Mad Swine (Book 2): Dead Winter (12 page)

Brian shook his head, his greasy hear whipping the sides of his face, and said, “Every time I close my eyes, I see them all. I see Charlie and Bob. But I also see Iggy. I see Dave scratching his stupid red beard. I see Ron and Anna and Todd and the faces of everyone who died at the hands of Providence. And because of what we’d done. I see them all and I can’t stand it anymore.”

Not only was I shocked by this revelation of emotions my brother displayed, but I was lost, confused by his words. “What are you saying? I don’t understand what you want or expect of me?”

“I want absolution, dude,” he said in that subdued voice. “I want to tell them what we did. They should know why everyone had to die.”

“What would that accomplish?”

He shook his head again. I could see he was conflicted, fighting a battle deep within his own mind, perhaps from within his soul. “I want what I deserve. I want to be judged and I want to pay my penance.”

My respiration was rapid and I could feel the cold air burning my raw throat with each pull of air. I tried to swallow but my thick tongue would not allow me. I looked down at my hands in my lap and watched them tremble. I squeezed my hands into fists in an effort to control the involuntary movement.

I reach out suddenly and grabbed Brian’s arm, my fingers digging into his flesh, pinching his muscle, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I know what you’re going through, brother, I really do. But you have this all wrong. What we did was…wrong, I know that, I accept that. But what came after wasn’t our fault.”

His shoulder jumped as he shook off my grip. Those red rimmed eyes stared out at me from below his furrowed brow. “That’s bullshit. We killed Comedian and what came after was retaliation.”

“What came after was inevitable. They would have come at us even if we’d let Comedian live. They wanted what we had and it was only a matter of time until they took it. All we did was force them to make their play sooner than later.”

Again he shook his head. “We don’t know that’s true.”

“Of course it’s true. Do you really think that when Senior walked away from our gates that would truly be the end? Did you really think that we would just live in peace if we stayed out of his way? You’re fucking dreaming if you do, brother, and you better wake the fuck up!”

My brother cringed at my words but I was amped up and I couldn’t stop myself. “Providence would have come for us sooner or later. Maybe they wouldn’t have come right away but they would have come just the same, and maybe we wouldn’t have been as prepared. Maybe they would have taken us by surprise and we would have all been killed.”

“We could have given them what they wanted. That might have saved some of them.”

It was my turn to shake my head. “If they got half, they would have got greedy. ‘Why take half when we can have it all?’ No. They would have come back and kept coming back.”

“We should have let the community decide.”

“This isn’t a democracy, remember? You told that to Bob when he begged us to take on the responsibility of leading this place,
remember
? We needed to do it our way so that they’d think that the attack was unprovoked. We needed the community to get mad. We needed them to be outraged, indignant, to want to take up arms and defend themselves from the bully down the street, remember?”

“I remember it all,” Brian said. “That’s the problem. I can’t forget.”

“Whatever your troubles are, man, I’m sorry. I’ll do what I can to help you through whatever this is you’re going through, but they can never know what we did to Comedian or why we did it. They can’t carry that burden. It will kill them. No, brother. We have to carry it, and if you can’t, I will. But they can’t know. Do you understand me?”

Seconds of silence ticked off. Brian just stared at me as if he had more to say but didn’t know how to say it. After a moment I stood up and walked to the sofa. I picked up the quilt that was folded and tossed it in Brian’s direction. It landed just a foot away in a heap.

I started to gather my gear and I made it to the threshold before Brian finally said, “We’re not done yet. Where are you going?”

Without looking at him, I said, “We’re done for now. I have to check on things and I think you need some time to think about…what you really want.”

“Where can I find you if I need you?”

“I don’t know. It’s a small place. Just ask around.”

“Dude, I didn’t want to make you mad. I just needed to talk to someone.”

I sighed, closed my eyes for a moment, and felt my shoulders sag. I turned around to face my brother. “I know. And I will listen. But just think about what you’re asking. These people have been through so much. I don’t know how much more they can take.”

Brian nodded and I took that as my cue that we were done for now. At the foot of the stairs I called out, “Sleep upstairs. The fire should make it through the night.”

“Thanks, mom,” Brian said and then called out, “And while you’re out make sure they haven’t strung up Ian yet!”

* * *

I had no idea where I was going when I left my house, but I ended up at the infirmary ten minutes later. Ravi answered the door when I knocked. She didn’t seem surprised to see me; it was as if she expected me. “Hurry, you’re letting the cold in.”

“Sorry.” I stomped the snow out of my boots on the foyer carpet and set my splitting maul against the wall. I slid out of my back pack and set it next to the weapon.

“I thought your brother would be here. He seemed very concerned for his friend. I was sure he would want to make sure we hadn’t tortured him.”

“Ravi, that’s not nice.”

She waved her hand in front of her face and shook her head as if to say, yeah, yeah, I’m done now. She led me down the short set of stairs, into the sub-basement that served as a recovery room. I pulled off my gloves and started to shrug out of my coat as I made my way down. I could feel a significant change in temperature at the foot of the stairs as heated air warmed my cheeks. I could hear the crackle of logs burning even from here.

Suddenly Ravi turned and put her hand on my chest, stopping me in my tracks. “You have to promise me that we will do what we have to do if the man is infected. Promise me there will be no special treatment because he is your brother’s friend.”

It wasn’t a question. I wasn’t used to such directness from Ravi, who was usually quiet and reserved. To be truthful, I was a bit perturbed that she would even think I would consider treating this situation any differently because of the man’s relationship with my brother.

Although my feelings were hurt, I answered without any tension in my voice. “That has nothing to do with anything. If he’s infected we will follow protocol.”

I could see that my words lifted a heavy weight off her shoulders. She immediately appeared much brighter, more like the Ravi I knew. “Thank you. Now see if you can get Kat to eat something. I don’t like the way she’s sitting there staring at the guy. She’s creeping me out.”

Kat sat in a one of the comfortable chairs which she had strategically placed in the corner nearest the exit. From there she had a clear view of the patient and could also control the exit should the need arise. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail, fully exposing the scar on her cheek. She wore a dark gray cable-knit sweater and dark blue jeans. I was pleased to see that she did not hold a weapon at the ready. In fact, I didn’t see a weapon in plain view.

She only glanced at me when I sat beside her. Ian was our only patient at the moment and he snored softly on one of the three twin-size beds that made up our infirmary. He slept on his right side, a white sheet draped over his body.

“How are you?” I asked softly.

Kat smiled. “Better than him.”

“Thanks for taking watch.”

She shrugged. “No biggie.” She shifted in her chair so that she could more fully face me. “What’s going on with you and Brian? I thought you’d be really happy to see him.”

“I don’t look happy?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t get that fuzzy warm feeling when I saw you two in the kitchen. You have that same pissed-off look right now.”

“We were both a bit occupied with this situation,” I said, jerking a thumb at the sleeping man. “And I don’t have a pissed-off look on my face.”

Ignoring my comment, she asked, “Did he tell you who these people are? Where he’s been?”

This time I shook my head. “I haven’t really had a chance to talk to him about that yet. He’s getting himself settled in.”

“You should make time. The council will be expecting a report in the morning. Everyone is dying to know what your brother’s been up to and what news he brings.”

“Are
you
dying to know?” I asked.

“Not really.”

Kat’s indifference made me realize something was wrong and I knew immediately what she was worrying over. I put a hand over hers and said, “Just so you know, nothing changes because he’s back.”

Her eyes flickered in my direction and then regarded Ian again. “I don’t know what that means.”

“It means you’re still my second and you’re still in charge of the kickin’ ass and taking names club.”

Kat said nothing but I could see she was thinking about what I’d just said. Had she been anyone else, they would have happily turned over the immense responsibilities she carried on her shoulders. That’s what made Kat…well, Kat.

“You volunteered to lead the militia and make sure we all stay safe. You’ve done a hell of a job and I trust you implicitly.
That
will not change. If Brian stays, he’s all yours.”

“I’ll give him all the shit assignments,” Kat said. And she smiled again, warming my heart.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I put my arm around her shoulders and she laid her head against my neck. We stay that way for a few moments, enjoying the comfortable silence. Ian continued to snore softly. I hoped like hell he wasn’t infected. I didn’t want Mad Swine within our walls again. And I didn’t want to have to kill a man I didn’t even know, especially one as charming as Ian. That would make one hell of a first impression for our guests.

“How is he really doing?” I finally asked, pointing at the sleeping man.

“You’ll have to ask the doc,” Kat said, her warm lips gently tickling my neck as she spoke. She lifted her head and sat up straight again. “She said his temp was a bit above average verging on a low fever, but she doesn’t want to jump to any conclusions.”

“That’s good to hear,” I said. I stood up and stretched my arms up over my head. “Keep me posted on any changes. If his temperature goes up any further, I want to know. And no one makes any decisions about Ian without me, understood?”

“Understood.”

I paused a moment on my way out and said, “But I expect you’ll use your judgment if the situation warrants. Do you follow?”

Kat nodded her head. “Where can I find you?”

Again I paused and without thinking about my response I said, “I’ll be at Lara’s house.”

Kat didn’t even bat an eye at my comment. Instead, she resumed her intense scrutiny of the sleeping Ian.

* * *

Lara was not surprised to see me either when she opened the door just seconds after I knocked. I honestly hadn’t planned on showing up at Lara’s house at this late hour when I left my brother, but it seemed as though she was expecting me. She still wore a knit cap on her head but her thick red locks spilled over her shoulders. She wore a thick, pale blue pullover sweater and jeans and her feet were stuffed into plush, fur-lined slippers. Her normally pale cheeks were red and her pale pink lips spread into a smile when she saw me.

“Come in.”

I relinquished my splitting maul to Lara, which she set against the wall in the foyer. I was barely out of my boots when she took my hand and led me up the stairs and into her own living room. The only light source emanated from the blazing fire. My toes and cheeks immediately began to thaw from the warmth.

“Sit here by the fire and get warm.”

I sat in the oversized chair strategically placed beside the large stone fireplace. The crackle and sizzle of the fire was hypnotic and calming. My eyes started to close but opened wide when Lara squeezed into the chair beside me. She pulled a thin blanket over our laps.

“There, that’s nice,” she said, wiggling her hips until she slipped comfortably into the space between the chair arm and my body. And it was nice. The warm of the fire and the soft, warm touch of her body against mine were intoxicating. I turned my face toward her and took in the smell of her fiery red hair. Her breath was hot against my neck and I leaned slightly into her so that I could feel her soft lips against my skin.

My hands found her body and I ran them under her sweater, feeling the silky bra covering her breasts. I dug under the fabric until I felt her soft skin. My probing fingers found her nipple and she shuddered when I rolled it delicately.

Our mouths found each other and our lips pressed together. I felt her tongue parting my lips; she tasted like peanut butter. We kissed passionately for long minutes as my hands continued to touch her flesh, tracing the lines of her breasts, her hips and her butt. Finally, I pulled her sweater off and started to kiss her flesh. Before long, we made love, and after we lay side by side, sweating in the glow of the fireplace, wrapped in each other’s arms. This was the first night in months that I actually slept through to morning.