.

• Master Jim Glass, International Master 2001, who
serves as a model for what is possible if you set your
goals high enough.

• Master Jack McGeorge, Northeast Master 2005, who
is the only Master that I know of who has a more
detailed Manual of Protocol than I do.

• Master Steve Sampson, International Master 2000,
who puts heart and soul into everything he touches,
and in return, is enveloped in love and adoration.

• Sir Stephen Siegel, International Master 2005, who
demonstrates so well how one can create one's own
Lifestyle - that one can be Leather and run a Victorian
Household.

• Master Robert Steele, a Master who needs no titles,
a good friend and close counselor who constantly
nudges me back onto the Correct Path in life.

• Master (the Good Officer) Wes who - with overarching
good spirit and love - thinks deeply and writes eloquently about Things Leather that matter in the world.

• Master Z (Dallas), International Master 2004, whose
boundless enthusiasm for life, plus his commitment to
the Leather Tribe, serves as a model to those of us he
touches.

I certainly acknowledge Brenna, my companion since March
2002, who has been at times my Master, my partner and my
lover, and who remains a deep and close friend - we just haven't
quite figured out the relationship structure. Thank you for editing
this book - among all the others. Thank you for staying with me.
You make me a better person, in general, and a better writer, in
particular.

Thanks, too, to slave mindi, who lights up any room she enters,
and who orders my world so I no longer have to think about it.
She has indeed mastered service in the spirit of sprezzatura
- effortless technique. And she's mastered the art of living with
me, no mean feat, that.

And thanks to obsidian, who is a daily reminder of how important
it is to live fully in a structured relationship and how much this
kind of relationship differs from the world of Vanillas. To watch
obsidian interact within our Family demonstrates the elegance of
a dance well learned.

Now - a special note of deep gratitude and appreciation for my
close friend Jay Wiseman, who in addition to writing the foreword
to this book, anguished many hours over the text and made the
final content edit. The book has been greatly enhanced by his
effort.

We live in a time of both great and exciting changes in personal
relationships. Given the current cultural freedom to choose the
types of relationship structures and agreements that work best
specifically for them, more and more people are experimenting
with highly alternative relationship structures. For example, we
see the prominent rise of gay marriage. We also see more and
more consensually non-monogamous married people who are
quite happy about their arrangement and whose marriage seems
to be at least as stable as those in 100% monogamous marriages. Further, we see more and more people choosing to live
in expanded family "group marriage" types of relationships.

While many people choose to enter into newer forms of relationships that offer greater freedom and equality than was true of
more traditional relationship formats, others are - to the surprise
of many onlookers - willfully, mindfully, and freely choosing to
enter into intimate personal relationships that offer them less
equality and freedom. The people making this choice seem to
be completely reasonable, normal, and mentally healthy people,
yet they intentionally enter into relationships that offer them less
freedom than they otherwise could have. What's going on?
Possibly something very important. Possibly something that
addresses some very core needs of some people.

It's not a new observation to point out that even in many of the
most traditional and conventional intimate personal relationships,
there is frequently one "dominant" partner and one "submissive" partner. Sometimes this is expressed in very subtle ways,
and sometimes this is expressed in more obvious ways, but it's generally the case that this dominant/submissive aspect to the
relationship is relatively implicit.

By contrast, within the BDSM/Leather community, every year
more and more couples (and larger intimate personal groups)
choose to live in ways in which the dominant/submissive aspect
to the relationship is relatively explicit.

Within the community, it's not particularly rare for one person to
address a particular other person by a term such as "Master" or
"Mistress." One frequently sees people who are wearing collars
of leather, metal, or other materials around their neck, with these
collars locked into place and the wearer not in possession of a
key to that lock.

While the meaning of wearing such a collar is open to discussion,
it's frequently the case that the person within said collar considers themselves to be "owned" by another person, to one degree
or another, and is more than happy about being considered the
"property" of that other person. Indeed, for some people, being
"owned" by another person is the deepest and happiest type of
intimate personal relationship they can conceive of being in, and
both satisfies them much more deeply and contributes to their
personal growth more fully than more conventional "equal" relationships can.

People known by terms such as "submissives" or "slaves" are
frequently "trained" - sometimes to an elaborate and extensive
degree - by someone known by terms such as their "owner" or
"trainer" to speak, stand, sit, kneel, and act in certain highly specific and particular ways - sometimes accompanied by physical
punishment, willingly and even gratefully accepted, for failure to
adequately comply.

People interested in explicitly hierarchal intimate personal relationships are even banding together in groups for socializing and mutual education. Indeed, one organization, called MAsT
(Masters And slaves Together), has chapters in many major cities.

Thus, while there has been growing interest in having this type
of hierarchal intimate personal relationship, with thousands of
new such relationships beginning every year, very little has been
written in terms of both the theory and the "how to participate
in" what are frequently called Master/slave (M/s) relationships.
Into that gap has stepped my friend Robert Rubel, and this very
valuable book.

In many ways, this is a time of great pioneering in regards to
M/s relationships. Robert does a very good job of outlining the
overall landscape of much of this newly discovered territory. He
provides the reader with a very good guide to the sometimes
confusing terminology associated with M/s relationships. He
then goes on to guide the reader through conducting a detailed
personal inventory in terms of who they are and what types of
relationship they are seeking. Robert provides a good outline of
the elements of an M/s relationship, including some very important observations on romantic love.

Robert addresses "household" protocols and how the "leather
family" might behave, both toward each other and toward the
outside world, including agreements and commitments. He also
covers methods for resolving problems in a constructive, mutually respectful manner, and he provides excellent material on
communications skills.

The book includes essential information about how to intelligently search for a "master" or "slave" and what to do if you
think you might have met one that seems right for you. Issues
surrounding negotiation and other aspects of the early stage of
an M/s relationship are covered in detail. This is followed by
a careful and thoughtful discussion of contracts, collars, and
related issues.

Finally, the book concludes with excellent material on maintaining both the relationship and the people within it, and some good
basic safety information.

This is an important, thoughtful, and useful book. While it is necessarily written from the point of view of how one particular man
goes about it, Robert's experience, thoughtfulness, and "time
in grade" regarding being in actual, real-world M/s relationships
clearly comes through. This is far from being some unrealistic,
unworkable, cyber-fantasy.

Robert's background as a successful business executive shines
through, and his approach to running a successful M/s relationship in ways similar to that of how a successful business is run
is highly useful. Also, his very high degree of personal integrity
and his unfailing concern for the well-being of those under him
are beyond obvious. Wannabe cult leaders or others looking
to "brainwash" people into following them in a non-thinking way
will find no help here. By contrast, those seeking to enter into
healthy M/s relationships in the non-dominant role will be very
helpfully educated in how to spot malicious, manipulative wannabe "masters" simply because such people, while perhaps
superficially charming, will never show anywhere near the
genuine concern for the non-dominant's well-being and personal
growth that Robert always shows.

As I mentioned, in many ways this book necessarily must be
a very personal one, and I'm sure that some readers will not
agree with some of Robert's statements and/or with some of
his approaches. That's all right. Reasonable minds can differ.
That said, his understanding of the fundamental principles and
approaches is both realistic and very useful, and both his compassion and his humanity are clear.

This is a very good man, and he's written a very good book. I'm
very proud to call him a friend, and I'm very happy to recommend this book as an important, useful, and usable guide to this still
largely unexplored, but very important, area of human relationships.

Let the pioneering continue.

Jay Wiseman, JD
Author, "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction"