Mark McGuinness - Resilience: Facing Down Rejection (23 page)

If you’re lucky, there will be the equivalent of a senior black belt around, to stop you slipping into the complacency and remind you how far you have to go. If you’re unlucky, you’ll be surrounded by yes-men—so you’ll need to remind yourself.

Yeats wrote of “the fascination of what’s difficult”—the drive to keep tackling the most challenging, inspiring, frustrating, and maddening challenges you can find. Whatever you achieve, whatever problem you solve, if you remain curious, you will always find another challenge that fascinates you. Rewards, honors, and the other trappings of success are nice to have, but nothing beats the challenge itself.

Some days this can feel dispiriting. “You mean I never get to put my feet up and rest on my laurels?” But more often than not, it’s thrilling—it means you’ll never exhaust the fascination of what’s difficult, however long you live and however much you achieve.

Your next steps:

1. Remember a time you achieved something you never thought you could, that felt like an ‘end point.’

What happened afterwards?

When and how did you encounter your next challenge?

Was it something you set yourself, or did someone else challenge you?

2. Consider your current situation.

Are you challenging yourself or resting on your laurels?

If the latter, how can you rekindle the fascination of what’s difficult?

Note:

Sensei Clive MacDonald teaches aikido at Braintree Aiki Budo Kai.
http://www.babk.org.uk

48. Leap before you look

Remember Kiyomizu-dera?

When you pass through the gate and enter the temple, you come to a large wooden platform overlooking a steep drop. From below, you can hear the sound of a waterfall that is reputed to grant the wishes of those who drink its waters.

In Japan, the phrase ‘to leap off Kiyomizu-dera’ means to take a leap of faith, committing yourself to a decision or course of action, even though there are no guarantees of success. The saying harks back to the Edo period, when people leapt off the wooden platform for real—the idea was that if you could survive the 40-foot drop, your wish would be granted.

These days, nobody actually jumps off the temple anymore. But the Japanese say that at some point in everyone’s life, they have to leap off Kiyomizu-dera. Sooner or later, you will be faced with a decision—about love, your career, your business, or something else—where you have to decide whether or not to take a leap of faith, with no guarantees, and no obvious means of support. Maybe you’ll land in a heap. Maybe you’ll have a soft landing. Or maybe you’ll fly…

When I first heard this, I had to laugh. Looking back on my own life and career, it felt like I’d jumped off Kiyomizu-dera at least a dozen times! I had been constantly trying new things, launching new projects, and trying to make them work in mid-air. I’d crashed to earth plenty of times, experiencing rejection, criticism, and plain unvarnished failure. I’d also had the satisfaction of landing on my feet and having my wish granted. And once or twice, I’d experienced flight.

Whatever the result, when I look back at all the leaps I’ve made, it’s hard for me to regret any of them. Sometimes the lessons they taught me were painful—but there was always a lesson, if I paid attention. And each time I tasted success, it made the failures and disappointments worthwhile.

Last time I visited Kyomizu-dera was the day before my wedding, in brilliant January sunshine. Another leap I’m glad I made.

I can also think of a few times where I was faced with a leap but didn’t have the courage. Those missed chances I do regret—because I’ll never know what would have happened if I had seized them.

One day, maybe very soon, you will be faced with the prospect of a leap from your own personal Kiyomizu-dera. You’ll have to decide whether you’re ready, and whether it’s worth the risk. If you jump, there are no guarantees. But if you never leap, you’re guaranteed regret.

You could spend the rest of your life wishing you had taken a leap of faith. Don’t create that regret for yourself. And whatever you do, don’t let the painted demons of Rejection and Criticism stop you pursuing your dream.

Now what?

49. Time to get started

I showed the first draft of this book to several trusted advisors. They all came up with insightful and helpful suggestions for improving the book. And the one thing they all agreed on was they enjoyed the stories.

I hope you liked the stories too, and found some inspiration in them. That’s why I encouraged you to read this book the first time without worrying too much about the ‘next steps’ sections.

But now you’ve got this far, I’d encourage you to stop and reflect on what you’re going to do with the ideas in the book. Because I didn’t write it
just
to entertain you—I wrote it to help you take action and make changes.

So here’s what I suggest you do now:

1. Turn back to the Table of Contents.
   
2. Read through the chapter titles and remember what each chapter was about.
   
3. Be alert for the ‘emotional hotspots’—the twinges of fear, excitement, anger, or maybe just discomfort, that let you know which chapters have touched a nerve for you. Make a list of the ‘hottest’ chapters.
   
4. Now re-read those chapters, including the ‘next steps’ sections.
   
5. Pick one chapter and start working through the next steps—for real. Use my suggestions as a springboard for trying new things, and notice what results you get.
   
6. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get instant results. If you get stuck down in one area, pick another chapter and see what progress you can make on another front. Like Rome, resilience isn’t built in a day.
   

Note:

Special thanks to Gary Smailes (my editor) and to Jarie Bolander, Quentin S. Crisp, John Eaton and Christina Saunders for their insightful comments on the draft of this book.

50. Let me know how you get on…

I’d love to hear how you use the ideas in this book. You can let me know here:
http://lateralaction.com/contact

If you’d like a free 26-week guide to taking a creative route to success… sign up for my course The Creative Pathfinder here:
http://lateralaction.com/pathfinder

Or if you’d just like me to let you know when my next book comes out… join the advance notice list here:
http://lateralaction.com/next-book

If you’d like my help you with any of the challenges described in this book… I work with coaching clients all over the world via webcam, this page explains how:
http://lateralaction.com/resilience-coaching

When you turn the page, you will be invited to rate this book. If you have found the book valuable, taking a moment to rate it will help more people like you find it. And I will be grateful for your support. (A brief review explaining how the book helped you would be the icing on the cake.)

Thank you for reading this far, I hope you found the book helpful and I wish you success and fulfillment on your journey.

Mark McGuinness