Making Me Sane (Sanity Book 2) (33 page)

No, I can’t wait that long.

Which means I need to go inside, buy a test, and go home to take it.

All without Trace knowing.

There’s no way I’m saying a word to him until I know for sure. What is this going to do to us? Especially since he’s up to god knows what. The minutes pass, stretching out farther and farther until I’ve been here for an hour and a half. I should get home soon. It’s now or repeating the process all over again tomorrow.

With a deep breath, I rush into the store, assess all the boxes, randomly grab one, and rush to the cashier. I stuff it in my purse. I feel like there’s an elephant sitting on my chest as I drive home. What if I’m pregnant? What do I know about kids? Nothing!

It’s a bit hilarious that I feel disappointed that Trace is home. I was kind of hoping he’d leave and be sneaky as usual, so I could take it without him here. I may just have to wait until tomorrow. Let’s just hope I can act normal in the meantime. I walk in, see him in his recliner and take a seat on the couch.

The pregnancy test is burning a hole through my purse. Trace sometimes goes into my purse, but he usually only does it to get a panic pill for me. He shouldn’t do it now. Oh gosh. What if my pills are bad for the baby? If there’s a baby? I can’t come off my meds.

“Everything okay?” Trace asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Just fine,” I lie without glancing his way. I might just have a complete meltdown if I do.

I can feel his gaze on me, though.

“Dinner with Melissa was fun?” He’s fishing for clues, but he’s not going to find one here.

“Yeah.” There’s no way I can sit here with him and be okay. I rush to stand, feeling lightheaded for a moment. “I need a hot shower; it’s been a long day.” Not a complete lie. I’ll shower while I wait for the test results. I walk as calmly as possible to our bedroom, locking the bathroom door behind me. What’s the point? If Trace is worried, he’ll take the doorknob off and come in anyway.

I fumble with the box and with shaky hands, do what I need to do to take the test. As soon as it’s done, I hop into the shower. There’s no rush because I’m not sure I want to know anything just yet. This is going to change things dramatically. If I am. How can I even bring something like this up to Trace when I’m too freaking scared to ask him what he’s up to?

When it feels like I’ve been in the shower for too long, I step out, dry off, and get dressed. Then, I look at the test.

Positive.

A sharp gasp leaves me. This is too much all at once. I hurry to shove the test back in the box, which goes back in the bag, and back into my purse. I come out of the bathroom, relieved when I don’t see Trace in the bedroom yet. I put my purse in its usual spot and sit on my side of the bed after taking my pills.

Suddenly, I’m terrified of telling Trace. Tears fall down my cheeks. I don’t think he’d be upset, but the last time kids were even discussed, he said he
might
want them. His answer was maybe. So he could get upset, but I don’t think so. I’m terrified because I feel like there is tension between us because of whatever he’s doing and since I don’t know what that something is, I don’t know what this kind of news will do to us.

Footsteps sound down the hall, getting closer and closer to the bedroom. I wipe my eyes with a sniff and crawl under the sheets. A few minutes later, Trace climbs in next to me. He pulls me against him. His arm locks around my waist, resting against my stomach.

“You know I love you, don’t you?” he asks, kissing the back of my head.

“Yeah, and I love you too.”

“Then why were you trying to hide that you were crying?”

Damn it. I didn’t think he caught me. “I’m just stressed out.”

Trace turns me around to face him. “Let’s go out Friday and try to de-stress you.”

“You’re not going to forget about me?”

“No. I’m sorry I did today.” He starts to gently place kisses all over my face. “I wasn’t paying attention when you asked to think about the meeting. I keep thinking about you waiting on me and having to eat alone and I feel like shit. Do you forgive me? Can I make it up to you?” By now he’s making his way down my neck.

“Yes, I forgive you, but no, you can’t.”

He pulls back to look at me.

“It’s been a long day, and I don’t feel like it,” I whisper.

He kisses my forehead, leaves his lips there, so they move against my skin when he speaks, repeating some of what he’s told me before when I’ve needed reassurance. “I love, want, cherish, need, and trust you. We’re in this for the long haul. There’s not a chance in hell you could get rid of me because you make me sane. You are mine, and I am yours. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

My new plan is to go to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy and then I’ll tell him. I feel better with Trace’s words. He holds me and everything feels normal as I fall asleep.

But then Trace leaves early the next morning and says he’ll be home late. It’s like that night didn’t happen at all and I’m back to square one. My anxiety is getting higher with my pending doctor’s appointment. Melissa knows something is up and she’s dying for me to tell her, but I’m not. Not until I know for sure at least.

“Brittany?”

I jump up when the nurse calls my name. I squeeze my wrist as I explain why I’m here, while I answer their questions, while they do the test, and while I wait for the results. Then, the doctor comes into the room.

“How are you doing today?” she asks.

“Fine. Am I pregnant?” I blurt out.

She smiles. “Yes, you are. I’m estimating about six, maybe seven, weeks along. We’ll get you scheduled for an appointment with your OBGYN, and she’ll take care of you from there.”

She keeps talking, but I zone out.

I’m pregnant.

I’m
pregnant.

I’m
pregnant.

“I need to go,” I blurt out. I need to find Trace, make him tell me what is going on, so I can tell him the news. My doctor seems surprised by my outburst, but she hurries things along. I rush out of the room and into the waiting room.

“Brittany.”

I whirl around to find that I walked right passed Melissa. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re a hard woman to find. You didn’t tell anyone you had a doctor’s appointment.”

I frown. “Since when do I have to? What are you doing here?”

“We have plans today.”

“What? No, we don’t. I have to go see Trace before I go back to work.”

“No, you don’t. You have the day off.”

“What?”

“I guess there was some sort of miscommunication between you and your boss, because she told me you had the day off since you had a doctor’s appointment.”

I stare at her. Was there a miscommunication? I thought I was clear that I’d come in once I was done. Maybe not. But why does Melissa also have a day off?

“Come on. Let’s go.” She hooks her arm inside mine and walks me outside to my car.

“Where’s your car?”

“Ben dropped me off. Mine is messing up. I’ll drive; you seem rattled.”

“Where are we going?” I ask once we get in the car. It feels weird to be in my own car and not driving. “I need to see Trace. I have to ask him what’s been going on. I need to know. I need to do it today.” Hysteria starts to build with my panic attack.

“Oh, I’m sure he’s innocent, whatever it is,” she casually says.

“Take me to his office, Melissa, or I’ll scream bloody murder until you do. I don’t have time for whatever you have planned.”

“Will you just chill?”

“No,” I shriek.

“Why? You’ve been quiet this long. What difference is a few more hours going to make?”

“Because I’m pregnant!” I blurt out. Melissa pulls off to the side of the road to look at me with shock and tears start to stream down my face. “That’s why I had a doctor’s appointment. I need to find out what’s going on because last time me and Trace talked about if he wanted kids, he said maybe. Now, there’s a baby inside of me and I don’t even know what the fuck is going on with my boyfriend. I have to see him.”

“You’re pregnant?”

I nod.

“Aw. I get to be Aunt Melissa, right?”

I laugh. “Yeah, you can be Aunt Melissa. But you have to drive me to Trace. I’m going crazy not knowing what the hell Trace is doing. I don’t believe it’s bad, but there is
something
going on that he’s keeping from me and I have to know.”

“Okay. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and calm down. We’ll go see Trace.”

“Thank you.”

I do as she told me because I don’t need to be in hysterics when I see him. We need to make this a calm conversation. Whether I like it or not, I should probably brace myself for something bad, just in case.

But when I open my eyes, we’re on the campus of the university that I attended.

“What are we doing here?”

“It’s a surprise.”

I groan. “All I asked for is my boyfriend and instead, you bring me here for some surprise?”

“Just come with me.”

We’re parked by my old dorm hall. We walk down the sidewalk as a wave of nausea hits me. Crap. I may need to puke before whatever surprise she has in store for me.

Then I see Trace. He’s wearing a tux with a grin on his face. What in the world? I glance at Melissa, who smiles.

“Go see him.”

She stays behind as I close the distance between Trace and me. He looks
good
. I’ve never seen him look this good. The tux he wore at Melissa and Ben’s wedding has nothing on this one, which looks as if it was tailor-made for him.

“Hey,” he says when I come to a stop.

“Hey.”

“You didn’t tell me you had a doctor’s appointment,” he says with a frown.

“You haven’t told me what you’ve been up to to work through lunches and come home late either.”

He ignores what I said. “Are you okay?”

“I will be once you tell me what’s going on.”

“Hey, don’t cry, Britt,” he whispers, taking a step closer to me and wiping away my tears with his thumbs.

“I can’t help it. You’re freaking me out.”

“All I’ve been doing is planning and organizing today.”

“I still don’t understand.”

He kisses my forehead before dropping down to one knee.

Oh. My. God.

“Britt,” he begins.

“Wait,” I blurt out. “You can’t.”

His eyebrows pull together and he frowns with his confusion. “What?”

“I need to tell you something first. It’s why I had my doctor’s appointment.”

Trace stands back up, concern in his eyes. “You’re not okay? What’s wrong? What happened?” He cups my face and turns my face left and right as if that will reveal some clue.

I laugh and grab his wrists. “I’m pregnant, Trace.”

His eyes widen. “Really?” He grins. Before I can answer, he kisses me hard. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I’m excited about the baby, and we’ll celebrate later, but today is about us. Can I get back to what I was doing?”

I nod and he drops down to one knee again. Trace takes my hands in his. He leans forward to kiss my stomach and then looks up at me.

“First of all, I’m sorry I’ve caused you to stress out over my behavior. It was all to prepare for today. I love you more than life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to experience all the joys, all the badness, all the ups and downs, and everything else with you. You’ve completely changed my life and it truly started right here. We’ve had good days and bad days. We’ve made mistakes. We’ve hurt one another. But we’ve always loved each other, learned from our mistakes, and would do anything for one another. You are the person I am meant to spend my life with.” Trace pulls a little black box from his pocket and opens it to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. “Will you do me the pleasure of becoming my wife and mother to our children, so I can love you for as long as I live?”

My throat is tight from crying, so all I can do is nod. My hand is perfectly still as he slides the ring onto my finger. Trace stands and presses his lips to mine. I’m lost in his kiss, nearly ready to climb up his body, when I yank away from him and rush to a nearby trash can to puke. I hear Trace laugh before he comes to help me me hold my hair.

Once I’m done, he pulls me into his arms.

“How far along are you?”

“Six or seven weeks, she said. I go see an OBGYN in a couple of weeks.”

“Can I ask something else of you?”

“Sure.” I pull back to look at him.

“Marry me today. Let’s go to the courthouse and get our marriage license.”

“Today?”

“Yeah. Why wait?”

“Because my parents aren’t here, Trace, and I want a wedding.”

He grabs my shoulders like he’s going to give me a good talking to, but he turns me around. I burst into tears at seeing Clark, Amy, Mom, Dad, Ben, and Melissa, who is now wearing a dress. Mom’s wedding dress is laid over her arms.

“There’s your parents, my parents, and our best friends, and a wedding is waiting to happen once we leave the courthouse. I had a lot to plan, Brittany, but it’s all up to you.” He turns me to face him again. “So, what do you say? Want to marry me today?”