Make Me Weak (Make Me #1) (6 page)

“Kayne, do you remember yesterday how I tied your hands up
, and told you not to touch me?” I felt the panic and anxiety settling into my voice.

He shrugged, still not getting it. “Yeah?”

“I meant it, I have a thing about people touching me.”

All at once he looked to his hand on me, to my bulging eyes
, and heaving chest. “Oh shit!” His hand flew from my skin like it was on fire.

I pressed my hands to my knees as I bent over to catch my breath
, and settle my nerves.

“Damn, I am so sorry. Are you alright?” He asked
, but I didn’t answer.

“Alexandria?”

I closed my eyes, stood upright, and with my hand over my heart I counted. Calm slid back over me, settling the race of my heart, and the bad feeling across my skin.

“You can call me Andie.”

My eyes opened and I was back under control.

“Andie, yeah, I think I remember that now.” He replied, watching me still like I was a rabid dog.

“Sorry, I should have told you sooner. It’s just…a thing.” I never had to explain myself before.

With men at the club I was the vixen, Kandi. And Kandi liked her bad boys tied up so they couldn’t touch her. She brushed her body against them, making their dicks yearn for
the forbidden fruit. Their throats became parched and the only thing that would quench it was the taste of her succulent lips. But she was a siren that only brought men in for her own pleasure. Only when she said the word, did something happen. And they loved it.

No one could claim Kandi but everyone wanted her.
Alexandria was different. People didn’t look at me like an alluring siren, they looked at me like I needed help. But I didn’t want it. The only person that could help me was
me
.

“You should come tomorrow.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, suddenly feeling like I had missed an entire part of our conversation.

“To my birthday brunch with my family.”

I stared. This had to be a joke. “Why?”

“Because, my mom is always telling me to bring a girl home. I know we’re not dating or anything
, and we haven’t really talked in years. But it will keep her off my back and I’d really like to spend some more time with you.”

My eyes narrowed as clarity surfaced. “Listen, what happened last night in the club stays there. I’m not going to just ride you anywhere, anytime
, because I’m a stripper. So, if that is what you are looking for…” He held his hand up to stop me, laughing while he did it.

“Hey, I don’t mean like that. I’m not that kind of guy, alright? I actually never go to strip clubs, they brought me for my birthday. I’m also not asking Kandi to come with me, I’m asking my old friend Andie.”

Was it possible Kayne was as genuine as he seemed? I really looked at him for the first time while he waited for my answer. Prominent jaw, dopey smile, hopeful look in his seemingly innocent eyes. He
looked
harmless, I wasn’t repulsed by his company. There was something about him that just seemed authentic.

“Your family will hate me.”

“No they won’t.” He assured, flashing more of his flawlessly white teeth.

“Won’t they wonder why you are bringing a stripper to brunch?”

“Nope, they don’t need to know. I may not know you well Andie, but I’m sure you are more than just a stripper. So, we won’t tell them that’s what you do.” I watched as he spilled out more and more to convince me. “Besides, they aren’t going to question why you’re there with me.”

“Oh, you don’t think so?” No point hiding my sarcasm, I knew he was mistaken.

“Not at all. I was walking along the beach and saw my old friend. We spent the afternoon catching up and I figured it would be fun to bring her along. Seeing as how I have enjoyed hanging out with her again.” He finished with a cheesy grin.

“Wel
l I mean, what about your uncle? You may have the best story in the world but if he is going, he will know the truth.”

The point I brought up was honest, it could ruin the entire story Kayne concocted. At least, that was where I hoped Kayne believed my question surfaced from. My chest tightened waiting for his answer. It was low of me to wait this anxiously for an answer before giving my own. I was actually enjoying Kayne’s company, for the most part, but there was only one I wanted to see.

“Yeah, he’ll be there but don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”

My heart just about burst through my chest with the increasing beats.

“Well, in that case, I’m in.”

In less than twenty four hours I would see Onyx again. Maybe all I needed was to see him away from the mystery and
enchantment of the club. Perhaps a normal visit would get him out of my system.

At least, I hoped.

After Kayne gave me a few more details about where we were going and when—I was beginning to regret my decision. We would be eating at one of the best country clubs in the area with people I already knew were going to hate me. Not to mention we were having
brunch
. I’m pretty sure you only eat brunch if you have so much money that eventually you ran out of bullshit to buy. So you make up another time of day that you get to shell out money for something you had an hour ago.

Okay, so maybe I wasn’t
that
against brunch, but I was already nervous as hell for what was coming. Things just happened to take a turn for the worse as I had to explain that no—I didn’t have a cell phone. Then he tried clarifying that I just didn’t have a smart phone. It seriously felt like I was an alien from outer space, and the first human I had met was asking me to explain why we don’t have smart phones on Mars. I didn’t have a good answer other than I just didn’t.

After we were on the same page, sort of, we moved on to picking me up. He refused to meet me anywhere but my house. I finally gave him the address of the luxury apartments. Then it went from how he was going
to drop by earlier so we could hang out. Once I convinced him that was
not
going to happen I was left with a half hour range of time that he’d be showing up.
Super
. There’s nothing I want to do more than awkwardly wait outside a building that wasn’t even mine for forty minutes. To go to
brunch
at a
country club
with a guy I barely know.

All because the one I just can’t get out of my head will
probably
be there.

Once I came to that realization, I needed to work out the mix of emoti
ons attacking every inch of my psyche. The little voice in the back of my head was screaming. Why in the hell was I letting myself get carried away over nothing? I mean, it was only a man for Christ’s sake. I knew what to expect from a man. I knew how they worked and how to always be one step ahead of them.

Note to self:
this is not how to do it.

Andie was weak. Kandi’s wasn’t. If I wanted to survive in this world Andie needed to step back.
My life was screwed up enough already. The last thing I needed was for my head to get lost in the sweet bliss of an alternate reality. That wasn’t how things were going to be and I needed to start remembering that.

The rest of my night was spent jogging along the beach, picking up food from my favorite Chinese restaurant
, and then up to the roof. My music drowned out the surrounding noise of the city while the brush strokes extinguished the stress from my limbs. The memories that the visit with Kayne brought up were back under control. I wasn’t on edge and I wasn’t anxious anymore. I was breathing easy and that was all that mattered.

Especially after mentally scolding myself for getting so carried away in unimportant matters. I couldn’t let myself cave that way again. Unless I wanted to bring nothing but hurt back upon me.

Yeah…not a chance.

Not long after I decided that I was done painting for the night did I realize that there was
only one place I wanted to be. With my head on straight I remembered what was most important, and why I did the things I did. I slid into a pair of black yoga pants, a black three-quarter length shirt, and headed out. The sun had long since set and now the moon and street lights were the only things lighting the night sky.

My destination was about a twenty minute walk away. Normally I’d hail a cab to go that distance
, but I never did when I made this trip. I set off at a jogging pace to get me there sooner and make my dark outfit of choice less suspicious. Truthfully, there was a reason I dressed this way and when I reached the quaint, ritzy little neighborhood I was reminded why. This was not a place for someone like me. As a matter of fact, I had been banned from coming here.

If any of the homeowners saw me they treated me like an escaped convict. Locked their doors, windows, set off the bat signal for someone to rescue them. The copious amounts of stupidity that hid behind every door seriously made me roll my eyes. I had never done a thing wrong but unfortunately it was one person’s word against another. And in this case it was my word, against my grandmother’s.

People here loved her. She was friends with everyone, and came off as this sweet loving elder woman and they all fell for it. All she had to do was open her mouth and say one bad thing about me and I was exiled. I was actually surprised there were no
wanted
posters on each door with my picture on them.

As I crept carefully down the same
protected path to my Grandmother’s house, my stomach twisted into a mess of knots. I was never nervous about being caught. Instead I was always scared shitless about the reaction when I arrived. I reached the back of her home and looked to the second story window, a dim light cast a low glow into the backyard. Soft pink curtains fluttered into the wind. Instantly my heart smiled at the sight. I knew that was my invitation to go up.

Without wasting another moment I took hold of the perfect climbing tree and shimmied my way up. A thick branch extended toward the open window. When I reached the place where I needed to cross from one to another I
was grateful for my flexibility. Testing the floor one foot at a time to make sure it was safe to enter and dropped in.

The nightlight illuminated a little girl’s room. Toys were scattered all about, a castle style book shelf was filled to the m
ax, hundreds of unblinking eyes stared at me as I moved quietly across the room. It always freaked me out with how many stuffed animals this little girl had, but they were her favorite things in this world. The mattress caved in as I sat next to her little body that was, as usual, curled into a ball.

Her soft brown hair fanned across the Princess themed pillow. The only sound in the room was her sweet deep breaths. My fingers graced the side of her face, rubbing softly to stir her awake. I knew waking her was wrong. I could only imagine how sleepy she was the morning after my visits, but there was no way I could resist.
It had been almost a month since I was last here, and during my time away I tried to block it all from my mind. But the moment I was back it hit me hard just how much I missed her.

The deep sleep started to fade away as my gentle touch brought her around. Those beautiful hazel eyes peeked out under the heavy flutter of her eyelids. As she took in her surroundings she focused in on me and let out a sweet smile.

Through the silence of the night she whispered, “Hi mommy.”

Every single time I heard those words come out of her mouth I felt my entire world brighten. Being here with my little girl was
one of the rare moments when I knew who I was.

“I’ve missed you, Daisy.”

Her little hand reached up to touch the side of my face.

“What took so long for you to come back?”

The guilt squeezed deep in my chest making it near impossible to breathe. I cleared my throat as quietly as possible to rid the discomfort before speaking.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie.” I didn’t have a reason. At least not a good one. The truth was being away from Daisy was hard
, but the longer I stayed away, the harder it became to come back.

For a little over five years I have been a mother
, but I never felt like one. There were other factors that kept me from committing to the role, and not a day passed where I didn’t regret it. At the time the only solution I saw was one that has haunted me ever since. After temporarily signing over my parental rights to my Grandma Nora—everything changed.

I was supposed to get her back and we were going to be a family.
I trusted Nora. I believed she always wanted the best for me, and would take care of Daisy. In a flash the rug was pulled out from under me. I went from being a struggling girl trying to make things right—to the villain. Nora turned everyone in the neighborhood against me, and covered all her bases to keep Daisy from me.

At least, she thought she had. Ever since Daisy was
one year old I had been sneaking into her room during the nights to see her. In the beginning it was terrifying to think that Daisy would see some random woman in her room, scream, and give away my one point of access into her life. Despite my consistent appearance she always seemed to remember me each time I came back, and now it was a happy reunion.

“Didn’t you see the window, mommy? I made sure to leave it open just like you said.” I closed my eyes
, and took a deep breath to work out the need to breakdown.

“
You did good, honey. Mommy just hasn’t been able to come by for a while.”

“Oh, well I missed you.” She whispered. Nora’s hearing had decreased with age
, and her bedroom was at the opposite end of the upstairs. We were usually safe when it came to making little noises, but it had become a habit to never talk above a whisper. Not to mention, it was adorable to hear her sweet attempt to keep our secret safe.

“I missed you too, but I’m here now. Tell me what you have been doing lately.”

Daisy instantly took off into a complete recount of the last weeks of her life. While she was talking I snuggled up in her little bed, and held her tightly to my side. I got lost in not just every piece of her life, but being close to her. I wished every night we could lie together, that I could actually be the motherly figure Daisy deserves.

“I made you something!” She gasped, seeming to suddenly remember.

“You did?” I sat up, giving her room to scoot out of bed.

“Hold on a second. I have something for you too.” I slid my heel out my shoe and pulled out a few hundred dollar bills.

I placed it in the palm of her hand but didn’t release my grip yet. “Do you remember the two things I tell you to do with your money?”

Daisy nodded. “Keep it safe
, and hidden, and don’t tell Grandma Nora I have it.”

“Good girl. Someday this money will help you with whatever you may need. It’s important to always be careful with it.”

“Yes, mommy.” I let the money go, and off she went.

Her pink nighty flowed around her legs as she ran to the closet in the far corner of the room. Watching her carefully open the door and rifle through everything as quietly as possible made me smile. If there was ever a day that I questioned
whether my visits were something she liked, all I needed was to remember this moment.

“Got it!” She said, emerging from deep within her closet.
The money wasn’t in her hands anymore but I knew she kept all the money I’ve given her somewhere safe in there.

Rushing back to me she handed me a
piece of dark blue construction paper. Written at the top in perfect penmanship was “The thing I love most is.” Below was a picture of the moon, stars, and an open window with a little pink scribble that I assumed represented her curtain. In front of the window was a stick figure drawing of a woman in black, with long dark hair, and a big smile on her face. Before I could take in the rest of the picture Daisy spoke up.

“We
made these pictures in school. I know not to tattle tale about you being here so I made a different one for Grandma Nora.”

I wanted to reply to her but I could hardly take my focus away from the picture in my hands. Finally
, I looked to the childlike writing and read out loud.