Luster (14 page)

T
he heat
in the studio is damn near my breaking point, even with the garage door wide open. This is the third day in a row that I’ve been going non-stop with work, trying to make sure each minute of my day is spent wisely doing something.

Anything other than worrying over her. Because if I waste all my time doing that as much as I want to then I’ll never get my work done. But in all honesty even that’s just a waste of my own goddamn time. Because even while I’m working she’s all I can think about. And that’s a distraction I definitely don’t need. People paid damn good money to get what I offer. The least I can do is try to focus on making my pieces be the best that they can be.

Besides… She was the one who walked out. She was the one who tried so hard to push me away and piss me off with what she said… so in her successful endeavor I shouldn’t even be thinking about her. I really shouldn’t.

But then I get to thinking about how soft her skin is, how frizzy her hair gets when she’s drying it after the shower. How she bites her lip constantly, always drawing my attention to her perfect lips. The image of Falyn looking over her shoulder as I fuck her from behind sends a jolt right down to my dick and goddamnit, I’m doing it again.

I shut off the blowtorch and set it down, rolling my eyes at myself. I’m like a damn fool. I’ve got to get over this. I’ve got to get over
her
.

After I finish cleaning up I head back into the apartment, enjoying the cool air as it hits my skin. The only break I’ve had from the heat is the few naps I’ve been taking here and there in my own bed. That’s when I make it to the bed… Sometimes I just sleep it off on the couch and get right back to work. Idle hands are the devil’s playground and all that shit.

In all honesty maybe I should be happy with how things ended. If anything, my production rate has doubled over the last month or so. There’s something to be said for a man with nothing but time.

I grab a beer from the fridge and try to kick back, searching for the remote around me as I sit down. Flipping through the channels doesn’t serve me well but at least it gives me some background noise. That is until my phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Hey Matty. I, um, need to talk to you real quick. It’s important.”

Haven’t I heard this before? The last time it was about Liam not having shown up for the baseball game with James. They managed to get that all worked out, even though Donald’s excuse was pathetic as usual. I sigh. “What is it this time, Sam?”

I can almost see my sister rubbing her temples as she talks to me slowly. “Just got a call from the police department. They won’t tell me what it’s about exactly, but they just said it has something to do with Donald. And of course Liam, too. So we need to go down to the station like ASAP.”

I suck in the air between my teeth, dread filling the pit of my stomach. “He’s gotta be all right, though. I mean they would’ve shown up to your door, right? If it was… bad?”

I can’t believe I have to say it out loud. It makes me feel so helpless. I gave all the money I had from Madame Fortesque to my sister and James, in hopes that maybe they could finally secure the adoption for Liam. But something had gone off, and Sam was just getting ready to tell me yesterday all about it before she had to race back to work.

“That’s what I was gonna go with. I can’t even think about any kind of alternative to that.”

“Okay, then count me in. I’ll be down there to meet you guys shortly. Probably take me about twenty minutes at least but I’ll be there.”

I hang up with my sister and pull a shirt over my head, not bothering to jump in the shower. The more time I let the words ‘
police
,’ ‘
Donald
,’ and ‘
Liam
,’ sink into my head the more I’m ready to finally kick Donald’s sorry ass. The world would be such a better place without him.

Whenever I said stuff like that about him Falyn would always give me this look. Like she was calling my bluff. Little did she realize that I was serious. I
am
serious. I have a couple of pretty ill-advised connections, and I have given quite a bit of thought to actually using these connections to get rid of Donald. It sounds so easy, like taking out the trash. It’s murder, and it’s obviously not something I’d take lightly. Sam would kill me knowing what I know and what I’ve thought… but my Mom would be not only disappointed but even scared of me if she were still alive and knew.

Lucky for Donald that’s been enough to hold me back from something so sinister. But after the shitty life he gave me, it’s getting harder and harder to keep those intentions restrained…

Damn, I wish Falyn were here. This shit piling up in my head… it’s no good. Talking with her about it always makes me feel a little less alone and insane. This isn’t exactly the kind of situation I really want to be alone for.

And even though I’m so angry with her, so angry beyond words, I still miss knowing that she has my back. Because if anything I knew that was the case. She was always willing to stand up to me, but also willing to stand up for me. And a guy really can’t ask for more than that.

Jesus, and here I am yet again. Falyn running the thought train in my head as if she were the conductor. It’s already been over a month since she stormed out of here and I still can’t wrap my head around it. I mean I know she’s gone, and I know we broke up. We haven’t spoken to each other since. But it’s still surprising to me that we’re over. I feel like this is just a break we’re going to come back from or something. But this isn’t Friends and I’m not Ross. There was no break. Only a break up.

And the shittiest part of it all? I didn’t want to be put there in the first place. I didn’t want to be left open and waiting for her. Maybe I asked for it, pulling her in and trying to keep her with me. I couldn’t help myself honest to god. I mean I was falling in love with her for god sakes! And now… Well, we did a pretty damn good job of fucking all that straight up to hell. One of my forte’s I guess.

I yank on my boots and head out the door, ready to leave all Falyn-related thoughts behind. There’s someone who needs me way more right now, someone who needs me badly. And as god as my witness I will murder that motherfucker if he laid a finger on my baby brother.

Well, I wanted to break from my thoughts right? Except now they’re probably about to get a lot worse.

“
K
nock knock
.”

A blinding moment later and Eliza is whipping my curtains open, letting in the late morning sunshine. Ugh. I’m so not ready to move from my bed…

She bounces a throw pillow off my head like a pro, nearly knocking my computer off the bed in the process.

“Jesus woman! I’m up. I’m up!” I say, scrambling to my knees. Eliza purses her lips at me and takes a good look around the room before laughing.

“Holy hell, Falyn. You know, part of me takes pleasure in finally seeing your place like this. But really I want to hire a hazmat team to come in here and decontaminate everything. It’s finally happened, girl. You caught yourself a one-way ticket on the hot mess express.”

I groan, holding a pillow up to my face to help block out the sun. “It’s not that bad,” I mumble. “I cleaned up. A few days ago…”

Eliza just scoffs at me and slaps something down on my bed. Four or five of our favorite old DVDs from college. “So what are we starting off with? I checked the refrigerator for snacks but all you had were some expired yogurt cups and a few apples. So healthy foods it is, damn you.” She may be rough with her methods but at least she means well.

I thumb through the choices, happy to see how well my best friend knows me. If it weren’t for Eliza I’m not sure I’d be making a conscious effort to even move after I get home from work every day.

Not since everything that happened with Matt.

“Don’t you do it.”

I raise a brow at her. “Do what?”

“You got that look on your face. You’re thinking about Matt again, aren’t you? It’s been a month, Falyn! Has anyone ever told you that you’re a glutton for punishment?”

“Nearly six weeks. Not a month. And yes, I know I’m being ridiculous. I can’t help it though… it’s been hard dealing with everything all at once. And every time I want to vent or cuddle up close to let go of everything in my head, I have to remember that we’re not together anymore all over again. It. Fucking. Sucks.”

I have no shame in front of Eliza. She and I have been through a lot of stuff since we first became friends so I know she isn’t really judging me here. Especially with her on again-off again girlfriend wanting to break it off again.

She pats my knee and pulls out one of the movies from the bottom of the pile. “Let’s do this. You tell me why exactly you’re so miserable if you wanted out of you and Matt’s relationship, and then I put in the movie and we forget all about it from here on out. That way you have a chance to air it all out and then it’s done. No more worrying over what he’s doing.”

I consider her for a moment, knowing that no matter what she thinks it won’t be that simple. “Okay. I’m in.”

* * *

E
liza interrupts
me for the millionth time. “Wait a second. You ran into Dinah and she tried to tell you all this shit about Matt being a gold-digger? For a woman, she sure does have some balls. What did you say?”

I roll my eyes. “I was getting to that. I basically told her I didn’t have time to listen to that and I knew she was the one who left Matt at the altar. And that I had somewhere to be. I didn’t go all crazy and now I’m kind of glad. I think she was right in the end.”

Eliza nearly spits her water out. “Are you for fucking real? You actually believe that horseshit?”

I settle back against the bed, not wanting to hear her try and change my mind. “Yeah, so? It’s not really because she said it… more like because I’ve found it to be sort of true, too.”

Eliza looks as though she is utterly lost. “I don’t get it. Matt makes a shit-ton of money. I know because I’ve seen the transactions through the gallery. I know because he’s the one who…” her voice trails off.

“Regardless of what money he did have, he’s pretty hard up for it now. And with the way my wallet disappeared, and how he can’t even afford to help his sister out with legal fees… I dunno. I think there’s more to it than meets the eye with him. And that’s just not worth the trouble if you ask me.”

Even I don’t believe myself when I put it that way though. Was that really why I charged into his studio practically demanding answers. That whole day is such a blur now…

“So he needs money. And you think he was using you for yours? I don’t get how you came to that conclusion. To me it just sounds like you got angry with him because of your mistake and then got really suspicious about his old boss showing up. And then you yelled at him. Does that sound about right?”

“It sounds… way different when you put it together that way,” I whisper more to myself than to her.

“No shit. And you did let Dinah get inside your head there, Lynie. She did that just to fuck you up and you let her. I’m honestly surprised. That chick is loca extreme.”

I begin pacing around the room, desperately trying to recall how it went the last time I saw Matt. I had a way more justifiable reason to say and do what I did… right?

“So you believe Matt then?”

Now it’s Eliza’s turn to get up and circle around the bed. “Yes. Yes I do.” She stands by the window eventually, watching the busy San Franciscans go about their business below. “I completely trust the guy.”

I know Eliza and Matt have known each other for a while now, but I never really knew anything about how they first met or became friends. This piques my interest and I sit on the edge of my bed, waiting for her to go on.

“You know I was struggling to try to get the gallery up and running. It was an expensive undertaking to say the least. The company that leases my space to me was breathing down my neck, trying to get me to hurry up and put my deposit down. I was still short about ten thousand dollars and had no idea where I’d get that kind of money.” Eliza looks back at me and runs her hand through her hair. “I ended up meeting this lady one day while I was walking Geo. She was wild—wearing this heavy evening coat, and all dolled up in the middle of the day. It was so weird. But we get to talking and she told me she worked for this prestigious company. That they could use someone like me for their new female branch, whatever that meant. Then this gorgeous young guy shows up out of nowhere to walk her back to wherever. He had overheard me telling her about wanting to start an art gallery. Said he was interested in maybe helping out. He had some sculptures he wanted to sell. I told him not to bother because I didn’t have the funds. He looked desperate, almost like he was trapped even. And he told me he’d lend me the money no problem, as long as I’d showcase his work.”

I slowly slide off the edge. Something clicks in place. “It was Matt, wasn’t it? He lent you all that money so you could start the gallery.”

She doesn’t say anything but I know the answer.

“Fuck,” I whisper softly. “What have I done?”