Marie Sexton - Coda 04 - Strawberries for Dessert (22 page)

And then, before I could help myself, I burst out laughing. I couldn’t believe how good it felt. Not just the blowjob, although that 175

was part of it too, of course. But all of it—it was so liberating: being with him, trusting him, and letting myself relax. And laughing. The laughter felt almost as good as the sex. He was right. I needed to learn to let things go once in a while.

I took my hand away from his head, and he sat up. He put his lips against my ear and asked in a teasing whisper, “Better?”

 

“Oh my God,” I gasped as my laughter finally started to fade. “
Yes
!”

“You should relax more often,” he teased.
“I think you might be right.”

He kissed me once on the cheek, then pulled away from me and started digging in the glove compartment. “I hope you have napkins in here somewhere. Otherwise I’m going to be stuck to my pants by the time we get back to your place. We may never get them off.”

“That would be rather unfortunate,” I told him, still smiling. He smiled back and winked at me. “I’m glad you think so, love.”

M
Y FATHER
arrived early. I hadn’t even set the table. “Dinner’s not quite ready yet,” Cole told him as they sat down at the table, “but Jonny can get us some wine, right, love?”

My dad looked a little bit nervous, I suspected because Cole was so obviously sending me out of the room so they could be alone, but I did as he requested. I went into the kitchen and opened the wine and got three glasses out of the cabinet.

“I need to take some time off this year,” my dad was saying as I came back in from the kitchen.

 

“Really?” I asked, surprised. “Dad, you never take vacation.” “I know. And that’s why my PTO bank is maxed out. They’re telling me I
have
to take some time off.”

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

176

 

He shrugged. “I haven’t decided,” he said. “I’d like to travel, but it’s so expensive, and I’m not sure where to go—”

“Oh, honey,” Cole jumped in. I kicked him under the table for calling my dad “honey.” He gave me a dirty look, but didn’t slow down. “You just have to know the right people, and now,” he batted his eyes jokingly at my dad, “you do! I don’t know if Jonny’s told you or not, but I have homes all over the place. You can use any of them you want. Where would you like to go?”

“Well,” my dad said with obvious discomfort, “I’m not sure—” “How about Paris?”
“Paris?”

“Of course, honey. Who doesn’t love Paris?” He leaned forward in his chair, tucking one bare foot underneath him. It brought him a little closer to my dad, like he was about to tell him a secret. “I usually spend half the summer there, and Christmas too, of course. I have a condo there that is completely adorable. Really, it’s more convenient than any hotel, and it’s free, so that’s even better, isn’t it? Just tell me when you want to go and—”

“Cole,” I said, but he ignored me.

“—I’ll call Alain and let him know you’re coming. It’s rather small, but unless you’re planning some kind of soirée, it should suit you fine. Now, the lady next door has a bichon frisé that will bark its fool head off any time you walk past her door, which is terribly annoying, but don’t let it worry you. And don’t let any of those magazines in the bathroom scare you. Just toss them under the sink—”

“Cole,” I said again, but he still ignored me.

“—before you open them, or you’ll be in for shock. It has a full kitchen of course, so you don’t even have to go out, which is infinitely cheaper than restaurants every night, I’m sure. I’ll give you Alain’s number, and you can call him and let him know what you want him to buy, and he’ll have everything ready for—Wait! Do you speak French?”
177

My dad looked like he was barely managing to keep up with Cole’s monologue, but he said “No.”

“Well then, you better not call Alain, honey, because his English is
terrible
. I think it’s all an act because he doesn’t like Americans, but if we’re not careful, he’ll fill the kitchen with Spam. You let me know what you like to eat and I’ll make sure the kitchen’s—”

“Cole!”

 

This time he didn’t ignore me. “
Good l ord
, Jonny!” he said, turning to me in exasperation, “
What
is so urgent?”

Now that I had his attention, I realized I didn’t actually know what to say. “You can’t bribe my father with use of your condo in Paris.”

“Whyever not?”

 

My dad made a snorting sound—I was pretty sure he was trying not to laugh—and ended up covering it by coughing.

 

“Because,” I stuttered, “it’s not appropriate.”

Cole pretended to be surprised—I knew him well enough to tell that he was faking—and turned back to my father with his “I’m innocent” face on. “Paris is out, love. Sorry. Jonny seems to think it’s terribly pretentious of me to even offer it. How about the Hamptons? I have a house there too. And with summer on the way, it might be the better choice anyway. The pool will be ready any day now, I suspect, and my lawn is beautiful. Flowers everywhere. And my gardener—”

“Cole!” I said again. He didn’t answer, but he reached over and gripped my wrist in his slender hand. He squeezed just a bit, giving me a quick look out of the corner of his eye as he continued to talk, and I had a feeling it was his way of telling me to shut the hell up.

“—well honey, I’m pretty sure you won’t find him as intriguing as I do, but there is a lovely widow who lives next door. I think her name is Martha, but don’t quote me on that. She finds me
horrifying
— it’s actually rather amusing. Sometimes I think about dressing in drag just to see her run screaming back into her house. But you? I have a feeling she’ll like you just fine. She’s not much of a cook—at least 178

that’s what Margaret tells me—but she does make
fabulous
lemon meringue pies.” My father was smiling now, looking a little less stunned, but obviously unsure how seriously he should take Cole. “Do you golf?”

“Not really.”

 

“Thank goodness. I don’t even know where the nearest course is. Do you fish?”

 

“Why?” my dad asked, and he really was smiling now. “Do you?”

“Heavens no,” Cole said. “Just look at me, honey. Do I look like a fisherman to you? Can you even imagine me trying to bait a hook?” He gave a dramatic shudder and—

My dad laughed. Not like the nervous chuckles from earlier. It was a true, from the stomach laugh. I looked at Cole, worried that he would be offended, but Cole was laughing too.

And I realized then what an idiot I was.

At our first dinner together, I had been so worried that my father would laugh at Cole and that Cole would be offended, or that Cole would embarrass himself in front of my father. I spent the entire meal wondering why Cole was being so over-the-top and trying to shelter each of them from the other’s derision. I saw now that Cole did not need my help in any way. Not only that, he didn’t want it. He had his own way of putting my father at ease, and if it involved my father laughing at him, he didn’t care in the least. My clumsy attempts to interfere had only made things worse.

“—and it’s a bit of a drive, but honey, they have
the best
lobster bisque I have
ever
tasted—”

And at that moment, I loved him so much, I wondered how he and my father couldn’t feel it pouring out of me. He was still talking, and I leaned over and kissed him. He didn’t cooperate at all—he didn’t even stop talking, and my kiss landed somewhere around his left temple, but I didn’t mind. My dad blushed a little, but he was laughing at something else Cole had said, and he didn’t look away. 179

“He skis,” I said in Cole’s ear, and this time the surprised look he gave me was genuine.

“Oh good lord, Jonny, you’re only telling me this now?” he asked, pushing me playfully away. “You could have saved me a great deal of time by stating that up front, you know. George, honey, I have to tell you, you did a
terrible
job raising Jonny. Now listen, I have a condo in Vail—”

I got up and went in the kitchen to get the dishes we would need for dinner, leaving them to talk—or, to be honest, leaving Cole to talk my father’s ear off. Cole followed me in a few minutes later, and I grabbed him as soon as he walked by. “I’m sorry about last time.”

“You’re forgiven.”

 

“I was so worried he would offend you, or you would offend him—”

“I’m not that easily offended. And if people can’t laugh, they can’t relax, love. He can think I’m foolish all he wants if it means he’s comfortable with you and I being together.” He stopped short at that, and his eyes started to get that sad look again.

“You’re amazing.”

 

He smiled a little. “I really am, love. The annoying thing is you’re only now figuring it out.”

 

“I think I lov—”

He stopped me again with his fingers on my lips and a hint of panic in his eyes. “Don’t say it,” he whispered, shaking his head. And then he kissed me. He wrapped one arm tight around my waist and the other around my neck, pulling me hard up against him. It was a more aggressive kiss than I was used to from him, and it was unbelievably arousing. It was deep and passionate. It was the kind of kiss that would normally have led us straight to the bedroom. That is, it would have if my dad hadn’t been there. And if he hadn’t chosen that very moment to walk into the kitchen.

“Hey Jon, do you—Oh shit!” He turned around and walked right back out, and Cole let go of me, laughing.

 

180

“It’s okay, George,” he called out as he turned back to the pot on the stove. “You can come in now. I promise to wait until you’re gone to rip Jonny’s clothes off.”

I was surprised, once the food was on the table, to see that it was not a meal he had ever made for me before. It was beef stroganoff with egg noodles. My dad was oddly quiet as he put the food on his plate. Cole didn’t seem to notice. He was standing next to my dad’s chair, opening another bottle of wine. I took a bite, and it was so wonderfully familiar. It hit me all at once.

“This is my mother’s recipe,” I said, and Cole smiled at me. “It is,” he said, and I could tell he was pleased that I had made the connection.

It was such a simple thing, and yet I couldn’t believe how one small bite brought back the memory of my mom. And of countless family dinners, all of us at the table together. It felt like suddenly she was there with us again, in spirit at least. “It’s perfect,” I said. “Dad, did you—” But I stopped short when I looked at him. He was still staring at the food on his plate, and there were tears on his cheeks. “Dad—” I started to say again, but Cole had turned to look at my dad at exactly the same time.

“Oh George,” he said in dismay. “I’m sorry. I’m so,
so
sorry!” And looking at Cole, I could see how horrified he was at having caused my father to cry. “It was a terrible idea! I don’t know what I was thinking! I should have realized. I should never have surprised you like that. Let’s go out instead,” he said, reaching to take my father’s plate away. “We can go to that new place down the street—”

Before he could finish, my dad stood up. He turned to Cole. “George,” Cole said again, “I’m so sorry.”
My dad reached out and grabbed the front of Cole’s shirt.

I stood up from the table, thinking my dad might actually be about to punch him but knowing I would never get to the other side of the table in time.
181

And then—he pulled Cole toward him and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tight. “Thank you,” I heard him say hoarsely.

If it weren’t for the fact that my dad was crying, the whole thing might have been funny. Cole was completely stiff in my father’s arms, and the look on his face was bordering on absolute terror. He seemed to be looking at me for help. One of his arms was pinned to his side by my father, but his other arm was loose, and he was waving his hand frantically in my direction, like I might be able to rewind the whole incident and play it back without the awkward hug at the end. It was all I could do not to laugh at his obvious distress.

My father finally let go of him. He stepped back to his chair and sat down, as if nothing strange had happened at all. “Originally,” my dad said as he dried his eyes with a napkin, “this was my mother’s recipe. But Carol did something different to it.”

Cole still looked a little bit shaken, but he managed to say, “She added sherry to it.”

My dad looked up at him in surprise. “Is that all?” Cole nodded. My dad laughed, shaking his head. “My mother never forgave her for that.” Whatever emotions had overtaken him momentarily, he was back to being himself and was digging in to his plate of stroganoff enthusiastically.

Cole looked at me, obviously still a little upset, with a mute question in his eyes. “It’s really good,” I told him, and he relaxed again, if only a little.

“I wanted to surprise you. I should have realized—”
“It’s fine,” I told him.

“Okay,” he said shakily. “I’ll just… I’ll get us some butter,” he said, and disappeared into the kitchen.

We didn’t need butter. I knew he just wanted a minute to get his bearings back. “He didn’t mean to upset you,” I said to my dad. “He’s looked through the box a lot. You wouldn’t believe how much he learned about Mom from reading her recipes.”
182

“I think it’s great, Jon,” he said. “And she would have thought it was great too. I think she would have liked him.”

 

“You really think so?”

“I’m sure of it, actually,” he said. He gave me a smart-ass grin. “Your mother’s the only person I’ve ever known who actually enjoyed fruitcake.”
183

Date: May 9
From: Cole
To: Jared

I fear that what I’m doing is wrong. I think, just possibly, it’s even cruel. I’m living a lie, and I hate myself for it. I’m allowing Jonathan to think this can last, when I know that it can’t. It was never my intention to deceive him. It’s only that things were so good in New York, and when we got home, it was terribly easy to allow it to continue. It felt so natural to keep seeing him, even though I feared I was only delaying the inevitable.

I’ve never been in one place for this long, and that petulant child inside of me is starting to get restless. He is demanding, as he always does, that I go somewhere—anywhere—and I know from experience that I cannot deny him, no matter how much I may wish to. He has always been in control, and it’s only a matter of time before I must heed him.