LUKA (The Rhythm Series, Book 2) (31 page)

I stopped laughing when he pulled out my pulsing, swollen dick and started stroking it; long strokes with a twist at the end—just the way he knew I liked it.

He sank to his knees on the bathroom floor, giving a sexy half-smile as he stared up at me.

“I’m going to make you forget your own name.”

And he took my dick into his mouth with one long swallowing motion.

I screwed my eyes shut, gripping my own hair with my hands, tugging painfully to try and distract myself from coming immediately.

He pulled back slowly, sucking as he went, and a long groan erupted from my throat. Then he licked up and down my shaft, and slowly deep-throated me again.

The feel of his hot wet mouth around me was too much. A lightning bolt of need shot from my balls and I grunted as I poured myself into his mouth. I heard him gagging slightly, but I was beyond any control.

My knees sagged and I was glad that I was leaning on Seth’s shoulders.

Seth stood slowly and rested his forehead against mine.

“Feeling better, baby?”

My eyes were closed, but a grin broke out across my face.

“Yeah,” I said huskily, incapable of speaking any more English right then.

He laughed and kissed me on the lips, pushing the outline of his hard-on against my spent dick.

Just then, the door opened and the manager walked in. He frowned at my sagging jeans and hanging belt buckle.

“Come on, guys, you know the rules.”

“Sorry, Paul,” said Seth, not looking at all sorry.

“Yeah, yeah. But there’s a couple of off-duty coppers in tonight and I’m not looking to get one of my best customers busted for public indecency.”

He threw a warning look at both of us, then left us alone.

My brief moment of satiated pleasure was long gone.

“
Sranje!
I have to go.”

“Luka, don’t . . .”

“No, I have to go. I shouldn’t be here.”

“Everything will be fine. Nothing is going to happen.”

“You don’t know that!” I yelled in frustration. “Fuck, it was a mistake coming here tonight.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’ve got to go,” I repeated, zipping up my jeans and pushing past him, ignoring the hurt on his face.

I took the first cab I could find, leaving Seth behind. The guilt weighed so heavily on me, I didn’t call him for three days, ignoring his messages. When I finally felt like forgiving myself, I caved in and called him, getting his voicemail.

It was nearly a week before we spoke, and by then, Seth was on a business trip to Brussels.

My lifeline was Ash, my brother in all but name.

We spoke most weeks for a few minutes, keeping in touch via Facetime.

“Hey, bro! How’s it going? How’s Beth?”

“She’s good, amazing. She gained another two pounds since her last checkup.”

“That’s great. So, do you think she’s ready?”

I blew out a breath.

“Yeah, I talked to her pediatrician. He said her lungs are good and there’s no reason why she can’t go on an airplane.”

“That is the best news, man. So you’re really coming? You’ll do the tour?”

I grinned as I heard the excitement in his voice.

“Yeah.
We’ll
do the tour—me and Beth.”

“Laney is getting everything organized for you guys. And Selma has budgeted for Marcie and adjoining hotel rooms on the tour, so you don’t have to worry about that. Your little princesa will have a dozen aunts and uncles fighting to take care of her.”

I laughed, happy that it was going to work out, excited for this new step in our lives.

We ended the call with a promise on my part to book our flights as soon as possible. Ash reminded me that I needed to get a passport for Beth, something I hadn’t even thought about. I know that sounds dumb, but I’d gotten so used to her going everywhere with me, almost an extension of myself, that it just slipped my mind. I had no idea how to go about that, but I’d figure it out. I knew you could pay extra to get a new passport in an emergency. I just hoped that applied to babies, too.

I was so excited, I pulled my suitcases from the top of the wardrobe and started packing a few things, even though it would be nearly three weeks before we left for America.

And that’s how Seth found me an hour later, newly returned from Belgium.

“You’re taking Beth to Chicago?”

He sounded shocked and hurt.

I threw him an irritated look as I carried on shoving clothes into suitcases.

It had been two weeks since the nightclub fiasco, and now he was telling me what I could and couldn’t do?
Hell, no!

“You have a better idea? Or maybe you’re offering to look after her?”

He winced, but plowed on.

“I’m just saying that taking a baby who’s not even four months old on a long plane journey isn’t the best idea.”

He was right. It was a terrible idea and I was dreading it. But what was the alternative? Stay in London, alone and miserable with no chance of improving my life, or go to Chicago and be with my dance family, planning our new tour? And Sarah showed no signs of wanting to come home. I hadn’t heard from her at all, although her mother still called regularly and came to see Beth every week. Usually, she preferred to visit when Beth was with Marcie, which suited everyone.

I wanted to go home—and that wasn’t London.

Home
. What a fucked up word.

“Look,” I said, staring at him, hands on my hips. “Sarah doesn’t want us, she’s made that clear. It’s just me and Beth now.”

“And me!” Seth said quickly. “I’m her uncle, I want to be a part of her life.”

“You work 80 hours a week,” I snapped. “And that’s on a good week. She needs more. She
deserves
more.”

And maybe I did, too
, a voice whispered.

He stared at me, his expression confused.

“You’ve changed.”

I glared at him, exasperated.

“Of course I’ve fucking changed. I’m a father now.”

“Don’t go, Luka,” he said, gripping my wrist.

I shrugged him off. “I don’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice. And . . .”

“And what?”

“Sarah’s doing much better now.”

“Great,” I muttered, aware that I sounded like an asshole.

“She wants to see Beth.”

“Tell her to call me.”

“Luka . . .”

“No! Fuck her! I know she’s been ill, but she abandoned us without a backward glance. She left that fucking party with
James
. She’s been gone nearly three months and I haven’t heard a fucking thing. Jesus, I’ve spoken to your mother more than . . . if Sarah wants to see Beth, I won’t stop her. But she has to call me.”

Seth blew out a breath and looked away from me.

“She wants to come home. Back here.”

I froze, the charger for my phone slipping from my fingers. How many times had I hoped to hear those words? But from her, not from her brother. And not recently.

“Why? Why now?”

He frowned. “Why? Because . . .” and he shrugged helplessly. “For Beth. For you. With you.”

I stared at him, stunned. “What about us—you and me?”

He hung his head. “We could still see each other.”

What?
I couldn’t understand what he was saying.

And then I did.

Rage, pure rage tore through me.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You want me to have an affair with you behind your sister’s back?”

Maybe I did have morals after all.

“I’m sorry. Shit! I don’t know what I’m saying. But Sarah needs you . . .”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Luka?”

“No, I can’t Seth. You and I, we have something. I thought we had something. But you want me to get back with your sister? Do you even know what that sounds like? I can’t believe you!” I paused, breathing heavily. “And I don’t trust her. If she ran off once, she could do it again.”

He chewed his lip for a moment. “Technically, this is her flat.”

I turned slowly to stare at him. “She wants me out?”

His eyes dropped to the table. “She wants to come home.”

I stomped into the kitchen to make up a fresh batch of formula. He trailed behind me, his expression upset and guilty.

“We’re leaving anyway,” I snapped. “She can have the apartment.”

“What will you do when the tour is over?”

I shrugged. A lifetime could happen in six months.

“Tell your sister to call me about seeing Beth. I’ll fix something up.”

Much as it killed me to admit it, my daughter had a right to know her mother.

He rubbed his hands over his cheeks nervously.

“I’ll tell her.”

But she didn’t call—she turned up the next morning. And she used her door key. I knew it was her apartment, but fuck, it felt wrong.

I’d just finished dressing Beth after her bath, and I’d planned on taking her to the park in her stroller.

“Hi, Luka.”

I stared up at her.

She’d spoken to me but her eyes were fixed on Beth.

Her hair was longer and she’d lost the baby weight that she’d gained. She looked healthier, too, but I noticed that her hands were shaking.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” she asked.

“I don’t know what to say. I didn’t think you’d come.”

She bit her lip, looking away from Beth quickly as her gaze skittered around the apartment, taking in everything that had changed.

“Can I hold her?”

I nodded reluctantly and placed Beth in her arms. Her little face scrunched in confusion, but she lay quietly.

“She’s grown so much, I can’t believe it!”

My face was rigid as I fought to point out that babies grew a lot in two months.

“She’s got so much hair! And she’s not crying.”

“Not as much. She’s a good baby.”

“You’re a good father.”

The words sounded forced and unwilling, so I didn’t comment.

“I want to come back. I want to be Beth’s mother. I’ll do it properly this time.”

I stared at her skeptically.

“I mean it. I can do this. I wasn’t well, but I’m better now.”

Maybe she was, but she had a long way to go before I’d trust her with my daughter. Fuck!
Our
daughter.

“And I want to come back home.”

“It’s your apartment.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Can you give me a couple of weeks?”

“You’re still going to Chicago?”

I glared at her. “Of course I am! And so is Beth.”

“No.”

“What?”

“I won’t let you take my daughter away from me, Luka.”

I was so angry, I had to clench my fists to keep the rage tight inside.

“
You
left
us!
You ran out! This is the first time in three months that you’ve seen Beth. Even your mother made the effort! There’s no way you get a say in this!”

“Luka, please! I’m her mother and I love her. I made a mistake. Don’t shut me out. I won’t let you.”

I breathed deeply, forcing myself to control every turbulent emotion that felt like acid in my blood.

“You can visit us,” I said tightly. “On tour.”

Sarah shook her head. “Not good enough. I won’t let you take my daughter away.”

“She doesn’t even know who you are!” I shouted, making Beth’s eyes pop open.

She started to cry, and I saw Sarah’s back stiffen.

“You have to go,” I said, my words harsh and low.

Then I took Beth from her arms and turned my back on her.

“Don’t cry,
princesa
. Daddy’s here.”

I didn’t watch Sarah leave. I wondered later if her mother had brought her here. I never found out, because two days later, I got a Summons.

Sarah wanted full custody of Beth.

“SHE’S GOING TO
take me to court.”

I glanced up, but Seth didn’t look shocked.

“You knew,” I said tiredly. “Of course you did.”

We were laying in bed after some hot and frenzied fucking. All we seemed to do was tear each other’s clothes off and fuck like bastards. We didn’t talk anymore. I really missed that. But there were too many dangerous words between us, and we were both afraid to have a real conversation.

Until now.

I rolled out of bed and started dressing quickly, resentment igniting my anger.
Whose side was he on?
As if I needed to ask.

“I’m really sorry, Luka. I tried to talk them out of this, but once they get an idea in their heads, it’s hard to make them be rational. They’re so alike.” He blew out a breath. “What will you do?”

“I don’t know. Fight them? I can’t let them take Beth.”

Seth smiled sadly, but it was wrong, off-center.

“You’re a great father, Luka. You’ve surprised everyone, including yourself.”

His words stung. What did I know about being a father? Mine had never had much interest in me and it was my
babica
who raised me. I was doing my best with Beth. She seemed happy, and only woke once or twice a night now. She was healthy and gaining weight all the time. I knew it was going to get harder, but I was
doing
it. Which was more than I could say for Sarah. I couldn’t forgive her for running away when things got too hard, even though I knew she was depressed.

Seth touched my arm lightly.

“It’s because they’re worried about you taking her out of the country when you go on tour.”