Loving Enough (The Enough Series Book 2) (17 page)

Rylee

Austin has been eerily quiet since we left the police
station. I would love to know what he is thinking. I want to ask if he is OK, if
we are OK, but I am too chicken shit to get the words out. It felt like he was
supportive throughout the interview, but maybe that’s where it ends for him. Maybe
the realization that another man’s hands were on me is too much for him to
take.

My phone chirps, signaling a new text, and I look down to
read it. I have several new messages. I flip over to the message screen and
start with the one from my big brother.

J: How did it go?
You OK?

Me: Well it was kind
of awful. I think Aus is freaked out. Hasn’t said a word since we left.

Ruzek: You did
great. If you need me, I will be at the Hyatt. My place is covered in
reporters.

Me: No hotel for you. Come to Austin’s.
You can stay with us.

Bode: WTF? Are you OK?
Call me ASAP.

Me: I’m OK. I’ll
call you soon. Where are you?

After I finish answering the first round of messages, they begin
pinging through again.

J: I can imagine.
Just talk to him Ry. Plus if you think he is freaked out you should have heard
Bode. LOL, I have never been scolded like that in my life.

Me: Yeah, I told
him I would call him later.

J: You better.

Bode: You better.
Sydney.

I can’t help giggling at the identical messages from J and
Bode. I feel bad that I forgot to call Bode. I’m sure he found out from a news
program of some sort. Knowing him, that did not sit well.

Ruzek: No I don’t
want to impose. The dept is paying so no worries.

Me: Do you ever
listen? NO HOTEL. YOU ARE FAMILY.

Ruzek: Did you just
yell at me? 

Me: Yes I did and I
will again if you don’t listen.

Ruzek: Okay I will
be over later. I want to give you guys some time.

Me: Cool. J is
there so anytime.

Ruzek: See you in a
few.

The truth is that, with Austin so distant, I want Ruzek around.
He and I have a bond. It is not one I would have cared to forge the way we did,
but it is what it is. He was there last night, so he understands better than
anyone else and I feel like I need to be understood.

Looking up from my phone, I notice that Austin has driven
well past the exit for our neighborhood and I feel compelled to ask what is
going on.

“Where are we going, Aus?”

He glances at me sideways and I can see the pain radiating
through his face. Great, it looks like Ryan got his wish after all. He reaches
over and grasps my hand before sighing heavily.

“I want to take you somewhere beautiful. You deserve
something beautiful. I don’t have the words, so I want to show you,” he says,
tears forming in his beautiful eyes.

My heart drops and I think I finally understand. He is
struggling with what happened. I knew it would affect him, but I didn’t realize
how much. Maybe he loves me as much as he says.

“That sounds perfect, Aus, thank you.”

“I love you, Rylee,” he responds. A tear falls down his
cheek, breaking my fragile heart.

I stroke my hand down his face, carefully wiping away the
tear. “I love you, too, baby.”

He pulls off the interstate and onto a quiet beach road. A
few miles later, he parks in a lot facing the ocean and gracefully climbs out
of the truck to come around to my door. I take his hand and follow him onto the
beach. We stand together, looking out over the desperately blue ocean. before
he breaks the silence.

“I know this isn’t the most magical place, but you always
seem to be happy near the ocean so I thought I would bring you here. We can’t
go at home, thanks to the circling vultures. I am sorry if I handled today poorly,
but I am having a hard time getting past what you went through. How strong you
were and how useless I was, thousands of miles away.”

I start to speak, but he turns into me and looks down with
eyes that match the ocean. He places a loving hand on each side of my face.

“When I think of how I could have lost you… ” He swallows
hard. “It guts me, Ry. I was terrified this morning, and I went through every
scenario until I heard your voice. Your voice was heaven to my ears, even
though I could tell you were in pain. I can see the pain in your eyes, the pain
you are trying to hide. I want you to know that you don’t have to hide, baby. I
am here and I am not going anywhere. You can trust me. If you want to cry, we
will cry. If you want to scream, we will scream. If you want to throw things,
and be angry, then we will throw things and be pissed at the world. No matter
what you want or need, I want you to know I’m here. This changes nothing. You
are my world, Ry.”

As he finishes speaking, he pulls me into his chest and I
lose it. He is all I have ever wanted, without knowing I wanted it. Of course J,
Eric, and Bode will support me, and they love me, but this … this is different.
This is so much more.

I wrap my arms around him, fisting my hands in the back of
his shirt as I truly let it all go for the first time since the incident. He
holds me as we sink down into the sand and I allow the cathartic tears to flow.
I am safe here in his strong arms. He loves me, and right now that is more than
enough. Austin is all I need.   

Rylee

Austin and I spend a couple of hours just sitting on the
beach, watching as the sunlight faded and the tide rolled in. We don’t talk
much, just sit intertwined in silent support of one another. I ask about his
trip to Texas, but he says that’s a subject better left for another day. I don’t
object despite my growing curiosity.

Driving back to the house is just as surreal as it was
leaving. There are still a few reporters hanging around, but there are noticeably
less than earlier. I assume this means that the police made their statement. I
will have to ask J about it.

Walking into the house, I realize that I will, at some
point, have to return to my house. The thought sends chills through my body. I
am consumed by the gory memories of my living room until I make my way through
the entryway. Dani and J are making out like teenagers.

I come to an abrupt stop, causing Austin to run into me and
question my behavior. I turn and nod towards the cute couple. I know he can see
the devious plan in my eyes. J has caught Austin and me in this same position
several times, so I feel it is only fair I give him the same treatment he gives
me. Austin smirks and shrugs his shoulders, signaling that he is on board with
my game.

I tiptoe forward and loudly clear my throat. “Ahem.”

Dani scrambles to the other the side of the couch, her
delicate features shrouded in embarrassment. J, on the other hand, gives me an
evil look before breaking into a knowing grin.

“So is this how we can expect you two to behave when we
leave you alone?” I say mockingly.

J looks straight past me to Austin. “Come on, bro, you
couldn’t have stopped her?”

Austin chuckles. “Not this time, man. Sorry, but it was nice
to be on the other side this time.”

I can see Dani sinking further into the couch and I feel a tiny
bit bad about rudely interrupting them. To make her feel less awkward, I wrap
Austin’s arm around me and turn into him before laying a massive kiss on him.

“Are you kidding me?” Asks my big brother.

Breaking the kiss and looking back to J, I keep Austin’s arm
around me. “Well, turnabout’s fair play, wouldn’t you say?”

J rolls his eyes at me before leaning as far across the
couch as he can to reach for Dani. She shakes her head, clearly still
uncomfortable, which makes me feel bad.

“Dani, I am sorry. Austin and I have been on the other end
of this situation a couple of times and it was just too hard to pass up messing
with J. We really don’t care,” I say with genuine sympathy.

J gets ahold of her hand to pull her in next to him and she
seems to relax some. She finally makes eye contact with me.

“You really don’t care? I mean, you are paying me to take
care of him and this is completely unprofessional. I would understand if you
fire me,” she says with a shaky voice.

“Oh my God, Dani, no! I know how he is. Not that this will
make things any better, but technically he is the one paying you. I just hired
you. If he is happy, then it works for me.”

The look of shock on her face tells me that I probably
should have kept the payment arrangements to myself. We all know he isn’t
paying her for sexual services, but I did just imply it. Crap. J is giving me a
death glare at this point, and I’m trying to think up a way to lighten the
situation.

Dani speaks up, laughing. “Well, I guess he is getting his
money’s worth.”

J pulls her against him and looks back to us. “So how did
everything go?”

I had forgotten the horrors of the day until he brought it
back up.

“It was fine. I gave my statement, and we got out of there.
Did the detectives ever make a public announcement?”

As Austin and I sit down on the recliner, I see a look pass
between J and Dani that makes me uncomfortable. Austin notices their silent
exchange as well. His arms wrap around me, pulling me into him as I sit astride
his lap.

J finally breaks the tension. “Yeah, they made a statement
explaining the events that occurred last night. They also said that there would
not be any charges brought against you. Ry…they also relayed the news that Ryan
died a few hours ago, about the time you were making your statement.”

I feel like I have just been sucker punched. I don’t know
how to feel about the news. I am happy there will be no charges, but I cannot
believe that Ryan is dead. Dead. I killed him.

Without a clue how to express myself, I bury my head in
Austin’s neck and quietly sob.

After what feels like an eternity, I hear J ask Austin.

“So I take it you didn’t know,” he says remorsefully.

I feel Austin shake his head. He squeezes me tight before he
replies.

“Didn’t know and don’t care. In my opinion, he got exactly
what he deserved. Good riddance.”

The anger and hatred in Austin’s voice makes me feel worse.
There is nothing good in this situation. I stand up, ready to go upstairs and
find a quiet place to reevaluate my feelings, when I hear a knock at the door.

Rylee

I look through the peephole to be sure it is Ruzek. When I
see his face, I throw open the door and practically tackle him. He catches me
before dropping his things to the ground. I’m suddenly bawling.

“He’s dead, Ruzek. I killed him. How do I live with that?”

He guides me back into the house towards the confused faces
of both J and Austin. He pushes me away with both hands on my shoulders before
leaning down to force eye contact.

“Well, first you need to realize that it was either him or
us. You did the right thing. Rylee Ash, you are my fucking hero. There is a very
real possibility that I would be on a slab in the morgue if you hadn’t taken
that shot.” He pauses gauging my reaction, which is nothing but a blank stare. He
shakes my shoulders to get my attention focused back on him. “Rylee, I need you
to look at me and I need you to hear me. You did what you had to do to survive.
You saved us, Rylee. You remember that and you will be fine, I promise. It
might take time, but you will be ok.”

Ruzek pulls me into an uncomfortable hug, no doubt concerned
about Austin’s reaction. Austin is now standing next to us, jealousy and anger filling
the air.

 Ruzek leans into my ear and whispers, “I am going to let
you go, but if you need me you I’m here. I have been where you are. I
understand, Rylee, I do.”

With that, he frees me from our embrace and Austin pulls me
into him before aggressively shaking hands with Ruzek.

The tension in the air is so thick that you could cut it
with a spoon.

J pipes up. “So Ruzek, I hear my sister saved your ass.”

The sarcasm and light tone in J’s voice forces everyone to
take a step back and crack a smile. Ruzek steps around Austin, walks into the
living room, and sits down across from J after shaking his good hand.

Austin has a near-death grip on my waist as he guides me
into the kitchen and away from the rest of our company. My mind is awash with
memories from the shooting as I try to process the fact that, a little over
twelve hours ago, I took a man’s life. And not any man … my former fiancé. Once
upon a time I was in love with Ryan and we shared a bunch of great memories
before things went sideways. I don’t know how to reconcile all those feelings
with the knowledge that he is dead because of me.

After zoning out on my surroundings, I come back to see
Austin staring at me with total unease. He sets me up on the counter exactly
where he put me the day that Boss forced me into his life. His touch on my legs
does not bring the tingling electricity it did that day, because my body is
numb. My vision is blurry from the barrage of tears that will not end, but I
can see he is upset. I hang my head, unsure why we are here—why he brought me
in here away from my family.

With a calmness to his voice that betrays his body language,
he finally breaks the palpable silence.

“Rylee, I know you are upset and I understand that, baby, I
do. But what is going on between you and Ruzek? It was like you couldn’t wait
to get away from me.”

His voice is tinged with irritation as he asks about Ruzek,
which infuriates me. Doesn’t he understand that I wanted to talk to someone who
understands what I went through, to someone who was there?

“Austin, good Lord. What the hell are you talking about?
Nothing is going on between Ruzek and me, other than we could have both died
last night. What do you want from me?”

He takes a deep breath as his palms press deeper into my
thighs, to the point where the counter is embedding into the back of my thighs.

After a big huff, he replies. “The way you ran to him didn’t
look like nothing. You looked comfortable in his arms. Tell me, Rylee, do you
want him instead of me?”

I cannot freaking believe this is the conversation he wants
to have right now, but the pain behind his eyes and in his words tell me all I
need to know. He is insecure, which, given the state of our relationship lately,
is understandable. Not to mention that I understand why he would consider me a
flight risk. However, now is not the time for this conversation. Not on the
heels of learning that I murdered my ex.

“Austin, I am not having this conversation with you. It’s ridiculous.”
I try to hop off the counter before the marble becomes permanently lodged in my
skin. As my feet hit the floor, he wraps me in his arms from behind. I try to
break free of his strong grip, but that serves to fuel him on. “Austin, let me
go. I can't do this right now.”

His embrace endures as his chin comes to rest on my
shoulder. “Ry, baby, I am sorry. I love you, Ry. Just tell me what to do,
please.”

His voice is a near whisper and I can hear anguish in every
word. My fight to free myself ends and I relax into his hold, albeit still upset
with him.

“Aus, I was not running to Ruzek. I was going to someone who
I thought would understand how I feel. Someone who was there. Someone who
doesn’t relish the fact Ryan is dead. I don’t know how to process all of this,
but I know I am not happy that I killed him. I’m a murderer. How the hell am I
supposed to live with that, huh? How? Can you tell me that?”

By the time I finish my rage-driven rant, my sobs return and
Austin’s embrace strengthens. I reach for the ground, weighed down by my new
label. My body folds over Austin’s arms until he pulls me back in and slowly
down to the floor and onto his lap. With my knees to my chest, I continue to
heave sobbing breaths. Allowing me to calm down on my own, Austin exudes
comfort through his tight embrace.

Once I find a normal breathing pattern and the tears
subside, I turn in his lap and lay my face against his chest. His heart is
beating faster than normal, but the rhythm lulls me back to reality before he tries
to console me.

“Baby, you are not a murderer. What you did was brave. It
was self-defense. Ruzek told you that, too. I understand now why you might want
to talk to him. I didn’t see it earlier, but I get it. I’m sorry I said what I
did about Ryan, but if you want me to be upset he is dead instead of you,
you’ll be disappointed. I can’t be. What he did to you, to J, and to us? Well,
that is something I cannot forgive. I could have lost you because of him. So
no, I’m not sorry he is dead, but I am sorry for the pain you are going through.
I know I have told you before, but, Ry, you are my world.”

Words fail to materialize as he finishes. I understand where
he is coming from but right now, I am exhausted. I have been up over thirty-six
hours and the physical and emotional turmoil is taking hold. I simply nod my
head against his chest and continue listening to the steady beats of his heart.
“Ry, are you OK baby,” he asks attempting to lean down and glimpse my face.

I don’t move.

“I’m so tired, Aus. I think I want to sleep.”

He stands up with me cradled in his arms and walks us
upstairs to his bedroom. I feel him nod to the others as we pass through the
living room.

Once we are in the privacy of his master suite, he asks, “Do
you want to change?”

I respond with a simple headshake, so he lays me down on the
bed and crawls in behind me fully clothed. Panic races through me when he wraps
his arm around me in the bed, like Ryan did the night before.

I sit straight up and turn to him. “No, not like that. We
can’t lay like that.”

Fear crosses his beautiful features, and he reaches out to
touch me before stopping himself.

“OK, Ry, you tell me what you need. I am right here, baby.”

I place my palm on his chest, forcing him back to the pillow,
and snuggle under his arm with my cheek against his chest. Pulling his other
arm around me, I find the safe place I need and fall asleep to the melodic
sound of his heartbeat.