Love's Someday (7 page)

Drew found the kitchen door unlocked and cursed under her breath as she pushed it open. The house was silent. “Ash,” she called out as she moved from the kitchen to the den. The only noise was the ticking of a wall clock. Drew took the stairs two at a time and cautiously walked into the open bedroom door. Ashleigh lay in a ball with the blankets pulled up over her face, only the top of her head was visible.

“Ash,” Drew said loudly as she shook the bed. When the bulge under the covers began to move, Drew pulled them back. Ashleigh lay there with her eyes clamped shut.

“Time to rise and shine.” Drew took Ashleigh’s arm and pulled her from the bed. “We need coffee.”

Ashleigh climbed from the bed fully dressed in the jeans and sweatshirt she wore the day before.

“Well, you at least took off your shoes before you climbed in,” Drew said with a grin as she took Ashleigh by the hand and led her to the kitchen. “I’ll lecture you on hygiene after you’ve had breakfast.”

Ashleigh dropped into a chair at the table as Drew set the coffee on to brew. “Did Erica send you over here?”

“No, she called Kaitlyn this morning needing to talk. I figured that you needed the same.”

“I’m glad she has Kaitlyn.”

“She has you too, right?” Drew set the cups of coffee on the table and took a seat.

“I can’t multitask emotionally,” Ashleigh said before taking a sip. “I’m trying to cope with old memories. I can’t deal with her emotions too.”

Drew raised a brow. “That’s not fair to her.”

“Fair or not, it is what it is,” Ashleigh said, looking away.

Drew reached over and took Ashleigh’s hand. “Work through it with me. What has gotten you so messed up?”

“I feel exposed. When I look at Erica, I can see all the doubt in her eyes. She’s never looked at me that way before. And then, all the memories that I’ve kept locked away for so long have come back with a vengeance. I don’t feel like I even know who I am right now. How can I make it make sense to her? I think I need to get away for a while.”

“You mean run away,” Drew said pointedly. “Isn’t that what you did when you ran away from your career? It didn’t help, honey.” Drew put her finger under Ashleigh’s chin and lifted her face until Ashleigh met her stare. “Look where you are now. Fighting old demons after twenty years of keeping them locked away. We’ll help you fight if you let us.”

A tear streaked from Ashleigh’s eye. “To let you help me is to open up old wounds. I don’t want to do that.”

“But you can just take on one wound at a time. What is the thing that troubles you most about the past?”

Ashleigh closed her eyes as the tears began to fall. She turned her face away from Drew’s touch. “I’m a failure. I had it all in the palm of my hand, and I lost it over what? A broken heart? They never recorded again after I left. I ruined their hopes right along with mine.”

Drew opened her mouth to speak, but Ashleigh went on.

“The only accomplishments that I can truly admit to were ruining the careers of my friends and helping someone kill herself. That’s what Erica is partnered up with—a failure.”

“You made some mistakes. We all do. You—”

“No, Drew, this is not getting a speeding ticket or forgetting to pay a bill. My failures were colossal, and…for a while, no one knew.”

Drew squeezed Ashleigh’s hand until she looked at her
again. “We know your mistakes, and we still love you. We’re still here.”

“I’ve hurt people,” Ashleigh said angrily as she pushed away from the table and stood to her feet. “Not just you and Erica.”

“You mean Vicki?” Drew turned in her seat and watched as shock registered on Ashleigh’s face. “You were as close to her as you are to me at one time, and you walked out on her.”

Ashleigh backed across the kitchen and leaned on the counter for support. “What do you know about Vicki?”

“I know that she loved—loves—you and that she’s forgiven you.” Drew rose to her feet. “You’ve been forgiven, it’s time to forgive yourself.”

Ashleigh’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she could speak. “You’ve talked to her?”

Drew was cornered. She felt she had no choice but to be honest. “I met her last night. Well, her, Chantal, and the rest of the girls. They want to see you.”

“No!” Ashleigh moved back and forth like an animal. Her gaze darted to the doorway just beyond where Drew stood.

“Ash,” Drew said in warning, but Ashleigh had already blown past her and was racing up the stairs. Drew turned as the kitchen door opened and Erica stepped in with Kaitlyn behind her. Kaitlyn took one look at her face and slumped against the door frame.

“Erica, I think we need to talk,” Drew said as Kaitlyn groaned.

“Where’s Ash?” Erica moved farther into the room with a look of concern.

Drew threw up her hands. “She’s majorly upset with me right now. She’s upstairs.”

Kaitlyn walked over to Erica and put an arm around her shoulder. “Sit down with us for a minute before you go up there.”

“Why do I feel that all of this is about to get worse?” Erica allowed Kaitlyn to guide her to the table. Kaitlyn glared at Drew over Erica’s shoulder before taking her seat.

Drew’s voice was shaky when she found the nerve to speak. “Ashleigh feels very ‘exposed’ right now. She feels like she failed big-time with the decisions she made. Now we all know what she’d kept hidden, and she feels like we’re disgusted with her.”

“I’m not disgusted,” Erica said defensively. “I just feel…alone, I guess.”

Drew took a deep breath and continued. “She doesn’t know that. She thinks you look at her differently now. She’s also dealing with feelings of guilt over what she did to her friends when she left.” Drew paused and looked at Kaitlyn, whose eyes were fixed on her. Those eyes told her that there wasn’t going to be peace in their household, either. Drew swallowed and went on.

“So you see where she’s at?”

Erica nodded. “So what did you do to upset her today?”

“I told her…that I met the band and they’ve forgiven her.” Drew looked away, unable to face Erica and especially Kaitlyn.

“You met with them? When?” Erica asked as Kaitlyn buried her face in her hands.

“We went to see their show last night and met the group before they went on stage.” Kaitlyn looked meekly at Erica. “I didn’t lie to you really. We did have dinner before the show. I just left out the other part.”

Muscles flexed beneath the skin of Erica’s jaw as she regarded Kaitlyn, then Drew. “So you admitted this to Ashleigh and now she’s upstairs.”

Drew nodded and looked down at the table in shame. “I orchestrated it all. I was just trying to help.”

Minutes passed before anyone spoke a word. “What were they like?” Erica finally asked.

“Nice people,” Kaitlyn said. “They really don’t have any ill will against Ashleigh. They want to be able to tell her that themselves.”

“Did you give them our number?” Erica asked brusquely.

“No, and they understand Ashleigh’s ambivalence about seeing them. We made no promises,” Kaitlyn said, looking at Drew.

Erica let out a long breath and stood. “I’m going upstairs. I’ll talk to you two a little later.”

“I’m sorry, Erica,” Kaitlyn said as her gaze met Drew’s.

Erica left them without another word. Kaitlyn stood and looked down at Drew. “It’s time for us to go home now.”

Erica stood in the hall outside her bedroom. She didn’t know what she would find behind the closed door. She watched as her hand shook slightly as she turned the knob. Ashleigh lay across the bed with her face buried in a pillow. Erica moved into the room and sat on the bed. Her hand was trembling even more when she reached out and laid it on Ashleigh’s back.

“I know you don’t want to, but we really need to talk,” she said gently.

“Not now,” Ashleigh said, her words muffled by the pillow.

Erica ran her fingers through the tangled mass of hair, smoothing it out. “Yes, now. We can’t go on like this.”

Ashleigh turned her face toward the wall. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t either,” Erica admitted with a smile. “So let’s start with me. I don’t see you as a failure, Ash. Sometimes…I feel I don’t know you, but I don’t resent you for what happened in the past.” Erica paused for a moment, hoping that Ashleigh would say something, anything. “I’ve been walking around on eggshells because I don’t know what I can and can’t say. When I’ve tried to talk to you, you just bottle up. It leaves me confused and unsure.”

“I’m sorry,” Ashleigh said, still keeping her face to the wall. “I don’t know how to make this better for you.”

“Well, you can stop trying to make it better. Telling me what is going on in your head will help.”

“I feel like a stranger in your house.” Ashleigh rolled onto her side.

Erica took that as a good sign. She wasn’t meeting her eyes, but at least she was facing her. Erica stretched out on the bed and laced her fingers with Ashleigh’s. “This is our home, not my house. We’ve both been feeling like strangers. It doesn’t have to be that way, though,” Erica said with a gentle squeeze of Ashleigh’s hand.

“Do you forgive me for not telling you?” Ashleigh asked, finally looking into her eyes.

“I do,” Erica said, but knowing in her heart that forgetting would take a while.

Ashleigh took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I want things to go back to the way they were, but I know that will never happen. All of this has changed me, and I feel confused…violated in a way.”

“You feel violated that I know your secret?”

Ashleigh nodded. “It’s not just you. Drew and Kaitlyn know too, and I know you’re all talking about it. I imagine that you’re all trying to figure me out.”

“That’s because you’re not talking to us. I guess that’s why Drew did what she did.”

Ashleigh scowled. “Drew,” she said angrily. “I can’t believe she sought them out. Now they know just how screwed up I am too.”

“People will think what they want. If you care, then correct them. Explain how you feel and why you do the things you do.”

“You think I should talk to them too?” Ashleigh looked surprised.

“If it helps you.” Erica wasn’t sure how she felt about Ashleigh facing her ex, but she wasn’t going to bring that up. For the moment, she would shelve that thought and all of the gut-twisting emotion it conjured.

“I can’t fathom that right now,” Ashleigh said to Erica’s relief. “How do we go on from here?”

Erica smiled as hope flooded her. “We deal with one day at a time. You talk to me and I’ll talk to you. Let’s agree to stop walking around here both in our own world.”

“I’ll try.” Ashleigh gave her a weak smile, but something in her eyes made Erica seriously doubt her sincerity.

“She hasn’t come home for lunch,” Drew said when Kaitlyn answered the phone.

“Leave her alone, Drew. Did nothing I said last night sink in?”

“I wasn’t going to bring up Vicki or the band,” Drew shot back. “She comes home every day, and we have lunch. She didn’t come home. She’s pissed.”

“Then leave her alone and let her cool off. Things seem to be working out between her and Erica. Don’t get in the middle of it.”

“They had a good talk then last night?” Drew stood on her toes and peered out the kitchen window, hoping to see Ashleigh rounding the corner.

“I’m not telling you what Erica said.”

“Kaitlyn, don’t keep punishing me.”

“I’m not punishing you. Leave Ash alone for a while, let her come to you when she’s ready. Now I have to go. I’m late for a planning meeting.”

“You still love me?” Drew gnawed at her bottom lip.

“Of course I do. You make me wanna pinch your head off sometimes, but I’ll always love you.”

“That works both ways, sister. You left clothes all over the bedroom floor last night. You think we have a cleaning fairy or something?”

“Uh-huh, love you, bye.”

“Love you, too.” Drew tossed the phone on the counter and looked back out the window. No sign of Ashleigh.

Ashleigh avoided Drew for a week. It’d caused several fights between Drew and Kaitlyn, who insisted that she leave Ashleigh alone. Drew at least wanted to apologize, but how could she when Ashleigh kept her distance?

Drew had cleaned the house, worked in her flowerbeds, and cleaned out the storeroom, but by the eighth day of Ashleigh’s standoff, she was getting antsy. She found herself once again on autopilot as she made the phone call that would land her in the permanent doghouse—if anyone found out.

Vicki sounded genuinely pleased to hear from her. They talked about the concert and what Vicki and Chantal were doing at the music store until Vicki asked the inevitable.

“Does Ashleigh know you talked to us?”

Drew sank down onto the sofa and chewed at a fingernail. “Yeah, and she’s pretty upset. I haven’t talked to her in over a week.”

Vicki was quiet for a minute or two. “Is it me or is it Alex?”

Drew was wading into deeper waters. Instead of taking Kaitlyn’s advice, she dove in headfirst. “More than Alex, Ashleigh is angry at herself. Alex is probably a factor, but Ashleigh is more concerned with you hating her.”