Mansfield Ranch (18 page)

I had no idea. I only knew from the experiences I’d had, and I was willing to give this hot loser a shot. I stepped into his arms, pulled his coat toward me, and kissed those surprised lips. I kissed them and kissed them and kissed them, willing myself to find a belief that the world could be perfect if we just wanted it badly enough.

He pulled me in tighter and clung to me, nearly taking my feet right off the ground. It was wonderful to feel connected to someone. It was so wonderful to feel beautiful and cherished and cared about. But when we broke apart, I buried my face into his heaving chest and cried.

It was hopeless.

I would forever be in love with Sean.

Chapter 22: Promised Heart

I think Harrison knew I was still in love with Sean. He pulled back and looked at my tear-stained face. Then he took a deep breath and said simply, “I will love you until you start loving me. I’ll love you until you see me. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

I shook my head. It was useless.

He kissed my brow and held me again for some minutes, alone in that rugged wilderness, until he whispered, “Good-bye. I’ll be waiting.” And then he was gone. I watched him walk back toward his car, his pace picking up speed the closer he got until he jogged around the house.

I slowly made my way after him. By the time I got to the front porch, his dust trail was long gone. A sigh of relief left me as I opened the door and faced my life once more.

It was over. I knew there would be no hope for us. Ever.

***

A few weeks later, I was still missing Sean like crazy when I finally received an email! I could see the little (1) on my account and quickly opened it. It was from Alexis.

Hey, I’ve been trying to contact you for the past few days, but I guess your phone is turned off or something. Just wanted to give you a heads-up. My dad is in the hospital. He had a stroke and he’s not doing that good. Hope you get this. –Alexis

Holy, holy, holy—I couldn’t think of anything except “holy”. It was on repeat in my mind. I didn’t even know how I would’ve ended the sentence if I could. My brain had officially fried.

Oh, my gosh! He was in the hospital! He’d had a stroke! How everyone must be suffering right now.

In frustration at Alexis’s horrid e-mail skills, I reread the short note at least fifty times, attempting to see more details than there were within those sentences.

I flew to Facebook. I messaged Sean, Alexis, Lauren, and even Julia in my mad, desperate attempt to find out more information.

They needed me! I knew they needed me. I was the only one who could remain calm during crises like this. They needed meals and the house run for them. How in the world were they coping at home?
Home
. I needed to get home. I needed to get there right now.

I walked around the house in agitation as I picked up the place. My mind raced as I prepared dinner and attempted to wait at least two minutes before rushing to check my computer. Eventually, I just moved the whole thing into the small kitchen so I could hear the second an answering chime came in.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Julia messaged back.

Lilly! Wow. I can’t believe you’ve just heard! I’m so sorry. If I’d known, I would’ve contacted you immediately. Well, let me fill you in on what’s going on. So, first off, Mr. Benally had a stroke a couple of nights ago. They rushed him to the hospital and then while he was there, he had three more. It was pretty awful and everyone was stressed out of their minds.

Right now, he can’t move the whole right side of his body and he slurs when he talks, etc. So he’s in bed. They’ve got him on watch and it looks like he’ll be there for a little while at least. His blood pressure keeps spiking, despite the drugs they’ve got him on.

Sean has been a nervous wreck. I’ve never seen him so upset before. He’s just mad at the world in general. Then again, when you watch your dad die before your eyes, I guess it wouldn’t be fun at all.

Hang on. Harrison just walked in. He’s offered to go and pick you up if you’d like to come home. I know you’re probably frantic too, aren’t you? Would you like that? Let me text Sean and let him know what’s going on and I’ll message you right back.

Home! I could go home! I quickly shot off a reply.

You rock! I need to talk to my grandmother, but I’m sure she’ll understand once she hears what happened. I could possibly be ready to go tonight, if you think Harrison could come and get me.

Oh, please. Oh, please. Oh, please. I ran to my room and threw my things together. I pulled my suitcases from the top of the closet and began stuffing them. The thought of Sean mad at the world broke my heart. He needed stability right now. He needed someone practical who could shoulder this with him. I could only imagine him braving out his worst fears while also balancing his mother and sisters’ episodes. And I could imagine they had a lot of episodes.

The poor guy.

And Mr. Benally, too! Such a vibrant, strong man, to be partially paralyzed and under constant observation—he must be losing his mind. I had to get home.

My Facebook beeped and I hurried into the kitchen to read Julia’s note.

Okay. Sean’s really excited you’re coming back. I just let Harrison know you’ll be ready by seven. Do you think that will be okay?

I let her know seven was fine and would message if anything changed, and then thanked her once more. While in my frenzied state, I continued to clean and prepare the house as best as I could. And willed my grandmother to come home early, cursing my dang useless cell phone.

About twenty minutes later, when the house phone rang, I nearly shot out of the ceiling. In all the time I’d been there, I’d only ever heard it ring twice. I completely forgot we had one. I ran to the phone and answered.

“Lilly, it’s your grandmother. I’ve just gotten off the phone with Sean Benally—he found my work number in the paperwork on his father’s desk. He’s been telling me about his father and how you’re eager to go home. Don’t worry about a thing, dear. I know you need to be there right now. I’ve already got some sitters lined up to use in emergencies like this. And Sean has offered to pay for the youngest two’s daycare bills for as long as we need it, just in case you decided not to come back.”

“Really?” How could I not love him?

“Don’t worry about anything, honey. Just breathe and you’ll be back in Bloomfield before you know it.”

I breathed. “Okay.”

“I’m working late tonight, but those older girls are definitely able to watch the kids until I come home. So don’t worry about that, either. In fact, since you’ve been working so good with them, I think they’ll do fine tending the children after school for a few weeks until we get everything sorted.”

I’d never thought about it, but she was probably right. I’d done more at their age than I’d ever seen them do. “Okay.”

“Lilly, don’t worry about us. You go and do what you have to do. I’m always your grandmother. You’ll never lose me again, okay, dear? You never promised you’d stay forever and I never expected you to. However, you’d better come back and visit me a lot or I don’t think I’ll forgive you.”

It was as if she was saying good-bye, as if she knew that once I went back, I’d never live here again. It was odd, but comforting at the same time. “I love you, Grandmother. I love you so much. Thank you for everything.”

She sniffed on the phone. “Hang in there, dearie. Just a few hours more.”

“Okay.”

“I’ve gotta run, but we’ll talk later.”

After we hung up, I looked at the house in a different light, knowing I might not see it for a while. Slowly I made my way around the little rooms and tidied up where I could. As the kids came home from school, I helped them get their homework done, fed them, and had jammies on them by the time the doorbell rang.

I went ahead and got my bags to make it easier for Harrison before I opened the door.

It was Sean. Sean had come to get me! He was all haggard and worn, but my heart skipped a beat anyway. And then everything went off kilter at once. My arms dropped the bags and he caught me up in the tightest, most perfect hug a girl could ever wish for. We just held each other.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry . . .” I whispered over and over again.

When he finally released me, he said simply, “I need you.”

“I know.”

“Thank you.” He brushed at my hair as his dark eyes pierced mine. Slowly I watched warmth begin to seep into their dull centers, sparking life back into them.

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” I asked him.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been with my dad every second, and the Internet connection at the hospital is really lousy. And then, when I found out you were coming, I wanted to surprise you and come get you myself. I have missed you more than I ever thought possible.”

I ruefully grinned. “Hello.”

He closed his eyes and sucked in a lungful of air. “Don’t ever leave me again.”

“Sean Benally, I love you.”

He nodded.

“That means there is nowhere else in this world I’d rather be than with you. Hang conviction. Hang customs or gossip or anything else—I don’t care. I’m yours—I always have been.”

“I tried,” he said. “I tried so hard to love someone else. And I’m a fool. I’m a lovesick fool whose heart had already been taken years ago.”

“What about Julia?”

He shook his head. “We went out for a few weeks after you left. I gave it my best shot—I really did. But before the play performance, I finally had to tell her that it wasn’t working out. We broke up around Christmas. She wasn’t happy, but I couldn’t lie to myself or to her anymore.”

I smiled then. A huge, awful, most wonderful smile of relief. I shouldn’t be this happy when his dad was in the hospital, but I didn’t care. I needed him. I needed to know he needed me and knew it too. “Are we through with this silliness now? Can we finally admit that something is here and it’s not going away?”

He let out a short chuckle. “Yes, please!”

And then he kissed me. Perfectly and gloriously and romantically, his mouth found mine and for those all-too-brief moments, it was heaven. It was bliss.

Until the kids began to gross out.

Then we had to laugh and collect the luggage and leave. I gave the girls last-minute instructions and then we were gone. Just like that.

Though my heart tugged a bit at leaving them, I knew the real pulling was toward Bloomfield and all that the family was suffering there. I closed my eyes and grinned as Sean pulled out of the drive and onto the street.

Good-bye, Shiprock. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to find me.

Chapter 23: Facing Reality

At the hospital in Farmington, the room was buzzing to life with visitors. I couldn’t believe all the people who were there to see Mr. Benally. San Juan Regional Medical Center must have moved the man into a larger room so it could accommodate everyone.

There were flowers, cards, and balloons everywhere. He must’ve felt so loved. Then again, seeing his face I’d say he felt a bit humbled and embarrassed too. The poor guy.

I walked up to him and gave him a hug.

His gaze connected with mine and he nodded. “Thank you,” was all he said. But the meaning behind the statement was so powerful, I knew then that he’d missed me too.

“Get better soon, okay?”

He grumbled something out of the side of his mouth and then winked with his good eye. I took it as a sign that soon, very soon, we might get our no-nonsense Mr. Benally back.

Sean came up beside me and put his arm around my shoulders. “I’m not letting her go, Dad. So don’t even think of making me lose her again.”

Mr. Benally chuckled, but then shook his head slightly. “Nope. She better stay with us,” he said slowly.

I wasn’t sure if he knew exactly what Sean meant when he said he was keeping me, but at the moment, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that I was here. We pulled back a bit when a colleague came in the room and offered their good wishes. I turned and then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of a tall blond guy holding hands with a shorter brunette.

“Gregory?” Sean’s cousin. I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t seen him in ages.

He turned and smiled. “I wondered when you’d notice we were here.”

“Amanda?” I squealed and raced the few steps to hug them both. “How are you guys?”

“Good. We drove as fast as we could from Arizona as soon as we heard the news.” Gregory turned to Mr. Benally and Sean, and I watched as he and Amanda whispered with him for a few minutes. After they were done, they allowed another couple to speak to Mr. Benally and came over to us.

“What’s new?” I asked.

Amanda glanced over at Sean and then up at Gregory. “Nothing much. We’re just chilling down in Phoenix. Gregory’s been working and I’ve been going to school at ASU. I’m in their music program now.”

“I’m so happy for you!” Amanda was this amazing piano player; she deserved having the opportunity to play anytime she wanted and learning even more. “I can’t wait until your first album comes out. I’m going to download it immediately.”

She blushed and waved her hand. “Yeah, not happening any time soon.”

“Hey, don’t be so modest.” Gregory nudged her. “She’s already got quite a few producers interested, actually.”

“Hush.” Amanda swatted at him.

Sean put his arm around me. “I’m so happy for you guys. You truly are living your dreams, aren’t you?”

Amanda grinned up at Gregory. “Yes.” Then she held her finger out. “And hopefully they’ll come true sooner than we realized.”

I stared at the gleaming rock on her third finger. “You’re engaged?” Did I miss everything while I was away?

“Yes,” Amanda gushed. “He finally asked me on Valentine’s Day, though I thought I’d die waiting for it.”

“Congratulations!” I hugged her again. And then I hugged Gregory just because I was that excited for them.