Love's Back Pocket (10 page)

Chapter 19

“So,” Tommy began, interlocking his fingers and resting them behind his head, “I wanted to start this over after last time. Pretty disastrous, if you ask me. But …” Here, he pulled a genuine wince and couldn’t meet Holly’s eyes just yet. “I guess that may have been my fault. But we’re both adults here, we’ve both moved on, whatever.” He took one of his hands from behind his head and waved it dismissively. “I just wanted to ask you a favor.” He paused, and shifted with obvious discomfort. Whatever he was about to say seemed to make his voice disgruntled. He sighed dramatically, before running his fingers through his black hair. “I really don’t like talking about myself. The whole I’m-talking-to-a-psychologist thing is just kinda awkward for me, so I’d appreciate if maybe you could tell me things about yourself that would take away the awkwardness.”

Holly gazed at him from across his bedroom in the tour bus, her eyes narrowing only slightly and her head cocked to the side. “You,” she began slowly before looking down at her clipboard which housed information she found on the man as well as her notes, “don’t like talking about yourself?” She arched a brow, indicating that she didn’t exactly believe him. “I’ve done research on some of your fan sites. All of the interviews, whether video or in print, you always seemed enthused to talk. About your band or your personal life, it didn’t really matter.”

“That’s different,” Tommy said. His posture had changed once again; currently, his elbows were resting on his knees with his hands hanging limply between his legs. His hands were pressed together, resembling someone who prayed. “When I’m interviewed for a magazine, a website, or when I’m just doing press to promote something, I’m one version of myself. But sitting in front of you, someone who doesn’t give a shit about my band or my music, I’m another version of myself, a version not a lot of people get to see.”

“And what version do you think you’re supposed to be in front of me?” Holly asked.

This made Tommy more uncomfortable, and he tapped his toes up and down on the floor, jiggling his knee. “I don’t know,” he said. “I mean, I’m one way in front of women and a different way in front of guys, but you … you’re not like other women. And before you take it like some sort of compliment, I’m not sure if it is.”

“Why do you feel uncomfortable around me?” she asked him, staring at his natural facial reactions in hopes to catch a tell on his face. Everybody had one; she had yet to discover his.

“Because you haven’t fallen for my lines!” Tommy said, throwing his arms out with exasperation. “You haven’t shown even an inkling to hook-up with me whatsoever and it doesn’t seem to faze you that you are on tour with one of the greatest bands from the eighties. And you manage to see what I try to hide from the public, from my band mates, from everybody. I don’t know how you do it, but I don’t like it, and I would appreciate it if you would stop.”

Holly pursed her lips together and regarded Tommy, an inquiring look on her face. “I don’t understand,” she said after a long pause. “What do I … see that nobody else does?”    

“
Me
!” he exclaimed, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You see me, and not just the me I want to show you, but every single part of me that I want to hide. I don’t like it. I feel that there should be parts of me only I know and no one else, and then you come along and it’s like I have no force field or wall blocking all of my secrets.”

“But I don’t know anything about you,” Holly countered before looking down at the papers she had recently printed out. “I mean, I know facts about your life. I know your birthday, your age, your parents’ names, where you went to school, where you went on tour, how you formed your band, where you’ve lived, where you went to rehab, how many times you’ve went to rehab, why you’ve went to rehab, and prominent women that you’ve dated, but I don’t know how you feel about anything. Sure, most of the people reporting on you have speculated on your reactions to those things, but I’ve never read … never heard these things from you.”

Tommy paused for a moment, sitting up a bit straighter before crossing his arms over his chest. He was silent for a long moment as his green eyes regarded the woman in front of him. “Why?” he finally asked. “Why do you care?”

“Well, excuse me for saying, but it’s what you asked me to do,” Holly answered. “You asked me to come along with you, to be your psychologist, and as such, you’ve asked me to care.” She stopped for a moment, before deciding to reassure the man. “You do know that whatever you say to me is strictly confidential, right?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to tell
you
those things,” Tommy snapped, a bit more harsh than he originally intended. He saw the pain reflected in Holly’s eyes, and though he immediately regretted what he had said and where he had said it, he didn’t apologize. He didn’t understand this feeling of utter fear, of her knowing who he was. He was an asshole; did he have to explain why he was an asshole? Did he have to explain why he liked being a charming rogue? Did it really matter?

Holly’s eyes flinched when spoke his words, finding comfort in the bus floor in Tommy’s bedroom. The bus was currently on its way out of Vegas and heading toward Seattle. Holly had hoped to squeeze in another hour of talking to Tommy, but she found that this session was being even more unsuccessful than the first one. She stood up, about to head out the door, when she turned. Her back tilted back and rested on the surface of the door and she regarded Tommy for a long moment. She couldn’t continue to leave or tell him to leave; this wouldn’t accomplish anything. Maybe she could try something else. But what? He had mentioned he had wanted to know about her, so maybe she should offer a bit of herself to ease the tension.

“My parents died when I was ten,” she said. Her voice was unsure, her eyes couldn’t meet Tommy’s, but she forced them to do so. She had to make a connection with him. He couldn’t trust her with who he really was if she didn’t trust him in some way. Logically, it made sense that she tell him something about her in return for something about him, though this usually didn’t work that way. “They were on a skiing trip. They wanted to take me, but I hated skiing. I tried it once, but ended up holding on to my mom the whole time.”

Tommy looked up at her for a long moment, his eyes searching for anything in her dark ones that might reveal she was lying. But her orbs were clear and sincere; she was telling the truth. “Who raised you?” he asked her after a short time.

Holly smiled at this, her eyes misting due to nostalgia. She hadn’t thought about this aspect of herself in a long while, and while she knew it was a tender thing to explore, especially with a stranger, it was good to get it off of her chest. Only Tanya knew about this, and she had originally wanted to keep it that way. But it didn’t feel too bad to share. “My grandpa,” she told him softly. “He was a great man. He died during my freshman year of college. He was … he
is
my hero.”

“Yeah?” Tommy asked, his lips curling up slightly.

“Oh yes.” Holly nodded and pushed off from the door, heading over to her chair. “He was probably my favorite person on the entire planet, and he taught me so many things. Since I was an only child, and my grandmother had died when I was young, we were really close. In fact, we were the only family we had. When he died …” Now it was sadness that consumed her eyes and in her irises. “Well, now it’s just me.”

“Don’t you believe they’re up in Heaven, looking down on you?” Tommy asked, tilting his head just slightly to the side.

“I try to be rational,” Holly explained. “The only things I believe in are the things I can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste.” She paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to word what she was going to say. “But I also know that there is such a thing as love and I cannot see, hear, touch, smell, or taste it. Yet it exists. I’m not exactly sure what religion is the right one. To me, they’re all similar, though they have their minor differences. But yeah, I’d like to believe my parents, my grandpa, and my family are all watching over me from the afterlife.”

Tommy smiled, and nodded a couple of times so his dark hair fell into his face. “Okay,” he said quietly. “Okay.”

He was ready to talk.

Chapter 20

It was the rain that woke up Holly the next day. She looked outside her tiny window, a small, delighted smile touching her lips as her brown eyes caught sight of the droplets of water that refused to leave the glass. She tried to look up, hoping to catch sight of the grey, looming overcast sky. Many people she knew didn’t much like gloomy weather, but to Holly, it was all a matter of perspective. She adored the cooler temperatures and found that she worked better when the sky was grey rather than blue. For whatever reason, her inspiration peaked on days like these. The smell after the rain also caused her great contentment. It was as though she could smell the cold; it was clear, fresh, and seemed to cleanse her body.

For a long moment, Holly merely watched the rain fall. The tour bus was currently stuck in traffic on the freeway, but Holly didn’t mind. She found she could be amused by the simplest of things. When she realized that her neck was becoming sore at the position she was in, she slipped underneath the covers on her bed and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the soft pitter-patter of the rain coming in contact with the vehicle.

Her thoughts, as they usually did, began to travel toward Tommy Nye. She had never really told people about what had happened with her parents and what had happened with her grandfather. When she did, it was because she had to, like when she registered for school. With Tanya, it came naturally, and she found that she was glad to have the opportunity to share her burden with somebody else. Holly was incredibly lucky when it came to Tanya’s reaction; Tanya hugged her, yes, but in no way did she reveal that she was pitying her friend. For that, Holly was grateful.

Tommy treated her the same way. There was no pity deeply embedded in his green eyes, and though that sparkle seemed to be there forever, it dimmed and was temporarily overtaken by interest—genuine interest. That session lasted longer than both of them had originally planned, but time seemed to have taken a backseat when it came to priorities for them. He had finally taken her seriously, at least in that instant, and she held onto that moment, vowing to make sure they shared more of them. It wasn’t romantic in the least, to be completely honest. Holly was beginning to see that she actually enjoyed the presence of his company, with no other context than something resembling platonic. She hoped that Tommy would be willing to share more of himself with her in the future. There was a reason she wanted to be a psychologist, and that was to help people. Though they had only scratched the surface of his hidden life, Holly knew that she was one of the few people to make some sort of difference, however minor it might be.

The rain began to get a bit louder, indicating the downpour had increased slightly. The young woman closed her eyes, and for the next twenty minutes, simply dozed. It barely rained in Los Angeles, and she didn’t want to take this weather for granted. It wasn’t until the tour bus jerked rather abruptly, nearly sending Holly off of her bed, that she felt herself awaken fully.

What was that?
Holly pushed herself out of bed and headed out the door. For a moment, she entertained the idea that maybe she had imagined the sudden jerk of the vehicle, but knew that there was no way she could have imagined the jerk in her heart. When she was out of her room, her eyes scanned the lounging room and the attached kitchen. Some things that weren’t nailed into place had fallen over and toppled out of shelves and cabinets. A few people that were part of the road crew were visibly shaken, but she couldn’t see Tanya. Maybe she was still with Mitch.

“Holly!”

Holly’s head snapped in the direction of the voice, and her eyes flooded with relief when she saw Tommy. Without even realizing it, she strode over to the man who immediately enveloped her into a tight hug. He was wearing his pajamas, as was she, and she placed her head in the crook of his neck. He placed the side of his cheek on the top of head, his body relaxing now that he saw she was all right.

---

Tommy didn’t actually realize how worried he was about her until he saw her standing there in front of him. His grip around her waist tightened, and he smiled when he heard her sigh.

“Are you okay?” he asked, not releasing his grip on her to look her in the eyes.

“I’m fine,” she said, her voice a little breathless, but otherwise reasonably steady. She pulled away from him only so she could look at him herself. “Are you?”

An odd feeling began to simmer in Tommy’s insides. He had never directly felt somebody feel concern for him, and it startled him a bit. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, he realized, just different. As his dark eyes pooled into hers, he saw that the concern she had for him was genuine, and he pulled her back into his arms before mumbling a reassuring yes.

---

“What happened?” she asked him softly, inhaling his scent. It didn’t appear that he had time to put on cologne, but a fresh, faded scent still encompassed him, along with a hint of pure masculinity.

“The bus broke down,” he told her, glancing behind him as though trying to search for Ben. “Ben’s trying to pull over to the side of the road, and somebody’s already calling Triple A.”

Holly said nothing, but still nodded, feeling oddly secure in his warm embrace.

“Is everyone all right?” Ben, the bus driver, asked as he came back into the lounging room. “I pulled over the bus, so we’re out of traffic. I’m going to go outside to see what kind of damage, if any, has been done. You’re free to join me if you want. We’ll be here for a while.” With that, he exited the bus and headed into the rain.

A coy grin began to form on Holly’s lips. Why hadn’t she thought of it first? Without thinking to the full extent of her abilities, she broke apart from Tommy’s grasp, slipped on her flip flops, and followed Ben outside. Immediately, her face was pinched at the bitter cold, and the hoodie and pants she was wearing instantly became soaked, but she didn’t seem to mind.

Ben, as promised, was surveying the bus, but from what he could see, the bus merely broke down. When Holly trailed to the back of the bus, she saw many people staring out their passenger windows, trying to figure out who could occupy such a large vehicle. She frowned at this, wondering if they realized that they weren’t helping the accumulating traffic if they continued to gawk like that. She turned then, and headed back to the side where nobody could see her. Stretching out in front of her was a long, grassy field, looking even more striking when contrasted with the overcast sky.

“It’s beautiful, huh?” a voice asked from beside her.

Holly turned to find Tommy there. A jacket occupied his torso, and worn loafers covered his feet, but he still appeared to be in his pajamas. The rain matted his hair to his face, causing him to look softer, maybe even more approachable than normal. Yes, he was charming, but now he looked … friendly.

“Yeah, it is,” she agreed, returning her gaze back to the field. “All of my friends back in LA think I’m crazy, but I love this weather.”

“You know, Seattle is notorious for this weather,” Tommy told her, looking at her from the corner of his eyes. “England, too. Have you ever considered moving out of state?”

Holly blushed, and shook her head. Her hair, which normally followed every fluid motion her head made, refused to budge due to the dampness currently occupying the tresses. “I love Southern California too much to leave,” she murmured.

“Yeah, me too,” he agreed, crossing his arms over his chest.

The two were silent for a long moment, but neither seemed to mind, and no awkwardness tainted the air between them. Something had changed between the two of them due to their session. As Tommy looked at her while she wasn’t paying attention, he found that he was beginning to respect her as his equal and as a psychologist, but more importantly, he was starting to see her as a friend. Oddly enough, he had never really had friends of the opposite sex. However, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t open to the idea. In fact, having her as a friend may help him see things from a different perspective.

Goodness, she was beautiful, even completely soaked. That definitely helped, too.