Lucifer's Lottery (24 page)

“Enough of the fucking sixes! Please!” you wail. “I’m SICK of the fucking sixes!”

Howard waits for you to settle down, a bemused smile subtly set into his sallow face. “It’s curious to observe the extent of your acclimation, Mr. Hudson.”

“What’s that?”

“Your slowly increasing tendency to use profanity—”

I did it again
, you realize.
This place is a bad influence on me, and it’s no surprise
.

After all, it’s Hell.

You look back up at the bizarre edifice you’ve been escorted to, just as Howard announces:

“Mr. Hudson, it is my doubtless pleasure and unreserved honor to introduce to you the new personal abode of the Prince of Darkness . . . Manse Lucifer.”

By now, you’ve already noticed the most distinguishing characteristic of the colossal manse. Its walls are not constructed of brick, block, cement slab, nor wood, nor stucco.

They’re built with female Human heads.

The heads face outward and—to no surprise—they’re all still very much alive. They’ve been laid like mason work, with mortar meticulously packed around each. Millions of heads, no doubt, have been used to construct the mansion’s outer walls and immense mansard-style roof.

“The walls are double layered,” Howard points out, “so that living female faces form the walls inside, as well—God
knows
what they’re forced to witness. All the interior floors, too, are made from the heads, including buttresses and load-bearing walls.”

A house of heads inside and out
, you can only think.
A MANSION of living female heads
. . .

You sense yourself lowering, then perceive that Howard has set your “stick” into a slab of sidewalk filled with bone and tooth fragments. He’s slipping something from his pocket. “As you can imagine, an equally spectacular interior exists.” Howard, next, holds a small stack of dim photographs before your face.

“Good old-fashioned photographs,” you remark. “I’m surprised you have stuff like that in Hell.”

“Not photographs, hectographs. Hell’s version of the tintypes of my early days. A process of gold nitrate merged with tin salt. Hectographs are, again, only a luxury for the very wealthy here . . .”

Your eyes hold wide on each macabre snapshot.

“The Atrium,” Howard defines.

You are shown an impossible room walled with heads. Columns that ought to be Doric or Corinthian stand at each side of the arched entrance; these, too, are constructed of heads. On one wall hangs a painting of Demons peering in on the Last Supper while platters of chopped infants and goblets of blood wait on the long table to be consumed; on another hangs the Messiah being crucified upside down in Hell.

Next, “Lucifer’s master bed chamber . . .”

Not only are the walls made from heads but so is the high poster bed, yet each head of the mattress has its tongue permanently protruded via studs through the lips. Mirrors shaped like inverted crosses ring the room.

Next, “Lucifer’s Great Hall . . .”

Columned peristyles stretch down the long, vault-ceilinged room fitted with scroll-backed couches and chairs upholstered in Human skin. The banquet table—which you assume must be sixty-six feet long—occupies the center, with higher-backed skeletal chairs around it. The faces in the floor, ceiling, and walls, here, appear more appalled than in
other rooms, and you can only suspect the reason has something to do with what they are forced to watch the Prince of Darkness and his guests dine on.

Next, “And Lucifer’s Grand Courtyard . . .”

Nauseating topiary has been meticulously clipped into the configuration of the number six. Noxious rosebushes bear heads of not petals but vaginas, while an ivy of severed penises crawls up a glimmering silver lattice. Human heads only comprise the outer walls and curtilage, but then you see their evidence in one more place: the circular swimming pool that exists at the center of the “six.” The entire pool is lined with them, and the pool appears to be filled with urine ever so faintly tinted with blood.

Next, “Ah, and Lucifer’s throne in the Central Nave . . .”

Not only is the room floored and walled with heads but the great throne itself is composed of them as well. The throne bears a similarity to a Victorian bishop’s chair, with even side-stiles, head backs, and armrests made of heads. The heads forming the center of the seat seem understandably more weary than the rest. To the right sits an ornate grandfather clock, whose pendulum chains are no doubt arteries of more unfortunates; its face has no hands. To the left hangs a painting of a glorious conqueror in a shining breastplate engraved with sixes. He wields a sweep-bladed cutlass while he stands over the headless corpse of, apparently, Christ. The sword-wielder’s face seems to glow to the point that detail cannot be discerned.

“And lastly, Lucifer’s commode-chamber, which you in your modern parlance would call a bathroom . . .”

The head-formed walls here are circular, presumably so that all may watch the Morning Star’s elimination. A beautifully cut mosaic of amethysts make up the actual toilet bowl but the rim of the seat is made of more Human heads. The oddest adornment here, though, is a gilded, flat-topped stand, and on top of it sits a lone Human head on
its side. The head is not connected or mortared to anything; it’s just sitting there. You squint at it. It’s that of a blonde woman, slightly chubby-faced, with an expression of utter revulsion.

“What’s with the single head on the stand?” you ask.

“Surely you’ve noticed a disheartening
absence
of toilet paper, Mr. Hudson,” Howard says. “The unfortunate blonde belle’s
face
serves the purpose . . .”

Your facsimile for a stomach sinks, then sinks further when you suspect you’ve seen the face before in some entertainment magazine but you can’t quite recall her name.

Howard puts the hectographs away and rehoists your head-stick. “The main house has obviously been completed, but constant additions are in perpetual progress.” He points down an empty street—Mephisto Avenue—as a queue of clattering steam-trucks and monster-drawn wagons approach, all manned by various demonic workmen. Several wagons are heaped high with heads while others haul sacks of occult cement. At a certain point near the house, two hooded Bio-Wizards depart from the mansion’s entrance. They touch a pair of crooked wands together, then draw them apart to a distance wide enough to permit passage of the construction crew. After said passage, the Wizards reverse the odd procedure, and return to the entrance.

“What was that all about?”

“They were opening and closing the mansion’s impenetrable defense perimeter. Nothing may gain entrance without proper clearance.”

“Perimeter? I don’t see any
perimeter
.”

“It’s a Hex, Mr. Hudson. It’s called an Exsanguination Bridle. Ah, and how convenient! Watch what befalls this gaggle of very
un
wise insurgent ruffians and ne’er-do-wells . . .”

You look up and see a spectacular white Gryphon flying
urgently toward one of the mansion’s towers. Saddled to its back are several very determined-looking Imps and Humans, each hefting a keg of explosives. But when the Gryphon’s swift wings take it past a certain point—

FFFFFFFFFFWAP!

—white feathers fly as the beast and its riders are immediately stricken by an energy that causes their blood to fire out of their bodies through every orifice. Then the bodies, and a rain of blood, hit the street. The kegs burst harmlessly, poofing billows of something akin to gunpowder.

“Wow,” you say, impressed. “That’s some security system.”

“The very latest Senarial Science. And anyone who
is
granted entrance is thoroughly screened by Prism Veils operated by Warlocks with the Psychical Detection Regiments. They’re able to read any and all negative or anti-Luciferic thoughts.”

Then you look back at the obscene house; even in the utter evil of its design, you have to be impressed. But your confusion couldn’t be more intense. “So this is the clincher? This is the final sight that’s supposed to make me accept the Senary—a house of
heads?
”

Howard unreels a high, nasally laugh. “Goodness
no
, Mr. Hudson. This is the final sight that’s intended to fully evolve your awareness of the totality of Lucifer’s power and forethought. The clincher shall arrive later . . .” Howard pauses, then adds, “But the tour
is
nearly at an end. I dare say a minor respite is in order . . . before our
final
debarkation.”

You’re taking a final glance at the ghastly manse, at the innumerable living heads facing you, all those lips mouthing silent horrors, and all those eyes shock-wide by the excruciating particulars of their Damnation; and the millions more heads that comprise this entire incalculable place when the black static sizzles yet again and then—

Coolness.

Quiet.

Your gourd-head clears, and you find yourself back in the bedimmed Turnstile. It’s uneven, flat black walls emit the faintest indescribable luminescence.

“Ah,” Howard utters. He sits down on a squat, companulated protrusion made of the same material of the Turnstile itself. He loosens his frayed gray tie and smiles at you.

“Just as sleep is nature’s balm, I daresay
quietude
is its sedative.”

Your stick has been leaned against a corner whose angles are precisely sixty-six degrees. Within the polygon’s inner vault, you’re finally able to relax. The only sound you’re aware of arrives as the most distant hum, which is somehow organic, not electronic. That and an occasional
tick
of the steam-car’s cooling engine.

Howard unwraps a napkin and removes a cookie of some sort. “I’d offer you a Uneeda biscuit but, lo, your Auric Carrier doesn’t allow you to consume food.”

“Thanks just the same . . .” You try to collect your thoughts but aren’t sure how to; you’re not even sure what to think. But you know that Howard is merely giving you time to either consider or recover from all the detestable things you’ve seen.

You jerk your gaze at a sudden sound: a grunt, a shuffle. Torchlight sputters from a farther corner, and then a shadow lengthens.

The Imperial Truncator—the watchman of this place—shuffles nonchalantly across the black floor, his cleaver-hands swinging, the Ghor-Hound helmet high on his head.

“I forgot all about him,” you remark, but then: “Hey! What happened to the—”

“Ah, yes. Our lithe chauffeur, the Golemess . . .” Howard squints; then his shoulders slump. “Ostensibly not so lithe any longer.”

Now another, less lively shuffle, and from the same corner
the Golemess appears. She seems winded, wearied now, and when she trudges into more torchlight, you see why.

She’s pregnant.

“The dude with the meat cleavers for hands got her pregnant!” you exclaim. The gray clay belly looks
stuffed
, the breasts doubled in volume, presumably full of Golem milk now.

“I was unaware that our Golemess came equipped with fertility features. No doubt before her clay was Hexegenated, the Master Sculptors at the Edward Kelly Institute of Inanimate Enchantment implanted her with a reproductive tract and ovarian process. This is another Luciferic Law that’s gradually activating: the Public Gravidity Initiative. Lucifer desires that anything female—even things unalive—be fertile. More progeny, more fodder for the machinations of the Mephistopolis. God invented reproduction via Human passion, to bring forth more Children of God to one day enjoy the Firmament of Heaven. Lucifer, therefore,
perverts
God’s endeavor, to reduce femalekind to repositories of lust, and bring forth more meat and building material.”

You stare at the huge stomach as the fatigued Golemess lumbers to the steam-car. “But what . . . what’s going to come out?”

“Immaterial,” Howard answers. “It’s purpose is served, and the Initiative is duly discharged.”

Meat
, you recite Howard’s information.
Building material
.

“And now, Mr. Hudson,” Howard intones. “You’ve had this moment of respite. I’m curious as to the constitution of your thoughts.”

Your hideous head swivels to meet his gaze. “I’m thinking that everything here is illogical—”

“Which serves as the perfect logic within the confines of an antithetical demesne.”

“—including my being here.” You blink. “What, I win
this
Senary
because I’ve tipped some scale of sin, some
fulcrum
. It makes more sense to go after some guy who’s a hundred percent. A cardinal, a bishop . . .”

“Perhaps in your
own
purview of logic. Just as popes don’t question God, we don’t question Satan.”

You smirk. “Okay, fine. But in that case, your methods are
terrible
.”

“Really?” Howard seems intrigued. “Be kind enough to articulate your impression.”

You recite them thus far. “I’m a good enough person that if I died right now, I’d go to Heaven, right?”

“Beyond doubt.”

“But Lucifer wants me to give that up so that when I die, I come here instead. He wants me to
make that choice
, right?”

“Precisely.”

“He wants me to give up Heaven, in favor of Hell, right?”

“Indubitably.”

Your eyes lock open. “WELL THEN WHY WOULD I DO THAT? HELL SUCKS!”

Your outburst bounces off the vault’s obsidian walls like bullets ricocheting. The Golemess flinches. Even the Imperial Truncator jolts from the start.

“My, Mr. Hudson,” Howard says after his own shock. “That’s . . . quite an ejaculation . . .”

“You guys must be
out of your minds!
” you continue to rail at the senselessness of it all. “This place is the biggest pile of shit I’ve ever seen! Bridges made of
people?
Taverns where the kegs are
bare boobs
with beer taps on the nipples, and bars that serve wine made from fermented babies? Towns made of guts and towns made of skin? And the guy who runs the whole shebang lives in a mansion made of
heads!
Who the FUCK would want to live here?”

“Please, Mr. Hudson,” Howard urges. “At least
try
to mind your cursing.” A long, crackly pause. “But certainly,
sir, you can comprehend the unending bliss of one who enjoys Privilato status?”