Manhattan Dreaming (32 page)

‘This place is awesome, Loz, I can see why you love it here. I had a great time at the sports museum, so much fun, and the guys there were cool. They told me about this brewery place on 5th Avenue, right near the Empire State Building. Can we go tonight?'

‘Go where? The brewery or the Empire State Building?'

‘We can do both, can't we? They reckon you can go up really late and there'll be less people in the line-up – that's what they call a queue here.'

‘Yes, I know line-up.' I was thinking about how my dream of a romantic reunion wasn't going to happen, and especially after two hours at a brewery. Sport and beer really were all Adam was interested in. ‘Let's just go for dinner now and see how we feel after that.'

We took the subway uptown and went to the recommended Heartland Brewery.

‘Here's one for you, babycakes – the Goddess brew.' Adam was trying to convince me to get drunk too. ‘No, I know, I bet you'd rather the Red Velvet layer cake or the New York cheesecake. I bet you've still got that sweet tooth, haven't you.' He put his hand on mine. He knew me well.

We sat there for hours as Adam tried as many beers as he could. It wasn't romantic at all, and I couldn't allow myself to have more than one piece of pie, especially since my gym routine had slackened in the past week.

‘Does this make you happy?' I asked him.

‘What?'

‘Sitting in a bar just drinking.'

‘I'm sitting in a bar with the most beautiful woman in New York, who is also the most talented woman I've ever met. I'm in heaven. Having the beer just means my hands are busy on the glass and not all over you.'

‘You're mad.' I shook my head.

‘I might be mad, but to answer your question, yes, this makes me happy.'

‘Well, I'm tired, Adam, it's been a really long day,' I said, reaching for my bag.

‘What about the Empire State Building? It's just there – I can see the sign to the entrance.'

‘I don't think tonight's the right night for it. I might meet you up there after work later in the week.'

‘Whatever you want, babycakes.'

Adam dropped into the Smithsonian after he did the Statue of Liberty tour the next day. He was wearing one of the foam crowns that I had refused to buy with Libby. He didn't care what people thought of him, which is what I had liked about him before.

‘Take it off – you look like an idiot.'

‘You don't like it?' He posed like a model at a photoshoot. ‘I know you want one.'

‘I don't, and this is my place of work.'

‘You used to have fun with me and laugh.'

‘I used to do a lot of things.'

We walked the back corridors to my office.

‘Hello, have you got a minute?' I asked Wyatt, who spun around immediately.

‘Of course.'

‘This is Wyatt, my colleague and buddy here. This is Adam.'

I motioned Adam forwards and he shook Wyatt's hand roughly, as if staking his claim over me. I wondered what Wyatt thought about it and hoped he didn't hold it against me. Seeing them next to each other was a little strange, and I realised that they were both equally handsome in different ways. Adam was cheeky and rugged and muscly, and Wyatt was earthy, well-groomed and fit.

‘Lauren has talked about you quite a bit,' Wyatt said politely.

‘Well, that doesn't surprise me,' Adam said, cocky.

‘We're just going out for some lunch – I'll be back by two.'

‘Have fun. Enjoy your time here, Adam.'

‘Thanks buddy, I will.' Adam put his arm around me again as we walked out.

‘Is he a poof?' Adam whispered in my ear as we left the building.

‘What are you mumbling about?'

‘Wyatt. Is he gay or do I have to be worried about you hanging out with him?'

‘He's chivalrous and a total gentleman and he's been a real help to me here at work and just getting around New York.'

‘So he's not
gay
, then?'

‘What does it matter if he is or isn't?'

‘Because you share a confined space together and I know what any
normal
guy like me would want to do in that space with you.'

‘You're not normal!' I said, looking at him with the foam crown back on his head.

‘I bet he thinks sports are boring.'

‘We don't talk about sports, we talk about art and music and our work.'

‘He's gay.'

‘How do you figure that?'

‘Look how he's dressed all tidy and clean and nice. I bet he's obsessed with clothes.'

‘He's not obsessed with fashion – he just likes to look good. I have no doubt whatsoever that you spend more time in front of the mirror than he does.'

‘I bet he loves to dance, doesn't he? Tell me.' And I thought back to the social, where Wyatt spent most of the night dancing, and he was good.

‘You are being absolutely stupid.'

‘I bet you guys hang out a lot, don't you?'

‘Yes, we're mates, he's my friend. A good friend.'

‘Yeah, yeah, they always have girl-pal by their side. That makes you a fag-hag.'

‘You're such a jackass sometimes.'

‘Now you're talking like a Yank – jackass. I wouldn't mind jackassing your beautiful ass,' he said, grabbing me from behind.

‘Stop it, we're in public.' I pushed him away.

‘So you like this Wyatt better than me?'

‘That's like comparing apples and oranges. Wyatt's got a masters in fine arts from NYU, he likes the theatre and art.'

‘He is
so
gay.'

‘Stop it!' I stood still and looked hard at him.

‘I'm sorry, I was just winding you up. He seems like a really nice guy, and I'm glad you had someone taking care of you here. You should be taken care of.'

‘He's a good guy.'

‘Of course he is. You have impeccable taste in friends,' he said, smiling as if to include himself in that list of friends. We walked in silence, ate some sushi in Stone Street and then sat in Battery Park watching the tourists taking photos of the statues and clapping along to the street performers.

‘By the way, I have a surprise for you,' Adam said, getting something from his pocket.

‘Really? I love surprises.' Jewellery? Earrings, a bracelet, a
ring
perhaps?

‘Close your eyes and put your hands out.' I did as I was instructed and Adam placed two tickets in my hand. I immediately imagined the theatre or perhaps a musical or a concert. Then I read them.

‘The Knicks,' he said excitedly. ‘I got us tickets to the Knicks at Madison Square Garden tonight, babycakes.'

‘I don't finish work until 6.30 tonight.' I was slightly disappointed – it was more sports.

‘Can you meet me there, then?'

‘I'll meet you out the front of Borders – that's a bookstore – next to the stadium.'

‘Okay, well here's your ticket, in case we get separated or lost or whatever.'

After lunch I went back to the office.

‘So, is it back on with Adam? It looks like it.' Wyatt's question threw me a little.

‘I'm not sure. I'm confused. I was so hurt and angry with him for cheating on me that I know I should never get back with him. But he's a nice guy, and funny, and when we're together, it's only about me. And his sports.'

‘He seems like a nice guy, Lucas,' Wyatt said, ignoring the arrogant behaviour he'd seen Adam display earlier.

‘He is, I guess. I decided ages ago I was over him, that we'd never be together again. That he could never be trusted again. But he seems different here. We're almost like a normal couple. He must've changed – after all, he came all this way to see me.'

‘Some say a leopard doesn't change its spots, but Adam might be the one that proves them wrong.'

‘Maybe.'

‘Where are you?' I said into the phone, at the same time looking desperately for Adam among everyone else who had decided to meet out the front of Borders. It was 6.35 pm.

‘I couldn't see you, so I came in.'

I hung up annoyed and made my way into the venue. I felt overwhelmed by the crowds and started to feel claustrophobic. I couldn't imagine what it might be like to have to get out during an emergency. I was trying to remember to breathe properly before I got completely anxious. I had no idea where I was supposed to go, but at every ticket check the ushers were all very helpful men.

The final usher walked me right to my seat, where Adam was sitting with a beer and a big foam finger.

‘Lozzie, I was getting worried.'

‘Why didn't you wait?'

‘There was no point in
both
of us missing the start of the game, and I didn't know how long you would be. Here, I bought you a cap.'

‘Thanks.'

I sat back and took in the view of the teams warming up on the court. Lots of stretching and ball work. There was music in the background and a buzz in the air. There wasn't a certain ‘type' of basketball fan either – rather there were men in suits and men in sweats, there was a couple next to us, and three businesswomen in front. There was a whole row of men behind us with their faces painted orange and blue.

‘The thing about the Gardens, Loz, is that all the seats are good here. These seats we're in are called Center Court.'

‘Yes, I know, Wyatt showed me the seating plan online today. He follows the Knicks.'

‘He would. Their name comes from Knickerbockers, the gayest name in sport.'

‘And who are you barracking for tonight, then?'

‘Yeah, but I'm straight.'

Before I had the chance to tell him off we were on our feet standing for the national anthem. The rest of the night the music swung from Jennifer Lopez's ‘Let's Get Loud' to the anthem ‘We Will Rock You'. With each musical interlude the crowd sung loudly. I got an adrenalin rush and couldn't stop smiling – it was loads of fun being at one of the world's most famous venues. There was so much positive energy in the air, as well as the smell of hotdogs and pretzels and peanuts.

The Knicks were pummelling the Hawks and long, lean, lanky bodies were running up and down the court; hoops were being shot from unbelievably difficult positions. There were a couple of collisions between the opposing teams and the bodies hit the wooden flooring hard. I cringed with how painful it must have been but they were up playing again in no time.

‘I want some crackerjacks or peanuts,' I told Adam.

‘You wanna crack whose nuts?' He was trying to be funny. ‘Do you want some fairy floss? I bet your mate Wyatt would, being a fairy and all.'

‘It's called cotton candy here, and if you don't stop being an idiot about Wyatt I'm going to leave.'

‘Come on, babycakes, you know I'm just kidding. He looks like a nice fella, and I'm glad you've got good friends here. But you should've worn orange and blue to be in the team colours, Loz.' Adam's attention span was short away from sport. ‘Car'n the Knicks!' he yelled.

‘Car'n the Knicks,' I echoed.

‘You're sexy when you're cheering, Loz. We can have victory sex tonight, babycakes, cos the Knicks have knocked out the Hawks for sure.' I thought back to victory sex with Cash and felt a pang of guilt.

We went back to Adam's hotel. Even though I'd told Vikki and Kirsten that we were trying to work it out, I hadn't taken him to meet them just in case it didn't.

Adam was full of beans and beer at the Knicks win. I was on a high also from the rush that came with being there live. With our arms linked, everything felt good, normal, okay.

We went to his room and he was undressed before I even had my shoes off.

‘Come here, babycakes.' He pulled me onto the bed.

Adam was impatient, and within minutes, so was I, so we made love frantically, thanks to the thrill of the Knicks win. And while I didn't feel like I was falling in love with him again, the sex was still better than anything we'd had in Canberra.

Adam had finally been made an offer with a new club, the Goulburn Giants, and I could already hear Libby calling them the Goulburn Gorillas. He had to fly back to Australia for a meeting with his manager. We both knew it would make or break his career. He called me at work to tell me he'd be leaving the following day.

‘That's good news, I guess,' I said down the line.

‘I need to see you tonight.'

‘I know. Can we do something romantic?'

‘Of course, anything you want, babycakes.'

‘I've watched so many movies with romantic scenes up the Empire State Building. I want us to go up together, while you're still here. I haven't been up there yet.'

‘Okay, babycakes, I hear you. I'll meet you there.'

‘At sunset, okay, and then we can go have dinner somewhere nice.'

When I got off the phone I realised Wyatt was at his desk and had heard everything, but I didn't mind. There wasn't much he didn't know about me and my life any more.

‘Sounds like a hot date.'

‘Adam's going back to Australia tomorrow, it's his last night, and we're going up the Empire State Building. I want one of those scenes, you know, like in
Sleepless in Seattle
?'

‘Yes, it's one of my favourite movies.'

‘I need to go and make myself gorgeous.'

‘That'll take all of five minutes.' Wyatt stood up. ‘I hope it works out this time, Lucas. He's a lucky man.'

‘Thank you.' I touched Wyatt's hand. ‘See you in the morning.'

I went home and spent two hours getting ready. Luckily the summer meant the sun went down later. Kirsten and Vikki were both home and were excited for me and the prospect of a happy ending.

‘Meg Ryan had a happy ending,' Kirsten said.

‘She did.' I was talking but not really focused on the conversation. ‘I feel sick with nerves and I don't know about the lift.'

‘Here, try this.' Vikki handed me some Rescue Remedy.

‘Gees, you fellas are crazy about this stuff, aren't you?'

‘It works, that's why.'

I put some drops under my tongue and waited for the miracle cure. If only it were that easy.

The girls walked up to 7th Avenue with me, deep breathing along the way. It must have looked hysterical to watch from across the street. They put me in a cab and I checked and rechecked my lipstick as the driver wound his way to my final destination. I wondered if Adam was already on his way there.

Inside the building I couldn't believe the queue was so long. Everyone wanted to be there at sunset and have their own affair to remember. There was an elderly couple queuing in front of me, holding hands and smiling. They were both in jeans and wearing matching sloppy-joes with I
NYC. She looked like her hair had been set, and he wore a baseball cap. The old man smiled at me and I welcomed the opportunity to speak and take the focus off the butterflies in my stomach.

‘Is this your first time?' I asked him. ‘Up the building, that is?'

‘Oh no,' he said. ‘We come here every year on our anniversary. It's where I proposed.' And he kissed his wife on the cheek.

‘That's so romantic.' I had a chill up my spine at the thought of such pure love. ‘And
every
year, that's a lot.'

‘We just live in upstate New York, so it's not far. We get the train and make a little trip out of it,' the woman said. ‘It's like a mini-honeymoon each year.'

They were so cute I was truly inspired. The queue moved ahead as the lifts took groups of people. I looked around to see if Adam was in the queue but couldn't spot him and was glad. I wanted to get there early, to position myself where I could see him arrive without him seeing me. I wanted time to fix my make-up and my hair. I wanted the moment to be perfect. There had been enough imperfection in our past to last a lifetime.

I was bothered by the endless lines, roped-off areas and maroon-suited staff all in the way of me getting to the top of the building and getting on with my life. I had spent too many months waiting for this moment. I had nearly gone insane with jealousy and insecurity. I had slept with a man I didn't love, and I had behaved like a stalker with Adam. But perhaps it hadn't been for nothing. Perhaps it would be my turn to have something wonderful like the couple in front of me.

‘Are you going up alone?' the lady asked.

‘I'm meeting my boyfriend up there. It's kind of like a reunion, and a new start.'

‘Sounds promising,' she said.

In an old-fashioned act of chivalry the man removed his cap, revealing a bald head, took my hand and said, ‘He's a lucky man. If I was twenty years younger and not married –'

‘You'd still be too old.' His wife rolled her eyes. ‘I fell in love with him in spite of his bad attempts at flirting.'

When it was our turn to get in the lift, I stopped still in fear.

‘What's wrong?'

‘I need a minute. You go up, I'll see you up there,' I said, and stepped back.

‘Ma'am, are you coming in?' the lift attendant asked.

‘No, not yet.'

‘Ma'am, you can't stand there – you either step into the lift or move through to the exit.'

‘Come on, love,' the wife said, sympathetically. The couple reminded me of Mum and Dad, and so I got in the lift. There were two English tourists, a German backpacker and another Australian couple and the attendant. My stomach felt unstable as the lift took flight to the top. I didn't know if I was nervous about the ride, the distance I was travelling towards the top of the tower, or the fact that the moment I had waited so long for with Adam was about to happen, just as I had planned. And then the lift stopped and I was desperate to get out as sweat had broken out on my brow and upper lip and my mouth was dry. But the attendant wouldn't let me out. He wanted to talk about the history of the building, even after we'd arrived on the 86th floor. I couldn't listen – I didn't have time and I was feeling claustrophobic. I had my own affair to remember waiting to begin.

‘Excuse me, I feel a little faint, can I get out please?'

‘Me too,' the old lady said.

‘Sorry, ladies, of course.'

I stepped out first and there were couples and families but I couldn't see another single girl by herself. There were a few guys by themselves, though. I wondered if they were having affairs to remember as well. I walked around the cramped observation deck and didn't know how it was going to be romantic. I took in the view, looking for what I could recognise – Central Park, 5th Avenue, the Chrysler building, Times Square and the George Washington Bridge. I was entertained by the site of hundreds of yellow cabs moving around town, like little yellow bugs. It was hard to tell from so far up how hectic life was down below in the city. I wanted to get a glimpse into a telescope but I couldn't stand still long enough, and people were queuing for them anyway.

The space was not how I had imagined it to be. There was a small area outside the lifts so you could stand inside, and then the observation deck. It didn't look like it did in the movies. And it was cramped like Libby said, not cozy, just cramped. And there was really nowhere to sit or to hide while I waited for Adam. The sun was setting and it was meant to be the best time to be up there, but I couldn't really focus. I was nervous. What if he didn't show up? What if he did?

I tried to stand still outside but couldn't. I tried to enjoy the sunset but couldn't. I felt sick, but it wasn't nerves or excitement. I didn't know what it was. I didn't feel the warm and romantic rush I thought I would standing there.

I waited and I watched people come and go. Two looked like a honeymooning couple in their late twenties. They were perfectly matched in height and had similar features, with smiles that radiated love to all around them. I was inspired just looking at them as they shared a telescope, touching each other affectionately, taking photos of each other. Smiling, laughing, loving. I was envious even before I noticed their wedding bands. They pecked each other on the cheek spontaneously as they walked one length of the deck. I realised I was staring at them and I felt a pain in my heart, knowing they were the couple that Adam and I had never been. We'd never been out like that, enjoying each other in Canberra like a normal couple. Even here in New York he was only interested in sport. He had ignored me all these months and now he was jumping on a plane the minute an offer was made. But then, I knew all along what he wanted. He'd at least been honest on that front. The only liar was me, to myself, believing that things had changed, that he had changed, that we had a future together. I shook my head in disappointment in myself; there I was all dressed up at the top of the Empire State Building waiting for a man I had got over months ago. How had I let him back into my life?

I looked at my watch and Adam was already fifteen minutes late. Then he was half an hour late.

When he was an hour late I decided to leave. I wiped a dignified and disappointed tear from my cheek, took a deep breath and turned around.

I gasped as he walked towards me.

‘Hello,' he said.

‘Hi.' I was shaking my head in confusion.

He put his hands on my waist, then around me, pulling me gently towards him. He kissed me softly on the mouth and I was shocked at the electricity between us. It wasn't what I normally felt. I'd felt lust before, but this was a deeper feeling; it was love and lust and friendship and possibility all in the one kiss. I was surprised at how firmly he held me, as if he wasn't going to let go, or let anyone cut in, or let me stop him. But I didn't want to stop him anyway, I wanted more of the kiss, I wanted to feel his arms tight around me, I wanted the kiss to make its way down my body and I never wanted to open my eyes in case I was imagining it. The moment I'd been waiting for was a moment of feeling like I belonged with someone, that they belonged with me, that we belonged together. And his kiss made me feel that.

I didn't understand, and I couldn't speak. I was confused and turned on. I could feel a strength in his body that I had never considered before. Every sense was alert. I could hear my own heartbeat and feel his against my chest, I could smell his cologne and I could taste him. His breath was sweet like M&Ms, and I thought of the jar on my desk. I opened my eyes slightly and I could see the reflection of us together in the lift doors behind him.

We walked out of the building and I felt unbalanced, like when Dad would spin me around like an airplane as a kid and it would take me minutes to walk upright again. My world had been knocked off its axis just like that, by Wyatt.

We sat in the familiar surrounds of East of 8, cosied up in a corner with a bottle of champagne. We'd never drunk champagne together – we'd never been so intimate before. It was all foreign territory, exciting and heart-warming at the same time.

‘I don't understand. How did you know he wouldn't be there?' I asked, head dizzy from the kiss and the bubbles and the realisation that I was in love with Wyatt.

‘I had an inkling he wouldn't show up,' Wyatt said wisely.

‘You did?'

‘Yes, he's an idiot.'

‘Because he's a footballer?'

‘No, because he let you leave Australia in the first place. He doesn't deserve you. You deserve to be treated with respect and warmth and love.'

‘I thought he might be able to give me that.'

‘He could never give you that. I think in your heart you know that.'

‘Yes.' I felt embarrassed and stupid. Wyatt placed his hand on mine and I thought how easy it would be to just melt into his dreamy eyes and stay there forever.

‘I can give you that.' He looked straight into my eyes. ‘I want to give you that.'

‘I'm confused. I still can't believe we just kissed. God, I feel like an infatuated teenager.'

‘I've felt like that since the day we met.' I watched Wyatt's mouth move. I'd never noticed his full lips before, they were luscious and I wanted to lick them right there and then. I wanted to kiss him again.