Mason (Remington Ranch Book 1) (Contemporary Western Romance) (17 page)

Mason sat down on a rocky outcropping that looked for all the world as if someone had carved a bench ready for weary travelers to rest a while. Gina sat down beside him and stared out. Maybe this was the perfect place for them to talk. Sitting side by side would be easier than holding each other’s gaze the whole time. She didn't want him to see all the pain on her face. Nor did she want to see the pain on his, and she had the feeling there was going to be a whole lot more there than she had ever dreamed in all the years she'd been gone.

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the wind.

“I'm so sorry, babe.” He spoke so softly that for a moment she wasn't sure whether he really had. He still stared out at the valley, but his hand sought hers. She let him take it and gave him a squeeze. She didn't want to speak, to interrupt him, but she wanted him to know she was with him.

“Tell me what you heard?”

She took a deep breath and nodded. It was only fair. “I don't remember the exact words, Mase. It was a long time ago. But you told him that you weren't so sure about me, about us, anymore. You were losing interest.” She stopped and swallowed down the lump that was forming in her throat. Even now, it was hard to say it out loud. “That...that you wanted to get back with April. I just wish you'd told me before you told him.” She doubted it would have been any easier to hear. It still would have broken her heart, but at least she wouldn't have that deep feeling of betrayal that had plagued her all these years. The feeling that she had been just a stupid young girl, that she'd been blind because she'd loved him so much. She'd hated feeling that all the love she'd thought they shared only existed inside her head, that Mason hadn't felt it at all.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and looked down at her. There was no avoiding the pain she saw in his eyes. “I'm not going to deny I said it, Gina, but I need you to know I didn't mean it. Not a word of it.”

She sucked in a deep breath. She didn't want him to make excuses. “Don't try to make it easier for me. After all this time, please just tell me the truth.”

He gritted his teeth in frustration then took a deep breath of his own. “I was afraid you'd think that. Please hear me out. I fucked up. I see that now, but I did it because I was trying to protect you, protect us. You know how Guy has always been with me. He's tried to take away or destroy anything I've ever cared about.” He scowled out into the distance for a moment. “He's succeeded, too. I swore to myself that I would never allow him to mess with you or what we had. The irony of it is that in trying to stop
him
from destroying us, I went ahead and did it all by myself. I knew he was looking at grad schools in Portland and Seattle. I didn't want him going to Portland, living in the same city as you. I didn't trust him to not go messing with your head, trying to turn you against me. I was trying to steer him away from you. That's why I told him I wasn't into you anymore.”

It was hard for Gina to watch the regret play on his face. She knew he was speaking the truth.

“Last night I told you I feel kind of responsible for April. I do. I knew when I told Guy that I wanted to get back with her, that he would probably make a move on her. I got what I hoped for when he went to Seattle. He left you alone. What I didn't realize at the time was that in trying to stop him from destroying what we had, I was going ahead and destroying your life…and mine.” He shook his head. “And April's, too.”

Gina stared out at the big, blue sky. It all made sense now as he explained it to her. If only he'd explained it to her then. If he'd trusted her to include her, to talk to her about it. She shook her head. If only she'd explained to him then, trusted him enough to talk to him about what she'd heard. She couldn't blame him when she was just as guilty.

“Can you forgive me?”

She studied his face. Of course, she could. “Can you forgive me?”

He looked puzzled. “What for?”

“For believing your words without ever asking you about them. For refusing to talk to you about it for so long afterward. What you said, it made me call everything off. But if I'd talked to you just once, out of all those times you tried. If I'd answered you when you asked me over and over what went wrong, we could have gotten past it, together.”

“It's all on me, Gina. None of it's your fault.”

She shook her head. “I'd say if we want to start blaming then we share it equally.”

“No, babe. I...”

She put a finger up to his lips. “Don't, Mase. Whichever way you cut it, we both screwed up and it cost us ten years of our lives. Ten years that we'll never get back.” Her heart was heavy with the realization that all the time she'd lived without him, all the time she'd spent missing him, wanting and wishing she could have back what they'd lost, had been needless. She felt a tear roll down her cheek.

Mason brushed it away with his thumb. “Can you forgive me?”

She nodded as more tears escaped to follow the first. “I'll forgive you on one condition.”

“What's that?”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked deep into his eyes. “That you forgive me too, and promise me we can spend the rest of our lives making up for the time we lost.”

The ghost of a smile formed on his lips as he searched her face. “There's nothing to forgive...”

She shook her head. “That's my condition. I need you to forgive me.”

“I forgive you.”

“And I need that promise, too, cowboy.”

His smile spread. “I promise you, G. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“And I want to spend the rest of mine making it up to you.”

He closed his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. “Shall we get started right now?”

She nodded in the moment before his lips came down on hers.

Mason leaned on the stall door, watching Gina brush Annie down. He was still struggling to reconcile everything that he'd learned in the last twenty-four hours. He'd screwed up big time. It was hard to wrap his head around the fact that his mistake had cost him ten years. He shook his head to clear it. He couldn't help wishing that Gina had come to him, that she'd told him what she'd heard. There was no point dwelling on it. All he could do was be grateful for the fact that they'd finally gotten everything out in the open. That they could move forward together into whatever future they decided to build. His smile returned with the realization that everything he'd thought was lost forever was now possible. However bad he might feel about his mistakes in the past, he couldn't contain his happiness about the future. He'd believed that he would spend the rest of his life loving Gina from afar. Now he would get to love her up close, every day.

She tugged the comb through Annie's mane one last time then turned to smile at him.

“What do you want to do now?” he asked.

“I need to talk to Cassidy and get things rolling there.” Her smile faded. “And I need to talk to the realtor and put him off for a while.”

Mason raised an eyebrow. He didn't like the sound of that
for a while
part.

Gina shrugged. “I don't want to sell, you know that. Especially not to Guy, but I have to be practical.”

Mason wasn't sure if he should bring it up yet. They hadn't exactly made any decisions about what their future would hold. She'd talked about spending the rest of their lives making it up to each other. Surely that meant they were back on the track that they had been? He hedged, just in case. “Do you think there's a possibility you'll have to give the place up?” Didn't she realize that he wouldn't let that happen?

“I hope not, but I need to get things in place first. I need to talk to Cassidy. I have a show coming up in New York I need to go back for. Right now I'm in a precarious situation and until I know where and how I'm going to be able to make enough money to pay the bills every month, I daren't tell Dad we won't have to sell.”

Mason nodded. He knew how Al felt about losing the place. “I could help.”

Gina stared at him for a long moment. “Thanks, but I need to figure it out for myself.”

That stung. What did that mean? That she didn't want his help?

“Don't look like that, Mase. You need to understand that I'm used to making things happen by myself. I appreciate you offering to help, but this is my problem.”

Mason didn't understand. If they were back together and going to spend the rest of their lives together, shouldn't it be his problem, too? “Aren't we in this together?” he asked.

“Yes. That's exactly the point. Together. I don't want you riding to the rescue and solving my problems for me. I want us to be equal partners. We have to be if we're going to make this work, don't you see that? Back then, you were the big strong hero striding in to save the day whenever something went wrong. I was just the little girl waiting to be saved. When you...” She stopped herself, apparently deciding to change tack. “With everything that happened, I learned that I had to take care of myself. I'd believed in
us
so completely that I never bothered to become
me.
After we broke up, I had to learn to fend for myself and I've gotten pretty good at it. I'm not just going to throw my hands up in the air now, give up my independence and say, please rescue me.”

“But...”

“But nothing. Let me do this my way. Please?”

Mason nodded reluctantly.

“Thank you. If we're going to make it work, I need to know that you respect me and will respect my decisions.”

“I do respect you, G. Is it so wrong of me to want to be part of it, to help?”

She came and planted a peck on his lips. “It's not wrong of you at all. I love you for it. I just want you to love me for me. I want us to be equals. I don't want to feel like the little damsel in distress who needs you to rescue her.”

Mason shrugged. He could see that, but he was a man after all. Part of being a man was taking care of the people he loved. Especially taking care of his woman. “I'll go along with whatever you say.”

~ ~ ~

Gina sat back and smiled at Cassidy. “So should we go ahead and book our tickets, then?”

Cassidy grinned. “Definitely. It's only a couple of weeks away.”

This was looking as though it might work. Gina had been dreading going back to New York for her show, but now she couldn't wait to do it. Cassidy was going with her and they were going to use the opportunity to establish a name for themselves, to get the word out that they were working together, and, hopefully, to garner interest in the Moonstone Gallery and their upcoming Montana collection.

“Will you be bringing the sexy Mr. Remington with you?” Cassidy asked.

“I don't think so. It's hard for him to get away from everything at the stud ranch.” If she was honest, Gina hadn't even considered asking Mason to come. She was going back to New York, back to the life she'd built without him. She smiled. “What's your problem with the other sexy Mr. Remington anyway?”

Cassidy pursed her lips. “Shane? He is hot. I'll give you that. But guys like him are nothing but trouble. I've been there, done that, got the scars and the T-shirt to prove it. I have no intentions of letting another good looking rat-bastard into my life.”

Gina leapt to defend her old friend. “Shane's not like that! He is a big flirt. In fact, scratch that. He's a total man-whore, but he's not rat-bastard. Honestly Cassidy, if you just get to know him, you'll see. He really is a sweetheart. He's just never found the right woman.” She hesitated but decided to say it anyway. “Maybe you could be the right woman.”

Cassidy laughed. “No thank you. I'm done with men. You asked me what mistakes I've made that would make getting engaged to Liam seem excusable. Someday, when we've got a whole evening and a couple of decent bottles of wine, maybe I'll tell you some of my horror stories. For now, I'll just leave it at a flat no. I will admit that I'm attracted to Shane.” She rolled her eyes and grinned. “Far too attracted to him, okay? But I came out here to get away from all the messes I've made with men. Not to make another one. So do me a favor and drop that one?”

Gina nodded reluctantly. “I'll drop it for now, but I think the two of you might hit it off. He's such a good guy, and he's really taken with you. I've never seen him like that before. He's usually such a charmer, but he gets all tongue tied and goofy around you.”

“Whatever. I've told you, I'm not going there. So how about we shut up shop and you come over to the studio with me? I want to show you what I've been working on. I hope that once you see what I'm doing, it'll give you some ideas and you'll go scuttling down to the park with your camera and we can get things rolling.”

Gina couldn't wait to get started. The plan was to produce a whole new line of Montana-based images. Cassidy had been painting landscapes since she'd moved to Livingston. Until she met Gina, she hadn't made any plans as to how she would market them. Gina was going to shoot a whole series of wildlife photographs and they would produce a mixed media collection. Their styles were similar enough that they would be able to produce a consistent theme, and between the photography, oils, and watercolors, they should appeal to a wide range of buyers.

When they arrived at Cassidy's home, Gina looked around in wonder. “This place is gorgeous!” It was a beautiful two story log-built home. It stood on what Gina guessed must be at least a hundred acres, judging from the length of the driveway and the winding path that led out from the deck down to the river's edge.

“Thanks.” Cassidy laughed. “I just couldn't believe how low property prices are here, so I went a little overboard.”

Gina hadn't liked to mention that the place was huge. It was more like a ski lodge than a home, in terms of its size at least. Once they were inside, it certainly felt like a home. And there was no mistaking whose home it was. The whole place had a feel of Cassidy to it. It wasn't just the paintings that covered so much of the wall space. Everything about the place was touched with Cassidy's personality—bold and bright.

It made Gina feel a little inadequate that she was worried about being able to make enough money to keep her dad's ranch going while Cassidy must have made millions. Judging by the house and its furnishings, many millions.

Cassidy seemed to pick up on her thoughts. “I never thought money mattered much. It's never been important to me. Whether I had it or I didn't, it couldn't ever help me with what really mattered.” She looked around as if the place surprised her, then went to stand before the peaked windows that soared up to meet a cathedral ceiling. She shrugged. “When I was ready to leave Florida, I finally caved in to the Home Decor people. They'd wanted to buy the rights to most of my beach-themed works. I didn't like the idea of being mass-produced—until I saw the numbers they were talking about. I was done with my 'beach period' anyway so I took the money and ran.” She sounded almost defensive about having made what, to Gina, sounded like a very smart business decision.

“Hey, I'm certainly not judging you. I don't believe commercial and beautiful are mutually exclusive at all. If I ever had the chance to do what you did, I'd be all over it. I could use the money.”

Cassidy turned a shrewd gaze on her. “I figured as much. Do you need any help until we get this up and running? I forecast we'll be making serious money within six months, but if you need a loan to tide you over, I'd be happy to help.”

Gina sighed. “I think I can hang it all together until we start making it.”

“You don't have to though. I want you stress free and happy, wandering around the mountains without a care in the world as you shoot. You know as well as I do that your mood always comes through in your work. This line has to speak of the freedom and happiness that can be found out here. We don't want it tainted by stress and financial worries.”

Gina had to laugh. “We
do
think alike, don't we? If I said that to anyone else, they'd think I was nuts.”

Cassidy grinned. “They probably would, but we know the truth, don't we? People think that our pictures--your photographs, my paintings--show
what
we saw. We know that they only show
how
we saw it. How we see anything is affected by how we feel at the time. So, I'm not talking charity here. We can call it a bona fide, up-front business expense. If you need money to take the pressure off until we're fully swinging, then you say so, okay?”

“Thanks.” Gina wondered why she felt genuinely grateful to Cassidy and was seriously considering taking her up on the offer. When Mason had suggested she let him help, she'd felt much more defensive than grateful. Even though she knew he had the best of intentions.

~ ~ ~

Mason looked up when Chance emerged from his bedroom.

“You look like crap, bro. Do you realize you slept for twenty-four hours?”

Chance nodded and rubbed his face. “So would you if you'd driven the herd up with me. It's been years since you came along, and we were a hell of a lot younger in those days. I tell you, it's tougher now I'm an old man. I could still sleep for another week.”

“Yeah. I guess we're not getting any younger, are we?”

Chance stopped on his way to the kitchen. “You feeling philosophical? What’s going on with Gina?”

Mason explained everything that had happened while Chance had been gone. “I'm struggling with the fact that we lost ten years that we could have been together. You're right, we're not getting any younger. I want the time back that Gina and I lost, but I know we can never get it back. So, I want to live the hell out of every moment that we can. It'll never make up for it, but I don't want to waste any more time.”

“And Gina doesn't feel the same way?”

“I don't know.” Mason shrugged at the steely glare Chance gave him. “I want to help her out with her dad's place. She doesn't know if she can afford to keep it going, but she won't let me help. Wants to figure it out by herself.”

“And you have a problem with that?”

“I just don't see why she would let her pride get in the way of us just getting on with it. We've lost enough time already. I think we should do whatever it takes to make things right and to be together straight away. I don't see why she wants to go running back to New York to try to make money when she could just stay here and let me take care of it.”

Chance laughed and shook his head. “Seriously? You want her to give up everything she's built, not to mention her own pride, just because you're back on the scene? Asshole!”

Mason glared at him. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. You're being an asshole. The girl's had...what? Less than a day, to digest that everything she's believed for the last ten years was wrong? And you want her to step back into the roles that the two of you had back then? Don't hold your breath, Mase. She's got to find her own way. Even if she let you help her, she'd end up resenting it. She needs to do this for herself.”

Mason thought about it. He could see how Chance was right, but he just wanted to help. And he wanted them to get on with their life. Why was that so wrong of him?