pierogies. He’d snapped it from the side,
catching me in profile, grinning happily
as I tried to work with the misshapen
lump of dough in my hands.
Miss this
girl
, he’d captioned it.
There was just one hashtag:
#sweetpea.
I rolled my eyes, but inside my chest,
my heart was pounding.
LATE WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON,
the day he was scheduled to return, he
called me. I let it ring a few times, even
though I was totally anxious to hear his
voice.
“Hello?”
“Hey, you.”
“Hi.” A stupid grin took over my
mouth before I could help it, and I
huddled down inside my cubicle.
“How’s everything?”
“Good. How are you?”
“Great. Ready to get out of here. My
flight gets in around five tonight. Can I
take you out for dinner later?”
I almost said yes right away, but then
I remembered standing Wednesday
GNO. For a second I thought about
faking an illness, but it would not be
cool to bail on my girls for a guy. We
just didn’t do that. “I can’t tonight. It’s
Wednesday.”
“Oh, that’s right. Girls’ Night Out.”
He sounded more amused than
disappointed. “How about tomorrow?”
“That works.” But did that mean I
wouldn’t get to see him tonight?
“OK, I’ll see you tomorrow, then.
Have fun tonight.”
“Thanks. Safe travels.”
After the phone call, I found myself
in a foul mood for no good reason. I was
mad at myself for resenting GNO when
I’d been the one in the past to insist we
honor the date no matter what, and I was
angry that Quinn hadn’t sounded sad
about not seeing me tonight. I’d missed
that asshole. I actually couldn’t wait to
see him again, and I never felt like that
about a guy. Did he not feel the same?
You see? This is why getting close
to someone sucks. It’s a constant
guessing game in which it’s impossible
to keep the upper hand. Someone is
always disappointed, and right now it’s
you. Get a fucking grip.
But I stayed grouchy through the rest
of the work day and didn’t even bother
to go home and change before meeting
Claire and Margot, because I didn’t
want to take the chance of running into
him. First, I wanted him to think I didn’t
care that much about seeing him tonight,
and second, I didn’t trust myself not to
ditch the girls and rip his clothes off the
moment I saw his face.
It was Margot’s turn to pick the spot,
and she chose Marais, an upscale French
restaurant in Grosse Pointe with an
elegant bar and lounge that wasn’t
exactly formal, but still likely to be full
of crusty people like Tripp in coats and
ties. I did like the cheese selection,
though, which they wheeled out on a cart
and gushed over before slicing portions
onto a plate for you. I didn’t give a shit
about artisanal goats, but I had to admit
it was all pretty tasty, served with bread
and crackers and honey. They had a great
wine list too.
I forgot all about my bad mood when
I entered the bar and saw my friends
sitting next to each other in a huge velvet
booth, Margot visibly upset and Claire’s
hand on her arm.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, sliding
onto the bench across from them.
“It’s nothing,” Margot said, fighting
for composure. “A fight with Tripp.”
“About what?”
“You’ll think it’s dumb.”
“Margot, no, I won’t.” I sat forward
with my elbows on my knees, leaning
toward her. “Talk to me.”
She sniffed and pulled a
handkerchief out of her purse. Claire and
I exchanged a surreptitious smile—
Margot was the only woman we knew
who actually carried little white hankies
in her purse, monogrammed with her
initials. We sometimes teased her about
stuff like that, but this wasn’t the time.
“It’s just—I thought we were really
getting closer to an engagement. He’s
dropped hints here and there, and he
knows it’s what I want. He even asked
me before Christmas about what sort of
ring I’d like, so I thought maybe it would
be a Christmas gift. But it wasn’t.”
“What did he get you again?” Claire
asked.
“A Chanel bag and some earrings
from Tiffany.” Only Margot could make
those gifts sound like a disappointment.
“How dare he,” I teased, trying to
make her smile.
She did, but barely. “I’m sorry, you
guys. I sound like a spoiled brat, pouting
because I didn’t get exactly what I
wanted when I wanted it.”
“You’re allowed to be disappointed.
It’s OK,” Claire said, rubbing her
shoulder. “You guys have been together
for a while, and it’s only natural for you
to be excited about taking the next step.”
God, Claire was such a nicer person
than I was. All I could think was,
See?
This is what happens when you give
someone the power to make you happy
—they can use it to let you down, too.
“I just don’t understand why he’s
dragging his feet,” Margot went on,
dabbing at her eyes. “He says he loves
me. He’s good to me. My family adores
him; his family adores me. We come
from the same world, have the same
values, want the same things for our
future.”
Babies with little whale pajamas?
I
thought before I could help it.
“Well, what happened today?”
Claire asked.
“It was last night, actually. I was
being passive-aggressive and made a
comment about being so old on my
wedding day my dad would have to
wheel me up the aisle, and he got
defensive.” Margot shook her head. “It
was my fault. I shouldn’t have poked at
him.”
“I don’t think you were wrong to
want to know where things stand, though,
Margot,” I told her. “He should be up
front with you. But rather than hint
around, can’t you ask him flat out what
he’s thinking? Or tell him what you’re
thinking? That’s not issuing an
ultimatum. It’s just being honest.”
“But I’m scared,” she said. “What if
his answer isn’t what I want to hear?”
I shook my head—this made no
sense to me. Did she want to be
deceived? “Why wouldn’t you want to
hear the truth?”
“Because it might hurt.” She
shrugged helplessly. “What if he doesn’t
want me to be his wife, and I just wasted
the last three years of my life? What if he
tells me I’m not the one? What if he
doesn’t think I’m good enough?”
“Then he’d be a total fucking idiot,”
I snapped, angry at the thought. “He’ll
never do better than you.”
I wasn’t even blowing smoke up her
ass, it was totally true. Besides being
smart, fun, and generous, Margot had the
cool, aristocratic beauty of a Grace
Kelly or a Hitchcock blonde. Sure, she’d
grown up in a home with an elevator and
a private French tutor, and she could be
a bit clueless about the ninety-nine
percent (the first day we met in ninth
grade, she asked me in all earnestness
where I boarded my horse), but she
made fun of herself all the time.
Sometimes she texted Claire and me
things like,
When a sommelier tries to
substitute the 88 Bordeaux for the 89.
Please. #MargotProblems
“I agree,” Claire said firmly. “I think
he does want to marry you, and he’s just
being a guy and putting off settling down.
Try what Jaime said—talk to him openly
about it.”
Margot touched the hankie to her
nose once more just as a waiter
appeared at our table.
“What can I get you?” he asked.
“We’ll have the
charcuterie
and
fromage
,” said Margot, suddenly all
poise and confidence, back straight.
Letting a stranger see her upset was not
her style. “And I’ll have a glass of
riesling.”
But after we’d ordered and the
waiter left, Margot’s spine curled and
she looked distraught again. “OK, I’ll do
it. I’ll talk to him. Maybe this weekend.”
“Good girl,” I said. Personally, I
thought Margot could do a hundred times
better than Tripp and didn’t understand
the rush to get married anyway, but if she
had her heart set on it, I’d support her. It
was sad to me, though, that my gorgeous,
classy, normally confident friend was
letting a man dictate her self-worth.
That’s what happens when women
fall in love, though. They lose
themselves. They lose perspective. They
lose control over their own happiness.
Thank God I was smart enough to
know it.
This arrangement with Quinn was
really the best—I had all the perks of
being in a couple and none of the
heartache…as long as I kept my cool, I’d
be OK.
For that reason, I did not check my
phone even once to see if he’d texted.
I left Marais around ten, and his car
was on the street when I arrived home.
Just go upstairs
, I told myself as I
hurried up the walk.
Do not stop, do not
knock, do not check your phone.
I was unlocking the front door when
he pulled it open. “Hey, you!” He threw
his arms around me, pulling me inside,
just like he had the day he moved in. “I
saw you pull up. Did you get my text?”
“No,” I said, disturbed by the way
my pulse was racing. “When did you
send it?”
“I don’t know, maybe an hour ago. I
kept telling myself not to bug you on
girls’ night, but then I couldn’t resist.”
He took my wrists, tugged on them
playfully. “I missed your face.”
“Just my face?” I made a joke while
I tried to get my bearings. If I let him
know how happy I was to see him, to
know that he’d texted, that was bad,
right?
“Maybe I missed a few other parts of
you.”
“My brain, no doubt. My dazzling
intellect. My sharp wit.”
His eyes flicked left. “Yeah, let’s go
with that.”
“Thanks.”
“So would your intellect be
available right now for, um, a
consultation? See, I have this really
hard…decision to make, and I think
some heated
discussion
might help me…
penetrate the issue. Gain some insight.”
“Really. You have a hard
decision
.”
He nodded. “So hard it’s painful.”
I smiled, feeling like I was on
familiar ground again. Sex and games I
could handle. “Well, I can’t leave a
friend with such a pressing problem.
Want to come upstairs for a pow-wow?
I’ll try my best to wrap my
intellect
around your pre
dic
ament.”
He slipped an arm around my waist,
the other around my neck, and kissed me
hard. “My predicament would be
delighted to come upstairs, downstairs,
or anywhere else you want it to.”
“SO, did you miss me? You haven’t
said.” Quinn turned onto his side and
propped his head on his elbow.
I was stretched out on my back next
to him. We’d just finished round two,
during which I’d executed the
Wheelbarrow
and
the Reverse Cowgirl,
so I was winded as hell. (We’d been so
impatient for round one, it had happened
on the stairs with zero finesse from
either one of us, although I’d probably
have a bruise on my tailbone tomorrow.)
“I may have thought about you once
or twice,” I teased.
“Once or twice, huh?”
I shrugged. “I don’t want you to get a
big head or anything.”
He sat up. “Liar. You love when I get
a big head. Be right back.”
Giggling, I sat up and hit him with
my pillow as he got out of bed. “Jerk.”
He went into the guest bathroom like
he always did, and I went into mine,
thankful for the way he respected my
need for space after sex. A lot of guys
would have just used mine because it
was closer. Quinn was considerate like
that.
After using the bathroom, I took my
pill and brushed my teeth. Believe it or
not, I was actually contemplating asking
him to stay the night, but when I came out
of the bathroom, he wasn’t back in my
room. The hall light was on, so I threw
on a T-shirt and went out to the living
room, where a shirtless Quinn was
tugging on his jeans.
“Had to find my pants,” he said, his
hair messy and flopping in his face. He
pushed it back. “The rest of my clothes
are still down there, but I brought yours
up. They’re on the couch.”
“Thanks.” I stood there for a second,
arms crossed, not wanting him to leave
but not certain asking him to stay was