Master of My Mind BN (13 page)

“The truth isn’t defamation,
darlin
’,
but I get your drift. They skirted the law when they froze George’s checking
account and turned off your cell phone. But even without Bernard’s
interference, an honest judge would have had to side with Hayden, since she’s
next of kin.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m looking for work, and I’ll be
back on my feet, soon.” At least I hoped so.

“We’ll make sure she gets everything she needs, Reed,” Mika
announced. His amber eyes reflected a wealth of compassion.

“I know you’re in good hands here,
Leagh
,
but if something major comes up, call me. You still have the restraining order
right?”

My body tensed. I felt Tony, Mika, and Julianna’s gazes all
but sear my flesh. I issued a curt nod.

“Good. I made a vow to George. If anything happened and you
needed to get out of town, I would arrange it all and get you to a safe
location.”

Tony bristled and slung his arm over my shoulder
protectively. The minute we were alone, his interrogation would begin. What on
earth was I going to tell him? Anxiety spiked, but I focused on Reed.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “I appreciate knowing you’re here
if I need you.”

“It’s the least I can do for George.” Reed’s smile was
bittersweet as he stepped toward me and squeezed my shoulder. “You were very
important to him,
Leagh
. He loved you very much.”

Emotion clogged my throat, and I swallowed tightly.

“I know the friendship you two shared meant the world to
him, Reed. It will be a long time before the void he left in our hearts heals.”

Reed stood, straightened his shoulder, and sucked in a
ragged breath. “Indeed. The reason I came here today is to let you know that
tomorrow morning at ten o’clock, I’ll be reading George’s will. He made some
arrangements for you,
Leagh
. I’m sorry I haven’t had
a chance to wrap this up sooner, but my docket was booked.”

My heart squeezed and bittersweet warmth filtered within.
Not only had he given me a safety line through Reed, but I knew George too
well;
arrangements
meant money. He’d gone
to his grave still yearning to provide for me.

“You don’t have to be present at the reading,
Leagh
. Hayden will be there, and I know there is a wealth
of bad blood between the—”

“I’ll be there,” I interrupted with a confident nod.

The false self-assurance I projected did little to mask the
fear of Hayden’s threats singing through my brain. Knowing I’d be face to face
with the atrocious bitch sent a shiver down my spine. If I failed to show up at
Reed’s office, it would be the same as crowning her queen of intimidation. I
refused to wilt away or cow down to the skanky whore. I’d made a vow, long ago,
that I would never let another soul steal my strength.

Still, I held no illusions. Hayden would be royally pissed
if George left me a ball of lint. Especially after she and Sloane went to so
much trouble destroying all the treasured gifts he’d given me. But I wasn’t a
fool, either. The pretentious princess would soon have more money now than god,
and with it, the power to make my life a living hell. I’d have to watch my
temper and my tongue—two things I wasn’t very good at—or pay a huge price.

Fear amplified within. My stomach swirled, and I wiped away
the beads of sweat forming above my lip. Tony slid his broad hand to my nape
and gently massaged the tense muscles. His reassurance did little to appease
the icy swell of fear swallowing me up.

“Honestly,
Leagh
, you don’t have
to attend.” Reed repeated as his gaze dipped to my trembling fingers. “I can
come by here after the meeting and give you the details.”

“No. I want to be there.”
Liar
“The words will be coming from your lips, Reed, but they’re the last connection
I have to George. Don’t deny me that, please.” Tears stung my eyes as my
stomach continued to pitch and yaw.

“Of course not, sweetheart,” Reed sighed in resignation.

“Thank you,” I replied with a weak smile. “I’ll see you in
the morning.”

Without waiting for him to reply, I bolted upright from the
couch and raced out of Mika’s office. Taking the stairs two at a time, I dug
the key to my room from my pocket.

The air around me seemed heavy and thick, as if a plastic
bag had been placed over my head. I struggled to fill my lungs before
suffocating on anxiety and fear. The thought of slicing open the fresh scars of
George’s death, in front of Hayden, had me in a nosedive to hell.

Heavy footsteps echoed behind me as I rushed into the
hallway. The scent of leather poured over me, and with it, a barrage of
memories clawed my heart. Tears blurred my vision as I raced inside my room and
lunged toward the bathroom.

Bending over the sink, I splashed cold water on my face as I
gasped for air. Sobs wracked my body. I fell apart at the seams. Stupidly, I
thought I’d worked past my stage of fear. But it was back, choking the life out
of me.

“Deep breaths,
Leagh
.
You’re having a panic attack,” Tony explained, rubbing a comforting hand over
my back. “Relax, and take long, deep breaths.”

Gripping tight to the handles of the faucet, I did as he
instructed. Water dripped from my face as I fought to fill my lungs with air.

“Don’t let Hayden do this to you, sweetheart. She’s not
worth it.”

“I know,” I gasped. “But she scares me. I don’t know how to
fight her.”

“You don’t have to. She can’t do a damn thing to you unless
you let her,” Tony whispered in a calm reassuring whisper. Tucking a strand of
hair behind my ear, he pressed a kiss to my temple. It felt heavenly. “You’re a
strong woman, much stronger than Hayden will ever be. You walk into that
meeting tomorrow with your head held high. There’s nothing she can do or say
that will strip away your power.”

“I know. But the fears are back, like before. I don’t want
to feel this vulnerable, anymore. It’s too overwhelming.”

Tony wrapped me in his arms and held me close. “What do you
need me to do for you, angel?”

“Take it away. I don’t know how, but please. Just take it
away.”

“I do,” Tony assured. “Do you want to make you fly again,
sweetheart? I can take it away for a little while.”

Yes. Oh god, yes!
I
needed that pristine silence… that place where the black oily sludge congealing
inside me couldn’t touch me.

“No.” I shook my head. “I can’t run away from my feelings,
Tony. If I give into them, they’ll drag me under. I have to plow straight
through them and put the pieces back in place.”

“I understand, angel. But if it’s too much, I’ll take it
away…Calm the chaos and give you a bit of mental peace.”

“Thank you,” I sniffed, wishing it wasn’t so easy to feel
safe with him.

“What do you need right now,
Leagh
?”

I clung to his body and sobbed, missing George and needing
his reassurance now more than ever. Vanquishing my fears wasn’t Tony’s
responsibility, but the tattered pieces of my heart needed mending, and I
couldn’t find enough thread in my soul to do the job, alone.

“I need you to talk to me,” I sniffed. “I can’t sort my
feelings out. They’re too jumbled, and I don’t know where to start.”

“We can get them organized. Come on,” Tony snagged a towel
off the rack and patted my face dry. With a firm but gentle hand clasped around
my elbow, he led me to the bed. “Lie down and scoot over a little bit.”

I
scooched
to the center of the
bed and Tony climbed in next to me. Wrapping me in his arms, he settled rolled
me to my side, and hugged me tight against him. Lying in his arms, I silently
damned the weak frightened woman inside, while cursing the unrelenting
attraction I felt toward him. Still, I took what he offered without apology. I
needed his strength.

“I want you to close your eyes and take some deep breaths.
Focus on the sound of my voice and clear your mind. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”
Meshed against his
strong body, I closed my eyes and fused his surging warmth within as I tried to
quiet the fears of what tomorrow might bring.

 
“Good girl. You’re
doing wonderfully. I want all your focus on my voice as you let your body go
lax. Release all the tension in your muscles.” I exhaled a deep sigh as I softened
against his steely frame.
“Very nice, sweetheart.
You’re doing fine. Keep your breathing slow and find a comfortable rhythm.
Don’t tense a single muscle. I’m going to ask you some questions, and I want
you to say the first thing that pops into your mind. Don’t analyze it. Just
respond, understood?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“What scares you most about your meeting with Hayden?”

“That she’ll have me arrested.”

“Have you done something illegal?”

“No.”

“Then she has no cause to have you arrested.
Right?”

“Unless someone says something bad about
George.”

“Do you have control over what others say about him?”

“No.”

“Are you going to speak ill of George or tell anyone that he
was a member of the club?”

“No.
Never.”
I shook my head.

“Then her threat is an idle one, angel. She can’t do
anything to you. It’s a smoke screen to provoke fear. She’s trying to hold you
hostage to other people’s actions. Are you going to give her the power to scare
or hurt you?”

“No. I won’t give her a damn thing,” I protested.

“Relax. Breathe. Release your tension again, angel. Good.”

One by one, Tony plucked my fears, held them up for me to
inspect before crinkling each one in his fist and tossing it aside.
Methodically, he conquered my fears and insecurities with patience, logic, and
understanding.

“Do you feel better now?” He asked as his fingers fluttered
against my cheek.

“Yes. Thank you. I’m sorry I lost it like that. It crested
like a giant wave and pulled me under. I couldn’t stop it.”

“No need to be sorry. The minute you start to feel
overwhelmed, do exactly what we did here. Breathe, relax, and take each worry,
one by one. And if it’s not working for you, call me, come get me in the
dungeon, or text me. I’m here for you, angel, if you’ll let me.”

“I appreciate what you’re doing for me. But I really need to
try to do this by myself.”

“One day you will. But cut yourself some slack,
Leagh
. Your life has been turned topsy-turvy, and now you
have to dredge up feelings you’ve struggled to put behind you. It’s hard to
have to dig up sad and hurtful emotions. It’s a lot for anyone to handle.”

I nodded, as Tony’s cell phone buzzed. He tossed a glance
toward the clock as he squirmed, fishing his phone out of his pants pocket.
“Shit. I’m going to be late.”

“Go,” I urged as I rolled away and sat up in the middle of
the bed.

“Hello.” Pausing, he listened to voice on the phone, sat up,
and nodded. “I’m on my way now. Thanks, Trish. Can you re-schedule my four
o’clock? I need to take care of some things after the lecture. Thanks. See you
tomorrow.”

Tony ended the call and turned to me with a smile. “Be ready
at four-thirty. We’re going out for dinner.”

“Okay,” I replied on a wary tone. “Why?”

He started to laugh. “I’m going to break your habit of
asking why,
Leagh
, even if I have to do it over my
knee. Say okay, Sir.”

“Okay, Sir. Now why are you taking me to dinner?” I smirked.

“You know what? You’re not a brat. Not at all; you’re a
minx.” He grinned. Bending, he brushed a whisper of a kiss across my lips.
“Because I want to, that’s why. I need to run. I’ll see you this afternoon.”

“Enjoy your lecture, and try not to corrupt those young
minds too horribly.” I grinned.

“The only mind I’m going to corrupt is yours, sweetheart.
Only I’m not going to stop there. I intend on corrupting your body, too.” Flashing
me that stunning smile, the one that made it hard for me to breathe, Tony stood
and hurried out the door.

“I sure hope so,” I sighed, flopping back on the bed.

#

Tony had planned a romantic dinner for two, complete with
candle light, champagne, and a roving violinist. It was the best night I’d had
in forever. While George and I had frequented plenty of expensive restaurants,
the one Tony had chosen beat the rest hands down. He was making it damn hard to
keep him from seeping into my heart. And still wearing the same suit he’d had
on this morning, he looked like every woman’s fantasy.

He knew all the right words to say. And every time he
pressed for me to open up, he led me through another door that erased my grief.
Being away from the club, talking to him about my relationship with George was
neither difficult nor painful. Tony had a way of making me feel as if I was
adding another healing layer to the scars that remained. All night, the
carefree way Tony cupped the small of my back, caressed my cheek, or held my
hand fanned the flames smoldering inside me. There were times I almost felt
whole.

Once back at the club, Tony walked me to my room. Standing
outside my door, I felt as nervous as a teenager on my first date. Filled with
a sudden shyness, I didn’t know what to say or do. When he reached up and
brushed his fingers through my hair, the tingles colliding inside me left no
doubt; I was a woman, fully grown.
 

“I had a wonderful time tonight, angel.” Tony’s voice was
deep and smooth, practically melting me from the inside out.

“I did, too,” I murmured shyly, wondering if he had any clue
he how hot he made me.

“We’ll have to do it again, sometime…soon.” His voice dipped
to an even lower seductive cadence.