Mad Worlds Collide (13 page)

     Joey spoke. "That didn’t
really
happen did it? You almost started World War III?"

     Major Johnson nodded his head. "Joey, the real world is stranger than any fiction. The story gets worse."

     Inside Missile Silo 112 Captain Smith cursed. "Lieutenant, what the fuck is going on? Why’d you stop the test?"

     "Captain—it said ‘Missile Launch’, not ‘Missile Test’. There’s something wrong."

     From the speaker came General Keneally’s voice. "What the hell’s going on? Who cancelled the test?"

     Captain Smith answered back. "General, it seems like we have a problem here, Sir. The wrong panel is lighting up.  Our system says ‘Missile Launch’, not ‘Missile Test’, Sir."

     "Are you sure you have the right Code Generation set? Is it 112-CKMZ?"

Everyone in the room checked to confirm the number.  "Yes, Sir," said Captain Smith.

     "Well hold on a sec, let me talk to SAC command."

     Everyone in the room stood quietly. With three extra people the room was getting warm. The intercom crackled. "Just spoke with the engineers.  Your eyes must be tricking you. Now I am told there is no way this missile will lift off with the code set to 112-CKMZ so I don’t care what the panel says, I want you boys to hold that key for the thirty seconds.  You got that Captain Smith?"

     Lieutenant Folley looked at Captains Smith, shaking his head.  Fear sparked in his eyes.

     Smith paused.

     "Captain, are you still there?"

     "Ah…yes General. Did you say that we should hold the keys even though the ‘Missile Test’ light stays off and we see the ‘Missile Launch’ light, the light that usually means a missile is launching into Russia…Sir?"

     "Captain, I get the drift of your wording.  Don’t insult me! Get this straight and get it right now. You are to hold those keys for the thirty seconds so I can get this test done. I have five more silos to test today and I have a dinner appointment at 6 PM. I don’t care if Christmas lights shine all over the silo and I don’t care if you see stars.  You are to have those men hold the keys for thirty seconds.  Got it Captain Smith?"

     
Everyone in the room looked at each other with that what-the-fuck’s-going-on-here look.

     "Yes General. But I have one request.  I need to use the head, Sir. Can we start in just another two minutes? I’ll be right back."

     "Yes Captain, you may use the ladies room, but make it quick.  I ain’t got all day!"

     Smith looked over to Johnson who was in a state of shock. He’d never been this close to nuclear war. Johnson cut off the speakerphone.  "Johnson, you can drive a truck right?"

     "Yes sir," said Johnson.

     "Well I have an idea.  If the General’s wrong, we’ll have about five seconds when the engines kick off before this missiles flies off to drop her load."

Johnson asked. "Do you want me to drive into town if she takes off, Sir?"

     "No you idiot," said Smith. "I’ll give you a walkie-talkie and if the engines fire I’ll let you know.  I want you to drive onto the opening of the silo."

     "What, Sir?" asked Johnson.

     "I want you to crash on top of the missile.  It will get crushed by the truck and explode here."

     "With me on top Sir?"

     "Yes, with you on top."

     "You don’t have any other ideas do you, Sir?"

     "I only have another minute, we don’t have time. No take these keys and run up to the truck.  I’ll stall the General as long as I can.  Get going that’s an order."

     Joey looked at the Major, laughing. "You’re kidding. They sent you to crash into the missile? What happened?"

     "Well Joey, I thought about quitting the Air Force and starting to drive into town right then and there. But if Lieutenant Folley was right, the missile was about to start WWIII.  I had a duty. Fortunately the missile never launched. Seemed as though some engineer cleaning the panels got the Missile Launch and Missile Test panels reversed."

     "Wow, I give you a lot of credit. Don’t know what I would have done."

     "Well, I hope you don’t have to make a decision like that Joey.  I’ve learned through the thick and thin of it that it’s the people willing to make the sacrifices that make this world worth living. Most can’t make the big decisions."

Joey looked at Major Johnson with more respect than ever. "I have to say it’s a pleasure working with someone like you."

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." 

- Albert Einstein (1879-1955) Milky Way, Earth Time

"The Zoks are the luckiest creatures in the Universe, but their luck will run out."

- Researcher Igfred Quibbly, (5432- current) Big Wheel, different universe, different time

According to the stellar records of history, accurately recorded in the Galactic Guide of Universal History Infinite, there exists a parallel universe to the Milky Way called the "Big Wheel".  In that huge universe there are billions upon billions of stars, and billions of planets. The Big Wheel contains over a billion planets with intelligent life, along with one planet similar in size to earth, called Planet "Zok". Other Big Wheel life forms watched the Zoks with great curiosity. Although Zoks were by all means intelligent, other species had often predicted their extinction. Many prayed for such extinction, in particular, a researcher named Professor Igfred Quibbly. The advanced life forms of the Big Wheel didn’t interfere with the Zoks’ life, as that was the law, although many argued that the Zoks were incapable of life in the purest sense. 

Some said the Zoks should be processed into space dust.

The order of the Oh, or the confederation of intelligent life in the Big Wheel, watched the Zoks grow as a species, waiting for them to either destroy themselves, or become intelligent enough to join the Oh.  According to the Doomsday Delta theory, described by Planetary Researcher Igfred Quibbly, the Zoks should have blown themselves to Kingdom Come over 25,000 years before.

Planetary Researcher Quibbly is quoted below:

"
T
he Zoks are a curiosity, for as everyone knows, there is no escape from the "Doomsday Delta", predicted and discovered by Antonio Raccioppi 465 million years ago in the Little Wheel Galaxy. For you see, once a civilization grows faster technically than it does socially, there becomes a delta between technical growth and the ability to rationally use such technology without blowing off your own nose, so to speak. This Doomsday Delta has naturally extinguished the existence of almost one billion semi-intelligent species over the last 465 million years. As much as we would like to help a troubled species, we cannot interfere. Likewise, we cannot go out and destroy the current Zok home planet; if we wait long enough they should do that nicely on their own. We all know they’ve done it before, as a matter of fact 24 times before.

The moribund Zok species have survived over 8,400 world wars, with over 400 world nuclear wars, and 6,000 or so chemical and biological wars on 24 or so different planets.  This is just a statistical aberration. It seems to happen in about one place per galaxy. It’s about the same chances of a meteorite hitting you in your home. The chances are very unlikely -- one in billions. The Zoks are the luckiest creatures in our galaxy, but they cannot continue their luck.

It will surely run out.

25,000 years ago the Planetary Emperor Zok Lord the 512
^th
used a black hole detonator
1
on a thermonuclear trigger to commit suicide.  Many Oh predicted the end of Zok race. The Zoks are the only race to ever survive such a detonation.

1
The black hole detonator bomb was designed as a planet destroyer but was banned by most life forms since the black holes tended to grow and take up large areas of space where no one could travel. It’s designed to irradiate a whole planet, killing all life before sucking everything within a 150,000-mile radius into a black hole container the size of golf-ball. These black hole containers can be sparsely found throughout the universe sucking anything within their perimeters; some are growing rapidly.

Galactic Guide World History Infinite-

World Record--
Black Hole Detonation

"Black holes have a way of ruining one’s day."

Glugpit Friedman--
(5495) Little Wheel Planet X-21’s last radio transmission

Emperor Zok Lord the 512
^th
  (affably known as Pop) holds the Galactic Guide World History Infinite’s record for being the only person to ignite a black hole detonator and have his planet’s population survive detonation. Invisible Oh cameras carefully watched Zok Emperors (known to have suicidal tendencies) for reasons of historical and scientific studies. At the time Pop decided to commit suicide, (planetary suicide), the Zok Military accidentally discovered the parallel material transformation and transportation that saved the planet.

The accident started with Pop’s 125
^th
birthday. The Zok military put up huge magnets in space around the Zok planet to energize special energy receivers, MagnoReceptors, handed out to the general population like free holiday balloons. Larger MagnoReceptors were placed in all buildings and homes to extend the effect. Since the Zoks communicate with a form of short-range telepathy that is based on magnetism, the special receptors allowed long range telepathy and, coupled with magnetism, produced a euphoric Zok-high.  Sold as the biggest party in 10,000 years, the Zoks planned a real blast, and so did the feeble Emperor.

Unknown to the powers in charge, a warring faction called the BlakNirks, not one for parties, secretly sabotaged the fusion reactors in space. The BlakNirks planned to overload the MagnoReceptors, calculating that the energy would overload the MagnoReceptors and thereby explode, killing each person and destroying each building connected to it. The BlakNirks warriors installed fake MagnoReceptors into their homes and businesses. The plan worked according to schedule as the magnets overheated into a chain reaction. But what the BlakNirks did not know was that they had accidentally created a parallel universe force field with real MagnoReceptors that transported all Zok factions and buildings to another universe, a universe where the Zok planet wasn’t being sucked up by a black hole detonator exploded by Pop, Zok Lord the 512
^th
.

The BlakNirks faction exterminated themselves along with a whole Zok Planet 24, a Universe Big Wheel. Some would say that the Doomsday Delta was finally taking its toll on the Zoks. Unfortunately, the BlakNirks were considered the brightest and least violent of the forty or so classes of races on Zok.  Some of the Oh had hoped this group would take over from the other brutal factions of Zoks. With the plan gone awry, the whole Zok planet population  (minus BlakNirks) was transferred to a new Galaxy called the Milky Way.

© Galactic Guide World History Infinite, 5505 BW Time

Quibbly is later quoted as saying later, "They (Zoks) are no longer our problem, but all we can do is pray for the Milky Way inhabitants."

The remaining Zoks accidentally moved on a parallel universe Zok planet 25, thinking it was Zok planet 24. The Zoks lacked knowledge of parallel universe transportation and without such experience had no idea of their exact situation -- a normal situation for Zoks. The parallel world was the same as Zok 24; barren and scorched with gray dust just like the other Zok worlds. The buildings and planet were exactly the same, except for missing BlakNirk buildings. Since buildings can’t fly, many factions naturally assumed that the BlakNirks were gathering for a war against some other faction. Outside the planet, all the orbiting magnoreactors had mysteriously disappeared, but with so many factions at war over the planet, a few missing satellites were common. What was not common was the trajectory of planet Zok-25. It was headed toward the Solar System, specifically Earth; the ride would take 25,000 years.

24,999.9 years later…

Robert sat in Alisagawa Park, Tokyo, on a grassy field across from the Hiro-o library, reading the English-version of the Japan Times. Susan sat nearby on a large checkered blanket. She was reading a book called, "Women are from Venus and Men are from New Jersey."

Robert never liked Mondays, and tomorrow would be hell. The problems with AD2100 had to be solved. The Japanese government was investigating the MI-ASS problems, however slowly, and Robert knew the problem was the AD2100 software. The world news usually relaxed Robert, no matter how bad it was. Today the news looked particularly horrible. One story’s headline stood out:
"
Airline Security Software Hacked!"

"Airline and MicroIntel stock down again!" 
Robert skipped the story. Another story looked interesting, it was about the JiJi Legion of Peace. Robert read on:
"
JiJi Legion – New Recruits from Pakistan"

MicroIntel-CMM NewsWire…

The war cry in favor of the JiJi Legion is now being raised among the Pooky tribes of Pakistan's borderlands. Last week more than 16,400 Pakistani Pookies, some armed with nothing more than single-shot hunting rifles, swords and Hank Aaron baseball bats crossed into Afghanistan over the high mountain passes near Bajourad, north of Peshawardal, to join the JiJi Legion. Those with combat experience were rushed up to the war front Brozki-Sahif. Pakistani officials at the Bajourad checkpoint made no effort to stop the holy warriors. "These are mad people," said a security officer, shrugging. "Let them die."  According to experts on the war, uniting the Pookies on any side will not be an easy task. Afghani vendettas date back centuries. Not only do the Pookie tribes despise the ethnic minorities of the American Afghani Alliance (AKA), but they often blast away at one another too. Feuds drag on for generations, with every man called upon to defend his tribe's honor. The Pookies unite briefly when outsiders, such as Alexander the Great, the Soviets, or the American Afghani Alliance swagger in. Left to themselves, they plant land mines to settle a property dispute. A youth from a town called MikiSuken was recently celebrated in the newspapers as a true Pookie hero for shooting his father's assassin.