Married Men (23 page)
Authors: Carl Weber
“I do think it’s going to help,” the social worker said with a smile.
“Well, I guess the only thing to do now is figure out what type of discipline we’re going to give Jewel for what she did today. Do you have any suggestions, Mr. Richmond?” the principal asked.
“Whatever you think is fair, Ms. Cottman. I would like to take Jewel home with me today, though. I think the two of us have a lot to discuss. Maybe I can find out why she drew this picture.” I looked at the picture again, shaking my head.
“I understand. Why don’t we do that, Mr. Richmond, and before Jewel comes back to school, why don’t we have her write a letter of apology to her classmates.”
I nodded my head with a frown and reached into my pocket.
“Do you think this will cover the lunches she smashed?” I handed her a fifty-dollar bill.
“Oh, I’m sure this will do it.” The principal nodded, taking the bill then shaking my hand.
Jewel and I left the school and walked to my truck without a word. I opened the back door and she jumped in, buckling her seat belt. When I got in the truck, I turned my head toward her. I think she must have expected me to slap her by the way she cringed, but all I did was shake my head, letting her know how disappointed I was. The two of us drove around Jamaica in silence for about twenty minutes before I decided to take her back to the house. That ride must have been torture for her, ’cause when we pulled into the driveway, she was sweating like a death-row inmate. I wasn’t one to brutalize my kids, but I did believe in good old-fashioned spankings, something I’m sure Jewel hadn’t had since I moved out.
The two of us got out of the car and walked to the side door of the house. I still had keys but I let Jewel open the door with the key she wore around her neck. When we got in the house, I pointed at the kitchen table and the two of us sat down across from each other. Jewel was on the verge of tears so I figured I’d try to be gentle in my approach. Just thinking about that picture she drew made me realize this wasn’t all her fault.
“Rough day at school today, huh?” I had a serious look but I tried to smile. Hell, I needed to smile—everything I held dear was slipping away from me at the same time.
“Yes,” she whispered, avoiding eye contact.
“Don’t worry, I had a rough couple of days myself.” I reached across the table and touched her hand. I had tears in my eyes and I’m not really sure why. “You wanna talk about it?”
She shook her head no.
“Why?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.”
“You know what you did today was wrong, don’t you?”
“Yes.” I could barely hear her.
“So why’d you do it?”
She didn’t answer me. She just shrugged her shoulders again as tears began to stream down her cheeks. I handed her a napkin to dry her eyes.
“Are you mad at me for moving out, Jewel?” She shrugged her shoulders and frowned. “You can tell me if you are. Truth is I’m kinda mad at myself.”
“Yes,” she said, nodding her head fast.
“That’s what I figured.”
I stared at my daughter, hoping she wouldn’t notice the disappointment building inside of me. I wasn’t disappointed in her but in myself. I’d hurt her—something I never, ever wanted to do. But the way things were going between her mother and me, I just couldn’t think of a way to make things right. Hell, even if I wanted to come home, things were more complicated now than when I left. I was tempted to ask Jewel about this Mike guy Lisa was seeing, but it would have been wrong to bring her deeper into her mother’s and my mess.
“Why are you mad at me, Jewel?” I asked in my concerned fatherly tone.
She hesitated, looking up then down. If I had to guess, I would have sworn she was contemplating if she should tell me a lie or not. I decided not to give her that chance, so I reached inside my suit jacket and pulled out the picture she’d drawn. Her eyes told me that she was caught completely by surprise when I unfolded it. “Do you think I’m a liar, Jewel? ’Cause I don’t remember lying to you.”
“Yes, you did,” she blurted quickly then stopped herself.
“Excuse me?” I replied, shocked by her response.
Jewel didn’t say a word at first. I think she was afraid she was gonna get in trouble, but then out of nowhere she lifted her head with an attitude. “You did lie to me, Daddy. And you lied to my mommy too. You promised you would only go away on business and that you would call us every day. You lied to me, Daddy, and now you don’t even come home at all.” She burst into tears as she slid out of her chair.
“Jewel,” I called after her as she ran out the kitchen toward the stairs. “Damn,” I said to myself. Here I am placing a guilt trip on a seven-year-old child when I’m the one who’s wrong. I knew better than this. I should have talked to the girls about my leaving a long time ago.
I waited awhile before getting up and following Jewel. Like me, she probably needed to sort things out. As I sat in the kitchen, I thought about the mistakes I’d made over the past few months. I’d never thought about how I would explain to the girls why I left. I guess I took for granted that their mother would do that. I mean, what was I supposed to say, “I’m not coming home ’cause your mother is white”? I might have my problems with Lisa but she was still the mother of my children and I’ll love her for that till the day I die. I could never teach my children that their existence was wrong. Shit, I didn’t believe that. Each and every one of my girls was a child of love. I guess inside I forgot about that.
“A child of love,” I repeated out loud. That’s when I made the decision that I was gonna do a better job as a father, no matter what went on between Lisa and me. I was going to have to spend more than just every other weekend with my girls. If it meant picking them up from school or just coming to the house for an hour to read them a story each night, I was going to have to spend more time with my girls. I was also gonna have to find a way to get along with Lisa. This whole separation and divorce wasn’t her fault, it was mine, and it was my responsibility to make it work and bury the hatchet between us.
“Jewel,” I called, knocking on her bedroom door. When she didn’t answer, I opened the door. She was lying on her bed with her face in a pillow. “I’m sorry,” I said, softly walking over to her bed where she was sobbing. “I’m really sorry.” I sat down beside her and stroked her hair gently. “I didn’t mean to lie to you, baby. I swear I didn’t. At the time I wasn’t lying. I meant every word. It’s just that things changed and I had to leave.” She lifted her head, looking me in the face.
“That’s not true, Daddy! You didn’t have to leave. My mommy said you can stay and that you can come home whenever you want. She even said she missed you and so did Willow, Jade, and me too. So why don’t you come home, Daddy.”
I didn’t know what to say. I had come upstairs hoping to explain things to her. In some way make them right, but she wasn’t making it easy.
“It’s a little complicated, sweetheart. But Daddy had a good reason for not coming home.” Jewel buried her face into her pillow. When she lifted her head back up, she said, “Daddy, I’ll be a good girl, I promise. If you come home, I’ll never do anything bad again.”
“Oh, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong.” I rubbed my hand over my face, hoping my little girl wouldn’t see me cry.
“Then why don’t you come home? Tommy Brown said that you left because you had bad kids.”
I took hold of my daughter and hugged her tight.
“Tommy Brown doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You’re not a bad girl. None of you are.”
“Then how come you’re not coming home?”
I let go of her and patted the empty space next me.
“Sit up, Jewel. Do you really wanna know why Daddy’s not staying here?”
“Yeah,” she nodded, sitting up straight next to me.
“Okay, you’re big enough. Let’s see if I can explain it to you.” I took a deep breath and exhaled it out. “Mommy and Daddy are what they call separated. Do you know what separated is?”
“No,” she said, looking confused.
“It’s all right. Do you remember when you and Willow kept getting into fights every day?”
“Mmm-hmm. She kept going in my stuff.”
“That’s right. And what did Mommy and Daddy do to stop you two from fighting?”
“You gave me my own room.”
“That’s right, we separated you.”
“Oh, so that’s what ‘separated’ means.”
“Yeah, that’s what it means.” I hugged her. “Well Mommy and Daddy were fighting too. Not about you girls but about grown-up stuff. So Daddy decided to get a new place to live. That’s why I stay in the apartment now. We’re separated. You understand?”
“No. Why didn’t you just get a new room like I did?”
“Remember when I was staying in the guest room? Well, I was trying that then but I’m pretty big so I needed my own house.”
“Daddy, are you ever coming home?”
“I don’t know, Jewel. It doesn’t look that way. But I’m gonna spend more time with you and your sisters than I have been. That’s for sure. Is that okay with you?”
“Yeah, but I’d rather you come home.”
“I know, sweetheart, I know.”
I held Jewel in my arms for the better part of an hour as we talked. It’s incredible how fast children grow up, and all it takes is the blink of an eye to miss it. Since I’d moved out, Jewel had done so many things I didn’t know of that it was actually embarrassing. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for being in Africa during her ballet recital. But now I just found out that I missed her scoring the winning goal in the girls’ peewee soccer championship just because it wasn’t my weekend.
When we finished talking, Jewel started on her letter of apology and I headed downstairs to the family room to watch some TV That’s when I heard Lisa’s van pull up in the driveway. She must have noticed my truck right away, ’cause the minute the door opened, she called my name.
“Kyle, what are you doing here?” I turned my head toward her as she entered the room. I have to admit she was looking good. Lisa had never been the type to wear a lot of makeup but today she had on some blue eyeliner that matched her pantsuit, which she was wearing the hell out of, I might add. The first thing that came to my mind was that she had probably just come back from a date with Mike and that angered me.
“If you had checked your messages or been home, you’d know why I’m here,” I told her with attitude. I know I said I was gonna try and work things out with her but it’s hard to work things out when jealousy kicks in.
“Look, Kyle, don’t play games with me. What’s going on? Are the girls all right?” She gave me a concerned look but there was definitely attitude in her voice.
“Yeah, they’re all right. But Jewel got suspended from school for the day. She smashed all the boys’ lunches.” I wanted to laugh but Lisa’s cold stare made me keep it in.
“Oh, my God. She is out of control.” Lisa sighed heavily, making a face. I could tell she’d had about enough with Jewel.
“She’s gonna be all right. We had a talk.”
“Well, she’s about to get another one.” Lisa turned toward the stairs.
“Lisa, don’t! I told you I already talked to her.” I reached up from the sofa and grabbed her arm. “Give the kid a break.”
“Look, Kyle, you’re not the one who has to deal with her every day. So don’t tell me what to do,” she said flatly, pulling her arm free.
“If you were so worried about her, you should have been home instead of out fuckin’ around with your new boyfriend!” I snapped back.
I regretted my words the second they left my mouth. This was not how I had planned on handling things at all. I was supposed to be making peace with her but she wasn’t making it easy. The thought of her being with another man was still a large obstacle and a major blow to my ego. And to tell you the truth, I wasn’t used to her giving me this kind of lip.
“Get the fuck out my house,” she screamed, pointing at the door. “You think you can come over here and insult me after all the bullshit you’ve put me through. You must be crazy! Get the fuck out of my house!”
“Look, Lisa, I’m sorry about what I just said.” She gave me a yeah-right look that made me feel as if I had to explain myself. “No, seriously, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little jealous that you found someone so quickly.”
“I found someone? You’re the one who had a woman at your apartment at three in the morning the other night asking for a T-shirt! Not me!” She rolled her eyes, which made me wanna say something smart about this Mike guy spending the night Tuesday, but at a time like this, it wasn’t gonna help. So I kept my mouth shut.
“This is not about me, Kyle. Don’t you ever make this about me. You left me, remember?” Lisa’s face was full of anger, and tears had begun to roll down her face.
“No, you’re right. Look, I think we need to talk,” I said submissively, pointing to the sofa. I was hoping to work things out. Lisa looked at me and took a deep breath as if she was about to say something very important. Which she did.
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