Man of My Dreams (16 page)

“Mia, what’s going on up there? Talk to me.”

I can make something up or pretend it doesn’t bother me, but maybe being honest is the best thing to do here. It’s not like me to feel timid in front of Declan, but the time apart has made me second guess everything. I bring my eyes up to Declan’s, half-way hiding behind my coffee mug. “Why didn’t you tell me about Hong Kong sooner?”

He pauses before answering me, and again I find myself worried that this holds a deeper meaning. But Declan reaches over and takes my mug out of my hands, placing it on the table. His hands return to mine, caressing my fingers, massaging my palms. “You wanted time, babe. I didn’t want to screw up again. I didn’t think you wanted me to push anymore. You hadn’t even answered my calls and my texts in a while. While it killed me to think I was losing you for good, I thought the time away was what you needed. I guess I should have told you first, but I honestly didn’t think you cared what I did anymore.”

I guess I did throw off that impression by ignoring him the way I had. Now I was the one who’d screwed up. This whole idea of taking space was backfiring on me. I never intended for him to lose hope in us, I only expected him to appreciate what we had by having it taken away for a little bit. You don’t know what you have ‘til it’s gone and that whole line of crap.

As much as I hate it, it’s time to be honest and swallow my pride. “I could never stop caring about you, Declan. I hate that we’ve been apart, but this wasn’t the only time you ran scared. I’m not sure which was worse, but the idea of your hands on another woman...you have to understand why I kicked you out. I don’t want to hold you back or be a ball and chain, Dec. I don’t want to be together for the kids. I want you here because you love me and need me...only me.”

His eyes spark to life. I see the Declan I met all those years ago in our college library. The beautiful boy who stole my heart. It still belonged to him, there was no denying that. “Baby, it’s always been you. I’m sorry it took this to remind me. I don’t deserve you, but if you give me the chance, I’ll prove I can love you the way you deserve to be loved. Being away from you has been like losing a limb. I’ve been lost without you. Empty. Please forgive me for being such an ass.”

Before I can say anything, I notice Cara watching us from the corner of my eye. She has this little smirk on her face that makes me wonder how much she’s heard and how much she understood. I arch my eyebrows at Declan, motioning toward our nosy daughter. Together we look at her, trying hard to hold back the snickers building up inside.

She runs over to us and pulls me down to her little mouth. She cups my ear in her tiny palm and whispers, “Daddy said ass.”

I should probably reprimand her, but I can’t do anything but laugh. “Yes he did, baby. What do you think about that?”

Declan looks at the both of us for a clue. “What? What did I do now?”

Cara jumps on his lap and scratches her bitty nails against her daddy’s overgrown stubble. “Daddy, you’re an ass.”

Declan’s eyes burst wide open and then dart to me.

I shrug my shoulders, stifling a laugh. “Came straight from the horse’s mouth.”

“Cara, baby, you’re right. Anyone who could stay away from you three gorgeous, wonderful girls this long is a big, ugly...butt!”

Cara wrinkles her nose, leaning back to squint at Declan. “A butt is the same as a ass?” Great, she’s absorbed the new knowledge. She jumps down and runs over to a preoccupied Charlie, who has now taken over Cara’s favorite seat. “Charlie, get your ass off that chair it’s mine.”

Wonderful...life is back to normal.

My dad is awake when we get to the hospital. Declan wouldn’t hear of me handling this alone. And it was his idea to stop at the store on the way for a few of the daily newspapers and a couple of sports magazines. My mom must have grabbed some of his things from home because he’s wearing his dingy old Yankees cap that’s older than Derek Jeter. I sigh in relief at the sight of him. What a difference a day makes—his color is back and he looks much better.

“Hi, Daddy.” I choke out, gulping back tears. As good as he looks, my father doesn’t belong in a hospital bed. He’s always been invincible to me. Seeing him here is the equivalent to witnessing kryptonite doing its evil magic on Superman.

“Hey, sweet pea. I’m so happy to see you. Both of you.” My dad sends a wink in Declan’s direction. He truly is the son he never had. And even during the separation, my dad remained one of Declan’s biggest fans. Sure he wanted to rip his head off for hurting his little girl, but I guess they shared some kind of guy code thing. Maybe he understood what Declan was going through too and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don’t know. But I’m glad he didn’t decide to beat the crap out of him the way he had offered when he first found out. It was inevitable that we would find our way back to each other and an altercation between the two most important men in my life would have made things awkward going forward.

“Hey, Dad. How you feeling today?” I still loved hearing Declan him call him that. My dad insisted on it on our wedding day.
“No more of this Mr. P. crap. I’m Dad from now on, son.”

My mom jumps in to give us the itinerary. Being in charge is how she handles these things. “The doctors say he’s doing much better than they had expected. They still have to do the carotid artery surgery. But they’re hopeful that can be done in a few more days. Until then all he can do is rest and it’s already killing him to sit put. The man’s going to put me in an early grave.”

Dad may look almost back to himself, but Mom has seen better days. She has dark circles under her usually flawlessly, made-up eyes. She’s in a velour sweat suit and sneakers. She never leaves the house in sneakers unless it’s to go to the gym.

Declan must notice the atypical appearance of my mother too. “Ma, why don’t you take a break? Get some rest. We can babysit for a while.”

I get my stubbornness from my mother. There is no way she’s taking him up on the offer. But it was cute of Declan to try.

“Nonsense. Sleep is for the weak. Besides, he won’t admit it but he needs me here. He’s a big baby, the nurses know it too.” She tucks my father’s blanket in now, coddling him the way she always has. Dad’s lips jerk up in a content smile. He does love this. These two are notorious for making their little jabs at each other, but you couldn’t find a couple more in love.

When she leans over to kiss him on one of his dimples, dad frames her face with his rough, aging hands. “Lucy, I love you, but you look like hell. Let the kids take a shift. I’ll be okay without you for a little while.”

She perks up like a soldier at attention looking a little miffed. “I do not look like hell and I’m not leaving this hospital! I’ll just go in the visitors’ lounge for a bit, make a few calls. Declan, your mom and dad called late last night but the nurses were taking his vitals. I’m sure you’ve spoken to them, but I’ll call back now. So sweet of them to worry.”

Declan hands my mom her phone from the bedside table. “When this guy’s feeling better the four of you should make plans for dinner. Mom’s been meaning to mention it. I think she’s just been too busy obsessing over Connor’s new girlfriend. He thinks he loves her but mom’s nervous she won’t measure up to Mia. I told her she was crazy to think anyone could.”

Dad interrupts, “Damn straight. She hit the daughter-in-law jackpot with my little girl. Maybe Mia could give Connor’s lady a few lessons.”

What the hell is happening here? If I hadn’t known better, I would think my dad and Declan had planned this whole charade. Butter me up to erase all my worry about dad’s health and my husband’s departure. These two were sly sometimes. I wouldn’t put it past them.

“Okay, you two. Enough! We’re here to ogle over dad, not me. Mom, on your way out can you have one of the nurses come in to go over everything with me. I want to know firsthand what’s ahead. I can’t trust anyone to tell me the truth. You’re too busy protecting me all the time.”

Sure, I had a habit of pointing out how I didn’t need protecting or how in control I was. But I hadn’t felt in control of anything since Declan dropped the bomb. And now, dealing with the news of dad’s not-so-perfect health—is there anything I
can
control these days?

I don’t like to let fate handle things. I want total power over everything in my life. But as I get older, I’ve come to the realization that sometimes, no matter how much you plot and strategize, life has other plans. There is no way to manipulate the actions of others, the coincidences of chance. The only thing I can control is me and knowing this makes me want to smother Declan, the kids, my parents with all the love I have to give. Life is too damn short for all the other nonsense.

I stop my mom before she leaves to make her calls, “Mom?”

“What’s up, honey?” she answers from the door.

I suddenly feel silly, but I shouldn’t be embarrassed to let them know what I feel. “I love you, Mom. You too, Dad.” I focus my attention on the stunning man to my left, reaching for his hand. “And you.”

There’s an unmistakable glisten in Declan’s eyes. Could those be tears? “You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. I love you too, babe. Always have, always will.”

Who would’ve thought that making out with your husband could get this heated?

“Shh, babe. The kids.”

Usually I’m the one worried about waking the kids, but tonight I shock myself by throwing caution out the second story window. I get up from the already rumpled bed and lock the door. That’ll buy us a few minutes in case one of them decides to wander down the hall.

I tip toe, back to the bed, stripping along the way. Declan sits up, leaning against the powder blue upholstered headboard, bare-chested.
Oh my
. I’ve missed this visual. His muscles flex in anticipation, making the view that much more enticing. Stupid me—I’d fallen victim to not realizing what I’d had until it was gone.

Declan stares at me the way he used to when he was still a virgin, practically drooling. “Mia, you look amazing. Have you been working out?”

Ha! That’s hilarious
. Doesn’t he know me better? I should tell him I have been, but that would be a blatant lie. I guess I’d finally lost those last few extra pounds I couldn’t shed since Charlie was born. Seems running myself ragged and grieving over the marriage I thought was over has that kind of effect.

I don’t want to think about why I look like this. It will lead to conversation and ruin the mood. I decide to play the modesty card. “Would you stop it, Dec? You’re making me blush.”

He inches to the foot of the bed on his knees, never taking his eyes off my body. When he reaches me, he pulls me against his firm chest—beautiful proof that he
does
work out. His warm hands travel slowly from my neck, following the curve of my back like they are savoring every inch of what he’s missed. His fingers linger at the waistline of my panties. “I love that I can still make you blush. Let’s see what else I can still do to you.”

Now he’s talking.

I don’t even try to resist. I knew we’d end up in our bed the minute I asked him to come back and part of me hates myself for being so eager. So willing to forget the pain he caused. The doubt he planted in my brain. But feeling his hands on my needy body, his lips against my deprived skin, it’s too late to listen to my hesitant subconscious.

Declan’s sweet kisses come to a halt; his hands pause on their journey into my panties. “Mia, baby, is this okay?”

Maybe my subconscious is louder than I thought.

This is my chance to stop him, but goddamn me if it feels right to be almost making love to my husband. I’ve missed him, he’s obviously missed me. Is that enough? I want to believe it is.

So I do.

“Yes, Declan. It’s okay. I want you to make love to me.”

He pulls me down on top of him, claiming my mouth with his. “Good, because there was no way I was going to be able to stop.”

We fall into a familiar rhythm but, so help me God, there is something incredibly different about the way we move together tonight. In his mind I’m sure he’s trying to make up for everything by being extra attentive, but all I can think about is how perfect we fit together. I know he feels it too. Something this strong cannot be denied.