Lucky Star: A Hollywood Love Story (17 page)

“Broderick told me you two were close friends for a long time and it only recently turned into something more.”

“Yeah, something more …” What else could I say? I didn’t know how to describe what we were or how it had come apart to the people closest to me, much less a woman with who I was competing for my man’s time, if not his affection. It’s not like I was about to tell her one minute Cameron was simply my best friend and the next we were having really hot, really drunk sex that had blown my mind, fulfilled all my deepest, darkest desires. And I really didn’t think she’d understand how quickly our relationship had escalated from there. Everything had happened at near warp speed and I didn’t think she would understand. Hell, sometimes I didn’t even understand how it had all come to be. Sometimes, in the farthest recesses of my mind, I wondered if we had gone slower, taken the time to learn each other’s rhythms, pressed pause just to experience being together without the pressure of marriage, our careers, and looming babies, if we would have ever found our way to this point. Or, would we have realized that while we loved one another, we simply weren’t meant to be?

“Listen, I know this is uncomfortable and you probably hate me, but I just wanted to say that I understand this is going to be rough for you. I’m going to do my best to make it as painless as possible though.”

I stared at Jillian for a moment and tried to let the sincerity of her words infuse me. It
was
going to be really rough for me, rougher than she could ever imagine. If Cameron’s behavior thus far was any indication, I was going to take the brunt of all of Cameron’s anger as well. Fuck, maybe Murray and I could become pen pals to commiserate about our shared misfortune?

“I don’t hate you. I hate this business.”

“Don’t we all?” she asked rhetorically, as she squeezed my arm and then walked out, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Finally. Marshalling my feelings, I splashed water on my face and once the redness of my anger had cooled to a ruddy glow, I pulled out my compact and did what I could to fix my ruined makeup. A handful of minutes later, I wandered into Broderick’s office, still reeling and wondering where I went from here.

Sitting down across from him, Broderick clasped his hands over his stomach. “That went well, I thought.”

Did he expect me to dignify that with an answer? When he raised his eyebrows at me, I realized he did. “Depends on your perspective.” From where I sat “well” was not the word I’d use to define that meeting.

“I know I shocked you with the announcement of your promotion.”

When he smiled, happy with that turn of events, it occurred to me he had no idea why I was upset. Completely clueless, he continued on, oblivious to my current state of unease.

“I didn’t want to tell you like that, but that bitch Aerin was getting under my skin. For whatever reason, she hates you and I couldn’t have her being so openly hostile to you under my roof.”

“No, it’s fine,” I said, because really, how Aerin Shandy talked to me was the least of my problems. “What concerns me though, is the rest of it.”

“I’m sorry?” He looked well and truly perplexed and I wondered if that made it better or worse.

“You told me Cameron had two options, but it sounded a lot like only one of them was legitimate. Aerin didn’t even present the other one.”

Broderick sighed and scratched his chin. “He didn’t tell you.” We both knew he wasn’t asking me.

“Clearly not.”

“Shit Sarah, don’t put me in the middle of your lover’s spat.”

I leaned forward in my seat. “Fuck you Broderick. You’re the cause of this spat.” I used my fingers to make air quotes. “If it weren’t for this goddamn movie I’d be choosing bridesmaids and picking out wedding china. Instead I don’t even know if it’s safe to wear this fucking ring without people wanting to know who my fiancé is and why I’ve never mentioned him before. Because of your
new
plan, I certainly can’t tell them the truth.”

He put his elbows on his desk and leaned forward. I recognized it as an attempt at intimidating me into backing down. No fucking way. I had nothing to lose anymore. When I didn’t so much as flinch, Broderick sighed and eased off. “To be fair, you didn’t have a boyfriend before Sarah.”

I glared at him and wished I was a superhero who could disintegrate people with my mind. Clenching my jaw, I bit out, “Don’t you dare go there.” I took a deep breath and exhaled while pinching the bridge of my nose. My head had started pounding.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered.

Broderick leveled his gaze at me and neither of us spoke for a few moments. Then, “I could tell you some story that would make you feel better but I’m not going to do that. You’re a big girl,”— I flinched even though I knew he wasn’t referencing my size but my ego and self-esteem had taken a beating today and the idea that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough was never far from my thoughts — “You should be able to hear the truth and still behave like a professional. The truth is Aerin and I made an executive decision that from now on, this campaign is on a need-to-know basis and you didn’t need to know.” He dragged his hand through his scruff. “Plenty of people here know that you and Cameron are friends, and just as many of us know that you’ve held a torch for him for years. You’re a sweet girl, Sarah, but you’re no actress. I needed you to be shocked when Aerin told everyone that Jillian and Cameron were together. Any other reaction would have given you away.”

Could someone die from the pounding in their head? No, what about the pounding in their chest? Yes? Because right now I really, really, really felt like both my head and my heart were going to explode and I’d die right here in Broderick’s office. Either I’d die, or I’d kill him with my bare hands. I clenched my fists and exhaled, tried to keep my composure. Failed.

“Fuck you,” I whispered furiously.

“Watch it, Sarah,” Broderick warned. “He who giveth can also taketh away.”

I really, truly wanted to vomit now. I could taste the bile burn a hole in the back of my throat.

“Go ahead,” I dared. “I have nothing left to take.”

I stood to leave but Broderick wasn’t done with me. “Sarah, sit down.” He extended his hand to indicate I should take my chair.

I stayed standing and we locked in a heated staring contest.

“Please?” he asked, more gently than before.

I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling, silently willing my tears not to fall. When one leaked out anyway, I dropped my head forward, my chin resting against my chest. “Fine,” I mumbled and took my seat.

My shoulders hunched, I curled in on myself and waited to hear what else he had to say. I should have walked out, but I had nowhere else to go. Broderick had threatened to fire Cameron if he didn’t go along with the plan but I’d recognized “fire” as his code word for “black ball” which was why I’d pushed Cameron so hard to accept it. If I walked out on Broderick now after telling him to go fuck himself, I’d suffer the same fate and never work in Hollywood again. I had a mortgage to pay and not a lot of job prospects outside the industry, even with Broderick’s reference. What I did wasn’t something you just applied for. You had to have connections, have an “in” with people who knew other people to get the type of job I had. He had me between a rock and a hard place and we both knew it.

Swallowing the last bit of pride I had left, I did what I needed to. I asked him to tell me about my new job. “How does the promotion change what I do?”

He exhaled and his shoulders relaxed, relieved that I’d decided to play ball. Again.

Hesitantly, he started to explain my new job. “In a lot of ways, it doesn’t. You won’t get coffee for me anymore – that’ll be Cassie’s job from now on – but you’ll continue to assist me on everything related to what we do here at Gramalkin. Basically, what you already do now.” As he spoke, he became more animated … as if I’d never stood up to him only to have him crush me under the weight of his power. “I’d love it if you could go to meetings in my place and report back on what was discussed and any action items. I’ll make the final decisions of course, but in the early stages of these conversations, I want you to be involved helping all the various groups understand what I’m looking for so they don’t have to run every decision by me.”

“I can do that,” I replied without looking up from my hands. Hands that were clenched so tight they felt like my fingers might break.

From this day forward, I’d never look at Broderick the same way again. And not viewing him as a friend or an ally, I realized, allowed me to approach this conversation as the business transaction it really was. “How does this affect my pay?”

“Straight to the point as always. That’s one of the reasons I like working with you so much. I always know where I stand and never have to worry you’re thinking one thing and saying another.”

“That’s me,” I responded dryly.

Little did he know I was
very
good at thinking one thing and saying another. I’d kept the biggest secret of my life for years, never letting even the most person most important to me guess how I felt about him. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to carry that resolve over into this new reality, not when I was so raw and my hurt and anger was a living, breathing thing I had to fight moment-to-moment to suppress.

Broderick blinked at me, taken aback I’d been so forthright about the matter of my pay. Then, hiding that surprise, he launched the first volley in our negotiation.

“Let’s say an extra $12,000 a year – that’s $1000 for every month – and a bonus based on the performance of the films you work on.”

I bit my tongue when he mansplained that very basic math. As if I couldn’t figure out such a simple equation myself. With a $12,000 raise I could tell my dad he didn’t need to add money to my bank account anymore. It wasn’t something I was proud of, and we very rarely discussed it, but my dad had been putting a few thousand dollars in my bank account a couple of times a year ever since we’d bought my house. He felt guilty my mom had railroaded me into the more expensive option when I would have been just as happy with a condo somewhere less expensive. Giving me the funds to offset the higher price was his way of apologizing while continuing to let her have her way.

This new $12,000 wouldn’t be enough to live extravagantly on, but it could mean a nice(ish) vacation once a year instead of short trips to Las Vegas or Santa Barbara with a bunch of friends. I had visions of sitting on a Hawaiian beach and idly wondered how much a week in Kauai would cost as a solo traveler (because there was no way Cameron could join me). Maybe I could wrangle Carly or Jennifer into joining me.

Broderick hadn’t stipulated what sort of bonus he envisioned, but I’d worked with him long enough to know he didn’t mean $1000 at Christmas. I was hoping it closer to the several thousands-of-dollars range which, all things considered, was a nice starting point. My dad had taught me two things in life: (1) Jane Travers always got her way, and (2) Never accept a first offer.

“Let’s say $15,000 a year and I want the bonus structure laid out with exact percentages and dollar amounts before I sign a contract.”

“Thirteen-five a year on top of your current salary, plus half a percent of
The Ties That Bind
’s opening weekend.”

“Domestic or international?”

He grinned and I smirked back. He was a fool if he thought he was going to buy me off without feeling the pinch of my indignation. “Total. Both domestic and international,” he answered with a definitive nod of his head.

“Fourteen thousand and six weeks of paid vacation a year on top of every thing else we just hammered out and you have yourself a deal.”

I watched him consider this last second addition to our negotiation and wondered what the standard even was for the industry. Since I’d never taken a real vacation before, I had no idea what was normal versus outlandish and I wanted to be
very
outlandish.

He crossed his arms over his chest and seemed to consider me for a moment. Then, “I’ll tell you what Sarah. You’re giving up a lot for this movie so I’ll give you the fourteen grand and half a percent of the take for
Ties
, four weeks of paid vacation, and I’ll throw in another week at our place in either Maui or Nice.”

He stuck his hand out for me to shake and I was assailed with feelings of doubt. If he hadn’t thrown in that bit about me giving up so much, I might have thought I was walking away with a good haul but now I wondered if I could have gotten more. Cameron had thought me mercenary before? He hadn’t seen shit. If everyone was going to turn their backs on me, him included, I was going to get mine in return. Mentally tallying the numbers – guessing the opening weekend at around $130 million – I figured this “promotion” was costing Broderick somewhere in the range of $750,000 in blood money.

Images of Cameron flirting – quite convincingly – with Jillian less than an hour ago and then walking out of the conference room without saying a word to me flashed through my mind and my chest physically hurt at the memory. For a very brief moment I was tempted to tell him to call a spade a spade and offer me $2 million to walk away completely. I wouldn’t have taken the money, of course, but it would have been amazing to see his face when I said it because let’s be honest. This was a negotiation was his professional way of buying me off. Hush money for going along with the whole sordid plan. A reward for keeping my relationship with Cameron a dirty little secret.