Mage of Shadows (35 page)

"…You really miss her." I said, feeling stupid, like I was stating the obvious. A spark of anger as I remembered the conversation I had just had with Ruark, the confession I just heard. Carmen was alone because of Ruark. Maybe he hadn't wanted to do it, but the fact was that he did.

"Every day." Carmen replied, ignorant of my internal struggle to reaffirm my understanding of Archanos's initiates.

We sat in the silence, no sounds except for our own breaths and the various whispering creaks of the old house as the wind played against its sides as if it was a particularly bulky instrument. A disproportionate haunted symphony that played continuously, the house's method of communication. Its own way of being alive… the presence of it was almost soothing.

"Maybe she was lucky." Carmen whispered suddenly.

"What? Who?"

"Maybe Emily was the lucky one." She repeated, "What's the point, really? If I live to be eighty, or ninety, or even a hundred. That's only about eighty years longer than she lived. The universe has existed for billions of years and will continue for billions- or even trillions- of years after we're gone. How much have I gained? Nothing, it feels like."

Carmen hesitated for a moment, and then admitted, "Sometimes, I just want to follow her."

Follow her. Suicide.

"…Don't you dare." I said quietly, and I saw her turn in surprise. I felt uncomfortable with her questioning gaze on me, but I couldn't stop now, "Emily died unfairly, and I know that must hurt. I've seen enough friends killed, people I cared about, to know how much it hurts. I thought about the same thing you are right now… so many times. You feel like you have nothing to live for. Nothing to continue on for. You're alone, because no one will ever understand you like she did."

I looked up, remembering a similar night in Virginia, the summer when I had been so isolated after high school. Unsure where I was going and if it was even worth it to try, "We don't know our futures, and we barely understand why things happen to us in the past. But just because today is cold, and you're alone, doesn't mean that you always will be. You meet new people, make new friends… try and be happy. Because that's really what Emily would have wanted for you. I know my friends would have never forgiven me if I took the easy way out. That's what suicide is, it's an escape. You give up on the game so you quit… well, that just seems kind of pointless to me, you know?"

Carmen didn't say anything for a long time. I hoped I had gotten through to her, but what else could I do or say? I couldn't watch her all the time, if she wanted to kill herself… who could really stop her?

Something glistened against her cheek, and the dark-haired girl wiped it away quickly.

"I'm going to bed." Carmen said, standing up slowly. I wondered for a moment if she was angry with me, angry for me telling her off.

"Thank you." The Hispanic girl said quietly suddenly as she stopped at the doorway, Carmen turned her head back for a moment, and in the low light I could see she was smiling. It was the sad sort of understanding smile, the one you gave when you were trying to look happy, to be strong. The sight of it wasn't something that made me feel better… if anything, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach deepened.

I had smiled like that, before. When I was at my worst, when I would stare in the mirror and try to feel stronger just by will… knowing that there was nothing better I would like to do than finish myself and join Reggie and the others.

"Anytime." I murmured, as I watched her leave. I felt very alone, but despite my misgivings I couldn't bring myself to stop her.

You can't force anyone to live. They have to want it.

I have to admit though, seeing her at breakfast the next morning eating Vik's runny scrambled eggs was a bit of a relief. I wasn't sure if I would have been able to handle yet another death on my conscience.

111

It came at me quickly, a whizzing sparkling wall of telekinetic force launched with the intent to harm. I could have dodged, but instead I turned towards the attack, crouch slightly and shoving off the ground while gathering power to me. I concentrated it near my fist for quick release at the right moment, an attack affectionately known as the Hammer.

My fist whipped out and I struck at my enemy's attack with a grunting battle cry. The two contradictory forces met, and mine won by a margin. I had slowed a bit, and my enemy had changed locations since I had lost sight of them behind the blinding miasma of the attack. I dug my heel in yet again and shoved off the ground hard to fly in a new direction of attack.

The little trick, a deviated offshoot of Jumping, was known as Dashing. I had quite taken a liking to it in the past few months of sparring in the mornings in the training area located beneath the APA house. It made sprinters look like a joke when you compared the pure speed, but it lacked instant maneuverability and it was difficult to change directions suddenly.

Kristen, my current opponent, attempted to gather another telekinetic attack but was too slow. I was already on top of her before she could complete it and she was forced to fight instead of finish. She came at me with twin knives, a flurry of speed and power. One slashed delicately close to my right arm, but I pulled it back in time and moved backwards cautiously. My hand-to-hand simply wasn't good enough to challenge her up close yet.

It gave her enough space to gather a bit of energy to her. A flurry of loose rocks were sent my way courtesy of the short girl. Kristen snarled angrily as she tried to track me as I shot around in different directions, using the Dash to great effect. If there was one lesson I had learned well from Les, it was the ability to gather power to me quickly. In that particular area, I had already surpassed Kristen, much to her frustration.

Tired of running and looking to return the edge to my favor again, I locked onto the incoming projectiles with my own willpower, and diverted them out of my way with one hand. All the while gathering power again to my clenched fist yet again. I Dashed again, this time straight at her without pause. Kristen's eyes widened as she saw the forming Hammer, and I saw her gather her own power in a desperate attempt to match it.

"Asshole!" She screamed at me in frustration.

I shoved my ultra-bright fist outwards and sent a compact sphered rainbow whistling excitedly at my unready opponent, who threw up her hands and sent whatever power she had managed to call to her in a protective screen in from of her body. The Hammer collided with a satisfying crack and splintered the brittle magical defense, its inertia determined to continue its path shattering through the barrier to strike.

Despite a significant portion of the energy siphoned by the obstacle, Kristen was still sent sprawling a good four or five feet before rolling to a crumpled heap, and she didn't get up. My last Dash carried me to a spot just several feet away from her, and I hopped on tiptoes to come to a complete stop.

Adam rushed out to check on his fraternal twin, sending me a glare for good measure. I couldn't help but grin back at him. If he wanted, I was still fresh enough to brawl with him as well. The adrenaline pumping through my veins told me I could do anything. There was nothing like undeniable proof of your own progress, two months ago, Kristen had handily wiped the floor with me. Now, she couldn't even keep up for three minutes.

"Two months and you've already gotten cocky." Les commented from his corner of the room, standing and checking his watch, "Its 8 AM, you have class in another two hours and you need a shower. And I need my breakfast."

"Yes sir." I said, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

I had been unsure how a master/servant relationship would work between me and Les. Far more affable than Danae, I didn't think it would be as bad as Carmen had it. I had been correct, technically it wasn't. He had yet to punish me by whipping, or slicing my palm open. That didn't mean he was liable to smack me around to try and teach me a lesson, however. I also had other unfortunate duties.

Every morning, I woke up at seven for training in the basement of the house. The basement was something awesome. It had been built large enough to fit a small field, maybe twice as large as the house itself in its sheer perimeter. There was easily enough room for several groups to train at once. Les was my major opponent, though I sometimes worked with one of the others.

Often times, I was set in a spar against Jimmy, Nishi, or Libin. None had the training I had over the break, and were easy to beat, much to their annoyance. I had the distinct pleasure of watching them being pelted with baseballs by their mentors as well. Les was right; it was a lot more fun to watch from the outside.

The times I fought against Carmen, Kristen or Adam were much more interesting. I was barred from using my Aether abilities with fire, since it was a dangerous advantage and we were only sparring. It left the playing field a lot more even, and really should have skewed it heavily to their side. Whenever they were allowed to use weapons, it made it that much more difficult for me. I had steadily been making gains in the telekinetic and elemental department, but weapons weren't my strength. Les hadn't begun teaching me any type of weapon, preferring to get me started on hand-to-hand first.

Carmen could whirl a retractable metal staff with excellent precision, Kristen was deadly with her twin knives, and Adam's aim with a small firearm was something to be feared even though he would only shoot blanks in a spar. Les fought only with his hands, a master of three different disciplines of martial arts. He had begun teaching me, but it was clear that it was difficult for him to teach it, especially to someone who didn't have a knack for it already. Still, he persisted, and those days usually consisted of me being tossed on my ass.

As for precognition, as excellent as it was, had its major weaknesses when in the presence of another mage. Already I was limited to only half a second of sight into my own personal future, something that would improve with age… but a lot of age. It would be close to a decade before I saw any significant difference. When fighting a mage, magic was already being pulled back and forth in a tug of war, precognition basically went out the window with it. Useless, except in the first exchange.

So, if anyone shot at me, I could see it coming and hopefully dodge in time, but not if I was locked in conflict with another mage.

Another weakness of precognition was that it wasn't some fortune teller that you could ask questions to. I would never know the future further than a few seconds. By the time I asked the question, the moment would have already passed. Masters that had years of experience with precognition had been known to be able to see five seconds into their futures, but that was the max.

It was supposedly possible to have the talent to see further into the future because magic's field existed everywhere at once, but that came in random flashes and only to certain people. Seers, both of past and future, were as rare as Aethers.

Despite Vik's teasing at the beginning of the semester, I never actually fought anyone other than a sophomore, unless it was Les. It left me wondering how I would fare against any of them, and I often speculated how much my own teacher was holding back. I had never beaten Les in a fight, though I liked to think that I had come close several times. Usually at those points, he would kick it up a notch and dissuade any thoughts I had about winning, very quickly.

Les had more than training demands for me. The first time I had sat at my normal table in the UGL, he came over almost immediately.

"Follow me." He said shortly, and I only had a chance to look bewildered at Tammy, the only other person who had made it to the table so far, before trailing after my teacher.

"You sit with us, from now on." Les said sternly, nodding towards our destination, the Senate Corner. The idea of it didn't sit well with me. I had no interest in becoming another drone of the Senate Squad.

"Why?" I asked, annoyed, "Why can't I sit with my own friends?"

"Because you're mine to command." Les replied with a dangerous grin that didn't reach his eyes, "Welcome to the ugly side of our relationship, Stratus. You're expected to follow me when I want, and where I want."

"Come on, Les." I responded in disbelief, stopping in my tracks to stare at him incredulously, "You can't be serious about this."

My teacher glanced around to make sure no one was close enough to listen in, then said, "I'm dead serious, Nick. This is tradition. You're an initiate of Archanos, but if you don't follow the bylaws set in place, then you'll never become a full member. One of those bylaws is that you must act as servant beholden to the master who teaches you. In two years or when I have nothing left to teach you, you'll be your own man again. As for now however, you're stuck as my man."

He walked off without asking if I would follow, but I did so listlessly. Les introduced me to his polite, but mostly perplexed friends, who couldn't understand my presence. At least until Les explained to them that I was to him, as he had been to Larry. That got a fair deal of evil smirks out of them, which made my heart creep to the pit of my stomach. This wasn't going to be a fun experience, I knew.

The only one I already knew was Angela Lin, the Asian sophomore girl from APA. I really couldn't care less about the rest of them; I spent most of my time glancing back to the table where my real friends were. They seemed far away now.

I still remembered the conversation I had with Eliza just after my initiation. No doubt they would take this as more proof that APA was changing me into someone that they didn't even want to hang out with. That was perfect, and the fact that I would never quit would make them believe that I cared more about a stupid fraternity than them.

Even worse, during the hours Les wasn't in the library, I was still required to sit away from my friends.

"Just forget about them." Les said dismissively, "You're too close to that group. It's never a good thing to get too close to Normals. Think of it as a lesson, never get attached to anything you'll eventually have to let go. Plus, you have too much studying to do to socialize."