Loving Kate (Acceptance #3) (25 page)

Handy Andy?

Daniel kisses the top of my head and explains. “There’s this guy who makes wooden, hand painted signs that lives over by the diner. One day, we were looking for some penis signs or posters to put all over Aimee and Julie’s house as a prank.”

Here we go again, another Aimee and Julie story.

“So,” Connor continues, “I hop out of my car and ask Andy if he can make penises on demand. And his reply was ‘
Yup, I can make anything. Just call me Handy Andy.
’ So of course we’re cracking up because we’re young and dumb and thinking about hand jobs and dicks. Andy actually had a penis mold, or whatever it’s called, and made us fifty custom order Handy Andy originals, each with a slogan on it.”

“I can only imagine what those said,” I say dryly.

“They were hilarious, Kate. Well, April ended up seeing one because it was right on their front door. It said…” and then he flips the penis over so I can see.

‘Go Big or Go Home’

They’re cracking up all over again.

Connor catches his breath. “When April saw it, she blushed a thousand shades of red and couldn’t stop, so we sort of teased her mercilessly about it. I told her one day, when the time was right, I was going to have him make me another sign and she would own one of her very own forever and ever.”

“So I guess that’s going on the door tonight?” I ask, laughing now.

“Hell yeah it is! Before I forget, this is my order from your party tonight. Don’t peek, well, unless you want to know how kinky I
really
am, then go ahead.”

“Connor, I’ve done fine up ‘til now not knowing how much of a perve you are in the bedroom. I think I’ll pass, but thanks for the offer.”

“My order is on the dresser along with enough money to cover mine and whatever you want, too. Tip the stripper with the rest. I’m sure that guy has his work cut out for him with Jess running the show. Remember, you can look but don’t touch. I want you ready for me when I get home.” The seductive tone to his voice has me ready for him already.

Connor finishes hanging up the wooden penis courtesy of Handy Andy and they head out. When Jess comes over, the first thing out of her mouth is, “I want a ‘Go Big or Go Home’ penis! Where did you get that?”

“Courtesy of your boyfriend. I guess it’s a present he’s owed April for a long time. But he knows a guy that hand makes them. Tell him to take you to Handy Andy for a penis fix.”

She wrinkles her nose. “I don’t know if I want a penis from a guy with handy in his name.”

I bust up laughing; she’s as bad as the men. “Come on, help me finish setting up.”

“So Misty really isn’t coming tonight? I was hoping we’d get to see how freaky she really is under that demure exterior.”

“Jessica! She just buried her grandma this morning, I doubt she’s in the mood to show you her inner freak even if she would have come. Besides, I’m sure it’s hard for her with Hailey asking for her grandma all the time.”

All the more reason why Mike needs to introduce her to Claire.

There’s a knock on the door and it’s the party hostess. Jess and I help her carry her things in. Her display takes up my entire kitchen table and she puts a few samples in the bathroom for people who are willing to try them. Then she hands me a CD and asks if I’d mind putting it on as the music for the night.

Instead of doing a typical party where she shows us all the best sellers, we’d decided to let everyone mingle, drink, and snack, and she could have a few personal talks and demonstrations. Everyone got the catalog in advance and was able to email her with private questions before the party.

“Oh my God. I’m going to kill Connor!” I hear April yell from the porch and she’s blushing when she walks in carrying her personalized penis. I didn’t notice earlier it said ‘
April’s penis’
on the other side. 

April and her friends and sisters came on a party bus so they all file in at once. We tried to keep it on the small side since she’s having her bridal shower tomorrow with her family. All in all there are about fifteen of us.

“April!” her sister squeals about fifteen minutes later when she comes out of the bathroom. “You
have
to go try that Cleo cream in there. It’s a clitoral stimulating cream and it’s freaking awesome! It’s even mint flavored because it’s edible.” She pushes April into the bathroom and only agrees to get out when April agrees to try it.

Maggie, the party hostess, is showing a few girls some nipple nibblers then gives them a valuable piece of advice. “Ladies, stay away from sugary products in your vagina. Bladder infections and yeast infections are caused quickly by sugar where it doesn’t belong. Good rule of thumb…if it has sugar it stays on the outside. If it’s water based and no sugar then it’s coochie friendly. Heating oils are
not
for use on the inside. You’re already hot enough in there.”

Some of April’s younger sisters are still laughing at the words coochie friendly. Jess and I turned in our orders after Maggie set up so we could focus on the party. There are all kinds of penis and boob shaped candy, to go packs filled with candy and travel packs of lube and oils, as well as a pocket rocket in each one.

When April comes out, she pushes Jess and me into the bathroom to try the miracle cream. Well, one at a time of course. When it’s my turn, I
do
have to admit this is some crazy stuff. My clit is super tingly and extra sensitive. I’ll have to add this to my order.

Back in the living room, the girls are circled around Maggie who is demonstrating the rabbit pearl. That is an amazing vibrator. Jess and I both bought one at our last party and it puts any other vibrator to shame.

“This music is great fucking music. What is it?” Jess yells out to Maggie.

“It’s an erotic music CD from Kinkie Pink. We don’t actually sell it but you can get it at kinkiepink.com. It’s the greatest music to fuck to.”

Jess is lost in the beat and April looks like she’s seriously contemplating buying a rabbit. I’ll have Maggie add one to my order for her if she doesn’t.
Every
girl should have a pearl.

When the doorbell rings an hour later, all the girls are either drunk or on their way there. Two strippers stand at the door and they are both fine as fuck. The girls came with plenty of money and are ready to get down. It’s perfect timing, too, Maggie took the last girl upstairs a few minutes ago to work out her order and all her other stuff is packed and ready to go. Poor Maggie. She does this for a living so she’s seen
more
than her fair share of strippers.

Jess and I decided to have one stripper work the room and the other focus solely on April. She’s going to hate it but it’s a rite of passage. Too bad they didn’t get more original with their costumes, though. All strippers look like the Village People until they take it all off. Maggie and her girl come down just as the lights dim and the strippers’ strobe light boom box goes on. She gives us hugs and says she’ll be in touch soon.

Jess points out April to the first stripper, Mr. Fireman, and he pulls her to the middle of the room and sits her in a chair.

“Whoo hoo! Show her how it’s done! Break out your hose!”

I’m cracking up, leaning on the corner of the couch, not paying one bit of attention to Mr. Construction Worker making his way around. Girls are so much worse with strippers than guys. They touch and rub all over.

Mr. Fireman is now a fireman in a black speedo and boy does he fill it well.
Hot damn!
April is crying she’s laughing so hard. But when the Fireman flings himself around and wraps his legs around April’s head with his hands on the ground as he gyrates in her face, I think she’s going to lose it. His dick has seriously hit her face at least twice and as much as I want to feel sorry for her, I just can’t. It’s too funny.

What I don’t anticipate is the construction worker trying to get my attention. I hold out a few dollars for him but when he takes my hand and shoves it down his speedo, he’s definitely got my attention now.

“Hell yeah! Get him, Kate!” Jess screams at me as I pull my hand back out of his underwear.

I’ve got to admit he’s got a nice fucking package. He pulls me by my wrist and leads me to the table. I’m blushing furiously. I’m not a big fan of strippers and I couldn’t be more embarrassed.

Jess comes over and gives him a hundred dollar bill. “Give her a lap dance good enough to soak her panties.”

I look over at April for help but she’s just as screwed as I am when Jess gives her guy a hundred, too. Some of the other girls circle around and shove dollars wherever they can. My guy is grinding all over me, and even though I’m trying not to get turned on, he’s fucking hot and it’s not working.

But when he starts pulling dollars out of girls mouths by pulling them with his lips and tongue, I’m officially grossed out. When they start shoving dollars in their ass cracks, I realize I don’t ever want to touch money without gloves again. Finally, I think the guy gets the idea I’m over him and so does the fireman. They make another round around the room and call it a night a few hundred dollars richer.

“I feel like I need to take a Purell shower,” I tell April and she nods in full agreement.

“What time is it?” she asks me and I pull out my phone.

“It’s only ten forty five.”

She smiles deviously and jumps up to grab her purse. I see her texting away furiously and when her phone beeps back she jumps up and yells, “Everyone to the party bus! We’re off to the next stop.”

The girls all gather their stuff and April pulls Jess and I out, too. “Where are we going?” I ask as I lock up the house.

“We’re crashing a bachelor party,” she says as we climb into the party bus.

“Somehow I think Connor is going to be pissed about this,” Jess tells her.

“Jake
hates
strippers. He told me to text him if I could save him before they get there. We’re going on a rescue mission, girls. Guess a little bit of that fireman rubbed off on me after all,” she says with a laugh.

When the bus pulls up to the party, we all go in through the back gate. It actually looks pretty boring. Thank god we’re here to lighten things up. There are about twenty or so guys playing poker and drinking. The music is going but you can tell we’re about to be the most action these guys have seen all night.

Some guy by the barbecue spots us and yells out, “Hell yeah! Now this party can finally get started.”

“What the hell?” Connor yells out. “We didn’t crash your party pre-strippers”

“Yeah, well you should have thought about that before you left a twelve-inch dick with my name on it for me. It made me miss Jake,” April tosses back at him and Connor’s got nothing because everyone is high fiving April for her comeback. Drunk April is fun; I’ve never seen her before.

“Whatever. Just don’t cock block us and we’ll be fine,” Connor pouts and Jess whispers something in his ear. I don’t know what she said, but by the shit eating grin on his face I’m happy I don’t.

Some guy walks up beside me and leers at me. He might be cute if he didn’t have such a scumbag aura around him. “Connor, who’s your friend?” he asks, lifting his eyebrows at me.

Ewwww. I’d take the stripper in a second over this guy.

“Keep walking, Roger,” Daniel tells him as his arms wrap around my waist. “This one is mine.” A tremor passes through me when he says that. “Are you cold baby?” he asks, pushing his point even more so the creepy guy will leave.

“No, I’m fine.”

His arm wraps tighter around me and he whispers in my ear, “You’re so fucking turned on right now, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I answer him, trying to be nonchalant, but it doesn’t matter because he pulls me over to his garden so no one can see us. He smells like alcohol and I wonder how drunk he really is because he’s acting pretty possessive right now. He pushes me up against the wall after closing the gate behind us.

Wait, I don’t remember there being a gate here before.

“I’ve fucking missed you tonight,” he growls out before possessing me with his kiss. He’s claiming me as he pulls me closer by the back of my head, practically lifting me off the ground with the force of his possession. It’s so fucking erotic. When his hand inches up my skirt and his thumb finds my clit, it’s like a thousand little rockets have taken flight. I’m practically climbing his hand. I’m so sensitive right now; it’s got to be from that Cleo cream.

He pulls back a little, sensing something is different. “Are you okay?”

I push his hand back, needing more of him. “I’m fine, just some stimulating cream they had us try.” And in a flash, Daniel is between my legs, hiking one leg over his shoulder as he pulls my panties to the side and sucks my clit into his mouth.

Holymotherfuckingshit!

I feel him laugh against me and I didn’t even realize I said that out loud. Oops. I honestly couldn’t care less right now as he slides two fingers inside of me before latching back on to my clit. In a matter of seconds, I come hard, pulling his hair and grasping at his shoulders for support. I’m biting back my screams because we’re outside, but holy hell, I’m glad I ordered that cream.

Daniel fixes my panties and kisses me softly. “You’re minty,” I say as he pulls back and he chuckles.

“No,
you’re
minty. I just taste like you.” We walk over to our swing and look up at the stars. “So how were the strippers?”

I’m rolling my eyes. “So gross, as usual. I swear I don’t ever want to touch money without gloves again.”

“Have you ever seen girl strippers?”

“Nope,” I answer honestly.

“Well, you’ll
never
want to touch money again once you see where
they
let the money go.”

A chill runs through me as I picture money in some girl’s snatch. That’s just nasty. Daniel chuckles, knowing what I’m visualizing in my head. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Are you? You’re not disappointed we came before the strippers?” I realize my double entendre as soon as it leaves my mouth Daniel is laughing at me. I shove his shoulder “You know what I mean, McCormick.”