Loving, Living, Party Going (64 page)

'It's her eyes enfold me and uphold me,' was his gallant answer.

'Did you hear that?' she screeched, and her friend leaned further out and said:

'Which one, which eyes?'

'Now don't make me choose,' he said, reaching up with one arm, his other hand sucking to the wall. 'Hold me,' he said, 'hold me.' One of them stretched her dainty dirty fingers down and he caught her wrist. 'Now,' he said, 'where would you be if I jumped off his shoulder?' These two screamed now like rats smelling food when they have been starved in empty milk-churns. 'Listen,' this stranger interrupted, 'that's murder,' leaning out himself. 'What's murder?' was his answer, and the other said he could not stand Ed's weight much longer. They redoubled their shrieks, they were famished and had not been so charmed for ages.

'She'd fall slap on her 'ead and break 'er neck,' he said pondering, when the one who was being held broke off her shrieks to say, well it was her neck, wasn't it?

'I'll jump off and then I'll knock his block off for him,' he murmured and scrambled out, hung at arm's length, while Ed said, mind my gloves and hat, dropped lightly for his age, and began ploughing his way through. He had forgotten them at once.

To push through this crowd was like trying to get through bamboo or artichokes grown thick together or thousands of tailors' dummies stored warm on a warehouse floor.

'What targets,' one by him remarked, 'what targets for a bomb.'

Max leaned his forehead against a shut window tormented by his dreams of Amabel, daydreams brought on by her voice, by her being so near, by her choosing to be undressed behind that door and because she used another voice when she wore no clothes, she mocked.

He was in that state when she no longer haunted him all day, but it came back at night and when, if thinking about her while she was not there did not make him as desperate as he had once been when first he knew her he still had that same feeling come over him at times and all the more, very often, when they had just met again.

Five months ago, when his love had been first conceived, he had been maddened by his thoughts of her when she was away, they had boiled all over him and then when she came back they would simmer down again to his happiness. But now he was cooling off he still had returns of that old feeling made worse because he resented her still having that command.

She still swayed him like water moves a trailing weed, and froth and some little dirt collects round, and sometimes when he first heard her voice again and when as now she used that private tone, then it was as if his tide had turned and helpless he was turned back, delivered up to move to her tune and trail back the way he had come helpless, delivered over, benighted.

And as does, in moonlight in cold deep-shadowed other day, push him out of his burrow and kick the old buck to death so when they saw him down, these girls and Amabel, coming out as she now did, all set upon him he was so absurd.

'Look round, darling,' Amabel said as cruel as could be, 'I'm here, not floating around outside.' Angel, he said to himself, angel and knew how fatuous it was and could not help himself. When he did turn round to say how do you do, like Robin Adams he could not bring himself to look at her and this made him seem ashamed.

'Hamlet,' said Julia, and then all three girls laughed.

'Well, my darlings, and what shall we do?' she went on and laughed twice, for Max had turned his back again, he looked so like any boy at school, 'here we are, three lovely girls all mewed up and can't get out. What d'you say?'

Amabel smiled at his back as though she was taken up with thinking all of him over. She held a bone paper knife against her cheek, along her nose now and then across her forehead. She thought these three bits prettiest in her face.

Angela said how lovely her dressing gown and bent down to stroke it and Amabel murmured Embassy Richard had given it her. So all three of them laughed again, and Amabel said, 'I'm so bored, darling.' They were in league against him and watched his back like
cats over offal or as if they thought his heart might fall out at their feet feebly smiling and stuck all over with darts or safety pins.

Miss Crevy asked where Alex had got to and Julia said, why didn't she know he was up to his old tricks with Toddy, how he adored her, for as soon as Amabel looked another way he would always be after her maid.

'Is she so very pretty then?'

Julia laughed and explained she was ever so old and besides hadn't Angela seen her in here already and Amabel sat on, quite still and quiet, looking at his back.

'Lot of people down there,' he said at last.

Julia thought she would take him in hand. 'Max, why don't you turn round and entertain us?' she said and smiled at Amabel who smiled back. 'You do look such a silly standing there as if they'd made you dunce or put you in Coventry or something.'

But this shot went too near home. Amabel said again and this time more kindly, 'I'm so bored, darling,' for she did not care to let them go too far with him.

He turned round and again could not bring himself to raise his eyes. He said:

'There's nothing for it,' and at that he saw her feet which were bare in sandals and looked fantastic on that cheap carpet. Her toes were pink and quite perfect for him, so much so they had no character at all and he thought they were unreal. The nails glittered.

'Are you going to go out like that?' he said.

'I might.'

He still looked at her toes and while she watched his face she began to move them one after another. He quickly dared one look at her face to see what she was driving at and what he saw, remembered beauty, turned his heart to stone so tight that he smiled into her jewelled eyes like any Fido asking for his bone. Now she was back he was delivered up for punishment, only wanting to be slaves again. She looked hard at him. 'Oh, God,' he said and turned away again.

Julia laughed. 'Max,' she said, 'we're here, this way, and not out there. Oh, d'you remember,' she went on, 'that time we were out at Svengalo's when the mad waiter, that one who never finished rearranging one's knives and forks, began to lose his trousers, they simply began to slip down like petticoats and he never knew? It was Embassy Richard had unbuttoned him and he had no idea, d'you
all remember how Max got up and went out on us, because he couldn't take it, and there we were left to blush?'

'Oh, no!' said Angela, who had not been with them.

'Amabel, d'you remember it?' Julia went on, 'and then we never saw that mad waiter again, Svengalo sacked him for not minding his trousers, so they all use safety pins now, the other waiters. Richard said Svengalo does too, he'd tried the other night. Come back to us, Max darling.'

As he made no reply she went on:

'And do you remember that time I fainted and you took me outside and that drunk made a pass at me when you had stretched me out? Shall I ever let you forget how you left me at once after I was better and went right away? And didn't come back. Defenceless, mind you, or almost, against that gorilla and he was so beastly drunk he didn't know what he was doing except when he picked on me. Why do you go away, Max?'

'Yes,' Amabel said, 'why do you leave us?' and all he could find to say was well he was here, wasn't he, speaking with his back still turned to them.

'But then what on earth happened to you?' Angela said.

'Oh, well, you see there were others in our party, there always are,' Julia said and she looked at Angela gravely, 'but wasn't it beastly of him, Am?' she said, turning to her, but Amabel was looking at her toes. 'And then there was that time when he walked out on you, Am, and I said you can't do that, go back. D'you remember? It was that night we went out by car to bathe and the farmer thought we had no clothes on. And when life's so short.'

'Did you say that then, darling?' Amabel said and smiled sweetly up at her.

'But what are you thinking of, darling, it was Mr Hignam, no less, said it to Claire of course, though what he can have meant I can't imagine.' She smiled as sweetly back.

'When was this, do tell me?' Angela said.

'Not for your ears, darling,' and while she said this Amabel kept her eyes on Julia. She began to move her toes again.

'But why, my dear, what's this?' said Julia, because nothing had happened then or she would have remembered. But she saw how Amabel did not know this, or did not mean to see it.

'Well, really,' Julia said, 'well, well.'

Max had turned round. He looked at each in turn.

'Hey,' he said, 'what's this?'

'That night when we went to bathe,' said Amabel.

'Which one?'

'When the farmer thought Julia had no clothes on.'

'Yes.'

'And you wondered too.'

'I wondered?'

'Oh no, he didn't,' Julia said and laughed quite differently.

'By God Max,' Amabel said, 'the way you go on with my friends,' she said, although Max had first introduced Julia to her and they had never become friends.

'No, darling, really, I had on my flesh-coloured suit'

'I don't remember anything.'

'Well, if you don't remember,' Amabel said to him, 'I should think you were tight. Anyway, by the way you went on in my car afterwards you would be.'

'You think I have to get tight to...' he said and broke off and this made Amabel laugh. It seemed to her she had sufficiently established her claim over him, so she laughed again.

And Julia laughed to save her face and lastly Angela laughed to keep in with them.

'Oh, you know what I mean,' he said.

'We know,' Miss Crevy said.

'Oh, do you, darling?' said Amabel and getting up she stepped forward and kissed him and then stayed by, leaving her face close to his. He found her hair was still damp and this tortured him for something he remembered of her once and then it came over him she meant to put him through it before the others. And then because he had realized this it put him right, he felt he had seen through her little game and anyway he thought with glee what were they doing but fighting over him so that he grinned with confidence right into her mouth. She gave way at once, half opened her jaws and sat down again. He could see her pink tongue. She looked tired and older. He laughed.

'You think I have...' he said and laughed once more.

'Why not?' said Julia and turned away, thinking this was disgusting.

'Why not what?' he said.

'Oh, get tight or anything.'

'Who said anything about getting tight?' for he had already forgotten anyone had spoken about getting drunk he felt so relieved. As if he had escaped, as indeed he had back into slavery again or as if his punishment was over, while it was just preparing. And now Julia was caught back into her old misery, so much so she felt she could not bear it and must get out of here so she went outside to find Claire and Evelyn.

'Why don't you tell me about all these thrilling parties and things? What happened with Farmer Bangs?' Miss Crevy said.

'Oh, nothing.'

'No, Max, it was obviously something thrilling.'

'We went out to bathe.'

'Well?'

'And Am said we ought to go back.'

'Well?' she said and got no reply; he was looking at Amabel.

'Yes?' she said.

'You know how it is.'

'That's just what I don't know.'

He was the one who laughed now. He laughed and said:

'Then you'd better learn.'

'Not knowing isn't the same as not having learned.'

'What is it then?'

'Isn't he extraordinary?' she said to Amabel, but got no help from her, she was looking at her toes. 'My dear Max,' she went on, 'even if I do know all the answers it doesn't mean I know what went on that evening.'

'You can guess then.'

This was rude but she was not going to give in to any of them again, not even to Max.

'But what did the farmer say?' she said and had no answer.

'Oh, come on,' she said and stamped her foot.

'Oh, what did he say?' she said again.

'Darling,' said Amabel turning to her, 'he said them that are asked no questions won't be told no lies.' Max laughed and said it wasn't him so much, it was his dog. And at this, although she had not been gone more than three minutes, Julia came back to them. 'My dear,' she said to Max, ignoring those others, 'I'm afraid Claire's Auntie May is rather bad.'

'Rather bad you say?' he repeated after her, not having taken this in.

'Yes, rather bad I said, though I think it's worse than that.'

'I can't help it,' he said. 'She's got a room, hasn't she?' and Amabel asked him if Claire's aunt was coming on their party too, and he laughed and said he did not know.

'How can you stand there and laugh, Max darling, really,' Julia said, not because she was worried about how ill the old thing might be but so as to get him out of this room, no matter how.

'I say,' he said, rising, 'that's bad.'

'I thought you ought to know.'

He stood quiet. Amabel was looking at Julia. 'Poor Claire,' she said, 'what a shame.'

'What about a doctor?'

'Oh, they had one in hours ago, Max.'

'What did he say?' Angela said, getting finally in on this story at last. And Julia, realizing, felt she ought to explain, and while she was explaining thought she would pass over what the doctor really said about Miss Fellowes, they would only laugh when they heard and Max would pay no more attention. 'Well, you see, Angela darling, Claire did not want anyone to know, you know how people are that way. Anyway,' she said, lying, 'I believe this aunt of hers asked Claire not to say one word to anyone; you see she felt she had been trouble enough already, Max had been perfectly sweet and taken her a room. She did not want to be any more bother, did she, because after all we are supposed to be going off on our holiday, aren't we? But still, Max, my dear, there it is and I thought you ought to know. As a matter of fact the doctor was very worried about her.'

'What did he do?' said Max.

'What did he do?' she echoed, 'why, what do doctors do? Of course he got his fee, Robert paid him, but you know what they are; he went away again; she might die for all he cared.'