Authors: Liz Madrid
Loving Ashe (14 page)
“That’s possible.”
“And Ashe,” Paige added.
“What? I can’t do that.”
“Yes, you can,” Paige said. “Honestly, Ri, if Ashe sees the pictures of you kissing Gareth – and I don’t even care who kissed who first,
he still kissed you while dipping you
– I’d rather you weren’t there for the letdown from Ashe. You know what I’m talking about, when he stops sending you flowers or calling you or showing up at the cafe. It’s time to forget them both and move on. And guess what? Clint and I have the perfect solution.”
“And what is that?”
“Jesse, Clint’s assistant, the guy I told you about last night. He seems like a nice man. Smiles a lot,” Paige said. “Anyway, there’s a charity ball next week and you’re invited, and I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”
“But I have nothing to wear to some formal gala, Paige.”
“So? I’ve got tons of dresses,” Paige laughed. “And speaking of dresses, don’t take another bite of that pie!”
She grabbed both plates and emptied what was left into the trash before Riley could stop her.
“What did you do that for?” Riley protested. “That was perfectly good pie!”
“I know, but you’ll have to fit into my dress, Ri, which means you’re gonna have to be a size smaller by next week,” Paige said, opening the fridge and rummaging around before taking out a day-old vegetable platter. She pushed it across the counter towards Riley.
“But-”
“Did you know that carrots go well with coffee?” Paige asked, handing her a carrot stick. “You should try it.”
Gareth Roman, it was finally revealed through the entertainment news sites, had been dating Isobel Reign for the past five months. He had even been photographed sharing a cigarette with her on the balcony of Chateau Marmont just weeks earlier, with only a towel around his slim waist, and afterwards, leaving the same hotel after her in what the gossip rags called her ‘walk of shame’. They were also photographed a few times having lunch at the Ivy and Soho House.
Unconfirmed reports stated that the relationship had been kept under wraps so that the studios could capitalize on the rumored rivalry between Gareth and Ashe for Isobel’s attentions. After all, Ashe had been dating Isobel for more than a year before the broke up shortly after filming for
Sentience
wrapped. Because of the publicity push, the rivalry worked wonders for the movie, especially in the foreign markets. There was nothing like a good old love triangle between movie stars to sell tickets.
The next morning, a blind item appeared on a gossip website about two co-stars who had almost come to blows during a press junket over a picture of one of them kissing the other’s girl. Promotions for the movie they were starring in would now be done separately, with the lovebirds heading for Brazil and other parts of South America, and the other one walking the red carpets alone with the film’s director in Asia.
It made Riley’s head spin to read all these things, especially the articles about Gareth and his relationship with Isobel Reign. At least he’d made a good choice, she thought, for it would guarantee him an automatic role in most of the movies Isobel’s father produced in the future. It would make him a bigger star than he already was. Nepotism much? She wanted to text him, but at the same time, she figured that it was none of her business.
But why had he said the things he had to her? Why had he kissed her?
Because he could, of course.
According to some reports, she was the same woman seen sharing a cab with Ashe and who had been spotted with him at a noodle restaurant, which meant she was seeing both actors. Because of this, fan forums labeled her a skank, a term that infuriated Riley. She had to stop reading the comments because they only made her mad as hell, not knowing how to begin defending herself. Was it even worth it to defend herself to strangers? She hadn’t even begun explaining herself to Ashe.
So she started by writing Ashe a note, something that she could read out loud when she’d finally get to talk to him. She didn’t know why she was feeling so guilty when she hadn’t done anything wrong, but she did.
Ashe had made her feel things she hadn’t felt before — beautiful even. He’d looked at her in a way that no one had for a long time. It was as if he really saw her there in front of him, and she liked that feeling. She missed it, and she wanted nothing more than to get it back.
But she’d messed things up. She’d kissed Gareth Roman.
So Riley wrote down her feelings on paper, crossed out the words, then added more only to cross those out also. She ended up with a full sheet filled with scribbles, some of them tear-stained and smeared with pecan pie. Unlike Paige, she wasn’t about to let the rest of the pie go to waste.
In the end, Riley settled for the first draft she had written the night before, held it in front of her as she dialed his number, praying he wouldn’t answer the phone — but at the same time, also hoping that he would. Her first wish was granted, for her call went straight to his voicemail. Riley’s heart was beating so fast she was afraid it would burst out of her chest, but she held the note in front of her face, closed her eyes, and began speaking. Forget that she didn’t even read her note, but she knew it was now or never.
“Hi, Ashe, it’s me, Riley. If you’ve seen the news, then you know what I’m calling about. I’m so sorry for what happened. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but anything I’ll say now will just be an excuse for something I should have known better to do.” She paused, realizing she hadn’t read a single word from her note. She panicked briefly, searching for more words to fit the silence on the other end of the line. “I really don’t know what else to say, but thank you for your lovely flowers. I wish I deserved every bloom, but I don’t.”
After she hung up, Riley swore never again to drink three vodka sours in a row, nor eat three quarters of a pie in one sitting ever again — and also lose all the weight she had gained to fit into Paige’s dress.
But if Riley was anxious all week that all that pie would go to her hips, she had nothing to worry about. One day before the charity gala, the dress fit her perfectly, not because she had dieted, but because for the last five days she’d been too miserable to eat. Not that anyone should have noticed, for she maintained her usual bubbly persona at work.
But Tessa did.
“I feel like there’s some sort of a void where your heart chakra is,” Tessa said one day, when the afternoon rush was over and Riley was setting up a corner of the cafe for the book club to meet that evening. “Your anahata chakra.”
“My another hotta-what?” Riley asked. She’d been lining up the chairs, making sure everyone would have enough legroom and was not really listening.
“Your anahata chakra. Right here,” Tessa replied, pointing to the center of Riley’s chest. “It’s the seat of balance within your body, and it’s quite unbalanced right now. It’s also the seat of love and compassion. Are you feeling conflicted about self-love or self-acceptance?”
Riley shrugged. “You tell me, Tessa. I just got caught kissing a man I don’t love, who turns out to be seeing some gorgeous actress, and I see everyone who comes in here as potential paparazzi, therefore I’m paranoid as hell. What do you think?”
“I think you should apologize.”
“To Gareth?” Riley snapped. “Are you kidding me?”
“No!” Tessa looked at her incredulously. “To Ashe. Tell him what really happened — that it was Gareth who came here and sought you out, not the other way around, the way the gossip sites are making it look like. Ashe is the one you really like, right? If not, I know he likes you, or he wouldn’t have waited hours for you to end your shift that day. Besides, I think he’s a gentleman. He seems to know how to treat a woman right.”
“Well, I did apologize to him, but he never called me back,” Riley said.
Tessa’s face fell. “He didn’t?”
Riley shook her head. “No, and I can’t really blame him, I suppose. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s just written me off and moved on.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t have the decency to call you back,” Tessa said, frowning. “And I know you’re surprised and heartbroken, too, even though you won’t admit it. I’m so sorry, Riley. I thought better of him.”
“Well, it was fun while it lasted. I mean, when will something like that happen again? Two Hollywood stars in the same building one day apart, both of them wanting to talk to me,” Riley said, forcing a smile. “But I’ll be fine, Tessa. Really I will.”
“You ought to take some time off, Riley,” Tessa said. “Even Allen’s getting worried about you, and I know he’s scheduled you with time off tomorrow and the day after that. You’re hardly eating anything as it is.”
“That’s because I have to fit into Paige’s dress for her charity gala tomorrow night,” Riley said, lining up the last of the chairs even though they didn’t need it, but she needed to be busy. “It already fits, thank God, but all I want to do is stay home.”
“Then stay home,” Tessa said, following Riley to the back office. “That’s probably one of the reasons your heart chakra is not balanced. You’re doing everything to please everyone else. You hardly do anything for yourself. That’s what the anahata is — your heart, as in ‘follow your heart’ — and you’re definitely not doing that. Unfortunately, everyone else has their own agenda when it comes to their hearts.”
Allen had gone home for the day and it was Riley’s turn to sit in his cramped office. She turned to face Tessa, meaning to shut her up, but then paused. Why should she do that when Tessa was speaking the truth? The girl was right.
“Where do you get all this stuff from, Tessa?” Riley asked. “Anahata, chakras, imbalances?”
“I’m a yoga instructor — or at least I was when I lived in San Francisco. I need to get my certification renewed here if I want to teach again,” Tessa said. “But don’t change the subject, Riley. That’s where the imbalance is coming from, you know, or part of it at least. You can’t do anything about Ashe or Gareth, but the more you beat yourself up over it, the more unbalanced and unhappy you’ll become. There’s nothing you can do about them, so just let it go. But doing things for other people when you don’t want to do them — that’s what’s causing the major imbalance. You’re unhappy because of it.”
“Tessa, shouldn’t you be at the counter?” Riley asked. She didn’t object to the impromptu counseling session, just to its timing, for a customer was standing by the counter, waiting to be served.
Tessa sighed. “I’m sorry if I’m butting into something that’s none of my business. But ever since you decided to go to this gala, after the whole hullaballoo with Gareth and Ashe, you’ve been miserable. We can all see it. You’re also cranky as hell.”
“Tessa, there’s someone needing help at the front,” Riley said, her patience running thin. She appreciated the concern, but this was too much.
Tessa headed for the door, then stopped and turned to look at her. “You’re not happy, Riley. And I don’t mean, like, really happy-happy to be here. I mean you’re not happy — soul-happy. To be honest, though I’ve only known you for a few months, I’d never seen you glow as much as you did when Ashe was around, even if that was only once. You didn’t glow like that when Mr. Big Shot Gareth Roman came by, not even close.”
“Tessa,” Riley said again and Tessa stepped out of the office. But she surprised Riley by sticking her head through the door barely five seconds later.
“Ashe will come through, Riley. I just know he will,” Tessa said.
“And how the hell do you know that, my new-age counselor?” Riley asked. She couldn’t help but smile at Tessa’s positivity. The girl was indomitable.
“His anahata chakra was actually quite balanced when I saw him here,” Tessa said, smiling. “He’s the type who follows his heart — his soul-heart.”
The next morning, Riley made her decision. It was last minute, but she decided not to attend the gala with Paige and Clint, not even if she was supposed to be meeting nice Jesse for the first time. The gown was stunning — last season, but still beautiful — and it fitted her like a glove. It hugged all her curves, accentuated her breasts, and had sequins along the hem of the skirt, which flared enough at the hips to fall with a swishing sound at her feet. It made her look and feel like a princess who had just stepped off the screen into the real world. There was no way Jesse wouldn’t fall for her, Paige reminded her, when she looked fantastic.
The only caveat was that she had to wear four-inch heels to pull off the princess look, a prospect that scared Riley half to death because she’d never been able to walk straight in them. Three inches had always been her limit, no matter how great the higher-heeled shoes made her legs look.
But now that she’d made her decision not to go, she wouldn’t have to worry about that four-inch heels or looking fantastic with her stomach pulled in all night. Instead, she’d get to spend her Saturday night the usual way with Miss Bailey purring by her side, possibly reading a book that had belonged to her mother, maybe even with a few of her mother’s handwritten notes along the margins.
Saying ‘no’ would be easy, Riley thought as she stared at Paige’s number on her phone. But if it was so easy, then why couldn’t she simply dial Paige’s number right now and tell her that she wasn’t going after all? Surely it wouldn’t matter to Paige and Clint. It wasn’t like she was the one invited to the gala. She was just a guest of a guest, so it would be no big loss for Paige if Riley didn’t come along. Paige could focus on her usual socializing and not worry whether her kid sister was getting it on with Jesse, or tripping and falling in her gown.
The ringing of her phone as Paige’s name popped up on the display interrupted her thoughts.
Oh, crap, I spoke too soon.
“Are you excited yet?” Paige asked as Riley answered the phone.
“I know that you are,” Riley replied. “But I’ve decided not to go.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m not going, Paige,” Riley said, keeping her eyes focused on the small TV set in front of her. “I need a break. I’ve been working a lot lately and I’m tired. I want to stay home and lie low. What if someone there recognizes me?”
“So?” Paige asked, her voice clipped. “It’s not like you’re still in the news, Ri. Even if anyone recognizes you, so what? You did nothing wrong.”
“That’s not what they think,” Riley said, remembering the lively conversations in the fan forums about that skank named Riley. “Look, maybe I should just lie low instead of attending some gala where people only go to be seen.”
“We go because it’s for a good cause, Ri,” Paige said. “It’s for disadvantaged children all over the world and each ticket cost at least $1250. It’s being held at the Museum of Natural History.”
“Jeez, Paige, I’m sorry,” Riley said. Twelve hundred dollars was a lot of money. “I thought I was a guest of a guest. The last thing I wanted was for you and Clint to pay for my ticket. I could have met Jesse at the Library for nothing. I’d have bought him the drink even.”
“Well, you’re not just a guest of a guest, Ri, you’re an official guest, and you really ought to be there. You agreed to come, and now you’re backing out on me at the last minute. That’s just not cool. But why am I even surprised? It’s so like you.”
Now Paige was just being mean, but she had a point. Riley had agreed to go. She’d lost weight to fit into the dress, snacked only on carrots, celery and juices to look, well, gaunt, really, if she were being honest.
“I’m tired, Paige,” Riley said, and at that moment she was tired of everyone telling her what to do.
“Pull through for me, Ri, please,” Paige said, this time with a slight whine in her voice, another of her tactics. “Jesse paid his own money to be there and meet you. You look stunning in that dress, and you even got lash extensions and a facial to look your best.”
“You gave me a gift certificate for the lash extensions and the facial, Paige,” Riley said.
“All the more reason to go, Ri. Don’t worry what other people think. They’re probably not even going to remember. Didn’t Isobel’s father pull down the pictures, anyway? Damage control, I think that’s what Betty told me. So you have nothing to worry about.”
When Riley didn’t reply, Paige continued. “Come on, Ri, just for tonight, and then I’ll leave you alone, I promise. After tonight, no more galas. I’ll have Bob pick you up at 5:30, and I can do your hair when you get here. How does that sound?”
“You promise there’ll be no more galas after this? No more meddling into my life?” Riley asked.
“I promise.”
She really should grow a spine, Riley thought as she sighed, hating the thought of having to slip her feet into those four-inch heels.
“All right. One more time, and no more meddling into my business from here on in,” Riley said, pulling herself up from the couch where she had thought she’d settle for the rest of the day, watching the last few videos of her
Pride and Prejudice
box set. Colin Firth had just emerged from the lake. “I’ll be ready by 5:30, then.”
Bob arrived early at 5:15, and Riley was in the back seat of the town car by 5:30, her stomach growling after eating nothing but a few baby carrots and five celery sticks all day. She had managed to squeeze herself into her gown and pull her long hair into a loose bun. Since Paige was going to style her hair, there was no point in stressing out about it. She just had to worry about the gown, the shoes and her make-up, not to mention her lack of a spine.
The spine part would have to wait till tomorrow. Tonight she’d have to play along with Paige and Clint, and be nice to Jesse. Maybe she and Jesse would hit it off and she’d become just like Paige, a Manhattan housewife with three kids, drinking vodka sours at the Polo Lounge and constantly worrying about how her butt looked in her ‘mommy’ jeans.
The car was a block away from her apartment building when she saw him. He was walking towards her apartment, or what she hoped was her apartment, looking up at the street signs as if he was lost or trying to get his bearings.
“Stop the car!” Riley exclaimed.
“What’s wrong? Did you forget something?” asked Bob, double-parking in front of a drugstore. Behind them, cars honked their horns and drivers yelled. Just a normal day in New York, Riley thought as she opened the car door and stepped out.
“Tell Paige I’m so sorry, but I can’t make it tonight.”
“What?” Bob exclaimed. “What the hell is going on? Riley!”
But she was gone. For the length of the first block, it felt good to sprint in her four-inch heels as she hurried back towards her apartment. It felt like she were in some movie, running after the man she loved, complete with some music playing inside her head. But by the second block, the music faded and novelty of seeing herself in a movie felt ridiculous. Suddenly Riley wasn’t so sure anymore whether she’d really seen him, and somewhere along the way, she’d lost the clip to her hair. Still, she was positive it was Ashe and uncomfortably aware that people were looking at her, some of the men whistling at the sight of a woman wearing a gown with a plunging neckline in the middle of the street, held together with discreetly positioned fashion tape. Riley looked around her, scanning the sidewalks, trying to quell the feeling of panic growing deep inside her.
It had been Ashe, she thought. She would never have mistaken anyone else for him, not in a million years. The dark hair, blue eyes, the stubble that darkened his jaw and that tall frame. Ashe was walking towards her apartment.
But when she finally arrived at her apartment building, prompting an alarmed Frank to come out and make sure she was okay, Ashe was still nowhere to be seen. Riley wanted to cry, feeling stupid for thinking that Ashe would actually seek her out. She must have dreamt him up, she thought, wishful thinking working overtime, making her see things she wanted to see even if they weren’t there.
“Best get inside, Miss Eames, before you catch cold in that,” Frank cautioned and Riley realized she’d left her coat in the town car.
“I’ll be right there, Frank,” she said as Frank returned to the lobby to help elderly Miss Primm make her way to the elevator.
Riley sighed and folded her arms around her body. She felt so out of place on the sidewalk in her thousand-dollar gown.
Unbalanced
. Wasn’t that the word that Tessa had used? Well, she’d gone ahead and finally done what she wanted to do for a change — follow her heart and run out of the car to chase a man. But what good had it done her? Shit like that only worked in the movies. And she sure as heck wasn’t in a movie, was she? She was standing in the middle of the sidewalk in the Upper West Side looking ridiculous.
Was that why she was feeling so unbalanced and foolish now?
So much for anahata, Riley thought, looking down at her shoes and groaning out loud. She had stepped on a piece of gum and her right shoe was now stuck to the pavement.
“Crap,” she muttered. There went her $400 shoes, she thought, as she attempted to scrape the gum off the bottom of her shoe the best way she could without leaning too far forward and falling flat on her face. She only hoped her boobs didn’t spill out of her dress at this rate, but she couldn’t move forward either, not with the gum stuck like it was.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” said a voice in front of her and as Riley looked up, she saw his blue eyes first, a shade that reminded her of the sky.
Suddenly, the shoes — and spilling boobs — were the last things on her mind.
