Loving Jack (20 page)

Grace stood in silence for a moment trying to absorb what had just happened. Luke had walked out of her life. Jack had been right. Grace just couldn’t wrap her head around it. Luke was in love with her . . . for all this time. And he’d remained silent rather than lose her friendship. But their friendship was over? It wouldn’t be. She did love him. Too much to just let him walk away. She grabbed her jacket and purse and went after him. They needed to talk about this. But when she reached the sidewalk he was nowhere to be seen.
 

She walked to the subway to hop the train that would take her to Luke’s place. But when the train came she didn’t get on. She stood there on the platform crying while New York moved around her. She’d truly hurt Luke. How could she not have known? The longer she thought about it the more clear things became. Luke had done everything short of coming out and telling her that he loved her. He’d told her in his own way with his actions instead of empty words. And she had seen it. It had just been easier to ignore it. She was afraid to get close. And she hated being alone. Being with Luke was safe, so she’d allowed him to be everything to her. Luke was everything except a lover. She’d done to Luke what Jack had done to her, only worse. Sure, she’d been longing for Jack while he moved on with his life. But she hadn’t had to watch it. Luke had. He’d been there to witness everything. The boyfriends. The break-ups. Everything. And he’d still been her best friend through it all. Now he was gone. He was gone and she still couldn’t say she didn’t want Jack. So she would let him go. Even if it did feel like she had a broken heart.
 

****

Grace’s last day at Stein and Watson had been bittersweet. She’d built a career there and everything had revolved around the company for her entire professional life. Mr. Watson had called her up to the executive suite to make her another extremely generous offer.

“It’s rare to find a young person with the drive and ability you have, Ms. Yates. This company is going to need people like you if it’s going to survive future generations. I wish you’d reconsider your resignation. If the junior executive position is more than you’re ready to take on, well, we can wait until you’re ready for it. The need for forward-thinking minds and dedication will still be here,” he had told her earnestly.

Grace was touched and frankly awed by the offer. Nobody turned down such a prestigious position if they wanted to continue climbing the ladder. It would never be offered again. In the end she had thanked Mr. Watson sincerely for the offer but explained that she was ready to start a family. And the family she wanted was on the west coast. He’d grudgingly wished her well and told her to contact him if she changed her mind. She knew now that all of her hard work had not been wasted. She’d made an impact at Stein and Watson. She’d honed her skills while helping the company grow, and when she left she knew she would be missed.
 

After her final meeting with Mr. Watson she returned to her office to find her assistant, Daniel, sadly looking at the single box of belongings she’d be taking with her at the end of the day. When she entered the room he wrapped her in his arms in a warm hug.
 

“I can’t believe you’re really leaving me. I just know my new boss will be a big hairy tyrant.” He harrumphed. Daniel was dealing with her departure the only way he knew how, by giving her the guilt trip every five minutes. She kissed his cheek and squeezed his neck.

“You and Tom are welcome to visit any time. Please, don’t hesitate to call me. You know you’re far more than just my assistant,” she sniffled. Leaving her friend was harder than Grace would have imagined. She hugged him tighter.

“I know, sweetie, I know.” He patted her back one more time.

“I’ve got to go. I have a date. Mustn’t keep the hubby waiting.” Daniel released Grace and swept out of the room. She heard him banging around his desk before he called to her, “See you around, kid.” It was just like Daniel to spare her a long sad goodbye. He was gone before she could reply.
 

Daniel and his husband Tom had become dear to her. She would miss the two men who had been her only friends other than Luke. Grace pushed that thought away. It would only make her cry again. She hadn’t heard a word from Luke in the two weeks since he’d walked away from her in the restaurant. She wasn’t surprised by that. It hurt her deeply though and she felt like she was missing a vital piece of herself. She kept catching herself about to text him or call to him for no reason other than it was her habit to do so. It was becoming clearer exactly how much she had leaned on him, how much she’d just expected him to always be there. Now that he wasn’t, she had a sore spot in her heart that she was afraid to examine too closely.

To be honest, Grace was afraid. She was terrified she was making a mistake by falling into Jack’s arms so quickly. The pull between Jack and her was undeniable. For once in her life she was following her heart. It was a frightening thing for someone like Grace. The only other time she’d risked her heart hadn’t turned out so well. It felt like she was playing that awful game of trust where you let yourself fall backward and hope the person behind you doesn’t let you crash to the ground. Luke had always been there to catch her. But he never would be again, not if she started a life with Jack. She knew that for sure now. She needed to trust Jack. She wanted desperately to trust Jack, but she wasn’t quite there yet. She reassured herself regularly that it would just take time. Grace was sure it wasn’t Jack at all, but her insecurities that had her belly in knots.

Grace had another week to finish up her packing and cleaning her apartment. The last two weekends, Jack had flown in from Seattle to help her get ready. He was honestly more of a hindrance than a help, but it was wonderful to be truly reconnecting with him on more than a sexual level. They talked endlessly about everything and nothing at all. She had far more in common with the adult version of Jack than she had had with his younger self. The more time they spent together the better she felt about her move.
 

On his last visit they’d had their first real argument since they started seeing each other again. She gave the address for the condo she’d rented in Seattle. He’d been the one to arrange the movers. They would drive her belongings across the country. So she needed him to pass on the address to their destination. Jack was irate. He’d assumed she would be moving in with him immediately. As per his usual, Jack thought his plan was the only plan. He went into steam roller mode and expected Grace to agree with him. Grace just wouldn’t budge though.
 

She loved him. She’d always loved him. But she needed her own space until she was more confident in their relationship. She wasn’t even ready to officially accept his proposal of marriage. Why would she move in? He hadn’t taken that very well and the weekend had ended on an awkward note with Jack catching a cab to the airport alone, instead of allowing her to accompany him as she’d done the week before, but Grace stood her ground. That wasn’t something Jack was used to. He liked being in charge. So did Grace. They were bound to clash more often than not. It was just one more reason for them live to apart for a while. They both needed to learn the art of compromise. It was going to be far harder for Jack than Grace.
 

As much as Grace loved spending time with Jack, she was hoping he would stay home for her last weekend in New York. She really needed to focus on the task at hand. When Jack was around, the task at hand frequently involved them both getting naked. She was down to the wire now. Jack’s delicious but distracting body would surely cause further delays.

Grace had gone from room to room methodically organizing things into what she needed to take and what she could donate before the big move. Her donation pile was huge. She had no idea she’d managed to accumulate so much stuff or how she’d made it all fit in her stylish but small Manhattan apartment. She’d found a charitable organization that collected new and gently used business clothing. They distributed the clothes to underprivileged women and men who were trying to make a better life for themselves and their families. They were people looking for work in the city. A professional appearance could be the difference between getting the job and being passed over for a position. Not only had Grace given them half of her rather over extended work wardrobe, but she’d also made a monetary donation. It made her feel good to be part of such a wonderful charity. What could be better than helping people help themselves?

The week was flying by and she had nearly finished. Today she was going to retrieve her medical records to take with her to Seattle. The only other item on her to-do list was one that kept her up at night. Luke’s box of belongings was still sitting in her living room. Luke occasionally slept on her sofa if they drank too much on dinner night. She’d stayed at his place, too. It just depended on whose place was closer. There were things she’d borrowed from him, like a book on marketing strategy she’d found on his bookshelf, and other things he’d insisted she take, like a jacket she’d ended up wearing when they got caught in the rain. The box of happy memories of time spent with Luke seemed to glare at her accusingly every time she passed it. She needed to return his things.
 

Grace had considered returning them by courier with a note of apology and goodbye. She wasn’t sorry that Jack and she had reunited, but she was deeply regretful that it had hurt Luke. Every time she sat down to pen the letter her heart broke a little more. She couldn’t get past “Dear Luke” without bursting into tears. Finally, Grace realized there was just no way she was going to leave New York without trying to speak to Luke. He’d been hurt and angry when they parted. Grace had been confused at first. Afterward she’d been too ashamed of her own selfish behavior to approach Luke. Her time was quickly running out. So today she planned to pay a visit to Luke’s office. She’d called his administrative assistant to verify Luke was in town and expected to be in the office before she gathered her courage and collected the box. She was going to return Luke’s things herself. She didn’t know what she would say to the man. She loved him dearly. He already knew that, but she had to tell him again. She didn’t want to lose Luke. The thought of it physically hurt her heart. She felt like she was losing something irreplaceable. How was she going to get through life without Luke?

Grace stepped into the elevator and set the box at her feet for the ride to the lobby of her building. When she stood, her reflection stared back at her from the shiny metal panels on the elevators walls. No matter which way she turned Grace couldn’t escape the eyes of the heartsick girl in the face of a woman trying to live a dream she’d had for too long. She was doing the right thing. It was Luke’s decision to make if he didn’t want to be a part of her life. All she could do now was tell him how much she needed and wanted his friendship. The rest was up to him.

The elevator door slid open and she stepped off and crossed the lobby. The doorman, Manny, opened the door then stepped to the curb to hail a taxi for Grace. A cab pulled up to the sidewalk and its handsome occupant climbed out looking sophisticated in a navy suit. He was holding a cardboard box and wearing an expression of resignation. The sight of Luke outside of her home made her heart leap with hope. Had he changed his mind? Grace prayed that was case. Luke was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he passed her without looking up.
 

“Hey,” she said almost shyly. Luke noticed her then. He looked down at her from his impressive height with sad brown eyes.

“Hi.” Luke indicated the box he carried. “I was just returning some of your things. I, ah, I wasn’t sure if you would still be here or not.” His expression turned hard and he looked away. Grace’s heart sank. There was nothing of her loving, affectionate friend in the man before her.

“You could have called to be sure, instead of wasting a trip.” It came out more harshly than she’d intended. A lump was forming in her throat. Before it closed completely and the tears began to fall, she stepped forward and placed the box in her arms at Luke’s feet.

“I was actually just on the way to your office to return some of your things. I spoke to your assistant to be sure you’d be in today.” She took the box of her belongings he held and stepped back.
 

The taxi Luke had exited was still waiting at the curb. He looked at the vehicle and back to the box of her belongings with indecision. He wanted to go, but his gentlemanly sense of honor wouldn’t let him. Grace blinked back tears. He really was walking out of her life . . . or was she walking out of his?

Grace didn’t want Luke to feel obligated to remain a second longer than he wished to. “Manny,” she called to the doorman. “Could you call someone to grab this box and carry it up for me?”

“Yes, ma’am, Ms. Yates.” He smiled and whipped out a phone to buzz the desk inside.

“Thank you, Manny.” She turned back to Luke and found him studying her. His eyes were still chilled but there was hurt lurking there, too.
 

“I just can’t do this, Grace. I can’t,” he told her, and his voice gave a telling crack at the end.
 

“I love you, Luke. You know I do. Please . . .” But she didn’t know what she was asking him for. Please what? Please, don’t do this? Please, can we still be friends? Please, take back everything you said so I don’t have to lay awake at night wondering what could have been if I’d let you in at any point during the last seven years? She didn’t know. And it wasn’t fair of her to ask him to do any of those things. She’d been selfish enough. It was time to let this wonderful, giving, perfect man who had always been there for her, go. She didn’t deserve his devotion. And she wouldn’t ask for it any longer.