Mania and the Executioner (5 page)

(Congratulations. This has been your redemption
for the ‘were-bat’ fiasco)

The leader starts firing his P90 into his buddy. I throw the body towards him and then dive to the right, pulling out my gun and firing three times. I really wish I had a second gun right now so I could Woo-it-up…oh and some doves; you really can’t forget the doves.
3

Mr. Sharky must not have expected this because his chest burst with surprise…or was that from the bullets? Either way
, it finished the job and he falls over.

(The intelligent thing to do would be to retrieve the weapons and use them)

“Good idea Airi!”

I rush back to the first dead body and grab the P90’s strap, throwing it around my neck as I search his c
argo shorts for extra magazines, finding two. I now know that the P90 has a 50 round magazine and fires fifteen rounds per second at a velocity of 2315 ft/s under optimal conditions, which is almost twice the speed of the MP5. Heh, glad I had a shield. I’m finding the same with the second body when I hear Cheza.

“Cole
…? COLE!?” Cheza shouts.

“Chezarei, wait! He told you to stay here!” Natasha says.

I see both of them run out into the hall.

“Look guys! I found new toys to play with!” I say smiling
.

“COLE!!” Cheza screams.

I spin throw the Sic dagger in Sharky’s open mouth and through the back of his neck; however, he still has time to squeeze the trigger. I probably could have gotten out of the way after throwing the knife, but I can’t with Cheza behind me and in the line of fire. It just had to be a P90, with its 50 round magazine. The fire rate isn’t all that much higher than an MP5; the difference is that in one second, the MP5 empties its magazine so there is no way I would take thirteen rounds to the chest from an MP5 that had been fired previously. Thankfully I’m wearing my jacket.

(That you neglected to zip)

“THAT WAS SO FUCKING NINJA!” I scream with my hands above my head.

(Three, stomach)

“Cole!?” Cheza asks, tears welling up in her eyes.

“I’m fine Cheza! They all hit the jacket you gave me, so thank you!” I say while dropping the guns and rushing forward to hug her, hoping that she won’t notice the bullet holes in my stomach. With the blood seal being a maroon color and since I’m tan, it shouldn’t be too noticeable and I can’t let Cheza n
otice. However, I realize that Natasha noticed when I see her eyes widen.

“Hey Natasha, could you go collect the guns? I need to go wash some of
this blood off of my hands before the police show up about the gun shots. Cheza, could you go as well? She probably won’t be able to carry everything. Make sure to check that guy’s pockets, I checked the other two already.” I ask and then jog off to the room.

I think ahead and go to the guest bathroom
because Cheza is less likely to go in there soon; for instance, before I can clean up the blood that is bound to result from what I’m going to do.

“Alright Airi, how do I get these bullets out?” I think.

(Jumping Jacks)

She says it so seriously that I almost do it. “Come on Airi!”

(Fill your stomach up with blood. You will then be able to vomit the bullets out)

I’m abo
ut to object but then I realize that it is actually possible.

“Hey
Cole, are you alright?” Cheza asks through the door.

“Yeah I’m fine. Can you call Sara and ask h
er if she knows anything about were-sharks? My conversation with Tia before was less than helpful.” I ask, hoping that her phone is in the bedroom.

“Sure; I’ll give her a call.” Cheza says and leaves. I enhance my hearing to
make sure she is in our bedroom, and then Natasha walks into the bathroom.

“Cole, how bad is it?” Natasha asks seriously.

“The conversation? Oh, it was horribly uninformative but I learned that if you really are a mini version of her, then you like anal sex.” I say with a smile but pain interferes. Natasha just glares so I get serious. “Three in my stomach.”

“Cole! We need to get you to the hospital!” Natasha exclaims.

“No! If I go to the hospital then Cheza will blame herself for not listening and leaving the room. Besides, Airi says that I can get all three out by filling up my stomach with blood and then vomiting the bullets up.” I tell her.

“WHO IN THE
HELL IS AIRI!?” Natasha loudly whispers.

“Okay, I’ll tell you but don’t get concerned. She’s this voice in my head that gives me useful information. She also has a wicked sense of humor. I named her Airi because she sounds like the voice from my smartphone.” I say. Natasha thinks for a second, and then looks concerned.

“Cole, did Airi tell you to do that thing to Chezarei last night?” Natasha asks cautiously.

“Umm, no…that was kind of all me. Airi actually told me I should ‘do as she says’.” I tell her.

“Oh, okay…What about that thing with the ping pong paddle?” Natasha asks with a sly smile. “I’ll go keep Chezarei distracted, but try to hurry.”

(If that girl ever locates a ping pong paddle, you are going to have a dilemma)

Chapter 4: Oh right, that…

I walk out of the
bathroom five minutes and 1.5 liters of blood later, as the room’s phone rings.

“Hello?” I ask after hitting the speaker button.

“Hello, Mr. Treyfair? It’s the front desk. We received a complaint about possible gunfire coming from the seventeenth floor. Is everything alright?”

“Oh, I do apologize for that. My friend was playing a very unfunny practical joke and tossed me a string of firecrackers in the shower—” I say and then Natasha cuts in, playing the part amicably from across the room.

“Sorry about that Cole, but they do say that payback is a bitch!” Natasha shouts.

“I’ll cover any damages and I do apologize if we frightened and/or worried anyone and I’m
sure my friend is sorry and won’t be doing anything like that again—” I say before Natasha cuts in again.

“I won’t
, but you really shouldn’t have done that thing with the ping pong paddle and the baby oil while I was sleeping, Cole!” Natasha shouts as Cheza starts laughing and I chuckle. Being smacked by someone with a ping pong paddle that has been slathered in baby oil would really hurt.

“And you shouldn’t have been sleeping with your ass up in the air while not we
aring any pants!” I shout back.

“I still wasn’t able to walk right for a week! Although, I’m not sure if it was from your prank or tha
t other thing…” Natasha shouts.

“What other thing?” I ask.

“You know, that thing with the Belgian waffle mix and the funnel!” Natasha shouts. Cheza starts holding onto her sides while trying to keep her laughter at a dull roar.

“Oh right, that…Anyway, is
there anything else you needed ma’am?” I ask the clerk.

“Oh, yes, there is a guest here to see you.”
The clerk replies

“A guest you say?” I ask. Cheza and Natasha immediately stop laughing.

“Yes, shall I send them up?” The clerk asks.

“Yes please, and sorry again for the misunderstanding.” I say ending the conversation.

“Natasha, P90.” I demand and she tosses me one. I check the magazine and cock it. “Okay, just to make sure, no one ordered pizza while I was in the bathroom right? I don’t feel like ruining a pizza boy’s pants.” They both shake their heads. “That’s what I thought. Natasha, how is your submachine gun training?”

“Sufficient at this range.”
She answers.

“Good enough for me. Cheza, I want you to stay in the bedroom.” I say

“No.” Cheza simply replies while picking up the other P90, puts a new magazine in and loads the chamber with seemingly knowledgeable precision.

“Cheza, we don’t have time for this. Do you
even know how to shoot that?” I ask.

“Aim low to account for recoil when firing on automatic but it would be a better idea for me to tap the trigger because of my size and relative inexperience with submachine guns. Sara would sometimes take me to the gun range in Scottsdale after school and this nice man taught me to shoot. His name was—” Cheza says.

“Mr. Archer. Say no more.” If Cheza ends up hurt because of that crazy gun-running South African, I will be paying him a visit. “Natasha, I want you and Cheza taking cover behind the bar. I’ll take this side of the hall.” I say from the left side of the hall, by the bathroom.

I hear the elevator door ding and I motion for them to get into cover. They do so while I rush to the
front doorway now that Cheza can’t argue. I enhance my hearing and listen for the footsteps of our guest, waiting for them to get closer. I’ll round the corner and surprise them when they are about twenty feet away: Fifty…forty…thirty…twenty-five…stopped. Stopped?

“Cole, this is an example of you putting your hearing to good use!” I hear someone whisper.

“TIA!?” I shout in surprise as I round the corner.

“Hey Cole, glad to see you’re safe but it sounds like I got here a little late. Are the other two alright?” Tia asks as we walk into the room. “Looks like you got shot a few times.”

My eyes go wide as Cheza shouts from the bar, “COLE YOU GOT SHOT!?”

“His jacket I mean, don’t worry Chezarei!” Tia says, thankfully catching the hint. “So what’s been going on? That anecdote I overhe
ard was hilarious by the way. Nice thinking Cole!”

“Thanks. Well—” I say.

“I mean, it was very nice of you to coat the ping pong paddle handle in baby oil before shoving it up Natasha’s ass in place of lube!” Tia laughs and Natasha joins her. I swear they have to be related.

“But I didn’t know you were so kinky!
Belgian waffle mix and a funnel?” Tia says with a questioning look.

“Tia, have you ever had any demigod children?” I ask.

“Why do you…Oh, don’t worry Cole! Everything is the same down there.” Tia says with a wink.

“Tia, how did you get here? I mean, Cole called you less than fifteen minutes ago.” Cheza asks.

“Well, something in Cole’s voice made me worried—” Tia starts.

“You mean you could actually hear me!?” I say
with overdramatic surprise.

“So I called Kira and asked if she could port me from the house to h
ere.” Tia says while ignoring me entirely.

“What’s this
‘port’ thing?” Cheza asks.

“It’s like opening a dimensional rift or something. Only the
heads of each pantheon can port to and on any plane, but all gods can port to their pantheon’s respective planes.” Tia answers.

“Wait, if the heads can
, then is Loki able to do it now too?” I ask.

“Perhaps in another hundred years or so but a change in power like this has never happened before so we don’t really know. He might
already be able to.” Tia says.

“So, Kira ported to the house and the
n Chezarei called asking about were-sharks so Kira is having me audit the Hawaiian pantheon for perfidy and she wants Cole to assist.” Tia finishes.

“How am I supposed to help figure out if a pantheon has turned traitor?” I ask.

“I guess I should have specified. Kira doesn’t want you to help me with the investigation so much as she wants you to help by being bait.” Tia explains. “Basically, you should just keep doing what you’re doing and try to find Jason. Any traitorous gods on the islands should come and try to kill you and take Chezarei, so it will all work out!”

“YEAH, FOR YOU MAYBE!”
I shout at her.

“Anyway, for right now you have already identified one traitor: Kamohoali’i, shark god and stupid brother to my friend Pele, who
m I am taking you all to meet now. Oh and Natasha, you’ve been promoted to The Agency’s official liaison to The Faction. Congratulations!” Tia says.

“Sweet!
Do I get my own slave—I mean, assistant? Can I pick Cole!? Come love assistant, and bring the ping pong paddle!” Natasha says.

“Hehe I love this girl!” Tia says. There is no way they aren’t related.

“Hey Tia, can gods be cloned?” I ask.

“What is it with you and the weird questions today!? First with the sex comas and then the morning after pill and then about how tight I am and now with the asking if you can clone me to have as your sex slave! Cole, if you want to have sex with me, just
say so!” Tia says sarcastically…I think.

“NOW YOU’RE AFTER TIA TOO!?” Cheza screams. “COLE, I DEMAND THAT YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME!”

“Chezarei, we should wait until we get to Pele’s, she will want to join too. Oh, and don’t worry Cole; unlike the stories, she won’t kill you post-coitus…probably.” Tia says.

“I guess I’ll join too, it is my job as the official
liaison
.” Natasha says.

“Hehe nice pun Natasha.”
Tia says.