Man and Superman and Three Other Plays (37 page)
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Authors: George Bernard Shaw
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JUDITH
[coming to ESSIE and throwing a protecting arm about her]
I will. You should be burnt alive.
[coming to ESSIE and throwing a protecting arm about her]
I will. You should be burnt alive.
ESSIE But I dont want to.
[She shrinks back, leaving RICHARD and JUDITH face to face].
[She shrinks back, leaving RICHARD and JUDITH face to face].
RICHARD [to
JUDITH
] Actually doesnt want to, most virtuous lady!
JUDITH
] Actually doesnt want to, most virtuous lady!
UNCLE TITUS Have a care, Richard Dudgeon. The lawâ
RICHARD
[turning threateningly on him]
Have a care, you. In an hour from this there will be no law here but martial law. I passed the soldiers within six miles on my way here: before noon Major Swindon's gallows for rebels will be up in the market place.
[turning threateningly on him]
Have a care, you. In an hour from this there will be no law here but martial law. I passed the soldiers within six miles on my way here: before noon Major Swindon's gallows for rebels will be up in the market place.
ANDERSON [
calmly
] What have we to fear from that, sir?
calmly
] What have we to fear from that, sir?
RICHARD More than you think. He hanged the wrong man at Springtown: he thought Uncle Peter was respectable, because the Dudgeons had a good name. But his next example will be the best man in the town to whom he can bring home a rebellious word. Well, we're all rebels; and you know it.
ALL THE MEN
[except ANDERSON]
No, no, no!
[except ANDERSON]
No, no, no!
RICHARD Yes, you are. You havnt damned King George up hill and down dale as I have; but youve prayed for his defeat; and you, Anthony Anderson, have conducted the service, and sold your family bible to buy a pair of pistols. They maynt hang me, perhaps; because the moral effect of the Devil's Disciple dancing on nothing wouldnt help them. But a Minister! [
JUDITH, dismayed,
clings to ANDERSON] or a lawyer!
[HAWKINS smiles like a man able to take care of himself
] or an upright horsedealer! [
UNCLE TITUS snarls at him in rage and terror]
or a reformed drunkard!
[UNCLE
WILLIAM, utterly unnerved, moans and wobbles
with fear
] eh? Would that shew that King George meant businessâha?
JUDITH, dismayed,
clings to ANDERSON] or a lawyer!
[HAWKINS smiles like a man able to take care of himself
] or an upright horsedealer! [
UNCLE TITUS snarls at him in rage and terror]
or a reformed drunkard!
[UNCLE
WILLIAM, utterly unnerved, moans and wobbles
with fear
] eh? Would that shew that King George meant businessâha?
ANDERSON [
perfectly self-possessed
] Come, my dear: he is only trying to frighten you. There is no danger.
[He takes her out of the house. The rest crowd to the door to follow him, except ESSIE, who remains near RICHARD].
perfectly self-possessed
] Come, my dear: he is only trying to frighten you. There is no danger.
[He takes her out of the house. The rest crowd to the door to follow him, except ESSIE, who remains near RICHARD].
RICHARD [
boisterously derisive]
Now then: how many of you will stay with me; run up the American flag on the devil's house; and make a fight for freedom? [
They scramble out, CHRISTY among them, hustling one another in their haste]
Ha ha! Long live the devil!
[To MRS. DUDGEON, who is following them]
What, mother! Are you off too?
boisterously derisive]
Now then: how many of you will stay with me; run up the American flag on the devil's house; and make a fight for freedom? [
They scramble out, CHRISTY among them, hustling one another in their haste]
Ha ha! Long live the devil!
[To MRS. DUDGEON, who is following them]
What, mother! Are you off too?
MRS. DUDGEON [
deadly pale, with her hand on her heart as if she had received a deathblow]
My curse on you! My dying curse! [
She goes out].
deadly pale, with her hand on her heart as if she had received a deathblow]
My curse on you! My dying curse! [
She goes out].
RICHARD [
calling after her]
It will bring me luck. Ha ha ha!
calling after her]
It will bring me luck. Ha ha ha!
ESSIE [
anxiously
] Maynt I stay?
anxiously
] Maynt I stay?
RICHARD
[turning to her]
What! Have they forgotten to save your soul in their anxiety about their own bodies? Oh yes: you may stay. [
He turns excitedly away again and shakes his fist after them. His left fist, also clenched, hangs down. ESSIE seizes it and kisses it, her tears falling on it. He starts and looks at it].
Tears! The devil's baptism! [
She falls on her knees, sobbing. He stoops goodnaturedly to raise her, saying]
Oh yes, you may cry that way, Essie, if you like.
[turning to her]
What! Have they forgotten to save your soul in their anxiety about their own bodies? Oh yes: you may stay. [
He turns excitedly away again and shakes his fist after them. His left fist, also clenched, hangs down. ESSIE seizes it and kisses it, her tears falling on it. He starts and looks at it].
Tears! The devil's baptism! [
She falls on her knees, sobbing. He stoops goodnaturedly to raise her, saying]
Oh yes, you may cry that way, Essie, if you like.
ACT II
Minister Anderson's house is in the main street of Websterbridge, not far from the town hall. To the eye of the eighteenth century New Englander, it is much grander than the plain farmhouse of the Dudgeons; but it is so plain itself that a modern house agent would let both at about the same rent. The chief dwelling room has the same sort of kitchen fireplace, with boiler, toaster hanging on the bars, movable iron griddle socketed to the hob, hook above for roasting, and broad fender, on which stand a kettle and a plate of buttered toast. The door, between the fireplace and the corner, has neither panels, fingerplates nor handles: it is made of plain boards, and fastens with a latch. The table is a kitchen table, with a treacle colored cover of American cloth, chapped
bp
at the corners by draping. The tea service on it consists of two thick cups and saucers of the plainest ware, with milk jug and bowl to match, each large enough to contain nearly a quart, on a black japanned tray, and, in the middle of the table, a wooden trencher with a big loaf upon it, and a square half pound block of butter in a crock. The big oak press facing the fire from the opposite side of the room, is for use and storage, not for ornament; and the minister's house coat hangs on a peg from its door, shewing that he is out; for when he is in, it is his best coat that hangs there. His big riding boots stand beside the press, evidently in their usual place, and rather proud of themselves. In fact, the evolution of the minister's kitchen, dining room and drawing room into three separate apartments has not yet taken place; and so, from the point of view of our pampered period, he is no better off than the Dudgeons.
bp
at the corners by draping. The tea service on it consists of two thick cups and saucers of the plainest ware, with milk jug and bowl to match, each large enough to contain nearly a quart, on a black japanned tray, and, in the middle of the table, a wooden trencher with a big loaf upon it, and a square half pound block of butter in a crock. The big oak press facing the fire from the opposite side of the room, is for use and storage, not for ornament; and the minister's house coat hangs on a peg from its door, shewing that he is out; for when he is in, it is his best coat that hangs there. His big riding boots stand beside the press, evidently in their usual place, and rather proud of themselves. In fact, the evolution of the minister's kitchen, dining room and drawing room into three separate apartments has not yet taken place; and so, from the point of view of our pampered period, he is no better off than the Dudgeons.
But there is a difference, for all that. To begin with, Mrs. Anderson is a pleasanter person to live with than Mrs. Dudgeon. To which Mrs. Dudgeon would at once reply, with reason, that Mrs. Anderson has no children to look after; no poultry, pigs nor cattle; a steady and sufficient income not directly dependent on harvests and prices at fairs; an affectionate husband who is a tower of strength to her: in short, that life is as easy at the minister's house as it is hard at the farm. This is true; but to explain a fact is not to alter it; and however little credit Mrs. Anderson may deserve for making her home happier, she has certainly succeeded in doing it. The outward and visible signs of her superior social pretensions are, a drugget
bq
on the floor, a plaster ceiling between the timbers, and chairs which, though not upholstered, are stained and polished. The fine arts are represented by a mezzotint portrait of some Presbyterian divine, a copperplate of Raphael's St Paul preaching at Athens, a rococo presentation clock on the mantelshelf , flanked by a couple of miniatures, a pair of crockery dogs with baskets in their mouths, and, at the corners, two large cowrie shells.
br
A pretty feature of the room is the low wide latticed window, nearly its whole width, with little red curtains running on a rod half way up it to serve as a blind. There is no sofa; but one of the seats, standing near the press, has a railed back and is long enough to accommodate two people easily. On the whole, it is rather the sort of room that the nineteenth century has ended in struggling to get back to under the leadership of Mr. Philip Webb
bs
and his disciples in domestic architecture, though no genteel clergyman would have tolerated it fifty years ago.
bq
on the floor, a plaster ceiling between the timbers, and chairs which, though not upholstered, are stained and polished. The fine arts are represented by a mezzotint portrait of some Presbyterian divine, a copperplate of Raphael's St Paul preaching at Athens, a rococo presentation clock on the mantelshelf , flanked by a couple of miniatures, a pair of crockery dogs with baskets in their mouths, and, at the corners, two large cowrie shells.
br
A pretty feature of the room is the low wide latticed window, nearly its whole width, with little red curtains running on a rod half way up it to serve as a blind. There is no sofa; but one of the seats, standing near the press, has a railed back and is long enough to accommodate two people easily. On the whole, it is rather the sort of room that the nineteenth century has ended in struggling to get back to under the leadership of Mr. Philip Webb
bs
and his disciples in domestic architecture, though no genteel clergyman would have tolerated it fifty years ago.
The evening has closed in; and the room is dark except for the cosy firelight and the dim oil lamps seen through the window in the wet street, where there is a quiet, steady, warm, windless downpour of rain. As the town clock strikes the quarter, Judith comes in with a couple of
candles in earthenware candlesticks, and sets them on the table. Her self-conscious airs of the morning are gone: she is anxious and frightened. She goes to the window and peers into the street. The first thing she sees there is her husband, hurrying home through the rain. She gives a little gasp of relief, not very far removed from a sob, and turns to the door. Anderson comes in, wrapped in a very wet cloak.
candles in earthenware candlesticks, and sets them on the table. Her self-conscious airs of the morning are gone: she is anxious and frightened. She goes to the window and peers into the street. The first thing she sees there is her husband, hurrying home through the rain. She gives a little gasp of relief, not very far removed from a sob, and turns to the door. Anderson comes in, wrapped in a very wet cloak.
JUDITH
[running to him]
Oh, here you are at last, at last! [
She at
tempts to embrace him].
[running to him]
Oh, here you are at last, at last! [
She at
tempts to embrace him].
ANDERSON [
keeping her off
] Take care, my love: I'm wet. Wait till I get my cloak off.
[He places a chair with its back to the fire; hangs his cloak on it to dry; shakes the rain from his hat and puts it on the fender; and at last turns with his hands outstretched to JUDITH].
Now! [
She flies into his arms].
I am not late, am I? The town clock struck the quarter as I came in at the front door. And the town clock is always fast.
keeping her off
] Take care, my love: I'm wet. Wait till I get my cloak off.
[He places a chair with its back to the fire; hangs his cloak on it to dry; shakes the rain from his hat and puts it on the fender; and at last turns with his hands outstretched to JUDITH].
Now! [
She flies into his arms].
I am not late, am I? The town clock struck the quarter as I came in at the front door. And the town clock is always fast.
JUDITH I'm sure it's slow this evening. I'm so glad youre back.
ANDERSON
[taking her more closely in his arms]
Anxious, my dear?
[taking her more closely in his arms]
Anxious, my dear?
JUDITH A little.
ANDERSON Why, youve been crying.
JUDITH Only a little. Never mind: it's all over now. [
A
bugle call is heard in the distance. She starts in terror and retreats to the long seat,
listening.
] Whats that?
A
bugle call is heard in the distance. She starts in terror and retreats to the long seat,
listening.
] Whats that?
ANDERSON [
following her tenderly to the seat and making her sit down with him]
Only King George, my dear. He's returning to barracks, or having his roll called, or getting ready for tea, or booting or saddling or something. Soldiers dont ring the bell or call over the banisters when they want anything: they send a boy out with a bugle to disturb the whole town.
following her tenderly to the seat and making her sit down with him]
Only King George, my dear. He's returning to barracks, or having his roll called, or getting ready for tea, or booting or saddling or something. Soldiers dont ring the bell or call over the banisters when they want anything: they send a boy out with a bugle to disturb the whole town.
JUDITH Do you think there is really any danger?
ANDERSON Not the least in the world.
JUDITH You say that to comfort me, not because you believe it.
ANDERSON My dear: in this world there is always danger for those who are afraid of it. There's a danger that the house will catch fire in the night; but we shant sleep any the less soundly for that.
JUDITH Yes, I know what you always say; and youre quite right. Oh, quite right: I know it. ButâI suppose I'm not brave: thats all. My heart shrinks every time I think of the soldiers.
ANDERSON Never mind that, dear: bravery is none the worse for costing a little pain.
JUDITH Yes, I suppose so.
[Embracing him again]
Oh how brave you are, my dear!
[With tears in her eyes]
Well, I'll be brave too: you shant be ashamed of your wife.
[Embracing him again]
Oh how brave you are, my dear!
[With tears in her eyes]
Well, I'll be brave too: you shant be ashamed of your wife.
ANDERSON Thats right. Now you make me happy. Well, well!
[He rises and goes cheerily to the fire to dry his shoes].
I called on Richard Dudgeon on my way back; but he wasn't in.
[He rises and goes cheerily to the fire to dry his shoes].
I called on Richard Dudgeon on my way back; but he wasn't in.
JUDITH
[rising in consternation]
You called on that man!
[rising in consternation]
You called on that man!
ANDERSON
[reassuring her]
Oh, nothing happened, dearie. He was out.
[reassuring her]
Oh, nothing happened, dearie. He was out.
JUDITH
[almost in tears, as if the visit were a personal humiliation to her]
But why did you go there?
[almost in tears, as if the visit were a personal humiliation to her]
But why did you go there?
ANDERSON
[gravely]
Well, it is all the talk that Major Swindon is going to do what he did in Springtownâmake an example of some notorious rebel, as he calls us. He pounced on Peter Dudgeon as the worst character there; and it is the general belief that he will pounce on Richard as the worst here.
[gravely]
Well, it is all the talk that Major Swindon is going to do what he did in Springtownâmake an example of some notorious rebel, as he calls us. He pounced on Peter Dudgeon as the worst character there; and it is the general belief that he will pounce on Richard as the worst here.
JUDITH But Richard saidâ
ANDERSON
[goodhumoredly cutting her short]
Pooh! Richard said! He said what he thought would frighten you and frighten me, my dear. He said what perhaps (God forgive him!) he would like to believe. It's a terrible thing to think of what death must mean for a man like that. I felt that I must warn him. I left a message for him.
[goodhumoredly cutting her short]
Pooh! Richard said! He said what he thought would frighten you and frighten me, my dear. He said what perhaps (God forgive him!) he would like to believe. It's a terrible thing to think of what death must mean for a man like that. I felt that I must warn him. I left a message for him.
JUDITH [
querulously
] What message?
querulously
] What message?
ANDERSON Only that I should be glad to see him for a moment on a matter of importance to himself; and that if he would look in here when he was passing he would be welcome.
JUDITH [
aghast
] You asked that man to come here!
aghast
] You asked that man to come here!
ANDERSON I did.
JUDITH [
sinking on the seat and clasping her hands]
I hope he wont come! Oh, I pray that he may not come!
sinking on the seat and clasping her hands]
I hope he wont come! Oh, I pray that he may not come!
ANDERSON Why? Dont you want him to be warned?
JUDITH He must know his danger. Oh, Tony, is it wrong to hate a blasphemer and a villain? I do hate him. I cant get him out of my mind: I know he will bring harm with him. He insulted you: he insulted me: he insulted his mother.
ANDERSON
[quaintly]
Well, dear, let's forgive him; and then it wont matter.
[quaintly]
Well, dear, let's forgive him; and then it wont matter.
JUDITH Oh, I know it's wrong to hate anybody; butâ
ANDERSON
[going over to her with humorous tenderness]
Come, dear, youre not so wicked as you think. The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity. After all, my dear, if you watch people carefully, youll be surprised to find how like hate is to love. [
She starts, strangely touchedâeven appalled. He is amused at her].
Yes: I'm quite in earnest. Think of how some of our married friends worry one another, tax one another, are jealous of one another, cant bear to let one another out of sight for a day, are more like jailers and slave-owners than lovers. Think of those very same people with their enemies, scrupulous, lofty, self-respecting, determined to be independent of one another, careful of how they speak of one anotherâpooh! havent you often thought that if they only knew it, they were better friends to their enemies than to their own husbands and wives? Come: depend on it, my dear, you are really fonder of Richard than you are of me, if you only knew it. Eh?
[going over to her with humorous tenderness]
Come, dear, youre not so wicked as you think. The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity. After all, my dear, if you watch people carefully, youll be surprised to find how like hate is to love. [
She starts, strangely touchedâeven appalled. He is amused at her].
Yes: I'm quite in earnest. Think of how some of our married friends worry one another, tax one another, are jealous of one another, cant bear to let one another out of sight for a day, are more like jailers and slave-owners than lovers. Think of those very same people with their enemies, scrupulous, lofty, self-respecting, determined to be independent of one another, careful of how they speak of one anotherâpooh! havent you often thought that if they only knew it, they were better friends to their enemies than to their own husbands and wives? Come: depend on it, my dear, you are really fonder of Richard than you are of me, if you only knew it. Eh?
JUDITH Oh, dont say that: dont say that, Tony, even in jest. You don't know what a horrible feeling it gives me.
ANDERSON [
laughing
] Well, well: never mind, pet. He's a bad man; and you hate him as he deserves. And youre going to make the tea, arnt you?
laughing
] Well, well: never mind, pet. He's a bad man; and you hate him as he deserves. And youre going to make the tea, arnt you?
JUDITH [
remorsefully
] Oh yes, I forgot. Ive been keeping you waiting all this time.
[She goes to the fire and puts on the kettle].
remorsefully
] Oh yes, I forgot. Ive been keeping you waiting all this time.
[She goes to the fire and puts on the kettle].
ANDERSON
[going to the press and taking his coat off
] Have you stitched up the shoulder of my old coat?
[going to the press and taking his coat off
] Have you stitched up the shoulder of my old coat?
JUDITH Yes, dear. [
She goes
to the table, and sets about putting the tea into the
teapot from
the caddy].
She goes
to the table, and sets about putting the tea into the
teapot from
the caddy].
ANDERSON [
as he changes his coat for the older one hanging on the press, and replaces it by the one he has just taken off
] Did anyone call when I was out?
as he changes his coat for the older one hanging on the press, and replaces it by the one he has just taken off
] Did anyone call when I was out?
JUDITH No,
only
â[Someone
knocks at the door. With a start which betrays her intense nervousness, she retreats to the further end of the table with the tea caddy and spoon in her hands, exclaiming]
Who's that?
only
â[Someone
knocks at the door. With a start which betrays her intense nervousness, she retreats to the further end of the table with the tea caddy and spoon in her hands, exclaiming]
Who's that?
ANDERSON
[going to her and patting her encouragingly on the shoulder]
All right, pet, all right. He wont eat you, whoever he is.
[She tries to smile, and nearly makes herself cry. He goes to the door and opens it. RICHARD is there, without overcoat or cloak].
You might have raised the latch and come in, Mr. Dudgeon. Nobody stands on much ceremony with us. [Hospitably] Come in. [RICHARD
comes in carelessly and stands at the table, looking round the room with a slight pucker of his nose at the mezzotinted divine on the wall. JUDITH keeps her eyes on the tea caddy].
Is it still raining? [
He shuts the door] .
[going to her and patting her encouragingly on the shoulder]
All right, pet, all right. He wont eat you, whoever he is.
[She tries to smile, and nearly makes herself cry. He goes to the door and opens it. RICHARD is there, without overcoat or cloak].
You might have raised the latch and come in, Mr. Dudgeon. Nobody stands on much ceremony with us. [Hospitably] Come in. [RICHARD
comes in carelessly and stands at the table, looking round the room with a slight pucker of his nose at the mezzotinted divine on the wall. JUDITH keeps her eyes on the tea caddy].
Is it still raining? [
He shuts the door] .
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