Luck of the Draw (A Betting on Romance Novel Book 1) (41 page)

“Could you stop—?”

“Then again, if you got married that could
—”

“
Married?
To whom?” She gestured toward herself. “What man in their right mind would want
this?!”

He shrugged and cocked one eyebrow.

“This isn’t a joke.”

“Maybe I’m not joking,” he said, his face taking on an odd expression. “Okay, yes, I’m not thrilled you weren’t straight with me from the beginning, but I understand. I get it now. But that doesn’t negate the fact that you’re an amazing, desirable woman any guy would be lucky to have.”

“Amazing and desirable but not someone you fall in love with.”

“Hey,” he touched her chin and his lips tilted softly. “I’ve fallen in serious like if that makes you feel any better. And even you have to admit we’re very
—how should I put it?— compatible.”

“Nana said marriage is more than good sex.”

“No offense to your Nana, but it’s a good start.” He let his hand drop. “Besides, there are plenty of practical reasons to consider it. What about health insurance? Adding you to my policy may cost less than insuring ourselves individually. It at least bears looking into…”

“Do you even hear yourself? I’ll figure this out on my own. This is crazy...”

“It’s not as crazy as believing a solution is going to fall from the sky out of wishful thinking! How’s that worked for you? Huh?” He stopped and shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He rested his hands on her shoulders. “Look. You said you loved me. I at least care about what happens to you. It’s a more solid foundation than the starry-eyed romantic notions most couples start with. We’ve both tried that route and failed. Who’s to say this wouldn’t work? Let’s at least discuss it. I hate to see you struggle when—”

She threw her hands up. “
No!
I’m not going to discuss marriage just because you have some overblown sense of responsibility. This is my
life!
You can’t take over like some macho superhero!”

“I’m not trying to be anyone’s hero, Kate. I’m suggesting a solu
—”

“
But I deserve more than that!
” She said, the blasted tears welling up and overflowing again. “I may not have a solid plan of what I’m doing or where I’m headed or how in hell I’m going to make it all work, but I at least know
that!
”

“Kate, I didn’t mean…”

“
Don’t
,”
she said. “Please, don’t.” Her hand was shaking as she brought it up to dash away her tears, and she felt brittle and hopeless and cheated all at the same time. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t let him sacrifice his future for her mistakes. And she couldn’t give up on that tiny ember of hope of finding someone who could love her, utterly and completely. “I need what you can’t give me. And I won’t settle for less... ever again.”

He blew out a defeated breath. “I
do
care about you.”

“I know.” Her chest felt tight, her lungs aching, like she was trapped in a box and running out of oxygen. But the knowledge that he cared wasn’t enough, not
nearly
enough to live on for the rest of her life.

“Friends?” he asked.

He reached forward then, wrapping her in an all-too-brief hug, and in that moment, she knew
.
With sickening clarity she knew
this
would be the moment she’d remember. The pitying regret in his eyes as he pulled away again. The pulsing frustration deep in her gut. The scents of Jim and resignation and summer melding improbably, heart-wrenchingly together.

She shook her head.

“
No
, not friends,” she said, her voice breaking. “Never just friends.”

August 15
I know the sound of a heart breaking. Silence.

CHAPTER
THIRTY-NINE
____________________

K
ATE BRUSHED
L
IAM’S HAIR from his forehead and pulled up the thin sheet. The room was warm despite the open windows, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn on the air conditioning. Somehow, artificial air felt wrong. Out of place.

Just like her.

Kate swallowed the lump in her throat, straightened and headed back to the dimly lit living room. Maybe she’d made a mistake running back to Connecticut. Once she’d gotten on the road, she’d made half the drive on adrenaline alone, the remainder had been spent, tears streaming down her face, wondering if she should turn around.

But she hadn’t, because despite the almost overwhelming urge to rush back to Jim and take whatever he could offer, the salient fact remained: She loved him. He was a good man. He deserved to start fresh
—not be handed some screw-up’s leftover wife and children. Taking him up on his offer—however well-meaning it was—would be a mistake for both of them.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when the doorbell rang. Peeking around the sidelight, she threw the door wide. “Ma?”

“I wish you wouldn’t call me that. It makes you sound like Laura Ingalls. Here, open the door a little more. I can’t fit the carrier through.”

“What the
—?”

“I need you to take Sandy.” Her mother thrust the dog carrier forward and shut the door with her foot. “I’m at my wit’s end. I’m having anxiety attacks from worrying about her.
Feel
.” She grabbed Kate’s hand and held it to her chest. “Do you feel that? Feel how irregular that is? I’m a wreck! I’ve tried everything, but it’s no use!”

Kate peered in the carrier. Sandy whimpered pityingly.

“We’ve balanced her chakras, switched to two different special diets, I’ve had her tested, massaged and aroma-therapied. But she just lolls around. Listless. Lifeless. It’s breaking my heart! Do you have any decaf tea?”

“In the cupboard.”

“Good. Maybe that will help calm my nerves.” Her mother bustled into the kitchen and started the water boiling. “Your father is no help. He won’t listen anymore. Just hobbles around and complains about his gout and stomach cramps.”

“Stomach cramps? What’s wrong with his stomach?”

“He’s stubborn, that’s what. Refused to take my advice. That colchi-whatever gout medicine is doing a number on him. Serves him right for pooh-poohing me. He’s getting a cleansing, all right, but not the pleasant kind.”

Kate reached up for cups. “So why is Sandy here?”

“I need you to take her. A few days at most. Tell me if a different environment is healing to her. I’m still not convinced it’s not that new carpet, but your father refuses to listen when I suggest replacing it.”

Kate looked around at the half-filled boxes and stacks of belongings around the room. “I’m packing.
Moving
. I can’t possibly take—”

Her mother clutched a hand to her heart. “Not even for your own sister?”

Kate fought not to roll her eyes. “She’s not my sister, Ma. She’s a dog.”

“I can’t believe you’d say that. I love her like my own baby. If you won’t do it for her, then at least would you do it for the sake of my heart?”

Kate pulled a box of tea out of the cupboard.

“One day. That’s all. Please? It’ll give me time to have the carpets properly cleaned. It’s all organic cleansers, but I still don’t want her in the house breathing in any vapors. She’s fragile enough as it is.”

“I don’t have any food for her.”

“I brought a bag in my trunk.
You can keep it for when you watch her next week. And her ceramic dish. You know plastic isn’t good. Allergies. And phthalates. Very bad for them. You shouldn’t use plastic either.”

Kate sighed. “Fine. One night.” She approached the carrier and crouched down. Frowned. “
This
is Sandy?”

“Oh, yes. I know. She looks a little rough around the edges nowadays, but I stopped having her trimmed months ago. It’s more work for Rosaria to keep her groomed, but Ahmed has said all along shaving her was denying her the right to be what nature intended. I tell you, that man is
so
intuitive.

“Anyway,” she continued, giving Kate a brief hug and walking toward the door, “I need to get going. It’s late, and I’m sure you’ll want some girl time before bed. Far be it for me to interfere with that!”

“Wh—? Don’t you even want your tea?”

“I don’t think so. I only drink organic these days. My heart, you know. But thanks just the same. See you tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

After her mother left, Kate poured herself some non-organic decaf tea then went and crouched down in front of the carrier. Sandy peered through the crate’s bars
—and the shag of fur that now covered her eyes. “So. What’s wrong with you?” Kate asked, opening the door. Sandy lumbered up onto her legs and padded out. Looked around. Or at least appeared to. “I don’t suppose you can tell me the last time you went out?”

After spending an inordinate amount of time sniffing around the back yard, Sandy did her business and slowly made her way up the steps and into the house again. Kate sighed and patted the couch next to her. Poor thing. They both needed help.

Before she knew it, they were asleep.

“M
OM!
M
OM!”

Kate awoke to the sounds of heavy breathing and excited giggles. The former coming from Sandy and the latter from Liam as the dog practically wet herself in excitement at being near a three year-old.

Kate rolled over on a groan. No doubt the dog’s sudden active nature could only mean one thing. “Oh, crud! How late is it? We need to get Sandy outside. Where’s her leash?” Kate patted around the end of the couch, blinking rapidly to lubricate her cursed contacts. Why didn’t she just get Lasik surgery already? Oh, right, that cost money.

“Aha! Got it!” Kate turned in triumph, the leash in hand, and nearly choked in disbelief at what she saw.

“Ohmigod! Liam! What have you done?”

Sandy scampered happily around the boy, her shaggy doggy bangs replaced by short, uneven clumps of fur.

“I give her a haircut!” Liam said proudly, the little blue safety scissors in his hand still sporting a tuft of fur.

“You gave her
— but honey! You can’t do that!
Look at her!”

“She can see now!”

“But...” But, nothing. He was right. The dog that had slowly stumbled around her living room the night before was now trotting about joyfully, licking Liam like the savior he obviously was.

“Oh, for
God’s sake,” Kate said, a giggle bubbling up inside of her at the absurdity of it all. “Wait until I tell Ma.”

Kate tilted her head. Sandy tilted hers back.

Kate reached for the safety scissors. She’d tell Ma the good news of Sandy’s miraculous recovery... just as soon as they evened things up a bit.

CHAPTER FORTY
____________________

I
N THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED, Kate threw herself into packing. She felt unmoored. For the first time in years, she faced a future without a steady job, a husband, or a home... She pushed aside a box and sank onto the couch. No, unmoored wasn’t the right word. She felt... unfettered. It was as if life could go in a million directions. She only had to make the right choice.

She closed her eyes, fatigue washing over her.

Choices had never been her strong suit. Hadn’t she chosen Randy? Hadn’t she chosen to spend ten long years as nothing more than a glorified secretary?

What
was
her passion?

An image of kind, hazel eyes flashed in her mind’s eye.

No. There was a difference between sexual passion and being passionate about life. She knew that now. Okay, a simpler question. What made her feel good?

Brilliant purple pansies bobbing their heads in neatly ordered flower beds came to mind. Then other memories flooded her: Carter’s shocked expression the first afternoon she’d worked on his office. Grace’s gratitude for reorganizing her closets. Mrs. Pearson’s joy once the ice chest and dessert plates were cleaned and put into place. The sense of pride when they’d tallied the proceeds of the swap and shop event.

Maybe that was enough. Maybe a passion didn’t have to feel overwhelming. Maybe, sometimes, it could just feel good—like putting things to right.

Kate ran a hand over her face and fought the tears she’d thought she’d already spent. That was all well and good, but discovering what she was good at, even enjoyed, didn’t fill the void in her heart.

Kate tossed a glance at her laptop case. She hadn’t logged on for days. But she’d made a commitment to Mrs. Pearson. The entries had steadily trickled in, surprising Kate with the number of bachelors Sugar Falls could boast. And even though most were considerably younger—which she defined as anyone younger than twenty-five—it had proved a not unpleasant diversion from REAL LIFE.

I could use some diversion,
she decided, pulling the laptop from its case.