Making Marriage Work (38 page)

God definitely sent my husband to me. I’m confident that God has sent people to help you mature in Him, too. Or perhaps God may be ready to use you to help someone grow in the knowledge of His fullness or lead them into His kingdom. If so, you may have to be that scapegoat until God says, “It’s time to confront.”

That’s what Dave did for me. He loved me; he just kept persisting and consistently loving me and showing me the love of God. Now if I get downright rude with Dave, he tells me, “Knock it off.” But I did so many things that I would never have tolerated from others, yet he just overlooked my faults until God told him to deal with me.

He was just like Jesus waiting like a lamb led to the slaughter. He was being mistreated and picked on, and I was just getting by with it and nothing was happening, nothing was changing, but God had a plan. God sees what we are and what we will become.

If God asks you to be a scapegoat in a situation, it is because He is trying to give that person some space of time to change. He knows who that person will become, and He needs you to carry the load for that person for a period of time. Just as it was important for Dave to avoid confrontation with me for a while, it was also important to move when God said, “Now, it’s time to confront her.”

Dave told me one night, “Can I tell you something, Joyce? In the natural, I don’t want to challenge you on these things.” He said, “Why would I want to fight with you and argue with you every time I turn around? I don’t really care where we go to eat. It doesn’t make that much difference to me, and I would just as soon let you have your way.” He explained, “I’m doing this because God is telling me that I’ve got to do this now if we’re going to progress and go on to the fullness of what God has for us.”

When a person gets far enough along in the Lord, they should be able to submit to whatever authority God puts in their lives. If I would have resisted Dave’s leadership at that point, I wouldn’t be in ministry today. We wouldn’t be flying all over the nation, or teaching on television and radio stations around the world. If you will do things God’s way, God will honor you. You will come to be that lionhearted, but only if you do things God’s way.

SUBMIT TO THE ANOINTING

In the ministry, a person quickly learns that you cannot operate without God’s anointing. And you quickly learn what God will anoint and what He will not. God anoints humility and obedience. To demonstrate our willingness to be obedient, there must be authority in our lives.

When God established authority in our home, He had a big plan in mind. As wives demonstrate the humility needed to submit to their husbands, husbands must also humble themselves and submit to God. God tells them to love their wives, so women wind up with a double portion of love, both her husband and her Lord are looking after her. God’s plan for everyone to be subject to someone is explained in Romans 13:1,2.

Let every person be loyally subject to the governing (civil) authorities. For there is no authority except from God [by His permission, His sanction], and those that exist do so by God’s appointment.

Therefore he who resists and sets himself up against the authorities resists what God has appointed and arranged [in divine order]. And those who resist will bring down judgment upon themselves [receiving the penalty due them].

We are supposed to have a godly fear of authority. The devil can wreak havoc in homes where the man isn’t submitting to God by loving his wife and the woman isn’t submitting to her husband. Respect needs to flow in our homes. The devil works on women trying to make them feel like doormats. But, the Hebrew word for helper in Genesis 2:18 is best illustrated by picturing the “opposite bookend.” A woman needs to be as strong as her husband, complementing his efforts to hold up the family. But there must be humility in her life to lean towards her husband, as God commands her to, and not away from him, or everything that God wants to hold together in the family will fall.

We must be able to respect authority to be able to handle the power that comes with any anointing God gives to us. I have a gift to teach and preach, but I still don’t have the right to be the head of my home. The Word clearly teaches that authority is in our lives as a divine order and a covering, not as a ranking of superiority or inferiority. In the context of telling men they are the head of the family, God also tells them to remember they came from woman and would not have life without her. God keeps everything in balance.

I believe any woman who is trying to operate in any kind of ministry who won’t come under her husband’s authority will miss the anointing that God has for her, unless she comes into obedience to the order He established for the family. It doesn’t matter if her husband has anything to do with her ministry or not. She still must be willing to humble herself to be in line with God’s principles if she wants power to be released through the work of her hands.

We must be able to respect authority to be able to handle the power that comes with any anointing God gives to us.

God dealt with me over the years about things that needed to change in me. He covered my shortcomings by His grace for a certain period of time, and He let me get by with things. There is so much wrong with each one of us when we first come to Him that if He revealed it all at one time, we would just say, “Take me home, Lord, and forget it.”

But God uncovers things in us that need to change one issue at a time. His grace gives us the power to do the right thing, after He shows us where we need to grow. God uncovered things in my personality that He wanted changed one step at a time. At that point in my life, I needed to trust God’s order and authority if I wanted to move on to the next level of His plan.

We go from glory to glory to glory. It is tremendous to think that all those bad things in our lives can be turned into glories — that God can take each one of our bad habits and bad attitudes and He can turn them into another story of His goodness and power.

God is long-suffering, and He sent just the right person to help me learn the lessons I needed. I believe that every couple is put together to help each other reestablish fellowship with God. That is our divine purpose, to help each other get home again, spiritually, mentally, and physically. You don’t know what your husband is capable of. You don’t know the talents and the gifts that are in him, but if you will love him and help him bring out his full potential, you will both enjoy God’s divine plans for you.

PREFER ONE ANOTHER

God began to deal with me that if I wanted His anointing to increase on my life, then I also had to stop being harsh. It was my nature to be tough. I couldn’t even tell one of the kids to take the trash out without sounding like an army sergeant. I could make my point loud and clear, “All right, let’s get it out! Go! Go! Go! Move! Get that trash! Get it out there! Go! Go! Go!”

It was even hard to for me to say, “Honey, would you please get me a glass of water?” I preferred, “Give me a glass of water, will you? Be quick about it!” Maybe that’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but when God began to show me the price of peace, I saw many areas that demonstrated my need for humility.

When God starts to uncover pride in our lives, He lets us feel it in an exaggerated manner so we get the weight of what we are like compared to His holiness. God showed me that I needed to be sweet and gentle and humble and meek and kind and lowly. He taught me to say “please” and “thank you.” I learned that it didn’t hurt so much after all.

Another area that God taught me a lesson in humility was through our finances. I do believe that both the husband and wife should be involved in the financial standings of a household. For a while I was totally ignorant of our finances and I started feeling resentful and left out. Now I know how the bills are being paid, even though they are Dave’s responsibility. Sharing this knowledge keeps us in agreement about major purchases and financial goals.

If we want to buy something of major value, we talk about it and stay in agreement. If we absolutely cannot get into agreement, then we realize that it may not be the time to buy it. There is a time to get and a time to lose. We can trust God for the anointing of agreement to indicate the time to buy.

I have seen God’s anointing at work when it is time to shop. I know that sounds funny, but when it’s the right time it doesn’t take me but about one hour to buy five outfits. I mean every one of them will fit me perfectly. God’s anointing will be on it — it is God’s timing, the money is there, and everything is right. There have been times when I have gone up and down the mall in vain, wearing myself out and listening to Dave say, “Can we go home? I can’t stand this anymore.”

I could have been looking all day and half the night and have nothing but a pair of shoes I didn’t even like, and one dress that didn’t fit me right. It is better to shop when God is ready to place His blessing on it.

If you are trying to buy a house and you are not in agreement over it, it may not be God’s timing. The most important thing in a godly home is that you have no strife. You’ve got to get the strife out of your lives. And a lot of strife comes over money because one wants to do one thing and somebody else wants to do something else. I believe that if you are both seeking God, you can come into agreement.

But what if we have the money to buy something and he wants to buy a boat and I want to buy a couch, or what if he wants to buy golf clubs and I want to buy a new coat? Who wins? I believe the one who wins is the one who gives in first, and not the one who gets his or her own way. The Bible says it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Dave and I were arguing about something; I wanted one thing and he wanted something else, and I finally argued him down and I got what I wanted. For a minute I felt pretty smug. He went to get a cup of coffee, and I unexpectedly felt the presence of the Holy Ghost come all over me. He said, “You know, you didn’t win; you lost.” He said, “The one who wins in a situation like this, Joyce, is not the one who gets what they want, but the one who gives in first.”

If you can be obedient to the heart of God like that, if out of pure honor to God you prefer the desire of your spouse, you will have peace that passes understanding flowing through your life. You won’t have to say, “Lord, I don’t think this is fair, but to honor You, I’m going to let it go.” God will see to it in the long run that you get what’s coming to you. God will bless you when you have an attitude of meekness and humility.

ENJOY PEACE

Let’s look in Matthew 11, starting in verse 28:
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]
When we are trying to take charge of our own life, and trying to make things work out the way we want them to, and we’re resisting about 50 to 75 percent of everything that comes our way because we don’t like it, or want it, or it doesn’t feel good, or because we don’t understand it, we are not enjoying the rest that comes through humility.

If you are not enjoying the peace of God, you are not resting in God, and you are probably heavy-laden and overburdened. Jesus says,
Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome
(
useful, good — not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing
) … (Matthew 11:29,30). Harsh, hard, sharp, and pressing is the way of the flesh. Harsh, hard, sharp, and pressing is the way of the world. Humble, gentle, meek, and lowly is the way of the kingdom. That’s a kingdom law.

When I think about those four words — gentle, meek, humble, and lowly — I initially think of “pain.” The flesh prickles with resistance to humility, gentleness, meekness, and lowliness. For example, do you love correction? The Bible says if you are humble, you will love correction.

I have learned something that has brought me much, much peace and rest, and that is, God is sovereign. We are in God’s hands and God loves us and He cares for us. If I keep my big brown eyes on Him, He’s going to make it all work out all right. Even the things that don’t feel good right now, He’s going to make them all work out all right in the end. All I need to do is learn to be gentle, meek, humble, and lowly. In Colossians 3:12, the Bible says,

Even the things that don’t feel good right now, God is going to make them all work out all right in the end.

Clothe yourselves therefore, as God’s own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God Himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper].

As God’s chosen ones, we have the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper. Romans 8:28 says,
We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

Ephesians 1:11 says,
In Him we also were made [God’s] heritage (portion) and we obtained an inheritance; for we had been foreordained (chosen and appointed beforehand) in accordance with His purpose, Who works out everything in agreement with the counsel and design of His [own] will.

You might think that it doesn’t include what you are going through, but the Word says He works out everything. Just because something doesn’t feel good, doesn’t mean it’s not good. And just because it looks awful right now, doesn’t mean that it’s going to look awful down the road when we will see God fit even the most awful thing into a plan for our good.

Trust is trusting God when it doesn’t make any sense at all, and you don’t see any way that it could possibly fit in. But yet you’re saying, “God, I’m in Your hands. I have put myself in Your hands by faith. And I believe, because You’re God, that You’re going to work it out to my good. I believe that! I believe You’re going to work it out!”