Man 2.0 Engineering the Alpha (2 page)

The Book No One Has Written

“If you're gonna write a book . . . write a fuckin' book.”

—
TIM FERRISS

 

 
ENTER ROMAN

If you really want to hear about it,
^*
when I decided to write a book, I figured it should be the one I always wanted to read. Ideally, the one that would have changed things for me. It would be the book that—if only I'd been able to get my hands on it—would have saved me a lot of time, a lot of money, and probably a lot of headaches. Which is what I'd like to do for you.

This book would have helped me achieve success a lot faster. It would have helped me get a better body in less time. It would have taught me that while there's no right way to train, there are a lot of wrong ways and I could go farther faster by avoiding them. This book would have helped me understand nutrition, understand food in a way that allows for freedom and ease. It would have taught me to be more confident and how to use that confidence to improve my friendships, avoid screwing up with women, and even achieve a higher sense of purpose.

But I didn't have it. Instead, I had to do things the hard way, learn things the hard way. I had to do the research and test the methods. I had to make mistakes. Over the past twelve years, I've made a ton of them—but also had a lot of successes.

As a coach, I've helped many people make their bodies look and perform better than they thought possible—everyone from athletes to actors and actresses to the nine-to-five businessman and the housewife. As a writer, I've published hundreds of articles in dozens of publications, served on the advisory boards of some of the largest fitness companies in the world, and now written this book.

The successes were fun, but the failures were probably more valuable. Because it's through those failures and the lessons learned that I was forced to stray from conventional methods and to develop the information in this very book.

 

 
CHANGING YOUR PERCEPTION

The largest mistake I made was not a single event or decision but rather a misguided view of the world that led me through most of the early part of my life: a worldview made up of a strange mix of insecurity and narcissism. I was caught in a mind-set and a perspective through which I drew value only through external factors. This limited me in a number of profound ways, the most damaging of which was my assessment of self: my self-worth was based on other people—on what they thought and on measuring myself against them.

When it came to anything, whether it was school, sports, or eventually work, I wasn't concerned so much with how I was doing as I was with where I fell in a hierarchy—how I was doing compared to others.

Of course, I didn't really know I was doing this. I just knew that no matter how well I did, I never really felt satisfied. It wasn't until I approached my late twenties, standing on a stage in my underwear, that I had an epiphany.

Here's how it happened: For a few years, I competed in bodybuilding, and although I won one of my shows and placed in the others, I found the competitions unsatisfying. I couldn't figure out why—until my last contest. I was standing on stage with three other guys, all tanned and oiled up, flexing and posing and doing their best Arnold impressions. And suddenly, for no reason I can name, a switch flipped and it stopped being fun.

Bodybuilding itself was enjoyable, but bodybuilding competitions did nothing for me. I began to realize that the idea of the competitions was what bothered me. It was the need to quantify and create competition in something that is very much an individualist endeavor. The dieting and extreme attention to detail appealed to me. Getting bigger than I had previously been was enticing and motivating. So was getting leaner. But comparing myself to other big or lean people wasn't a draw. This was the first in a series of realizations that begat a paradigm shift and allowed me to see things differently.

Up until that point, like many guys, I had been solely consumed with progress as it applied to advancement—within a sports team, a business setting, or even a social environment. I realized that I had fallen prey to the idea of beating everyone else.

Wanting to be better than other people is a fundamentally bankrupt concept; you'll quickly realize that you can't be better than everyone in the world, not at everything—and if being better than others is the source from which you draw happiness, there is
no
scenario in which you'll be truly happy. While that seems obvious to me now, it's an idea that escaped me for much of my life. And I think it escapes many men worldwide.

I was far too consumed with buying into the concept of what it meant to be the alpha male, when I should have been focused on becoming the Alpha me.

 

 
REDEFINING THE ALPHA

Before we move any farther, it's important that you understand what we're offering by transforming you into the Alpha. Like any partnership—and this is a partnership—there should be complete transparency for what's at stake.

We understand that the word
Alpha
carries with it certain connotations. And in order for you to fully grasp our meaning and definition, we must first strip away any preconceived thoughts that are tied to that term.

The general perception of an alpha male is someone who's, well, kind of an asshole. The guy who's strong and confident but also domineering and cocky. As it is currently understood, the alpha male tears down others as a means to elevate his own status. We stereotype this archetype as the good-looking quarterback who picks on nerds. It's the domineering middle management boss who publicly castigates his employees to assert his power. Of course, the stereotypical perception is not always the reality. A lot of quarterbacks are really nice guys. So are a lot of bosses.

The alpha male—in current context—is a troubling mix of generally positive traits that are executed in a negative way. We see this manifest itself in many instances of life. The biggest and strongest kid in school chooses to become the bully rather than someone who sets the best example. The men from small beginnings work the hardest and rise to the top—only to forget their humble beginnings.

Being
good doesn't mean you
are
good. So the goal is not about identifying good (being hardworking) or desirable (being strong) traits, but it is about understanding how to draw the line between Alpha and ignorant.

Part of the reason for the negative perception of being the Alpha is how prevalent that word is in the seduction or pickup-artist community. Within that world, the drive to be the Alpha comes from an understanding that adopting certain traits might enhance your ability to get laid. While there's nothing wrong with getting laid or putting yourself in a better position to do so, that's not the point we're trying to make.

The entire foundation of pickup-artist society draws its self-worth by comparing to other people. More to the point, the idea of being Alpha in that community is not at all based on personal improvement; it's based on comparative improvement. It's a hollow approach to motivation.

We want to take back the concept of the Alpha. Consider this a rebranding campaign designed to get back to the roots of the meaning. Guys should desire to be the Alpha. Accepting this new perception will help you more clearly define the positive traits you want to possess and guide you toward the type of man you want to be.

For us, the issue with the perception of the alpha male is not that he's boorish
^*
and kind of a bully; the issue is that it's a label that draws its power from others. And that's not how you create success.

So who is the Alpha? The Alpha is someone who is not just assertive but is also evolved.

We believe that the Alpha is the most evolved version of
you.
This is not about being the AMOG—the Alpha Male of the Group. That's an unfulfilling approach. Just think about it. Your mind-set isn't “I want to be good” or “I want to be better.” It's “I want to be better than the other guys in the room.” That approach makes it hard to ever feel satisfied or experience the positive feelings that come with achievement and success. Your goals should be based on your own expectations, not on something as abstract and unpredictable as who else is in the room.

We want you to focus on what you can control.

Competition is great. But the best indicator of success is always internal motivation. Think about the most successful people in the world. Their hustle and determination is never about living up to someone else's expectations or following in the footsteps of another. It's about blazing their own path, being unique, and becoming the first of their kind. Kareem was Kareem. Magic was Magic. Jordan was Jordan. And LeBron is LeBron. The comparisons will be inevitable, but none of these individuals preset their development based on someone else's plan.

We want you to judge yourself against
only
yourself. We want you to achieve success that
you
strive for, that
you
want, constantly trying to improve internally and externally because you want to be better than you were—not better than someone else. That is being the Alpha.

If you can't understand that your goals shouldn't be dependent on how you compare to others, then you will have difficulty reaching the goals you desire and living a fulfilled life.