Magic Mansion (19 page)

“Yo, yo, yo,” Kevin said, strutting up to John as if he was delighted to see him—as if John would naturally side with him, whatever the current disagreement might be, because John would surely see he was so terribly clever. “Check dis out, Prof. They say we gotta build us a Zig-Zag Lady, right? But they didn’t say we’ll be the ones to
use
it.”

“That’s a crazy leap,” Fabian said, “and you know it. We build the cabinet the best we can—”

“Tell me there ain’t some ‘twist’ every time we turn around,” Kevin demanded.

“Yeah,” Fabian said, “there’s a twist. But we don’t know what that twist is going to be. We can’t count on—”

“Hold on,” Jia said, and turned to Kevin. “What exactly is this bomb you’re expecting the producers to drop?”

“The way I see it, here’s how it’s gonna go down: we build us the cabinet. We meet in the ballroom like we’re all ready to do a show. Then Monty comes out…and he tells us to switch boxes.”

The room fell silent. John had to admit, now that Kevin laid it all out, he could see events unfolding in that very way.

“And so if our cabinet don’t slide apart like it’s supposed to,” Kevin said, “Gold Team can’t use it to get ahead on all our hard work.”

Fabian snorted in disgust. “And if you’re wrong, there we are, stuck with a useless cabinet. Losing another group challenge. Two in a row. All because you’re overthinking this whole thing and trying to make yourself out to be some kind of strategic genius.”

Kevin gave a thin smile. “Opportunities multiply as they are seized.”

Jia said, “Don’t quote Sun Tzu at me. Just don’t even…go there. The only reason we lost the Metamorphosis challenge was ’cos you picked Ricardo to play instead of Bev. What the hell was up with your precious strategy then?”

“I saw a chance,” Kevin said unapologetically, “and I took it. It didn’t pan out. But if it did, you’d all be crowing over the way I knocked his magic ass outta here.”

While the idea of Kevin gunning to eliminate Ricardo made John’s stomach clench, he also couldn’t shake the comment Jia had made in the yard, the one where she accused John of not even
trying
to win. Might they be told to switch cabinets? It certainly seemed in keeping with the other “twists.” Then again, it was entirely possible that if Red Team sabotaged their own cabinet, they’d be stuck with it themselves.

And then John realized exactly what they’d have to do.

It was tempting to hold his tongue—to allow the rest of the team to hash it out, and perhaps even shoot themselves in the foot. But when it was all said and done, John wasn’t sure he could live with himself if he didn’t at least take a good shot at winning the challenge.

“What we should build into the cabinet,” John finally suggested, “is a malfunction we can secretly turn on and off.”

Kevin, Fabian and Jia all frowned in thought. And finally Kevin said, “See? That’s what I’m talkin’ about. Using our heads.” He clapped John on the shoulder. “They don’t call this man ‘The Professor’ for nothing.”

Chapter 19

ZIG ZAG CABINET

Ricardo filed into the ballroom behind Sue, eager to see the Gold Team’s cabinet unveiled. Though their carpenter had been discouraged from chatting with the contestants, once the cabinet’s construction was done and the handhelds were switched off for the night, he’d actually offered Bev a job after the show was done shooting. She’d demurred, telling him her true calling was to dazzle children with the magic of mathematics. But Ricardo could tell she was flattered by his gruff approval.

Sue’s high school set design experience hadn’t gone to waste, either. The team had been responsible for painting the cabinet themselves, and it came out pretty spiffy, if Ricardo did say so himself. They’d even had enough time to rehearse the routine, with each of them taking a turn as the zig-zag lady. Even Ricardo.

The two cabinets, which had been constructed in great secrecy all week on opposite sides of the building, now stood side by side before the grand fireplace. Each cabinet was draped in a cloth, one red and one gold. A round area rug, also red or gold, had been placed beside each box, and as Ricardo stepped onto the rug to await his cabinet’s unveiling, he watched the Red Team gather on their side, and he noticed there was something strange about them. It took him a moment to pinpoint exactly what was different, until John locked eyes with Ricardo from across the room, and John’s expression sobered. It came to Ricardo then, exactly what was so out of place.

The Red Team was smiling.

“What the hell are they so giddy about?” Muriel said.

Faye tipped her chin up, tossed her auburn hair, and said, “Who cares? Just wait ’til they get a load of our kick-ass cabinet. That’ll wipe those grins off their faces.”

Monty Shaw greeted the contestants and then found his mark, trailed by an assistant director who was whispering a few last-minute instructions. Then the lights came up, the cameras swooped, and Monty’s face shifted into its on-camera expression as he said, “Well, magicians, I see you’ve been quite busy. What was once a pile of lumber has now been transformed…into this.”

A pair of grips whisked away the red and gold cloths, and cabinets were revealed.

They were so different, it hardly seemed as if they went with the same trick.

Both of them were trimmed in black, since the black frame was an integral part of the illusion. But that was where the paint jobs diverged. Gold Team’s cabinet showed the silhouette (non gender-specific, in case Ricardo got zig-zagged) of a person painted on the front, which would fool the viewer’s eye into thinking the performer was still facing forward even as they turned their body to the side. The Red Team’s cabinet had been painted with aggressive, graffiti-like strokes of red, black and white. It looked modern and fresh, and somehow even a bit threatening.

“Teams,” Monty said, “why don’t you tell us a little bit about your project?”

Iain directed the cameras to focus on Sue, then said, “Go.”

“Well, Monty, what Gold Team made is a traditional Zig-Zag Cabinet piece.” She seemed at a loss for words to describe it, compared to the balls-out audacity of the Red Team’s creation. Then she added, “It’s very well made.”

“And that accuracy will be put to the test in just a few moments. So tell me, Sue, which team member would you say was your most valuable asset in this particular leg of the challenge?”

“Who else but the Math Wizard?” Sue beamed at Bev, and the rest of the team murmured their agreement and patted Bev on the shoulders.

“Very good, Gold Team. Well done.” Monty turned to Red Team, and the cameras shifted. “Kevin, what was the concept behind the Red Team’s cabinet?”

“Yo, check it out. Dis ass-kickin’, mind-trippin’ box gonna blow y’all away—and if you think it just
looks
badass, you gonna find out when you see it in action…it
is
badass. Inside and out.”

“A bold assertion, Red Team. And who would you say was the team member most responsible for the success of your project?”

“Aw, that’s easy.” Kevin Kazan crossed his massive arms, ensuring his biceps bulged, smiled wide and said, “That’d be me.”

Three faces fell. Behind the camera, Iain motioned for them to bring their dismay up a few notches…not that they needed his direction to do so.

Jia was the first to find her voice. “No way.”

“How can you…?” Fabian spluttered.

John pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

“What’s that, Red Team?” Monty said. “You don’t agree?”

“No,” Fabian said. “I do not. I was the one who drew up the plans. I was the one who supervised the construction.”

“And don’t forget the Professor,” Jia said. “He made an important
contribution
too. All Kevin did was paint the damn thing. And even then, he only did the fun part and left all the boring detail work to me.”

“What you forget,” Kevin said smugly, “is that Fabian made his plans because I inspired him to draw them up. And the Professor got his idea from something I said. A team ain’t nothing without a good leader…and who’s the leader of this team?”

Jia crossed her arms, clamped her jaw shut, and said nothing. But her glare was as sharp as a circular saw.

“Well, Red Team,” Monty said without any particular regret, “your leader has spoken. Too bad you’re not in agreement about who deserves all the accolades for building the challenge cabinet…because the player who was named by your team leader is eligible for much more than just praise.”

Jia’s eyes narrowed. Fabian shook his head in disgust. John sighed…again.

“Math Wizard, Kevin Kazan, please step forward.”

Even with her new lowlights and a palate of eye makeup chosen for her by the Stylist to the Stars, Bev looked totally middle-aged and frumpy as she stepped up to the tape mark on the floor beside swaggering Kevin Kazan in his red satin track suit and glittering gold jewelry. But she had truly outdone herself in the challenge, and her team had unanimously heaped praise upon her, so she held her head high, and she beamed.

“Now that you’ve created your Zig Zag cabinets,” Monty told them, “it’s time to put them through their paces. One member of your team will step inside, while the other team members insert the blades and slide out the center piece. But here’s the twist.”

Kevin turned to the Red Team and gave them an elaborately gloating look. Sue nudged Ricardo in the ribs.

“You probably have a certain team member who’d be perfect for this challenge. Someone spry. Someone flexible. Unfortunately, the
opposing team
is going to select which of you performs inside the cabinet. And once the cabinet has been opened up to its most widely-spread position, our team of carpenters is going to measure the distance between the farthest edges.

“The box that opens the widest wins.”

Bev turned and looked at the pair of cabinets, and then raked her eyes over the opposing team. No doubt a tickertape of figures was running through her brain. Was she as good at calculating everyone’s waistlines as she was their height? Ricardo didn’t doubt it. She’d probably never even given a Christmas sweater the wrong size, unless she’d bought it with the intention of it being something to “grow into.” And even then, she’d be able to calculate the exact day by which the thing would be a perfect fit.

“Kevin Kazan, Math Wizard, the two of you will be offered a choice. Immunity from participating in the challenge, or a thousand dollars. Consider your decision carefu—”

“Immunity,” Bev blurted out, without even being asked. Everyone looked at her. Iain shrugged and made a “keep going” motion. “I don’t want to compete, Monty. Any other member of my team would be better at the task than me. I don’t care about the money—I want my team to win. I want immunity.”

“The Gold Team magician knows what she wants,” Monty said. “And so, Kevin, what do you say? Immunity, or a cool grand?”

Kevin thought for a good, long time. Was he just cherishing the feel of all the cameras pointed directly in his face, Ricardo wondered, or were there really pros and cons to consider? Or, was he just pissed off because he didn’t really care about either of those rewards…but if he’d cited Fabian, the portliest member of the team, for his contribution, Fabian would have been able to opt out, leaving Red Team with a much better chance of winning the challenge. Kevin pondered whatever it was he was pondering for a good long moment, then he gave a disgusted half-shrug, and said, “I’ll take the cash.”

___

“Well,” Fabian said under his breath, “it was nice knowing you.”

“You don’t know how the challenge will play out,” John said.

Fabian looked down at his ample stomach, and said, “Yeah. I do.”

Kevin’s expression, as he rejoined his team, was blank. But the tendons in his neck flicked as if his whole body was spasmodically clenching. John looked away. All the strategizing, all the planning, had been for naught. They had been so sure that they’d need to switch cabinets that all their energy had gone into concealing the latches that would lock the center section into place and prevent anyone who didn’t know about them from successfully using the device—a brilliant idea, everyone had agreed.

Brilliant…but ultimately, useless.

To make matters worse, while the team valued John’s contribution, the home audience (the
voting
audience) wouldn’t even get to see the modification in action. Even if Red Team lost the challenge because their stockiest member was forced into the Zig-Zag cabinet, who was to say it wouldn’t be John who would get voted off once they lost the challenge?

“Listen up,” Iain called out. “We’ll give you three minutes to decide who’s doing the stunt for the opposing team. Bev is off-limits. Everyone else is fair game. Time starts…now.”

Across the room, the Gold Team immediately formed a huddle, arms around each others’ shoulders and heads bent together.

The members of the Red Team all crossed their arms and glared at each other.

“Well?” Jia said, once half a minute had ticked by. “Who’re we gonna pick?”

“Like I give a fuck,” Kevin said.

“Don’t you dare snap at me,” Jia warned. “If you hadn’t gone and nominated yourself as MVP, we could’ve had that immunity on a team member who actually needed it.”

Kevin didn’t reply. He simply puffed himself up larger and glared twice as hard.

“C’mon, now,” Fabian said. “We got two minutes left to decide who we’re picking. How about Sue? Maybe she’s still sore?”

“Maybe Sue,” Jia said. “Not Ricardo, for sure. You saw how he could move in Metamorphosis.”

John’s mouth went a bit dry, but he managed to say, “Not Faye. She’s the thinnest one on the team.”

“Not Sue,” Kevin said grudgingly, watching the Gold Team huddle through narrowed eyes. “Girl’s fine.”

“Okay,” Iain announced. “Time.”

Iain lined the teams up on their color-coded carpets, and the cameras swept the teams’ faces. Monty cleared his throat experimentally a few times, then said, “Red Team, have you made your decision?”

Only then did Kevin look over at the Gold Team, as if he was still mulling over his choices. His flair for timing, John noted, was uncanny. After a perfectly timed pause, he said, “Red Team picks Muriel Broom.”