Man and Superman and Three Other Plays (12 page)

FRANK Of course I do—ever so much better. Vivvums mustn't lecture: her little boy's incorrigible. [
He attempts to take her face caressingly in his hands
.]

VIVIE [
striking his hands down sharply
] Off with you: Vivvums is not in a humor for petting her little boy this evening.

FRANK How unkind!

VIVIE [
stamping at him
] Be serious. I'm serious.

FRANK Good. Let us talk learnedly. Miss Warren: do you know that all the most advanced thinkers are agreed that half the diseases of modern civilization are due to starvation of the affections in the young. Now,
I
—

VIVIE [
cutting him short
] You are getting tiresome. [
She opens the inner door.
] Have you room for Frank there? He's complaining of starvation.

MRS. WARREN [
within
] Of course there is [
clatter of knives and glasses as she moves the things on the table
]. Here: there's room now beside me. Come along, Mr. Frank.

FRANK [
aside to VIVIE, as he goes
] Her little boy will be ever so even with his Vivvums for this. [
He goes into the other room.
]

MRS. WARREN [
within
] Here, Vivie: come on, you too, child. You must be famished. [
She enters, followed by CROFTS, who holds the door open for VIVIE with marked deference. She goes out without looking at him; and he shuts the door after her
.] Why, George, you can't be done: you've eaten nothing.

CROFTS Oh, all I wanted was a drink. [
He thrusts his hands in his pockets and begins prowling about the room, restless and sulky
.]

MRS. WARREN Well, I like enough to eat. But a little of that cold beef and cheese and lettuce goes a long way. [
With a sigh of only half repletion she sits down lazily at the table
.]

CROFTS What do you go encouraging that young pup for?

MRS. WARREN [
on the alert at once
] Now see here, George: what are you up to about that girl? I've been watching your way of looking at her. Remember: I know you and what your looks mean.

CROFTS There's no harm in looking at her, is there?

MRS. WARREN I'd put you out and pack you back to London pretty soon if I saw any of your nonsense. My girl's little finger is more to me than your whole body and soul. [
CROFTS receives this with a sneering grin. MRS. WARREN, flushing a little at her failure to impose on him in the character of a theatrically devoted mother, adds in a lower key.
] Make your mind easy: the young pup has no more chance than you have.

CROFTS Mayn't a man take an interest in a girl?

MRS. WARREN Not a man like you.

CROFTS How old is she?

MRS. WARREN Never you mind how old she is.

CROFTS Why do you make such a secret of it?

MRS. WARREN Because I choose.

CROFTS Well, I'm not fifty yet; and my property is as good as ever it was—

MRS. WARREN [
interrupting him
] Yes; because you're as stingy as you're vicious.

CROFTS [
continuing
] And a baronet isn't to be picked up every day. No other man in my position would put up with you for a mother-in-law. Why shouldn't she marry me?

MRS. WARREN You!

CROFTS We three could live together quite comfortably. I'd die before her and leave her a bouncing widow with plenty of money. Why not? It's been growing in my mind all the time I've been walking with that fool inside there.

MRS. WARREN [
revolted
] Yes; it's the sort of thing that would grow in your mind. [
He halts in his prowling; and the two look at one another, she steadfastly, with a sort of awe behind her contemptuous disgust: he stealthily, with a carnal gleam in his eye and a loose grin, tempting her.
]

CROFTS [
suddenly becoming anxious and urgent as he sees no sign of sympathy in her
] Look here, Kitty: you're a sensible woman: you needn't put on any moral airs. I'll ask no more questions; and you need answer none. I'll settle the whole property on her; and if you want a cheque for yourself on the wedding day, you can name any figure you like—in reason.

MRS. WARREN Faugh! So it's come to that with you, George, like all the other worn out old creatures.

CROFTS [
savagely
] Damn you! [
She rises and turns fiercely on him; but the door of the inner room is opened just then; and the voices of the others are heard returning. CROFTS, unable to recover his presence of mind, hurries out of the cottage. The clergyman comes back
.]

REV. S. [
looking round
] Where is Sir George?

MRS. WARREN Gone out to have a pipe. [
She goes to the fireplace, turning her back on him to compose herself. The clergyman goes to the table for his hat. Meanwhile VIVIE comes in, followed by FRANK, who collapses into the nearest chair with an air of extreme exhaustion. MRS. WARREN looks round at VIVIE and says, with her affectation of maternal patronage even more forced than usual.
] Well, dearie: have you had a good supper?

VIVIE You know what Mrs. Alison's suppers are. [
She turns to FRANK and pets him.
] Poor Frank! was all the beef gone? did it get nothing but bread and cheese and ginger beer? [
Seriously, as if she had done quite enough trifling for one evening.
] Her butter is really awful. I must get some down from the stores.

FRANK Do, in Heaven's name! [
VIVIE goes to the writing-table and makes a memorandum to order the butter. PRAED comes in from the inner room, putting up his handkerchief, which he has been using as a napkin
.]

REV. S. Frank, my boy: it is time for us to be thinking of home. Your mother does not know yet that we have visitors.

PRAED I'm afraid we're giving trouble.

FRANK Not the least in the world, Praed: my mother will be delighted to see you. She's a genuinely intellectual, artistic woman; and she sees nobody here from one year's end to another except the gov‘nor; so you can imagine how jolly dull it pans out for her. [
To the REV. S.
] Y o u' r e not intellectual or artistic, are you, pater? So take Praed home at once; and I'll stay here and entertain Mrs. Warren. You'll pick up Crofts in the garden. He'll be excellent company for the bull-pup.

PRAED [
taking his hat from the dresser, and coming close to FRANK
] Come with us, Frank. Mrs. Warren has not seen Miss Vivie for a long time; and we have prevented them from having a moment together yet.

FRANK [
quite softened, and looking at PRAED with romantic admiration
] Of course: I forgot. Ever so thanks for reminding me. Perfect gentleman, Praddy. Always were—my ideal through life. [
He rises to go, but pauses a moment between the two older men, and puts his hand on PRAED's shoulder.
] Ah, if you had only been my father instead of this unworthy old man! [
He puts his other hand on his father's shoulder.
]

REV. S. [
blustering
] Silence, sir, silence: you are profane.

MRS. WARREN [
laughing heartily
] You should keep him in better order, Sam. Good-night. Here: take George his hat and stick with my compliments.

REV. S. [
taking them
] Good-night. [
They shake hands. As he passes VIVIE he shakes hands with her also and bids her good-night. Then, in booming command, to FRANK
.] Come along, sir, at once. [
He goes out. Meanwhile FRANK has taken his cap from the dresser and his rifle from the rack. PRAED shakes hands with MRS. WARREN and VIVIE and goes out, MRS. WARREN accompanying him idly to the door, and looking out after him as he goes across the garden. FRANK silently begs a kiss from VIVIE; but she, dismissing him with a stern glance, takes a couple of books and some paper from the writing-table, and sits down with them at the middle table, so as to have the benefit of the lamp
.]

FRANK [
at the door, taking MRS. WARREN's hand
] Good night, d e a r Mrs. Warren. [
He squeezes her hand. She snatches it away, her lips tightening, and looks more than half disposed to box his ears. He laughs mischievously and runs off, clapping-to the door behind him
.]

MRS. WARREN [
coming back to her place at the table, opposite VIVIE, resigning herself to an evening of boredom now that the men are gone
] Did you ever in your life hear anyone rattle on so? Isn't he a tease? [
She sits down
.] Now that I think of it, dearie, don't you go encouraging him. I'm sure he's a regular good-for-nothing.

VIVIE Yes: I'm afraid poor Frank is a thorough good-for-nothing. I shall have to get rid of him; but I shall feel sorry for him, though he's not worth it, poor lad. That man Crofts does not seem to me to be good for much either, is he?

MRS. WARREN [
galled by VIVIE's cool tone
] What do you know of men, child, to talk that way about them? You'll have to make up your mind to see a good deal of Sir George Crofts, as he's a friend of mine.

VIVIE [
quite unmoved
] Why? Do you expect that we shall be much together—you and I, I mean?

MRS. WARREN [
staring at her
] Of course—until you're married. You're not going back to college again.

VIVIE Do you think my way of life would suit you? I doubt it.

MRS. WARREN Y o u r way of life! What do you mean?

VIVIE [
cutting a page of her book with the paper knife on her chatelaine
] Has it really never occurred to you, mother, that I have a way of life like other people?

MRS. WARREN What nonsense is this you're trying to talk? Do you want to shew your independence, now that you're a great little person at school? Don't be a fool, child.

VIVIE [
indulgently
] That's all you have to say on the subject, is it, mother?

MRS. WARREN [
puzzled, then angry
] Don't you keep on asking me questions like that. [
Violently.
] Hold your tongue. [
VIVIE works on, losing no time, and saying nothing
.] You and your way of life, indeed! What next? [
She looks at VIVIE again. No reply
.] Your way of life will be what I please, so it will. [
Another pause.
] I've been noticing these airs in you ever since you got that tripos or whatever you call it. If you think I'm going to put up with them you're mistaken; and the sooner you find it out, the better. [
Muttering.
] All I have to say on the subject, indeed! [
Again raising her voice angrily.
] Do you know who you're speaking to, Miss?

VIVIE [
looking across at her without raising her head from her book
] No. Who are you? What are you?

MRS. WARREN [
rising breathless
] You young imp!

VIVIE Everybody knows my reputation, my social standing, and the profession I intend to pursue. I know nothing about you. What is that way of life which you invite me to share with you and Sir George Crofts, pray?

MRS. WARREN Take care. I shall do something I'll be sorry for after, and you, too.

VIVIE [
putting aside her books with cool decision
] Well, let us drop the subject until you are better able to face it. [
Looking critically at her mother.
] You want some good walks and a little lawn tennis to set you up. You are shockingly out of condition: you were not able to manage twenty yards uphill to-day without stopping to pant; and your wrists are mere rolls of fat. Look at mine. [
She holds out her wrists
.]

MRS. WARREN [
after looking at her helplessly, begins to whimper]
Vivie—

VIVIE [
springing up sharply
] Now pray don't begin to cry. Anything but that. I really cannot stand whimpering. I will go out of the room if you do.

MRS. WARREN [
piteously
] Oh, my darling, how can you be so hard on me? Have I no rights over you as your mother?

VIVIE Are you my mother?

MRS. WARREN [
appalled
] Am I your mother! Oh, Vivie!

VIVIE Then where are our relatives—my father—our family friends? You claim the rights of a mother: the right to call me fool and child; to speak to me as no woman in authority over me at college dare speak to me; to dictate my way of life; and to force on me the acquaintance of a brute whom anyone can see to be the most vicious sort of London man about town. Before I give myself the trouble to resist such claims, I may as well find out whether they have any real existence.

MRS. WARREN [
distracted, throwing herself on her knees
] Oh, no, no. Stop, stop. I a m your mother: I swear it. Oh, you can't mean to turn on me—my own child: it's not natural. You believe me, don't you? Say you believe me.

VIVIE Who was my father?

MRS. WARREN You don't know what you're asking. I can't tell you.

VIVIE [
determinedly
] Oh, yes, you can, if you like. I have a right to know; and you know very well that I have that right. You can refuse to tell me, if you please; but if you do, you will see the last of me to-morrow morning.

MRS. WARREN Oh, it's too horrible to hear you talk like that. You wouldn‘t—you couldn't t leave me.

VIVIE [
ruthlessly
] Yes, without a moment's hesitation, if you trifle with me about this. [
Shivering with disgust.
] How can I feel sure that I may not have the contaminated blood of that brutal waster in my veins?

MRS. WARREN No, no. On my oath it's not he, nor any of the rest that you have ever met. I'm certain of that, at least. [
VIVIE's eyes fasten sternly on her mother as the significance of this flashes on her
.]

VIVIE [
slowly
] You are certain of that, at least. Ah! You mean that that is all you are certain of. [
Thoughifully.
] I see. [
MRS. WARREN buries her face in her hands
.] Don't do that, mother: you know you don't feel it a bit. [
MRS. WARREN takes down her hands and looks up deplorably at VIVIE, who takes out her watch and says
] Well, that is enough for to-night. At what hour would you like breakfast? Is half-past eight too early for you?