Love's Protector: A Maverick's Shield Novel (21 page)

After flipping through a few more pages, she came across a photo of him and another little boy who looked a lot like Jason but was much younger. She peeled the plastic off of the top of the photo and pulled it off of the sticky page. It had “Me and Oscar” written on the back of it.
Oscar?
Who the heck is Oscar?
Is he a relative? Where is he? She didn’t know why she was curious about this little boy but she was. Was he important to Jason in some way? The questions flooded her mind. Who is this mysterious man that she was starting to have feelings for? This whole thing scared her. Not Jason himself, but it was all the not knowing that made her uneasy. Jason was indeed a very complicated man. A very complicated man that she was beginning to fall in love with, and no matter how hard she tried, she knew in her heart and her mind that there was no way she was going to be able to stop it. And
that
was the thing that scared her the most.

Amour patiently waited for Jason to finish showering so that the two of them can eat and she can shower herself. She was rather exhausted. It had been almost an hour since he’d gone in the bathroom and she was beginning to worry. She didn’t want to disturb him, but she had to see if he was okay at least.

“Jason?” she called out to him after knocking on the bathroom door several times with no answer. “Is everything alright? You’ve been in there for an hour.” Still no answer. What was wrong? She decided to try turning the door knob and surprisingly he hadn’t locked it. The bathroom was filled with steam and the shower was running. From what she could make out, he was still in there, but he just sat on the floor motionless. “Jason…” No answer. She slipped off her clothes and stepped into the shower with him. What harm could it do?

When she drew the curtain, she found him sitting on the floor of the shower just letting the hot water pour over his entire body without the slightest movement and he looked like he was very upset. She didn’t know why and she wasn’t sure what to say so she just kneeled in what little space she had and wrapped her arms around him.

After a few moments, he spoke. “I’m fine Amour.”

“Are you? You’ve been in here for so long.”

“I just needed to think.”

“You look upset.”

He turned to face her and sat up on his knees. “You need to go home Amour.”

“I am after this is all over.”

He looked into her eyes and began to blink rapidly from the water splashing in his face. “No, I mean now.”

“Why?”

“Because we shouldn’t be doing this! That’s why! You don’t understand what this is going to mean for you Amour. You don’t understand
me
!”

She cupped the side of his face and gently slid her thumb over his bottom lip. “Then make me understand.” He took in a deep breath and then looked away. She turned his face back towards her. “No…talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind. Stop holding everything in Jason, it’s not going to help you at all.”

“I’m guilty of a lot of horrible things Amour.”

“I don’t care what you’ve done just tell me, I’m listening.”

“It’s my fault my father is where he is.”

“How?”

“Because I could’ve stopped him.”

“From what?”

“Killing him.”

Her heart skipped a beat and her eyes widened. “Killing…who?”

“Oscar.”

Her legs were starting to get stiff so she switched to sitting Indian style on the shower floor between Jason’s knees. “Is that the little boy that was with you in the photo on your mantel?” He looked at her with a curious expression but remained silent. “I looked through the photo album in the living room and saw it in there.”

He slowly looked away again. “Yes…”

“Who was that?”

“My brother.”

She figured such because of the resemblance. As much as she didn’t want to stop this conversation because she’d finally gotten him to open up to her, the shower was getting cold and she was getting uncomfortable. “Why don’t I clean myself up and then we can get out of here and talk about this while we have our dinner.”

“Fine.”

After they dried off, Jason had put on a t-shirt and pajama bottoms and Amour donned a night shirt. All through dinner, he told her all about his childhood and how close he was to his little brother. Jason seemed to be happy early in life, but she could tell by the now dreary tone in his voice that the happiness was about to turn to hell. He laid back on the arm of the couch and draped his arm across his eyes. “When I was about twelve and Oscar was six, my dad lost his job as a corporate attorney.”

“How come?”

“He was disbarred for showing up to court drunk.”

“He was an alcoholic…”

“Yeah but at that point we were able to handle it even though we hated it. Anyway, after that, he couldn’t find work because being a lawyer was pretty much all he knew how to do. Not being able to provide for his family made him severely depressed and caused him to drink even more to the point where it became unbearable. Oscar and I never invited friends over because of him. Every night we would hear him yelling at my mother calling her every bitch and tramp in the book. He constantly accused her of cheating even though he was the one doing it. He gave her gonorrhea twice.”

Amour frowned.
“Oh my god!”

“Eventually the screaming turned into beatings.
A black eye here, a cut lip there. She would just give us the typical battered woman’s excuse for it by telling us she fell down the stairs or something.”

“She didn’t want to upset you.”

“I know, but it didn’t work. Because Oscar was so little he would usually just accept what she’d told us but I knew better. I was so angry, everyday.”

“I’m sure you were. How long did it go on?”

“Five years. She never pressed charges against him. She just took it. She said stayed for us but I wish she would’ve just taken us and left his sorry ass. Maybe that day would never have happened.”

“What day?”

He breathed in deeply and then let it out. “My dad picked us up from school one day and he’d picked up Oscar first. We didn’t go to the same school. By the time he’d gotten to my school he had drank every ounce of the whiskey he had in that damn flask he always kept on him. He was so drunk that I insisted he let me drive but he just kept yelling at me and telling me to mind my own damn business and stay in a kid’s place. I knew because he was wasted he wasn’t thinking straight so I tried to grab the keys from him but he started to choke me and he told me that if I ever touched anything of his again he would kill me. So I decided to walk home because I refused to put up with that.”

“That’s terrible.”

“I think my father was so used to getting his way around the house that if at any chance he couldn’t, he used violence as a way of rectifying that. But I wasn’t going to let him do it to me, I never did. He took all of his frustrations out on my mother. I was just counting the months until I turned eighteen so I could get the hell out of there.” After a few seconds of silence, he spoke again. “I didn’t want to ride in the car with him being that drunk nor did I want Oscar to either. I tried to get him out of the car but my father wouldn’t allow me to. He just kept hitting me and telling me to get the hell away from his car and his son. I got so pissed off I just slammed the car door shut and walked off.” His expression turned blank. “I wish I hadn’t done that.”

“What
happened Jason?”

“He drove off so fast that I didn’t have time to stop him even if I wanted to. I figured there was nothing I could do about it so I just start walking. After about ten minutes, I heard a loud crash about five blocks away. I just paused in mid-stride because I knew what had just happened. When I heard it, I instantly felt part of my soul die. I knew Oscar was gone. Part of me was hoping it was my father, but I knew.”

She placed her hand on his. “Oh Jason…”

“He’d hit two parked cars and because he was driving so fast it caused his to flip over several times.
All that bastard managed to suffer was minor injuries but my brother didn’t make it. He was crushed in the back seat. All I could do at that point was fall to my knees and cry because I knew my mother would be devastated and I didn’t know how to tell her.”

“That must have been awful for her.”

“It was. She went into a deep depression herself. She just didn’t care about anything anymore. She barely spoke; she just stayed in her room most of the time.”

“Is that why he’s paralyzed?”

“No.”

“Well did he get punished for what he did?”

He scowled. “Not at all, he had friends in high places so he was able to get the best attorneys in town. He just got probation and had to pay for the damage he’d done to the cars of the people he’d hit and that was about it. He didn’t give a shit. Remember I told you my father was used to getting his way.”

“That’s crazy.”

“So for the next couple of years, all he did was walk around the house bitching and complaining about everything in sight, and of course he continued to beat on my mother but she really didn’t care. She’d given up on life at that point. I hated seeing her like that. Day after day, night after night I would hear him using her as his own personal punching bag. I was upstairs in my room one day and as usual I heard them fighting. I would usually just tune it out because I was done trying to defend her against him. I just figured if she was letting him do it, she deserved it. But for some reason that particular day, things just felt weird.”

“Why is that?” she asked.

They’d been fighting for about half hour then all of a sudden I couldn’t hear my mother screaming anymore. I couldn’t hear anyone or anything actually. I got a cold feeling down my spine and it made me rush down the stairs to see what was going on. When I got down there she was laid out on the floor and my father was on top of her beating her in the head with a crow bar.”

Amour’s heart started pounding. “No…”

“He’d already knocked her unconscious but at that time I thought he’d killed her. I was so damn angry and I ran up to him and jumped on his back trying to get him off of her. I didn’t get the chance because he swung his arm and knocked me across the room so hard that I hit my head on the dining room table. I was dizzy as hell but I refused to let him continue to beat her. Like I said, I thought he’d killed her so I figured I had nothing to lose at that point. I ran upstairs and grabbed one of his guns that he kept in his closet, came back down and pointed it straight at him. I threatened him and told him to get off of her or I will use it on him but he wouldn’t listen to me. He just kept hitting her over and over. I had to do something.” He looked Amour in the eyes but had no expression. “So I did…”

Was he saying what she thought he was saying? He couldn’t be. “Y…You shot him didn’t you?”

“Yes. I hated him, and now I hate myself for doing what I did.”

She slowly shook her head. “That wasn’t you fault Jason. You were protecting her.”

He quickly rose to his feet. “I shot my own father Amour! It doesn’t matter what he did! He’s
still
my father! What if I would’ve shot
her
instead?”

“But you didn’t!”

He sat back down on the couch but he didn’t face her. “I’m just glad she was unconscious and didn’t see any of that. That would’ve killed her.”

She scooted close to him and cupped his cheeked causing him to look at her. “Jason, you cannot blame yourself for what happened and you cannot go on like this. Your father brought all of this on himself. She’s your mother, what else were you going to do? It was either him or her and she was the victim so she needed to be saved. You made a decision, I know it wasn’t an easy one but I was one you had to make.”

“That doesn’t make it right Amour. I should’ve known better.”

“You were a kid Jason. A kid that experienced way more that a child should. This is not… your… fault. You have to believe that. I know you feel guilty about what you did to your father and most likely for sitting back and watching what he did to your mother and believe me, I know what it’s like to have father guilt but you said that he’s been writing you and asking to see you right?” He nodded his head but didn’t speak. “Then that must mean that he’s forgiven you for what you did. So I think it’s time you do the same. Then maybe you can get around to forgiving yourself too.”

“I don’t know…”

“I know you think what I’m telling you to do is foolish and I know I sound like a broken record but trust me, it’s the only way to relieve all the pain that’s inside of you.”

He lowered his eyes. “How do
you
feel about all of this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you still feel safe with me?”

“Of course I do. Why shouldn’t I?”

“It’s true what they said at Jake’s Amour. I have a really bad temper, I can snap at anytime.  That’s why I was in therapy and that’s why I got suspended. I got so angry when I was working I broke a man’s nose. As you can clearly see it’s in my blood.”

“You’re nothing like him Jason.”

“You barely know me.”

“I know you enough to trust that you won’t hurt me.”

“I
am
his son.”

“That doesn’t scare me.”

“Why not? How do you know I won’t hurt you?”

“Because I’m sure that if you wanted to you would have already. And I know the only reason you have all this anger is because you won’t let go of the past. Besides, no one touches someone the way you touched me if they wanted to harm them.”

“Are you always this trusting of people?”

“No, just you and my dad.”

He gently ran his thumb over her bottom lip. “I don’t deserve you Amour.”

She leaned in and kissed him softly on the bridge of his nose. “You deserve what every other good person deserves.”

The soft kisses she planted went from the bridge of his nose down to his lips. When they slowly parted, she eased her tongue inside of his mouth connecting it with his.  This time his kisses were gentle and long as if he was savoring the taste of her. His lips left hers and traveled down her neck kissing and tasting every inch of it. The pleasure was sweet. Her eyes closed and she could barely think of anything other than the feeling of his mouth on her sensitive flesh. His slightly calloused palms slowly glided up her inner thighs and under her night shirt leaving goose bumps in their tracks. He slowly parted them and rubbed the pads of two fingers against her clit as he continued to kiss her neck. She immediately became intensely wet and she didn’t need anything else at that point, just him…now.