Made To Love You (3 page)

“I’ll never let you fall,” I say kissing the side of her head. “I’ll always catch you.”

“That’s all I need to get through this.”

I tighten my arms around her letting her know that even if she does start to fall I’m here to catch her and together we can overcome whatever this is and whatever this will become. “Two is always better than one” my mom would always tell me and Mason growing up. Granted, she was typically referring to us playing together versus playing alone but all I know in this moment is that Jaylinn is going to need me more than anything in the coming days and weeks. It’s the only way, it’s the only choice we have.

Jaylinn

Cooper, Hunter and I walk down to the cafeteria to meet MacKenzie. The nurse said that the doctors are making their rounds but it’ll still be at least a few hours before they make it to my mom’s room.

As soon as MacKenzie’s eyes land on Hunter she jogs over to him. Hunter picks her up, buries his face into her neck and she does the same to him. My brother’s body shakes as he breaks down in his wife’s arms. I think Hunter already has it set in his mind that, no matter how bad the cancer is, the outcome for mom isn’t good. I’m holding out hope for the best possible outcome and I’m more than happy to live in my little bubble until I’m told otherwise.

Cooper wraps his arm around my shoulder and kisses the side of my head. I refuse to cry anymore. I can’t and won’t break down. My mom needs to be strong and I’m going to be strong right along with her.

“I love you.”

I smile up to Cooper. His grey-blue eyes are darker today like the color of steel and his hair is a little bit longer on top than normal which I have to admit I kind of like. The thing that gets me the most is that devilish smile of his. It warms me and makes me momentarily forget my problems. “I love you, too.”

Cooper nods his head towards the door leading into the cafeteria. “Let’s grab something to eat.”

We wander around looking to see what they have. Cooper takes some eggs, bacon and wheat toast, always trying to stay within his diet, even in the off season. Nothing looks good to me though. My stomach blanches every time I look towards the food. I grab an apple as a safe bet, and so that Cooper won’t fight with me to eat at least something.

When Cooper notices the only thing I added to his tray he just shakes his head. He’s not pleased but he’s going to let it go. He pays for our food and we make our way over to an empty table; Hunter and MacKenzie join us a few minutes later. No one talks while we eat and no one looks at each other either. It’s like we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can’t stand just sitting here like this. I can’t listen to MacKenzie sniffle one more time. I can’t listen to every bite Cooper takes as his teeth scrape against his fork. I can’t stand the way my brother is breathing in and out of his nose. It’s the everything, it’s the nothing, it’s the being here and dealing with this shit that I just can’t take another loud, silent moment of.

I stand up abruptly, my chair scratching against the tiled floor. “I’m going back upstairs.”

“You didn’t eat,” Cooper says pointing with his fork to my untouched apple.

“I’m not hungry.”

He swallows his food. “You need to eat.”

“I’ll eat later.”

Cooper opens his mouth and then shuts it again. He’s smart. He knows what battles to pick and which ones to concede. Today is a day he needs to just leave me be until I know things are okay. I push my chair in and walk away leaving my family sitting at the table.

I don’t go directly to the elevator because I’m not going to sit in that hospital room while my mom is sleep. My mind is running a million different directions and I need a few minutes to straighten my head out.

I passed a gift shop that’s filled with flowers, balloons, baby gifts, and snacks. An older lady sitting behind the register smiles at me, I smile back and keep walking. A small little chapel is just down the hall with its doors open. It’s empty so I step inside knowing I’ll be left alone with my thoughts at least until someone comes looking for me.

I take a seat in the second to last row, lean forward with arms on the pew in front of me and just lay my muddled head down on my forearms. A calming sensation rolls over me. I let my mind wander back to a happier time with my mom.

“Jay,” Mom called to me from the living room. “Let’s go!”

I stuck my feet into a pair of flats and grabbed my purse that was sitting on the chair at my desk. This was the last thing I felt like doing since I was bloated because of that time of the month. My face was covered in pimples, I had serious cramps, and a headache to end all headaches. I didn’t feel like doing anything that day.

“Mom, do we really have to go today? Can’t we go next weekend? I feel like a whale and do you
see
my face?” I asked pointing to one of the larger zits on my chin.

“I’ve got to work and your brother is coming home next weekend,” Mom explained locking the front door behind me.

“I don’t even want to go to prom,” I mumbled as I walked to the car.

“I heard that,” Mom said as she unlocked the car doors. “You know how I feel about this, Jay. You need to experience it, if not you’ll always regret not going.”

I highly doubted that but I kept my mouth shut. Jace, the captain of the boys’ soccer team, asked me to prom a few weeks ago. I asked him if I could give him an answer in a few days as I wasn’t sure if I was going at all.

The Saturday after he asked me, MacKenzie and Hailey were over my house, it was the first time I’d seen them since the holidays. We were lying around on the couch watching movies, eating popcorn and they asked me about prom. My mom had just got home from work and was in the kitchen while I was telling them.

“You said yes, right?” Hailey asked.

I shook my head. “I’m not going.”

MacKenzie had this knowing look on her face. She knew the real reason without me telling her. “Because of Cooper.”

My cheeks flushed and I looked away. It was silly, I knew that, but I just didn’t want to go with anyone else. Plus, there was no way that Cooper was going to take me. He didn’t have the same feelings for me. A few of my friends were going without dates and I knew I could have gone with them but I really just didn’t have any desire to go at all.

I hadn’t thought my mom was paying attention, but, of course, she was. “Jaylinn Marie McCormick!” She never used my whole name unless I was in trouble.

Hailey and MacKenzie started snickering.

I glared at them then turned my head a little further and looked at my mom. Her hands were on her hips and a disapproving frown graced her face. “You are going to prom, missy.” She looked to the girls. “Tell her she doesn’t want to miss out on this.”

Hailey looked down trying to hide her giggle and MacKenzie gave me a sympathetic smile. “You gotta go, Jay.”

I crossed my arms and leaned back against the couch. I knew deep down she was right. I’d always wonder what I missed out on, I’d hear all the girls talking about it during school and I didn’t want it that way. So, I was going…my head told me I was going but my heart continued to wage an internal battle I knew I wasn’t going to win.

“Fine.”

Hailey ruffled my hair. “Aww you’re cute when you’re pouting.”

I shoved her hand away. “I said I’d go, I didn’t say I’d enjoy it.”

That’s how I ended up in the dressing room of this little boutique in town with about ten different dresses to try on. I only really liked one but mom insisted I try all them on. After the ninth dress, I put on the dress that I loved the most.

It was a red mermaid gown with some crystals and sequins to add a little spice to it. There was a long slit down the left side, two thin bands of crystals and sequins along the back and a tear drop opening between my boobs. The crystals and sequins started out heavy at the top of the halter straps and slowly faded out to the bottom of the dress.

“Wow,” I whispered as a turned in the mirror grin took over my face. I loved the dress on the hanger but having it on I loved it even more.

I opened the dressing room door and proceeded to the round platform in the middle of the dressing room that was surrounded by mirrors. I heard a few gasps as I turned around for my mom and the ladies who were helping us.

Mom had tears in her eyes and the biggest smile on her face. “You look stunning, Jaylinn.”

One of ladies came over to me and pinned my hair up off my neck so that you could see the whole view of the dress.

I knew this dress was really, really, expensive and I covertly picked it because I was hoping my mom would say she couldn’t afford it. I would then throw a fit and get myself out of going but when I saw the smile on her face I knew I had to go for her and maybe secretly for me, too.

“We’ll take it,” Mom told the lady.

“Mom,” I shook my head knowing I couldn’t let her buy this dress. I’d settle on the second dress that I loved that was half the cost. I still looked pretty in it anyway.

She shook her head. “It’s perfect, Jay.”

Mom grabbed one of the diamond cuffs off the shelf near the shoes and slid it on to my wrist. “Mom, it cost way too much money.”

“Nonsense, I’ve been saving some money just for this.” We weren’t hurting for money but we lived conservatively. I knew I had a trust fund coming to me when I turned twenty-one and I knew mom had money saved in an account, too. I just didn’t realize she’d be willing to spend this kind of money on a prom dress. A dress that I was only going to wear once.

“Thank you, Mom.” I said kissing her on the cheek before slipping into the dressing room and changing back into my clothes.

“There you are,” Cooper says as he slides onto the bench beside me. “Are you okay?”

I smile and wipe a few tears away, some from sadness but at this moment many were from happy memories. “Yeah, just thinking about that time mom and I went to go try on prom dresses.”

Cooper groans beside me. “That God-awful red dress?”

I smile wider. “You loved that dress.”

He smirks, “Yeah, I liked it on the hanger.”

Laughing, “Is that why you stood next to me there with your mouth hanging open watching my friends and I get our pictures taken in front of the house?”

“What friends?” Cooper winks playfully at me.

I bump my shoulder into his.

“The way that dress clung to your body,” Cooper licks his lips. “And your hips,” he groans and my cheeks turn fire engine red, almost the identical color the dress we are both remembering.

“This is not the time and place for you to be picturing me naked,” I whisper.

Cooper shakes the image from his head. “You’re right,” he holds his hand out for me to take. “I’ll think about it once we cross that threshold.”

“You are something else!”

Before Cooper and I make our way back to my mom’s room up on the sixth floor we swing into the gift shop. The older lady I had seen earlier is still sitting behind the counter.

“Hello,” she greets us.

“Hi.”

I walk over towards the cooler where the flowers are. “Let’s get these,” I say grabbing the multi-colored, dyed daisies. “Mom’s favorites.”

Cooper takes the flowers from me and pays for them.

“Have a nice day.” The lady says handing Cooper his change back. I don’t know how great of a day this can be.

When we get back to the room MacKenzie is sitting on Hunter’s lap near mom’s bed, the same seat he was sitting in when we left. He gives us a little nod and MacKenzie smiles at us.

No sooner had Cooper and I sat down when an older doctor with salt and pepper hair comes in followed by a younger looking doctor. They both greet us. Dr. Anderson is the older attending doctor and Dr. Carter, the staff oncologist. Both doctors attempt to wake up mom but she’s so out of it. She opens her eyes and then nods right back off again.

The doctors go over the chart with each other and were exchanging a few words that I couldn’t repeat if you asked me to before they turn their attention to us.

Dr. Carter had a gloomy smile on his face as he looked over at me and then to Hunter. “As you both know by now your mother has cancer.” We both shake our heads. “It’s Stage 3A lung cancer, to be exact.”

All the blood rushes to my ears and I’ll I can hear is the whooshing hollow sound. I know that most cancer has only four stages and if mom’s at stage three it’s not good at all.

“We did a biopsy, a scan, and a few tests just last week and after reviewing the results of them it looks like the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes on the same side of the chest that the cancer is on.” Cooper squeezes me closer to his side. He knows this isn’t good either.

“What exactly does Stage 3A mean? Will she need chemo, radiation, surgery?” Hunter asks as his voice shakes.