Luck of the Draw (Xanth) (25 page)

This reminded him that now he was young again, physically, and had been some time without romantic female companionship. True, he was in love with the princess, but that was a somewhat distant thing. This girl was immediate. He would like to kiss her.

Which was a no-no. She was a Companion on the Quest who had to be treated with respect for her independence and privacy.

It was morning. Time for them to rise. He needed to wake her without embarrassing her.

He tapped her on the shoulder, silently.

She half woke. “Oh, Piper,” she murmured.

Oops. She thought she was with another man. He recognized the voice: Anna Molly.

That was interesting. She had gotten interested in Piper? Probably his music had attracted her. Well, he was a good man, and if he did not win the princess, he could be good for Anna. Assuming that he returned her interest. He might be understandably cautious, because when she learned of his monster aspect that might end any ideas she had. At least he had his relationship with the giantess as a backup.

Then Anna woke the rest of the way. “Oh!”

Bryce made a small show of waking up, pretending he had not heard anything before. “We must have collided in the night,” he said apologetically.

“Yes.” She sat up, and so did Bryce. Piper was on her other side, and Arsenal beyond him, while Mindy was curled up beyond their feet. It was a good-sized tent, but five people crowded it.

Soon they were all up, washing at a local streamlet, and Mindy was foraging for their breakfast. Bryce said nothing about Anna’s words; it wasn’t his business.

After the meal, they gathered together for the next unrolling of the scroll. Mindy brought it out and read the line. “Region of Fire.”

“That’s mischief,” Arsenal said. “I’ve been there. It’s north of the Gap Chasm, along with the regions of Water, Air, Earth, and the Void. It’s hot.”

“I have been there too,” Piper said. “It can be navigated, carefully.”

“We can take the Autotroll,” Anna said.

“Not all the way,” Piper said. “It avoids the Regions. But there are paths.”

They went to the track circle and waited. Soon the train steamed toward them, as if responsive to their need. It stopped, and the trollductor stepped down. “It is our privilege to serve you,” he said. And paused.

“We will entertain the passengers,” Bryce said.

That was what the troll had evidently hoped for. “Very good.”

They were given what seemed to be the same chamber they had had before. They quickly rehearsed another show, this one minus the curtains. There was no gnome mourning party aboard this time, so Piper would not have to change. They worked out a playlet, in which Arsenal was about to slay an evil sorceress, but Piper played such enchanting music that she reformed, literally, with Mindy becoming Anna, and married him instead. They worked the transformation without magic, by putting the two women together in one dress, facing in opposite directions. When they turned about, in the shadowed corner, it seemed that one became the other. The audience, not entirely fooled, nevertheless loved it.

When Arsenal did his flashing sword demonstration, this time with Mindy as the nervous target, there was applause, then a question. “Did you ever meet your match in sword craft?”

“No,” Arsenal said. “It is my talent to be proficient with any edged weapon I encounter. But I did once have a close call. My opponent was an ordinary-looking man whose talent turned out to be the ability to become a flying sword. Every time I swung at him, he assumed sword form and flew at me. I didn’t know how to stop him. Then I got smart, grabbed a big ball of cork, and used it as a shield. The blade stuck in the cork and couldn’t get free. Before it could change back into the man, I hurled cork and blade into the sea where a hungry kraken lurked. I did not stay to witness the outcome of that encounter.”

The audience laughed.

“Did you ever slay a dragon?” another passenger asked.

“Never had to,” Arsenal said. “When I encounter a dragon, I do my little sword-flashing show for it, and it generally backs off. Of course much depends on the size of the dragon. And the reach of its heat. If one tried to toast me, I would hurl a knife down its gullet. Mostly we leave each other alone.”

Bryce would have thought this was bravado, but after seeing Arsenal’s swordflash demonstration, knew it was not.

“I’m glad to hear it,” the passenger said. “Dragons aren’t evil, just different. I was raised by a dragon.”

Now other passengers were interested. “How so?” one asked. “Dragons normally eat any humans they catch alone without weapons or magic.”

“Well, it’s a long story I’ll condense somewhat. It seems there was this hood just sitting on a bush. Maybe it grew there. A dragonness came and tried to chomp it, thinking there might be a person inside. Somehow she got the hood caught on her head. Then its magic manifested, and she became devoted to Mother Hood.”

“Another pun,” Mindy muttered.

“There was a human baby lying in the grass,” the passenger continued. “No one knows how it got there. The dragonness saw it, and instead of gobbling it down, adopted it. Because of the Mother Hood. The child grew up to have some dragon qualities. When enraged he swells to one and a half times his normal size, his fingernails become claws, his skin turns crimson, and he snorts fire.”

The others burst into laughter. “You’re some storyteller!” another passenger said. “You should join the troupe.”

“But it’s true,” the man insisted. “I’m that man.”

“And I’m the Demon Xanth!” the other retorted mockingly.

The man swelled up to one and a half times his prior size. His fingernails expanded into talons. His skin turned crimson. He snorted fire. “I will not be mocked!”

Bryce dived in between them. “He didn’t mean it!” he cried. “He thought you were joking. He was going along with it. Isn’t that right?”

“Uh, yes, sure,” the other agreed, daunted.

“Oh. Well, then.” The dragon man shrank back into normal human semblance.

“The peacemaker strikes again,” Arsenal muttered.

“And now we will return to our show,” Bryce said. “Arsenal, girls—the playlet.”

They hastily organized and went into it, distracting the audience from what had almost become an ugly incident.

After the show, the dragon man approached them. “I am Dudley Dragonman. Thank you for defusing that situation. People don’t like me when I get mad. In fact I wonder whether you could use your persuasion to mollify my girlfriend. She’s not speaking to me today.”

“A lovers’ quarrel?” Bryce asked. “I think you need a counselor for that. Maybe there’s another passenger who is good at that.”

“There was one,” the man said. “A woman with the talent of healing broken relationships. But she got off at the last stop.”

“Then I’m not sure how we can help,” Bryce said.

“Maybe I can help,” Anna said. “May we meet your girlfriend?”

“She is Chandra, with the talent of changing from one humanoid form to another. But as I said, she won’t speak to me. I can’t approach her.”

“We can get around that,” Bryce said. He went to the nearest speaker. “Will Chandra please come to talk with the troupe members?” His voice reverberated along the passenger cars.

Soon Chandra appeared. She was a lovely elf girl. “How came you by my name?” she demanded.

“We are trying to be peacemakers,” Bryce said. “We understand you are angry with your boyfriend, Dudley.”

Her eye fell on Dudley. She became a troll female with an ugly face and uglier glare. “I’m not speaking to him!”

“Please,” Anna said. “We are only trying to help. Why are you mad at him?”

“He made fun of me!” she flared, becoming a petite goblin girl.

“I didn’t mean to,” Dudley protested. “But you assumed ogress form.”

“What wrong, that song?” Chandra Ogress demanded. She was small for the species, but still almost banged the ceiling with her horrendously ugly head.

“I remembered the classic description of an ogress’s face,” he said. “It was so true I had to laugh.”

“What is that description?” Anna asked.

“Her face looked like a bowl of overcooked mush that someone had sat on.”

Bryce had to stifle a guffaw. That was exactly what her face looked like now. Maybe worse.

“Well of course she didn’t like that,” Anna said. “You were mocking her. She doesn’t like to be mocked any better than you do. She’s a perfectly decent ogress.”

“But—” Dudley said, beginning to swell.

“Do it, idiot,” Anna said. “Turn dragon man!”

“Uh, Anna…” Bryce murmured.

“You’re as bad as she is!” Dudley Dragonman growled as he snorted fire.

“No, I’m worse,” Anna said. “Now apologize to her.”

“What?” A ball of fire scorched the wall.

“Gourd style.”

“Oho!” Mindy murmured.

“What are you talking about?” Dudley demanded.

“You don’t know what a gourd-style apology is? I will demonstrate.” She turned to Piper. “You know?”

“Yes,” Piper said, bemused.

Anna put her arms around him and kissed him so passionately that little hearts flew out.

That was an apology? It looked like utter ardor.

Anna broke the kiss. “Do you accept?”

“Uh,” Piper said, seeming half stunned.

“No? Then I’ll have to try harder.” She kissed him again. This time medium-sized hearts flew out, and Piper’s feet started to leave the floor.

She broke again. “Now do you accept?”

Piper squeezed his head back into shape with his hands. “Well, maybe.”

“You are forcing me to take it to the limit,” Anna said. She kissed him again. This time a huge single heart formed, enclosed them, and lifted both from the floor. A soft glow reflected off the walls, floor, and ceiling of the car. Also from the watching people. Love suffused the train.

Anna finally broke again. “Now do you—” she started, but paused. Piper couldn’t answer. He had freaked out. “I’ll take that as a yes,” she said. She turned to Dudley. “Keep your present forms. Apologize. The ogress needs to know you take her seriously.”

Dudley was catching on. The two of them were similarly ugly now. He enfolded the ogress and kissed her. Little ugly tomatoes flew out to circle their heads.

Dudley broke. His face was flushed beyond the dragon stage, as was hers. “Do you accept my apology?”

“No!”

Bryce was dismayed. It had seemed to be going so well.

“Then I’ll have to try again.” He kissed her more ardently. This time small ugly gourds circled their heads. And Chandra’s fingers behind his back formed a little O circle.

Bryce had to stifle another chortle. She had
wanted
to make him kiss her again.

He broke, both of them looking breathless. “Now do you—”

“Not yet,” she said. “Let’s return to our room and finish this privately.” They quickly departed, ogress and dragon man, hand in hand.

“Works every time,” Anna said, satisfied. “No one ever refuses a gourd-style apology.” She snapped her fingers before Piper’s face, and he came out of his freak. “Thank you for your cooperation.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, eying her speculatively. She had evidently made an impression on him, as she surely had intended. She had accomplished her nominal purpose of reconciling the lovers, and also given Piper a signal he could hardly miss. Bryce was old, but still learning things about women.

It was also, he realized, a demonstration of her talent for generating anomalous situations. The rift of a man and woman had been healed while they were in two different forms, neither attractive.

The ride was only a few hours, and then they were in the Regions section of Xanth. “There are five of them,” Mindy explained to Bryce as they set up their trikes. “Air, Earth, Water, Fire, and the Void. They are generally avoided by ordinary folk, as they can be dangerous. But we don’t have a choice.”

“I don’t look forward to this,” Anna said. “I never wanted to visit this area. It gives me nervous shakes.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Piper asked.

“Just stay close to me.”

“You know I love the princess.”

“I know. But only one Suitor will win her. It wouldn’t bother me hugely if you were not the one.”

“I think I could survive such a rejection,” he said. “However, there may be something you don’t know about me.”

“Maybe I’ll learn,” she said, unconcerned. “I know you’re a great musician.”

Bryce knew what Piper meant, however. How would Anna react when she saw his monster form? Their dialogue suggested that both understood what kind of relationship they were orienting on, and both were interested, but that was a formidable consideration.

They triked south along a well-defined but unenchanted path. Soon they came to a gentle downward slope. “I think this is the outer edge of the Void,” Mindy said. “We do not want to get close to that.”

“What is the Void?” Bryce asked, hearing the capital.

“It is the fifth Region. Anything can enter it, but almost nothing ever comes out. We dare not risk passing the Line of No Return.”

Bryce shuddered. “We dare not,” he agreed. “It’s like a black hole with an event horizon.”

“A what?”

“Don’t you remember from Mundania? A star so dense that not even light can escape from it.”

“Oh. Yes,” she agreed uncertainly.

They found a path that skirted the Void to the west. Evidently others in the past had made a similar decision.

In due course they came to an area where swamps and lakes abounded. To the east was a rainstorm. “Let me guess,” Bryce said. “The Region of Water.”

“The Region of Water,” Mindy agreed. “I understand it is reasonably pleasant if you’re a water creature. But it rains constantly.”

“And the next one is Fire? Can we reach it through Water?”

“If we had a boat that couldn’t sink.”

“We’d better continue triking,” he said.

Before long they saw a wall of fire. No need to inquire what that was. “Do we know where in the Region of Fire to find whatever we’re seeking?”

“Maybe the scroll will say.” Mindy brought out the scroll and unrolled it. “Yes! Now it says at its southernmost point.”

“So do we enter it and look for that point?”