Loving Sarah (34 page)

“A greedy man who is too proud,” she scoffed.

“I’ll make no apologies for that,” he replied.

The slight chop of waves on the river caused the boat to move under them, and Sarah glanced up at Ian. “I got rather banged up down there and couldn’t take anymore, so I made my presence known.”

Sarah grew quiet as she remembered more. She’d left her hair loose one evening and wore boy’s trousers with no corset nor drawers. When she recalled this bit of information, she felt another blush creep up her cheek. She did this? What on earth could she have been thinking? Why had she done that? What did he think of her now? Turning away from him, she stepped down onto the main deck, wanting to hide from him. A vision of her lounging on the bench flooded her mind’s eye. With her shirt unbuttoned partially, she’d enticed his touch, teasing him with her sexuality. She’d wanted him.

“What are you remembering? Talk to me Sarah.”

She wanted to tell him, yet was concerned how he would react. She shook her head. “I don’t know. The memories are jumbled together. It’s hard to be certain if they’re real or imagined. Since I cannot see myself behaving in that way, they must be false memories.”

He bent down and brushed his lips against her temple and whispered, “If they are memories of us alone in my cabin, they aren’t false.”

His beautiful hazel-eyed stare drew the very breath from her lungs. And when a wicked grin spread across his sensuous lips, her knees practically became mush under her weight. “You remember.” She’d never been frightened, upset, or ashamed at landing on Ian’s ship. Never. Because somehow she’d known. All along, somehow, she’d known they would be together.

She turned away, embarrassed, if the memories were true. “I have never before behaved in such a manner. It could not possibly be an accurate memory. It seemed more a” —she struggled for the correct word— “fantasy.” That’s the only word to describe something that surely came out of a novel. A very sordid novel.

“It was,” he replied tenderly. “It was my fantasy.”

Unbelievable. It could not have possibly been her. Yet the sensations the images generated in her were…stimulating.

“I could not have possibly seduced you,” she argued. “It’s beyond my aptitude.”

“Yet you did. And I enjoyed every minute of it.”

She was silent a long while as she thought on what he’d said. Could it be he was telling the truth? If he’d been lying to her, then she would not have felt the truth of his words in her soul. And she did. Sarah got the impression that her husband was doing his best to repair her memory and make them a happy couple again.

“Oh, Ian. I
was
in love with you.”

“I hope you still love me.”

“I’m unsure,” she replied honestly, feeling rattled by the nerves that came with wanting so much to make the right decision. “But I think I may.”

“Then I could not ask for more.” He wrapped his arms around her and led her back to the gangway. “Let’s go home, wife. I think you’ve had enough for one day.”

C
HAPTER
S
IXTEEN

I
an and Sarah’s new open carriage rolled through Hyde Park several days later on an unusually warm, sunny afternoon in early May, past the debutantes and their mamas eager to see and be seen and young bucks and rogues doing the same. Children played on the lawn with their nurses and governesses ever watchful from the sidelines. Ian felt the time was right to bring up the subject that had been on his mind for days. They’d spent the last week filling in the gaps as much as possible for Sarah, becoming familiar with each other again, learning likes and dislikes as all normal couples do while courting. They’d done some of this in the privacy of the cabin, but not much as they’d rushed head-long into an intimate relationship.

Sarah was still missing certain memories, the ones that would upset her a great deal if she remembered them. He wasn’t proud of the things he’d said to her—the accusation he’d made and telling her he thought it was best that she was not carrying a child. Those words had devastated her, and Ian prayed daily that she never remembered them. If she did, he might lose the only thing that made his life worth living these days. Aside from his two aunts, Sarah was the only family he had, and he loved her. She accepted him for who he was and loved him in spite of it.

They’d received a few visitors, only the closest of Sarah’s friends, all married young women who’d given their deepest condolences at their loss and best wishes for their future together. Time was now pressing upon him to find out if Sarah would be receptive to adopting Maura. Lucky wanted to leave for America and Canada the day after next, and he was finding it increasingly difficult to remain in the duke’s home with the babe now that he’d decided Ian and Sarah would make ideal parents for the little girl.

But the subject was a delicate one and Ian feared his wife’s rejection of the idea. He welcomed it though, thinking it a perfect solution, especially after hearing Dr. Prescott explain how his family had evolved and grown into a very normal one.

The warm sunny afternoon was pleasant, and Ian hoped her happy mood would make her more open to considering the idea he and Lucky had decided upon.

“Sarah, there’s something I should like to ask you. It is very important to me that you give this matter your complete open-minded contemplation, as it affects someone I know and love dearly.” He smiled down at her seated next to him. “Aside from yourself, of course.”

“You should know that you can ask me anything. And since you have treated me fairly and with your complete honesty this past week, I will do the same.”

Never one to skip around the bush, he asked her directly, hoping he was doing the right thing by taking the direct approach. “How do you feel about taking in children not your own?”

If the first expression to cross her face indicated her answer, he would assume she didn’t think the idea a good one. He began to quickly think of another way to pose the question when her eyes narrowed. “Ian, are you suggesting I mother your….” She paused a moment, then asked, “Do you have any? Children that is? I don’t remember you mentioning any. Or did you tell me about them and I lost that memory too?”

“No, Sarah-mine, I have no children. But I do know of an infant girl, not a newborn, who is in dire need of a mother’s love.”

She was silent a long while, and when she spoke it wasn’t the reply he’d prepared for. “I hadn’t considered it, but of course if there is a babe in need of a loving home, I would welcome her.”

He smiled and exhaled, relief flooding through him. “This is not meant to be a replacement for the sons we lost. I would never have suggested it if you think that is what I meant.” He slowed the horses and turned the carriage off the path and came to a stop, pulling the brake so he could face her as they talked. “You and I have much to offer as parents, and this is a baby whose circumstance was rather tragic.”

“Ian, I love children and have always wanted a large family, having come from one. It is only natural and right that I open my heart as well as my home to babes not my own.” Her blue eyes glistened with unshed tears. She was so very brave to be willing to do this, immediately without condition or reservation. His heart began to swell with pride. “Especially now, as it may be my only chance at motherhood.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” He lifted her gloved hand to his lips and brushed them lightly across the knuckles.

She cleared her throat, her cheeks pinkening, as affected by his touch as he was hers. “Where is this child? How did you learn of her?”

“It’s a long story.” Gad, but he was sounding like Lucky. “Though I should like to introduce you to her if you’d like? This way you can see for yourself what a charmer she is.”

“Yes,” she replied enthusiastically, her blue eyes aglow, and her smile genuine and full. “Take me to her now.”

Releasing the brake, he cued the pair of horses back onto the path and turned toward Caversham House upon exiting the park. Hopefully Lucky would be home to help him answer Sarah’s questions, because he knew his wife would be full of them.

A part of him ached for Lucky, at what he would likely go through, seeing the babe in his sister’s arms, knowing he was giving the child he’d come to care for over to Ian and Sarah to raise.

Lucky would have to be Maura’s godfather, the spiritual substitute parent in the eyes of the church. And in the case of their untimely demise, he’d make Lucky the babe’s legal guardian. Ian smiled, feeling much better about the situation.

He drew the horses to a stop in front of the Upper Brook Street family home, and Sarah turned to him, a curious look on her face. “Why are we here?”

“Just come with me, Sarah.” He handed over the carriage to the liveried groom who stepped forward, then assisted his wife from her seat.

“We may be a while,” he said to the groom, “so you might want to bring it around back.”

Sarah gave him a baffled look. “I thought we were going….”

“We are, sweetheart.” He cut her off. “But we need stop here.”

Ian had another purpose to not having the carriage on the street, one he didn’t want to explain in such a public venue with all the foot traffic in front of the house. Should he and Sarah leave with the babe, he didn’t want curious eyes to witness what should be their private affair. Those same people would surely spread rumors later, and he wanted to know all was well with Lucky and Sarah before news got out.

“Is Master Lucky in?” Ian asked as they handed their outerwear to the butler, who handed it off to a footman.

“He is in the library, my lord,” the elderly butler replied. The man then turned to Sarah. “We are all so very thankful our prayers were answered and you are well, my lady.”

“Thank you, Niles,” Sarah replied as Ian grabbed her hand to drag her with him down the hall.

Sarah tugged on his hand, finally causing him to stop. “Ian, why are we here? Does Lucky know of the babe as well? Is he coming with us?” He didn’t want to answer her barrage of questions out here when he knew they would all get answered soon enough in the privacy of the library. He resumed his long strides the remaining feet to the library, arriving as the footman opened the door.

Lucky worked at a desk at the far end of the room, and upon seeing Sarah and Ian, he asked the footman for a tea cart. He stood and came around the desk to hug his sister. Ian met his gaze over his wife’s head, and he smiled at his friend.

“I hear you have memories returning. Is this so?”

“It is,” Sarah said cheerfully. “Ever since the day Ian brought me to the ship, I have more and more coming back every day. Now I remember more than I’d forgotten, though there are still gaps in what I think are vital memories.”

“Such as?” Lucky asked as he led Sarah to a chair before the hearth. Ian and Lucky both leaned against the mantle at opposite ends while they got the pleasantries over with.

His wife looked at him, then back to Lucky. “Well, it seems I cannot remember details of our wedding for one thing.” Ian gave Sarah a supportive smile. “And a few other memories have yet to return as well, but I feel certain they shall come to me in time.” The tea cart arrived, and Sarah poured after dismissing the footman. “Lucky, I’ve missed you of late and wondered why you have not come around for dinner. I’ve sent you invitations night after night.”

“I’ve been occupied here.” He motioned to his drawings. “What with my trip to America coming up. And other matters as well.” Lucky pondered his tea nervously.

Ian set his cup and saucer down on the table, then looked at his friend. “Lucky, I’ve just mentioned to Sarah about Maura, and asked her if we might consider adopting her.”

Sarah stared at the two of them, Ian seated next to her and Lucky across from her, as confusion played on her beautiful brow. He was sure she wondered what Lucky had to do with the matter.

“Do you know about her, too?”

Lucky nodded.

“When Ian asked me if I could love a babe that was not my own, I told him of course I could. Lucky, you know what kind of a family we are. There were always children tagging along behind us. First Ren and Lia’s, then Elise and Michael’s. Not to mention the children at Haldenwood and those in the village who were friends to us as we grew up.”

“I know.” A hollow timbre in Lucky’s voice was the only clue to the true pain Ian knew Lucky was feeling. He turned his deep brown-eyed gaze to Sarah first, then to him. “That’s why I think you will be the most perfect mother in the world for her.”

“Lucky? What are you saying?” Sarah’s eyes grew wide and round, and Ian read the confusion on her face. “Oh, God, Lucky, is she your….”

“No, Sarah….” Ian tried to stop his wife before she incorrectly assumed the same thing she did of him.

“It’s not what you’re thinking, Sarah,” Lucky explained. “Not that at all.”

Ian jumped in and began telling her the story of how he and Lucky came to be in possession of the baby girl, now named Maura.

“Oh God,” Sarah whispered. The slight sound echoing in the vast book-filled room. She stood and headed for the door, firing questions at him as she walked. “Is she here now, Lucky? Where? I want to see her.”

“Sarah,” Ian called for his wife. “Please come back.” He understood her desire to rush to the child, but this was more about Lucky’s sacrifice right now than his wife’s desire to embrace and nurture a babe in need of a mother.