Manslations
Authors: Jeff Mac
“Jeff Mac has summed up exactly why my last boyfriend and I broke up. Now I have a guide that really sums up why men do what they do. You'll laugh, shake your head, and laugh some more.”
—
Rachel Sarah
, author of
Single Mom Seeking:
Play Dates, Blind Dates, and Other Dispatches
from the Dating World
(2007, Seal Press)
“Comedian Jeff Mac spills many male secrets, revealing just why guys aren't up for “The Talk” and other relationship conundrums that continue to puzzle women. He explains the basics of male thinking (and female overthinking) in a funny but honest way that breaks down classic dating misunderstandings into language that's actually helpful. Instead of the Tough Love of a
He's Just Not That Into You
, Mac's take is that if he is into you, you can do no (okay, little) wrong, whereas if he's not, he'll likely just try to get you in the sack. If you're looking for a laugh and some high-quality advice for the lovelorn, do yourself a favor and check out
Manslations
.”
—
Rachel Kramer Bussell
, contributing editor,
Penthouse
Copyright © 2009 by Jeff Mac
Cover and internal design © 2009 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover Design by Jill Lynn Design
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.—
From a Declaration of Principles Jointly Adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations
All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names of their respective holders. Sourcebooks, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendor in this book.
Published by Sourcebooks, Inc.
P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567–4410
(630) 961–3900
Fax: (630) 961–2168
www.sourcebooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Mac, Jeff.
Manslations : decoding the secret language of men / Jeff Mac.
p. cm.
1. Man-woman relationships—Humor. 2. Men—Language. I. Title. II. Title: Decoding the secret language of men. III. Title: Secret language of men.
HQ801.M2338 2009
306.708102’07—dc22
2008018086
Printed and bound in the United States of America.
VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
This book is dedicated to all the ladies (and the occasional gentleman) who have written in to manslations.com—for the sheer optimism it must have taken to spill their guts to a total stranger over the Internet.
contents
2. Of Myths and Men, or Stuff You Don't Even Know You Don't Know
3. The Notorious S.E.X., or Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here
4. First Date Dos and Don'ts, or You're Not Wearing That, Are You?
5. Post-Date Debriefing and Aftermath, or Sitting at Home Freaking Out
6. Men and Their Things, or Sometimes a Remote Is Just a Remote
8. Manslating Literature, TV, and the Movies, or Why Nobody in the Real World Ends Up with McDreamy
INTRODUCTION
welcome to
manslations
Boy, am I glad that you asked that. If you aren't interested in knowing at least that much, then I have to question why you've read even this far.
So a
man
slation is a
tran
slation (see what I did there?) of male behavior into something that a woman can understand. Here, I'll use it in a sentence:
“Wow, would you look at that
manslation
over there?”
And now I'll use it in a more helpful sentence: “Listen, when that guy told you—within thirty seconds of introducing himself at the bar—that he drives a hybrid because he cares about the environment, the
manslation
is that he was trying to work his way into your bikini areas.”
Because you are holding the Rosetta stone of relationships, conveniently printed on “paper.” (I begged them to release my original stone draft, but there was something about shipping costs.)
Throughout this book, I will manslate some of the things men do and say—and then I'll teach you how to do it yourself. By the end, you will have the tools to manslate what any guy's doing or saying. Ultimately you won't even need me anymore, and I can go back to living my lifelong dream of sitting around at my place doing nothing.
But before we really get going, I'm sensing that you might have some questions for me, such as, who am I? Why should you listen to me? Why this book and not all the other books sitting on the shelf next to it? What do I weigh?
Well, have no fear. Not only am I going to answer these, but I am also going to make up the questions and pretend that I'm you. Convenient!
QUALIFIED TO WRITE THIS BOOK?
