Making You Mine (53 page)

“
Then don’t give me anything!” Sarah cried.

Angel held her hand tight, his face as terrified as she felt even though she could see he attempted to keep it together.

“
Okay.” The doctor nodded. “Lets get started.”

Eight days

Four hours later, after agonizingly having to endure seeing Sarah in so much pain, she delivered a tiny baby boy. She’d cried when they whisked him away so fast she never even got a chance to see him. Angel’s heart ached for her and as much as he wanted to go investigate—find out just how his baby was doing—he couldn’t tear himself from her side. She was so incredibly sad and he wanted nothing more than to comfort her. He knew she had to be replaying the same words in her head that he had ever since he heard them.
Any chance of survival
.

He’d hardly slept the entire night; he’d been tossing and turning, worried that something like this would happen. After hours of crying Sarah had finally fallen asleep. As tired as he was Angel refused to leave the hospital until Sarah left with him. The nurse said she would be setting something up for him to sleep in. In the mean time he was finally able to go into the NICU and got the first glimpse of his son.

After walking by several other tiny babies hooked up to all kinds of tubes looking dreadfully sick he almost smiled when he saw the incubator with the Moreno label. He didn’t look much smaller than what his nieces looked like when they were born but he did have a million tubes hooked to him.

The labels said he was three pounds thirteen ounces. That wasn’t that bad. He’d read some of the others who were only one or two pounds. Here his son was almost four. Something beeped and a nurse came over and opened the incubator. Immediately alarmed he asked the nurse. “What’s wrong with him?”

“
Bradycardias,” she said, massaging the baby’s chest with her fingers.

She could have been speaking German and he wouldn’t have understood less. “What is that?”

“
Heart is too slow,” she clarified.

Angels eyes widened.

“
Normal for a preemie,” she added quickly. “I stimulated his heart. See.” She pointed at the monitor as if Angel knew what any of the numbers meant. “Already better.”

Angel stared at the baby and could hardly believe he was his. It felt surreal. He and Sarah had made this little guy. He wished she could be there with him but in a way he was glad she wasn’t. The baby’s appearance would probably make her sad. He did look positively fragile.

It wasn’t until he walked into the waiting room and was immediately surrounded by his family that he let out everything he’d felt that night the knot in his throat, finally gave and he wept in his mother’s arms as she stroked his head and his back. “Cry,
mijo
. Let it out. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

His brothers assured him they had everything under control at the restaurant—told him not to worry about anything. After letting them know Sarah probably wouldn’t be up to any visitors until maybe that evening they left. Angel visited his son again. Then went back to the room. Sarah was awake.

“
I wanna see him,” were the first words out of her mouth when she saw Angel.

“
You can’t, babe.”

The doctors had described Sarah’s postpartum bleeding as “on the heavy side.” They were monitoring her closely to make sure it didn’t crossover to hemorrhaging. That was common when there is damage to the placenta which in Sarah’s case they were almost certain that’s what had happened. They wanted her to stay in bed for at least a day before attempting to walk.

“
Maybe tomorrow.”

“
Did you see him?”

God he hated to see her so sad. “I did. He’s beautiful.” He sat on the side of her bed and pulled out his phone showing her the pictures he’d taken of their baby. “Look he’s not as small as some of the other babies in there. He’s almost four pounds. The nurse said the only thing they’re watching him closely for is his heart slowing down.” He knew that would scare her and he saw it in her eyes. “But she said that’s normal for preemies.”

Sarah held his phone staring at the small screen her hand over her mouth and her eyes welled up again.

“
She also said unlike some of the other babies in there that will probably be here for months, we might just be looking a few weeks.”

She finally pulled her eyes away from the phone to look at him. He didn’t think it possible but he saw her spirit fall even further. “Weeks?”

“
Baby he’s too little. He needs to gain weight and be able to eat, breath and stay warm on his own before we can take him home. But other than that he’s healthy.” He kissed her softly. “Have you thought of a name?”

“
I have to see him first.”

Angel smiled. “All right then for now he’s just our baby.”

She took a deep breathe and leaned against him chest. Angel always thought he’d want a big family, especially since Sarah was an only child but after the ordeal they’d gone through he wasn’t sure he could go through something like this again.

~*~

Angel had warned her about their baby’s appearance. So she braced herself as she was wheeled into the NICU. Her heart nearly broke for all the other tiny babies in there who looked so shriveled and barely human. Some looked like just breathing hurt. When she reached the incubator labeled Moreno she was overwhelmed with emotion. Angel was right. He wasn’t nearly as small as some of the other babies and except for being so little and all the tubes on him he looked almost normal. He slept soundly.

The nurse walked by and smiled. “No bradys for almost five hours.”

Sarah looked at her having no clue what that meant.

“
It’s what they call it when his heart slows down,” Angel translated.

Sarah glanced at him then back at her baby. He was perfect and she teared up. “My little angel.” She turned back to Angel wiping her tears away with a smile. “It’s perfect. He’s an angel and at the same time he can take his daddy’s name.”

“
Really? Are you sure?”

She nodded, her spirits rising. She always considered naming their first born son after Angel, and now that there was a baby Sal and baby Alex why not keep with tradition? “Baby Angel,” she said staring at her son. Her son—she could hardly believe it—she had a son.

Leaving the hospital empty handed was harder than she imagined; the first few nights they’d driven back to the hospital in need of being near him again.

Baby Angel was progressing superbly. He was gaining weight on schedule and had begun to drink from a bottle. The first time they got to hold him had been emotional for everyone. It was the most beautiful feeling to finally hold him in her arms. Then there was a setback. They’d begun the countdown. With his weight nearing five pounds and him eating on his own the doctors said as soon as he went ten days without any bradycardias he could go home. The most he’d gone was an entire twenty-four hours and then he had one and the clock had to be started again. It was heartbreaking but Sarah was still thankful that he was healthy in every other way.

Angel was excited that unlike all his nephews and nieces whose eyes were immediately piercing dark brown, his sons eyes were very gray, almost blue, a sign the doctor said that they may very well end up being green like Sarah’s. He said he’d always loved her eyes and that it’d be awesome to see such a huge part of Sarah in his son every time he looked into his eyes.

After going another full ten hours without a brady the machine went off again. Both Sarah and Angel knew how to stimulate his chest now to get the heartbeat to speed up and she did holding back the tears.

She sat there now hours later holding him. It was so unfair. Just a few days ago Sofia had given birth to a perfectly healthy baby girl and was already home with her. Sarah fought the feelings of bitterness and reminded herself it was miracle her baby was doing so well. Some of the other babies were not faring as well and had a ton of issues. One had even passed a few days ago. Sarah couldn’t even imagine the anguish those parents must’ve gone through and instantly felt guilty. She kissed her baby’s forehead and was slightly startled with Angel’s voice. “Have you talked to Sydney lately?”

She looked up at him and shook her head. She’d never tell Angel but she was convinced now after texting Syd the night before she woke up bleeding in the hospital that God was punishing her. It wasn’t right to love two men. Even though she loved them both in such different ways. She knew it would hurt Angel if he ever heard her say she did—knew how much it bothered him years ago. That’s why she’d stopped doing it. Why had she started up now? She had no idea. But she wouldn’t chance it anymore. She hadn’t even told Syd she’d had the baby though she was sure he knew because her mother had probably already told his parents.

“
Maybe you should call him.”

She looked up at him confused. “Why?”

“
I don’t know. Might take your mind off things.”

She smiled but if he knew what she thought had brought all this on he wouldn’t be suggesting such a thing. She lifted a shoulder. “I’ll call him when I get a chance.”

As bad as she felt about cutting off Syd’s calls these last couple of days, and only responding to his texts, there was so much more at stake now. The baby clasped his tiny little hand around her finger making her even more emotional. There was no way she was jinxing this.

~*~

As much as Angel hated knowing that Sydney had his own way of making Sarah happy, he hated seeing her sad even more. Their bond was something he’d never understand and probably never really be comfortable with but he’d do anything to see her happy. He almost hated telling her Sofia had had her baby. And he knew when Sofia had come by to visit them and see baby Angel before she went home with her baby just a day after delivering, had to be heart wrenching.

If talking or texting Sydney made her feel a little better or even distracted her for just a little while, Angel was more than willing to deal with it. But she was so obsessed with counting down the hours and the days the baby went without bradys for even Syd. So when Sydney finally showed up at the hospital days later Angel was strangely relieved to see him. “Hey, man. Thanks for coming.”

Sydney shook his hand and slapped him on the shoulder. “You kidding me? I’m dying to meet little Angel. I hear he’s almost ready to go.”

“
Yeah, he’s gone five days now without his heart rate slowing down. If he can go five more, he’s out of here.”

Sarah was even more of mess now. Every day that went by she worried it would happen again and they’d have to start the countdown all over again. Though she’d also confessed that she was a little afraid of being home alone with him but the day they could take him home would be the happiest of her life. Just that morning she sort of snapped at him when he saw her massaging the baby’s chest and he happened to comment that she didn’t need to do that unless his heartbeat slowed. “It’s not hurting him if I do. And there’s nothing wrong with making sure he stays stimulated.”

It wasn’t necessarily a snap but he’d certainly heard the attitude. He knew she was just on edge and he wanted nothing more than to find a way to help her relax.

He walked Syd through the motions of scrubbing down before entering the NICU. Since little Angel was breathing on his own and feeding regularly on his own he no longer had as many tubes on him. Except for the wires monitoring his breathing he was almost wire free.

Isabel was holding the baby when they walked in. Romero knelt down next to her smiling as the baby squeezed his fingers. To say Sarah was surprised to see Sydney when they walked in was an understatement. Angel didn’t now what to make of it. At first she looked almost horrified then she brought her hands to her face and finally she did was he was hoping Sydney’s presence would do, she smiled.

“
Hey, Lynni.”

She glanced at Angel a little hesitantly but Angel smiled and she hugged him. Romero gave Angel a look. Angel didn’t expect Romero to understand although he was sure if Romero was in his position he just might do the same. Sarah’s happiness came before anything to him. Even if it meant him having to endure seeing her happy to see another man. So be it. He knew what he and Sarah had and he was done feeling insecure about Syd. He knew now no matter how long he and Sarah were married he’d never like her relationship with Syd, but he could deal with it—for Sarah.

Syd was only able to stay for the day and left the next afternoon. Not that Angel was too broken up about it, especially after that first night he said he was beat and was going to bed and Sarah stayed up chatting with Sydney for another hour. Angel didn’t even know why he’d gone to bed. It’s not he slept a wink until he had her safely in his arms.

Three days later the baby had gone eight full days without a brady. The morning after day eight Angels heart dropped when his phone rang and he saw it was the hospital. They’d just finished having breakfast and were getting ready to head out to the hospital again as was their regular routine now.

Sarah stared at him, looking as terrified as he felt. The cheery voice on the other end confused him. “Are you ready to come pick up a little boy who’s asking about his mommy and daddy?”