Love's Vengeance (18 page)

Desiree gasped at the same time as did he, and she kissed him, as their combined ecstasy sent them to soaring heights. She lifted her hips, helping him, holding him, until his passion was spent and he relaxed atop her, then his mouth clung to hers in a final kiss as he gently withdrew from her gradually and moved to rest beside her.

Rising upon one elbow, he brushed the moist hair from her forehead and whispered as softly as a caress, “Thank you.”

Desiree looked shyly into his eyes, her passion of a moment before now fading to a dissipating glow, “A thank you is for something given, not taken Captain.” She correctly quietly.

“You made love with me Desiree. You made love to me. You returned every kiss, every caress and we both received as we both gave.”

Desiree was at once embarrassed and ashamed by the abandon she had shown and she looked away unable to meet his gaze.

“Don’t shut me out Desiree. Are you displeased with what we have shared?” he touched her chin, pulling her eyes back to his.

The tenderness was there and he seemed to be the man she had known, once more. His handsome, familiar face loomed above hers and she reached out to touch his chiseled jaw, as her thumb traced his lips, “I don’t understand it. I acted as if a common trollop. Pleased beyond what is decent. I am appalled at my behavior.” She confessed in a trembling whisper as a tear slipped from her eye.

Stephen gently brushed it away. “Oh Desiree, you behaved as a woman. A very passionate woman—that is all. But come—let me hold you. Just lie here within my arms.” He smiled contentedly, pulling her to him. He seemed to have uttered the wrong words, for at once her eyes crackled with fire and she threw his arm away from her.

“You—you expect me to stay here lounging within your arms? After what has just happened? You are much mistaken if you believe that Captain. It is done and I am leaving!” she railed, sitting up and grabbing her dress from the floor. She tossed it on herself haphazardly, looking wildly about for her shoes which she had lost while being carried to the bed. Retrieving them, she flung her tousled hair out of her face but it tumbled back over her eyes when she slipped her shoes upon her feet.

“Blast it Desiree! Now what? What did I say?” Stephen barked in confusion leaping off the bed, “Will you now deny what you felt for me?” he demanded while stepping into his breeches and yanking them over his hips.

Desiree tossed her hair out of her face impatiently; then stood in indecision, glancing to the rumpled bed where the flecks of blood told of the loss of her maidenhood.

“What sort of man are you? How could you have done this to me? Do you think me some harlot?” she croaked, wrapping her dress about her body.

“I think nothing of the kind! And I acted with no such idea within my  head!” Hands on his hips, he shook his head in confusion.

“I must go.” Desiree said starting for the door.

In a flash, Stephen moved across the room, leaning against the door with his back and holding her by the shoulders, “Don’t leave this way Desiree, please!” he pleaded softly.

“I was just raped! By an almost total stranger!” she sobbed, “What way should I leave? Elated?”

“We made love…”

“No!” she interrupted him, “Love had nothing to do with what occurred here tonight!”

He lightly held her face between his hands, “It needn’t be like this Desiree. Please stay a bit longer. Let me discuss this with you rationally!” He lifted his brows in a question, his eyes hopeful.

“You wish to discuss
rationally
the fact that you just attacked me? I stand before you in tatters rent by your own hands—the evidence of my lost virginity upon your pallet and you expect me to sit calmly and—
discuss it
?” she shrieked, slapping his hands away as he held them up in what she construed as a condescending gesture. “Now move out of my way!”

Desiree grabbed a fistful of chest hair, persuading him quickly. He winced and unable to do anything else, he moved. She turned back at the open door, with her hair a wild mane about her body. One ripe breast showed as her dress gaped open and as she pulled the tatters about her, his eyes rose reluctantly to meet hers.

“I made a terrible mistake, a terrible error in judgment—thinking you more than what you have revealed your true nature to be. I shall not make such an error again, I assure you.”

The door closed firmly and Stephen rubbed across his jaw with a confused expression, “Oh Lord, what in the hell have I done?” he asked himself in the quiet of the cabin.

***

Desiree stopped outside her cabin, leaning against the wall as she waited for her heart to slow to a more normal rate. Then with infinite care she opened the door, slipping in and waiting just inside for her eyes to become accustomed to the dark. In the light cast by the moon streaming through the small window, she tiptoed across to the armoire. With her attention on the slumbering form of her nurse, in the near bunk, she opened the door. It creaked slightly and she held her breath while praying silently, “Don’t let her wake God. Please don’t let her wake!” Her prayers were answered, for Bridgett did not stir.

She quickly removed her torn dress, wadding it into a roll and stuffing it to the back of the armoire. It would have to do for now, she decided, until she could discard it.

Silently she filled the basin on the washstand with cool water and then scrubbed herself until her skin felt raw; removing the healthy masculine scent of Stephen. She donned a soft gown, slipped quietly into bed and pulled the blanket up to her chin and only then she breathed a sigh of relief and vowed that Bridgett would never learn what had happened this night—never.

It was some time before Desiree could find rest. Her mind was filled with Stephen and visions of all that had occurred with him. Her body burned with the thoughts and she could almost feel his hands upon her flesh. Turning on her side toward the wall, she buried her face in her pillow and allowed the tears to fall freely as she mourned all that she had lost this night. It seemed the least of which being her virginity.

She had lost a trusted friend—someone who had seemed genuine in his care for her. The realization tore at her heart that what she had believed him to be was a lie. No more fantasies of social affairs on the arm of her dashing captain, no more ease and warmth in his presence. No long talks. No more fine gentleman. All gone in but a few hours time. A difficult lesson had been learned this night. One she would rather have not learned. With tears of loss, as though mourning the death of a loved one, Desiree found at last, a troubled sleep.

***

Pouring a strong drink, Stephen sat at his desk, rubbing wearily across his face with the palms of his hands. A hesitant rap at the door, brought his attention back from thoughts of Desiree, “Come in.” he called, half hoping it to be her, having changed her mind.

Cunningham entered, closing the door after him and looked into the troubled eyes of his captain. He crossed to the desk to take a seat opposite Stephen for their usual nightly chat, when his eye was caught by something lying upon the floor. He bent down, picking up the silky sheer chemise and dangled it from his fingers, looking to Stephen. Then his eyes moved to the tousled bed and the evidence there of what had occurred. He walked slowly across the room and pulled the dagger from the wall, turning to look at Stephen with raised eyebrows.

“Seems as if you’ve been to battle this night Cap.” He observed, tossing the filmy garment across the bed and dropping the dagger upon the desk before Stephen.

Pouring himself a drink, Ham sat down across from him and waited for a response but Stephen made no comment, only glared and took up the dagger, dropping it into a drawer of his desk, then slamming the drawer shut.

“You showed great willpower these past weeks Stephen. I’ll not fault you there. I’ve always known you to be a man of few words but you played the suitor with flair I never knew you possessed.” he nodded and drank deeply of the fine brandy.

“Suitor hell! The wench forces it—draws out the father in every man she meets!” Stephen barked, gesturing as if his heart were being ripped from his bare chest, “Even you!” he pointed an accusing finger, “By your concern tonight I would say she has captured your heart as well. Admit it—you old sea dog!” he smiled at his old friend with genuine affection.

“Aye—that she has.” Ham nodded, “A rare lady indeed. She seems to have taken over the entire ship—without so much as one show of firepower or one skirmish…” he glanced to the bed, “Until now.”

“Yes I fear she found me not to be the perfect gentleman she supposed me to be.” Stephen glared at the bed, “I am afraid I made a mistake this night that I shall pay for, for some time to come.” He chuckled softly with affected cavalier.

But Ham noted sadness in the voice of his young captain and worry upon his brow. It seemed that this lusty young man had met, at last, the one woman who stirred a sense of conscience in him.

Chapter Fourteen

Desiree moved about the tiny cabin, paused to pick up a book and sat to read—unable; she slammed it shut and stood again, tossing the book to the table as if it were her enemy. Her eyes roamed for anything that might occupy her mind from its train of thought but could find nothing. She paced—she sat—she stood—she paced and then moved to stare out the heavily paned window, to the bright day. The sea rolled gently and the sun was brilliant and inviting.

Bridgett had left some time ago for a stroll about deck, having indeed staved off her illness with her early retirement last eve—leaving Desiree here, alone, with the torture of memories from
her
evening. Bridgett was none the wiser having assured her that dinner had been pleasant and that she had turned in well before the last hour of the day. The slight puffiness and reddened state of her eyes she had conveniently blamed on sad thoughts of her parents and nearly choked on the lie. Now watching out at the sea she fought with a raging tide of emotions threatening to engulf her.

Everything had changed. He had changed—she had changed and nothing would be the same again. She felt trapped and would be trapped for weeks yet to come, on this ship with no escape, short of throwing herself overboard. She felt unable to move freely—was terrified of meeting him and knew he would be unavoidable. She would have to remain in the confines of this stifling cabin if she hoped to avoid him and she could not tolerate the idea.

In the past months she had lost her parents, been in fear for her life, left her homeland and loved ones and now a new pain to bring torment to her heart. Although she had been uninjured by his assault but for some soreness from the loss of her innocence, her disillusionment with him, hurt more than any injury.

She had cared for him deeply, welcoming his companionship, his gentle kindness. She had admired him, valued his presence and she could even say she had loved him or thought she had. She had trusted him and he had trifled with her affections, making a mockery of all they had shared. Forcing her body to deceive her and respond to him ardently.

His lovemaking had been so very exciting, tender and giving. The mere thought and her body would betray her once more, a stirring for the want of him and she fought those stirrings, putting them out of her mind again and replacing them with the realities that she must force herself to accept.

He had made a fool of her for believing in him. How stupid he must consider her to be, to have fallen into his trap with such ease. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to squelch the embarrassment she felt for her ignorance. She had waltzed right into his clutches without a thought. She had fallen into his palm—like an overripe fruit. She should have known what he was from their first meeting but she had allowed him to blind her with his charm, until she had become lax with a false sense of security and then he had pounced upon her.

Desiree whirled from the window, her hands pounding against her brow, “So stupid! How could I be so stupid?” she moaned aloud, “And now he has me cowering in my cabin, afraid to come out in the light of day. How smug he must be feeling, to have such control over me. How very satisfied, with a game well played and won—by him!” her back straightened with determination. “No I will not be so controlled—not by the likes of him!”

Taking a deep breath, she moved to the door and opened it, leaving the cabin. She took two steps and almost turned, fleeing back into the sanctuary of her room but shored up her courage with the thought, the sooner I see him and face my fears, the sooner they will be put to rest
.

***

Rising to the deck, Desiree halted, gulping in fresh air as her bravery took flight. Her eyes moved about the main deck, searching for the enemy but he was not to be found. She fought the need to look to the quarterdeck, where in all likelihood he would be. She could almost feel his eyes upon her back as she moved stiltedly to the rail, looking over the side to where the ship cleaved the waves, sending up a light spray beneath the prow.

Bridgett joined her and Desiree smiled, hiding her emotions, “It’s a beautiful morning, isn’t it Bridgett?” she asked.

“
Oui
—Oh Desiree had you come up a bit earlier you could have seen the porpoises—a school of them! They were right alongside. The Captain said they often accompany ships in search of scraps of food. So graceful—moving in unison.” Bridgett laughed, “Are you listening to me dear? You look a thousand miles away.” she studied Desiree’s face, puzzled by her distant stare.

“I’m sorry Bridgett.
Oui
I heard. I wish I hadn’t missed that.” Desiree’s courage weakened, knowing that indeed the captain must surely be at his helm, if he had been in discussion with Bridgett.

***

Stephen was relieved to see Desiree had fared well through the night. The smile upon her lips as she spoke with her maid confirmed she had no ill effects from her lesson in love but he had been a fool to allow his passion rule him so totally. He should not have forced it past the light kisses and caresses. He could have stopped it before it went too far and he didn’t. He hadn’t thought about anything but his selfish need to possess her and make her his own.