Loving A Cowboy (23 page)

But it seemed he was going to be denied even that little bit of happiness. And by the same man who had irretrievably altered his life once before. Only this time, it wasn’t Sam Brennan’s fault. It was no one’s fault. He couldn’t even blame Libby since he’d been the one insisting on a casual relationship.

So he didn’t get hurt.

Yeah, how had that worked out for him?

He watched as Libby wrangled with the officious nurse stationed at the entrance to the cardiac floor. She was in full-blown, freaked-out daughter mode. But at least he had gotten her here safely.

* * *

Panic rose up inside her like a tidal wave, ready to choke her.

“I’ve come all this way to see him. Why can’t I just look at him for a moment?”

The nurse, a stern-looking woman in her late fifties, had a weariness about her, like she’d been on the receiving end of emotional next of kin one too many times. She rose from her chair behind the half-moon desk cluttered with papers and computer monitors and forced a smile onto her lined face.

“He’s just had a serious operation. He is to rest with no disturbances at least until visiting hours. Come back then, and I’m sure you will be able to see him.”

“What if something happens to him before then?”

“We will call you. Are you listed on the contact list?”

“I don’t know.”

The nurse was scrolling through a computer screen. “Is this your number?” She recited a seven-digit number.

“That’s my home phone.” Of course, Doug would have given them that number.

“Then I suggest you wait there. If we don’t call, all went well, and we shall see you during regular visiting hours, which start at 10:00 a.m.”

Libby glanced at her watch. It was barely 4:30 in the morning.

“Can I see the doctor?”

The nurse frowned. “At this hour I am sure the doctor is catching up on some much-needed sleep.” She spoke slowly, articulating each word as if Libby might not understand her if she didn’t.

Libby turned around to face a grim-looking Chance. She felt drained, weary, and emotional. All she wanted was to see her father and reassure herself he’d still be there in the morning.

“They won’t let me see him.” Her voice sounded whiny in her ears.

“No doubt he needs his rest, Libby. I’ll take you to your house. You can talk to Doug, maybe even get some sleep before you come back here.”

“I’m not tired. I’m frustrated.”

“You’re worried. And stressed out. Come on.” Chance reached out his hand. She took it and held on like he was her anchor. She needed an anchor because she felt that one more minute, she’d be drifting away into some stormy, emotion-filled sea.

Thank goodness Chance was there.

* * *

Doug hadn’t been happy to be woken up in the early hours of dawn. He’d had a rough night and grumbled as much as Libby peppered him with questions. From what Chance could make out, the bypass surgery had gone as expected, and if all went as planned, her father would be able to go home in several days. Sounded to Chance like everything was under control, but the pale color of Libby’s complexion and the nervous shaking of her foot as she sat across from Doug in their enormous kitchen made it clear Libby hadn’t gotten over the shock of her father having a heart attack.

Chance waited on the couch in the great room that connected with the kitchen, Cowboy curled at his side as if the cat was offering what comfort he could, while brother caught sister up on the events preceding and following their father’s heart attack. Questions tumbled out of Libby’s mouth. Where was Doug when he heard the thump? How long did it take the ambulance to get to the house? Had he administered CPR? (The answer was yes.) Where was the blockage? What medicine had he been taking? How soon would he be up and running again? And, how were they to keep their father from doing too much?

“I’m taking over Casper like he wanted,” Libby said, lifting her hand up as a sign to her brother not try to talk her out of it. “I don’t want to hear anything more about it, Doug. If I had done as I originally promised, this might not have happened.”

Chance expected that, but hearing her say it was another thing.

“That’s nuts, Libby. Dad was a heart attack waiting to happen. He’d been on medication, and he hadn’t done anything I could see to be healthier. He didn’t exercise, he drank coffee like it was water, he ate anything he damned well pleased, and he certainly wasn’t taking it easy.”

“But don’t you see, that is exactly what he wanted me here for, so he could take it easy. He said as much, but I never thought he meant it.”

“You know he would have never taken it easy. It is not his nature. Look, this has nothing to do with you. This has to do with a lifetime of issues that just caught up with him.”

“That’s pretty much what Chance said.”

At the sound of his name, Chance glanced in their direction. From his seat on the couch, he could see Libby smiling at him, but it was a sad smile, a resigned smile.

She turned her attention back to her brother, and they began to discuss how to get Sam Brennan to change his ways. From Chance’s perspective, they had about as much chance of that as hell freezing over. Sam was stubborn and set in his ways, and Libby being here wasn’t going to change that. But it would relieve Libby of guilt, he supposed.

After the last few weeks with Libby and particularly the last few days, Chance had started to hope. After all, she’d been willing to accept his terms, and she’d seemed amenable to staying on. Who knows where that could have led? In time, maybe, just maybe, he would have come to trust her enough…

But this proved it would have only resulted in another, more painful, broken heart. Because if this had happened a year down the road, or if they had actually tied the knot, then what? They’d be living in two different states because Libby would have come back to her daddy no matter what. Just like before. Only this time she was older, independent, more mature, and she had, once again, chosen her daddy over him. When would he learn?

The hurt was like an old wound that had opened up, only to bleed even more.

He checked his cell phone. He’d texted Lonnie as they’d exited the hospital and his friend should arrive soon. Then he could move out and not look back. Never look back.

He’d gone through this before. He was wiser now, and better at burying his emotions. After all, he’d had a lot of practice.

“It’s good to see you, Chance.” Doug was making his way into the great room, the sibling conference over. Libby’s brother looked ragged around the edges, like he’d been roused after a night of hard partying. He extended his hand and Chance rose to shake it.

“I’m beat, so I’m going to go back to bed and get some shut-eye before visiting hours start at 10:00 a.m. By the looks of you, guess you should too. I’ll catch up with you and Libby then.”

Doug continued to the hallway that led to the bedrooms and didn’t look back.

Chance raised his gaze to where Libby was still sitting on the stool by the kitchen island. She was staring at him as if expecting him to say something. But he knew she wouldn’t like what he had to say.

Libby’s heart took a tumble as she watched Chance slowly walk the distance to the kitchen island. The room had never seemed so big as it did waiting for him to approach.

This situation with her father changed everything, and yet, she hoped it changed nothing between them.

“We should get some shut-eye, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep.” She felt beat up, exhausted, and bruised, and yet, until she saw her father with her own eyes, she wasn’t sure her mind would let her body rest. Maybe if Chance held her in his arms, she could sleep.

He was staring straight at her as he approached, but it was as if he didn’t see her but was seeing through her. Something told her this wasn’t going to go well, and yet, she still hoped.

“I’ll be heading out. Lonnie should be here shortly.”

Libby tried to absorb that news, but she didn’t want to think what that might mean. “I need you, Chance.” It was the truth, and Libby was in no shape to equivocate.

He shook his head, denying her words.

“You’ve got your brother. Your father is going to be okay, Libby. You’re just tired.”

She rose off the stool and moved to hug him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, his warm body felt solid and strong. She felt safe, anchored. He had to stay.

“This changes nothing between us, Chance.” She wanted him to understand that.

“You already said you’d be staying here.”

She rested her cheek against his shoulder. “Yes, but you can just come here between rodeos instead of Colorado.”

“My home is in Colorado, Libby.”

He pulled back from her, and she could see from the emptiness in his eyes that he was moving on without her. Tears sprang to her eyes. So much had gone wrong in such a short time.

“Home can be where you want it to be.”

“You’ve made your decision to live your life here. Your father needs you.”

“And I need you. I want more than a friends-with-benefits relationship. But I’ll take it if that’s all you’re offering, because I love you, Chance. But I have a father who needs me. Those two things needn’t be mutually exclusive. I don’t know why this has to be good-bye, because that’s what it feels like. Like you are saying good-bye.”

Chance looked out over her shoulder as if there was something important written on the wall oven. “There’s no sense trying to make this into something it is never going to be, Libby. You’ve made your choice—”

“This isn’t a choice. I’m not walking out on you. I just need to be here for my father.”

“For how long? And if it’s just so we can have sex once in a while, is that really what you want? What you would settle for? You deserve better than what I’m going to give you.”

“I don’t know why you can’t give me more, like another chance. I have tried so hard to be there for you. And I am still here for you. But he’s my father, Chance. And he needs me. And that should be okay.”

If Chance loved her, wouldn’t it be okay? He should understand. But then, he never had a family who loved him and whom he loved.

“This time it is clearly not about your father. It’s about us. And I just don’t see how it will work. My ranch is not just a place to hang my hat. It’s everything I’ve worked for. It’s a place no one can take away from me. It’s someplace I can call home, and that’s a big deal for someone who has never had one. It means a lot to me.”

“In time, if we can work things out and we decided to get married, I’d move. All I’m asking for is more time to work things out. To find our future.”

“And then if your father has another attack? Being on the road all the time is crazy enough. Living in two separate states is not going to work. We have too many issues to overcome to even get to that point. You know that in your heart.”

A blare from a horn sounded from the street.

“I don’t know that, and I’m not going to make it easy for you to walk away. I do know you don’t understand, having had the parents you did, but family means something to me. I’ll find a way to work it out. I’m not giving up on us.” She couldn’t. She loved him.

Another honk.

“That’s Lonnie. I’ve got to go.”

Libby tightened her arms around Chance and pressed her lips to his, hoping he would return the kiss. He not only kissed her back but took it deeper.

She had to find a way to his heart. She had to keep trying. This couldn’t be good-bye.

He broke the kiss, and she stepped back, tears trailing down her cheek.

“It’s not over, Chance. I won’t let it be.”

His eyes held sadness. “You have to learn to accept what you cannot change. I have.”

He turned away, gathered his hat from near Cowboy, and gave the cat a farewell pat before heading out the door. When it slammed, Cowboy let out a plaintive meow. Libby knew just how he felt.

Chapter 19

Chance read the text message again. She had sent one every day for the last month. Saying the same thing.

“How did you do today? I miss you.”

And he, like a fool, always replied. “Doing fine.”

He never could bring himself to type more than that. To tell her he missed her. To ask her how she was doing, though he couldn’t stop wondering.

Truth was, he was doing lousy. He hadn’t been able to move up in his standings. He was only completing about sixty percent of his rides. His foot throbbed, and even meditating couldn’t keep his mind off Libby.

He’d come to look forward to those text messages, even if they pulled at him like a bear’s claw, scraping him raw. She was doing what she could to keep the connection alive, and as long as she did, it meant she still wanted a connection.

Why was the wonder of it. She was building her life in Wyoming. She was taking care of her father. She was doing what everyone and anyone would consider the right thing.

Too bad every time he thought about “what ifs” with her, it all came down to one question, how could he trust her with his heart?

“You ready to hit the road?” Lonnie asked as he entered the cement locker room. “If we put pedal to the metal, we have a chance of making the slack for Puyallup.”

Chance finished typing and hit send. “Let’s do it.”

* * *

Libby stared down at the slip of paper with a scrawled phone number that she held in her hand. Dare she dial it? What kind of trouble was she asking for? Didn’t she have her hands full of trouble already?

Her father was recovering, but with each day came new challenges to keep him from doing too much. She had finally convinced him to drink decaf coffee. He was starting cardiac rehab, and she had him eating a low-cholesterol diet, though she’d never told him that was why she was making so many dishes with pasta, fish, and vegetables, now that she could cook. She’d taken over the Casper dealership and was finding there was more to running it than just selling cars. She was actually enjoying analyzing the inventory, developing promotions, and figuring out deals with decent margins.