LUCA (You Will Be Mine) (The Sicilian Mafia Series Book 1) (34 page)

To help me numb the pain.

Because for those few minutes of pleasure, I could shut it all off.

The reminders of all that I had lost. All that I had endured.

Of all that I saw die before my eyes.

I slept with a man I can’t get out of my head. It was supposed to be a one-time thing with no attachments and no commitments. No names were exchanged, no phone numbers swapped. And that was fine by me... until I lay awake at night, dreaming about that man’s caress. Wanting and yearning to feel his touch once more.
 

But one day, my fantasies of seeing this man become an all-too-consuming, nightmarish reality. Suddenly, he is in my house, that cocky grin of his silently promising more to come.
 

And the reason being? His father is getting married to my mother. We are going to be family.

I am in the seven circles of hell. His look alone consumes my soul and makes me beg for more. He wants me and is determined to get me. I’m his obsession, and I’ve just become a slave to his infatuation... to the games he likes to play. The games he knows will have me surrendering to his will.

But that’s not the only problem. That’s not the only reason I am living in my own personal hell.

The year before I met my soon-to-be step-brother, Hunter... The year I made a decision that will ultimately end up destroying my very soul...

I lost my virginity to Hunter’s dad.

Warning: Contains scenes of emotional and physical abuse. Readers with sensitivity to such subjects are advised to proceed with caution.

“Daddy, please don’t leave me.” My face was wet from crying so much. My daddy was bleeding, and there was no one around to help me.

We had been driving in the car when a small tree came out of nowhere, smashed through the window, and went into my daddy’s chest. He was finding it hard to breathe, and I could see blood coming out of his mouth. I knew something was very wrong. Daddy was hurt.

He tried to say something to me, but all he did was choke. “Daddy, don’t... I need you. Please, Daddy... Please.”

He tried so hard to speak, but all he did was make funny noises. There was no one there. No one to help me. There was blood on my new birthday dress and all over my hands as I screamed for someone to help my daddy.

The only thing I saw was an empty road ahead. No cars had come by because everyone was indoors. It was too windy to go anywhere, but Daddy took me out so he could get me something special.

“Daddy, what do I do? Please tell me what to do. I’m scared, Daddy. I’m so scared.” I was crying harder and squeezing his hand. I didn’t want him to leave me. He couldn’t leave me.

All I could hear was the wind and my daddy’s coughing. I was so frightened. I needed someone to help my daddy. Why was no one here?

Suddenly, he started coughing really badly and yanked on my hand like he was desperate to speak. His eyes went wide like he had just seen a ghost... and then...

Silence...

As per usual, my mother was really pissing me off. If it wasn’t for the fact that I couldn’t afford to live anywhere else, I wouldn’t be here. My mum had control of the trust fund my dad left me when he died until I turned twenty-one. I couldn’t go anywhere until I had that in my hands.

There were over two more years to go. Two long, arduous fucking years of putting up with her accusing looks... the ones which told me everything. The looks which said it was all my fault that he was gone. I couldn’t stand her. She was like a never-ending thorn in my side. She was always out fucking God-only-knew-who and then bringing them back to our house. I had to just sit and listen to them. Some men stayed overnight, and they were the scum of the universe. The amount of times they would hit on me after they had just slept with my mum was too much for words. I mean, seriously? Fuck that shit. It made my skin crawl.

As sickening as it was, she was already at it again. Apparently, she met someone eight months ago. At least this one kept some distance from the house—so much so that she wanted me to meet him and his son tonight. She had a big announcement, she had said.

Fucking great.

Closing my eyes, I wandered back to two weeks ago, when I had met a man a couple of years older than I. I was at a bar and getting pissed with Mandy. Getting pissed with Mandy was a regular occurrence. She knew all about me and was the only solid in my life. I had two months to go until my nineteenth birthday. Normally, my dad’s death didn’t start hitting me until a month before the anniversary date, but this time it was happening two months early. I dreaded this time of year.

I wanted to be emotionally numb. I wanted to only feel pleasure. Feeling pleasure was good for me, especially when it involved a man going down on me or using his cock to pound me up against a wall.

I wasn’t a slut by any means. I didn’t sleep around at all. I only seemed to want to be with a man when it got near my birthday. I actually lost my virginity to a man when I turned eighteen. And when I say a “man,” I mean a
man
. I wasn’t sure how old he was, but I was pretty sure he was twice my age. I wanted someone who knew what he was doing. I didn’t want a fumbling young buffoon, who came the minute his dick was inside of me. I wanted someone with a solid amount of experience, and I wasn’t disappointed. The man who approached me at the bar on my birthday was staying at a well-known hotel about half an hour away from my town. Mandy told me that only the finest of men frequented there. She knew I wanted someone refined. Someone who would take care of me. Someone who knew what he was doing.

“Hi. My name is
—
”

I put my hand up. “No names, please. Or, if you want, call yourself by another name.”

The guy standing next to me at the bar smiled. It was a nice smile. It showed off his gentle eyes. They were the kind of eyes a woman could easily get herself lost in. They were the most unusual shade of green I had ever encountered. His dark hair was cropped short, and he had a very well-defined jaw. Scanning him further, I noticed that not only was he the most handsome and mature man I had ever seen, but he was also the sexiest. His body was toned and taut, and his hands were big and bulky. Looking at his hands, I spotted no ring on his left wedding finger.

Bingo!

Glancing back up, I saw a very rugged five o’clock shadow. I suddenly had this urge to lick his face and run my tongue against his stubble. Lord knows where the hell that thought came from, but I ran with it.

“So, let me get this straight, young lady. If you’re asking me to give you a fake name, then am I right in thinking that you’re planning on spending the evening with me?”

He leaned over the bar and swept his finger over his mouth as he waited. That was all the encouragement I needed. Man that was sexy.

“Yes,” I breathed, a little uneasily.

“How old are you... ?”

“Nikki.”

He smiled. “Nikki. Hmm, I like that. So, how old are you?”

“Old enough. In fact, it’s my birthday today. I’m out celebrating.” I smiled and held my drink up for him.

“Well, happy birthday... Nikki.” He winked at me knowingly. “Call me Miller.” He held his hand out, so I shook it. “What can I get you to drink, Nikki?”

He was good. In fact, he was better than good. The only problem was that I had no one else to compare him to until I met Brent. Boy, what an arsehole
he
turned out to be. I found him in a nightclub toilet getting a blowjob from my so-called mate, Jennifer. To say she didn’t go home that night with a slapped face would be a lie. I never saw her again after that. Brent still called for a while afterwards, though. I got the usual bullshit.

“S
he means nothing to me.”

“It was all a mistake.”

“You’re the only one for me
.”

He was the one who began my theory that men could never be relied upon. I especially found that out for myself with my next boyfriend, Chris. We had only been dating for two months when he shagged his next door neighbour’s daughter. I would have given the arsehole a thorough hiding, but the girl’s dad got to him first. I must admit
I felt a little smug about that.

From then on, I had had no one. I had not relied upon men for anything. All they had ever done was leave and disappoint.

The problem I was having was with my last encounter. He was a man I couldn’t get out of my head. Miller, my first, knew what he was doing, but this other guy? Wow. I wasn’t sure if it was the chemistry between us that set the fireworks off, or what. All I knew was that I wished it had never happened. For the last two weeks, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how he touched me in a way that made me think he knew my body better than I did. He couldn’t have been that much older than I, but boy... he knew how to please a woman. There was no second guessing needed regarding the number of women he had probably slept with. I mean, he agreed to sleep with me with no promises of a phone call after. That kind of told me everything I needed to know. I suppose I
was
being hypocritical, but I doubted I was wrong about him. He called himself ‘H,’ and I told him to call me ‘AJ’ for Ayden Joanna. I didn’t know why that slipped out. In fact, I cursed myself for giving him my nickname—a nickname which was only ever reserved for my father.

Why did I do that?

“Why are you coming to bars to pick up men? You don’t look like you belong here.”

I placed my hand on my chest. “Me? Not belong here?” I started laughing.

That damn sexy eyebrow of his arched again. He was hot, and I mean really hot. His hair was dark brown, almost black. He also had green eyes that reminded me of the man I lost my virginity to. What was it with me and men with dark hair and green eyes?

Although the man, who called himself Miller, was gorgeous, he couldn’t hold a candle to this guy. When he looked at me, it was almost as if he was reaching into my soul. It both terrified and fascinated me all at once. Despite my head and my heart warning me that this guy would only be trouble, I ignored them both. I went with what my body craved, and it craved to have this man inside of me. On top of me. Underneath me.

“You don’t look like the kind of woman who picks up men at bars.” He smiled, leaning in a little bit more. I caught a whiff of his aftershave, and it hit me straight between my legs.

“I don’t usually. It’s just tonight. I need to forget.”

Why on earth did I tell him that?

He gave me a concerned frown. “Why, darling? What do you need to forget about?”