Marry Me for Money (28 page)

Brian moved to face me and held both of my hands in his. “I can’t do this anymore, Beth.”

The back of my eyes instantly burned. I’d known this was where we were headed when we took this walk, but I hadn’t really been sure until now. I had hoped it wasn’t going to happen, but he’d just confirmed my fear.

“Brian—” I said, staring down at our hands linked together.

Stopping me before I could even continue, he huffed, “It’s not friendship anymore for him. I see it. I see the way he looks at you. It’s so familiar.” His eyebrows drew in. “It’s the same way I look at you.”

“It’s not like that,” I said.

“I know the symptoms, Beth. He’s in love with you.”

He heard my sharp intake of breath.

“He’s not in love with me.” I shook my head, trying to deny it. But Kendy’s voice and what she said the night before rang loudly in my ears.

Brian’s smile turned wistful. “After spending so much time with you, how can he not be? It was only a matter of time.”

This is not happening.
This is not how it’s supposed to be.

Brian was supposed to be my happily ever after. I didn’t know if I was ready to let him go. “He’s not. I can promise you that he’s not. He’s not, Brian. He’s not in love with me,” I said.

Brian closed his eyes. “I took the job in New York.”

The air was knocked out of me, and my shoulders sagged. My argument had been for nothing. He was leaving me.

I stared at my pink flip-flops on the ground as a lump formed in the back of my throat. “When did you take it?” I asked, my voice barely audible.

“I took the offer this morning, Beth.”

He moved to touch me, but I recoiled. I knew tears would flow if he touched me.

“I want you to come with me.”

At that, my eyes flipped up to his face. I looked into eyes that were bluer against the backdrop of the clear sky.

“Beth, this is a good opportunity for me, and I’m sure with recommendations, you can get an underwriting job there. In New York, you will be able to move up faster.” He looked at me with expectation and hope.

“It’s too late. I’ve set things in motion. The wedding is in less than a month. It’s too late,” I pleaded.

“I know this is your way out of debt, Beth. He’s offering you so much, and it’s selfish of me to ask this of you.” He paused, briefly closing his eyes. When he opened them, I saw such sadness. “I’m asking you to choose. I am asking you to choose because I can’t watch you walk down the aisle with another man when I’ve fallen for you. I can’t do it. It’ll break me.”

I looked into this man’s eyes. He was the ideal male and the kind of person every little girl dreamed of marrying. He was a man so like myself in so many ways when it came to work and values and life.

But then, my thoughts drifted to Kent. Although he had many faults, too many to count, in the end, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go back on my agreement when it had been set in place before I became serious with Brian. Kent would be broken from my betrayal, and most of all, I couldn’t do that to him.

“I can’t,” I said.

Brian’s eyes filled with such anguish, losing the tinge of hope he’d just had a moment ago. When I reached to touch him, he reeled back, nodded twice, and stood. He left me on the bench, never once glancing back.

I stared at my pink flip-flops as I gripped the bench, feeling the cold steel underneath me, while I wondered why I was always picking Kent when the perfect guy was right in front of me.

I hadn’t cried last night. When I’d called Kendy and she didn’t answer, I hadn’t bothered leaving a message. I’d had the urge to call Kent, but I hadn’t. That would have been the ultimate wrong thing to do given that he had been the main reason Brian and I had broken up.

I did what I did best and treaded through the day. I got up for work and walked into the office with a fake smile on my face. I’d debated on calling in sick, but I hadn’t. I would have to face Brian sooner or later. Even though I dreaded seeing him after what had happened, it still saddened me that he would be leaving for New York.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Caroline said, glancing up at me from her computer as I walked into my cubicle.

I dropped my bag on my desk. “Hi,” I said, placing my laptop into the docking station and adjusting my chair.

“The engagement party was so much fun. Seriously, Karen Plack knows how to throw a party. Are you ready? Less than a month, and you will be married.”

“Yeah, I’m excited,” I said in a fake cheery voice, when all I wanted to do on this Monday morning was crawl back under the covers and into bed.

My eyes stayed glued on my computer screen the whole day. I walked the entire length of the floor to avoid passing Brian’s desk. It was just too soon to see him.

Just when I thought I was in the clear while I was packing up to go home, I saw him approaching our desks, carrying his bag and a file folder. He walked directly past my cubicle and to Caroline, not once looking my way.

It hurt.

“Caroline, can you give this to Jim?” He handed her a file. “Oh, and hey, make sure you come to happy hour in a couple of weeks for my going-away party.”

He smiled his easy smile that I used to see directed my way.

“I’ll be there,” Caroline said. “Aw, you’re going to miss the wedding. You’re leaving before then.”

That was when he acknowledged me. “Oh yeah.” He angled himself in my direction. “It’s okay. You won’t miss me. I’ll be the last thing on your mind that day.”

Stab.

“But I do wish you happiness and luck with Kent. He seems like he makes you really happy.”

Stab.

“You must see some really good qualities in him that I can’t see. But hey, he has money, and money rules the world.”

Big stab.

A knife could have cut the thickness in the air. I forced a smile on my face, but I felt my cheeks flush because I was embarrassed that Caroline was listening. That feeling transformed into annoyance, and that feeling was directed to the blue-eyed male standing in front of me.

He had every right to be upset. I could admit he had been the most unselfish person in this situation. So, if he was upset, that was justified. What was not justified was showing anger that he had never shown me in front of Caroline, someone who knew nothing of my situation.

Caroline’s eyes widened as she fixed Brian with a stare and glanced back in my direction.

I twisted to face him, still smiling. “He does have great qualities—ones that I’d rather not repeat in front of Caroline,” I insinuated, deepening my voice.

Caroline’s face developed into amusement while Brian looked like he’d swallowed something spoiled. He fisted his hands as if he was going to punch something. He straightened his back, and I could see him working the muscles of his jaw. When he stomped down the hall, I followed. He walked into the elevator, and I stepped in right behind him.

“What was that?” I snapped.

He flipped around to face me, and I rocked back a step. I’d never once been afraid of Brian, but this time, I had to admit that I was a little scared. His anger was brewing, and I knew he was holding back.

“What was what?” he asked slowly, hands fisted to his sides. “Me telling the truth, and you basically admitting you’re a slut?”

I flinched. It was as if he’d slapped me on the face, hard. I pulled the emergency button, and the elevator halted with a jerk as the alarm rang loudly around us.

“Slut? I have been intimate with a total of one person, and that was in high school. I have never slept with Kent—ever. The first time I ever kissed him was at the engagement party, and that was his doing.”

I pointed toward the elevator door. “That insinuation back there was not meant for you. That was meant for Caroline, and I said it to save my butt. She doesn’t know my situation, and for you to basically tell her was not cool. That’s not right. You’re mad? Fine, be mad at me. Don’t bring other people into it,” I snapped.

“What the hell did I do wrong?” he yelled inches from my face.

I reeled back at the increased fury in his tone, distancing myself from his anger.

“I gave it my freakin’ all in this relationship. I waited for you, for all this crap to go down. I’ve been patient. I want to know—what did I do wrong?” He ran one of his hands through his hair until he reached the base of his neck.

“I have told you from the beginning what Kent and I were. I told you about our situation, and you still wanted to be with me. I told you everything. I’ve never lied to you. You were asking me to back out of a deal that I’d made before you and I were serious. You knew all of this,” I responded. “Why are you so upset? You’re the one who broke up with me. You left me,” I said, placing both hands on my chest.

“I left you because you broke my heart. I did it for me, not you. I couldn’t take it anymore. Can’t you see that?” A look of incredulity crossed his face and he backed away slowly as his eyes turned cold. “You’re so selfish. I can’t believe I never saw that in you. Love truly is blind,” he said.

It was another slap in the face. This time, it had been harder because I realized it was the truth.

I was the girl who always did the right thing, who always walked the straight line, and who always put other’s needs above her own. I was the girl who thought before I acted, who contemplated the consequences before I did anything. And I’d worked hard my whole life to get to where I was today.

For once in my life, I hadn’t been thinking. I’d acted on impulse, and I’d wanted the easy way out.

I pushed the elevator button to continue our descent to the first floor.

“You’re right,” I whispered. “I wanted to be debt free, and I wanted to keep the perfect boyfriend after it was all done. If I was selfish along the way, I’m sorry. For once, just once, I just wanted it all.”

The elevator doors opened on the first floor, and I stepped out. This time, I was leaving him behind.

The next few days were torture. I called in sick, missing my first days ever at work, and turned off my phone. I didn’t even want to talk to Kendy, and there was no way in hell I was going to call Kent.

I contemplated Brian’s words. I’d never thought I was being selfish because I had always been honest with him, but realistically, I now knew I was. I’d made him choose me, and in the end, when he’d wanted me to choose, I’d chosen Kent.

The banging on the door did not let up, and I knew it could only be one person. It was just a matter of time when he showed up at my door. I had done the exact same thing weeks ago when he didn’t answer my call after Brian’s party. Plus, this was our longest stint in not talking to each other.

I placed the pillow over my head to avoid the banging, but the loud knocking continued. I was worried that my neighbors would get annoyed, so I finally pushed myself off the couch when he wouldn’t relent. It was only when I rose to my feet that I realized it was evening.

Unlocking the door, I turned the doorknob and pivoted back around to plop on the couch. I positioned the throw pillow over my head as I decided that if I wanted to wallow in self-pity and guilt, I should be allowed.

“Where have you been? Do you know that I’ve been calling you? Did your phone die?” He tugged the pillow from my head. “What’s going on?” he asked, a look of concern etched on his face.

“I want to be alone. Can you please just do that? Let me be.” I pulled the pillow from his hands and placed it back on my face.

“Are you sick or something? You don’t look well.”

I huffed, ignored his comment, and flipped onto my side, facing the back of the couch.

“Do you want me to make you an appointment or buy you some medicine?”

“I just want to be left alone.”

“I can’t,” he said quietly.

I felt the couch indent right behind me, and he fell silent. The silence seemed to last forever, and I could feel his eyes burning a hole in my back. After a while, he tugged on a strand of hair as I continued to face the back of the couch.

“Beth…” he sighed. “About the other night, I…” He paused, unable to continue.

After a minute, I flipped to my back and lifted the pillow from my head. I stared up at him from under my lashes and our eyes locked, my emerald to his chestnut brown.